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Hi,

I am currently tapering Valium(down now to 6,5 mg), and I am tapering 0,25 mg per week. I know, it is veeeeeery little each time, but since I have really bad OCD and anxiety, I don't want to go faster. Right now I am in a really dark place, and it feels like this will go on forever. I started out with 5(!) different medications, 3 antidepressants and Lyrica and Sobril(Oxascand). I am finished tapering the Lyrica, and this summer I switched from Sobril to Valium. It feels like it is easier to taper Valium.

My goal is to become medicine free, but right now it feels like it will take a life time. I talked to a pharmacist and he said that IF you have been on antidepressants for many years(like me, for over 11 years), it can take years to taper them. I am on three different ones, and I am taking maximum dosage of two of those medications. It all feels like a mess.

 

I am just in need of some support, and I've read that there are people here that are tapering their benso during several years, if they are taking a high dose or been on it for a long time. I just wonder how you manage to keep going, despite knowing that it will take forever to be free of the bensos and other meds? Some days I ask myself the question, is it worth it? Is it worth spending sooooo many years in hell? Will it ever get better? Or have I permanently damaged the brain with all these different awful substances that I KEEP putting into my body every day. One part of me just want to try to quit the meds fast, but another part of me knows that if the state I am in right now is mostly unbearable, and hardly something you can call a life, than that situation will not be bearable at all. It would probably be worse than death.

 

Sorry for this long text, I just need to get some of the frustration and despair out of me, since I don't really have anyone to talk to about this. No one in my family knows that I am on this many medications, and they are constantly asking why this tapering is taking so long. They are thinking that I should be medicine free right now, since it soon will be two years since I started my tapering.

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MAVO

I ask myself this everyday. How do people get through this. But you have done alot of the hard work already. You have been tapering down responsibly to avoid a huge CT. Sometimes family and friends just dont get it. Thats tough. I love BB because everyone on here understands! I have heard that you probably want to do one med at a time. Im in a similar circumstance where if I look at the bigger picture I get overwhelmed and think, Ill just CT all these meds and be done! What I have learned since stopping the Klonopin is that I really need some of the meds to continue to help with the benzo withdrawal depression and anxiety. When that lets up then I will go down by 10% each month on the ADs. I try not to think of the years or months it will take. I try to just think week to week. Mark off those days on a calendar and reassess my mental health. Its easier said then done of course. Just try not to eat the whole thing in one bite. YOU WILL CHOKE! Ill be taking those small bites with you my friend. Stay strong.  :)

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MAVO  It's good to vent.  We all have the same thoughts, but one day at a time we get through.  When I get discouraged I read some of the success stories to remind me that so many people, in very dire circumstances, DO get better.  Unfortunately doesn't happen all at once.  I understand totally it can be hard not to fear the future.  We are survivors though, on the right path.  Yes, stay strong friend.
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Thanks for the answers!!! Although it is awful that ANYONE has to go through the nightmare, it is comforting to know that you are not alone!! Too bad there is no local suppoprt group where I live. Seems like awareness of benso and their horrible effects are quite overlooked in Sweden. Or maybe it's like this everywhere.
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Mavo

I feel like people all over the world are so ignorant about the severity of this medication. I can say at least where I live most doctors dont even understand the importance of a decent taper let alone the aftermath. I live in the southern portion of the U.S. No support over here either. Thank goodness for the important work Dr Ashton did.

 

It is fascinating to think that this one class of medications has brought together so many people from around the world in hopes of healing and support.

 

19

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I live in Los Angeles. I've met maybe 3 people who said "oh I hear you have to wean off those slowly" but really have no idea. Most of my friends are like "why don't you just stop?" and incredulous when I tell them that feels horrible. Then they respond with "maybe you should just keep taking them."
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Well, HopeToDo - at least we're far enough along the path to know enough NOT to listen to our friends  :)

 

Don't like to say it, but there isn't much support for this anywhere.  Australia and the UK seem to be better about Benzo awareness and support.  But we got each other's backs here on BenzoBuddies.  You're in the right place. 

 

Mavo - you're not rambling.  Not at all.  How to keep going???  One day at a time my friend.  Week to week as 19days said.  Sometimes minute to minute.  When you ask yourself if it's worth it...a resounding YES!!!  There are some unbelievably inspiring success stories on this site.  It's a tough path for sure, but many other brave souls are walking this path with you every day.  And many many more than that have made it through.  Successfully.  Happy.  Free.  It's normal to feel overwhelmed and discouraged.  I've heard it said so many times - what we go through can be unpleasant and painful, but it's NORMAL on this journey. 

 

And you go right ahead and rant/vent/rage/cry/ and get it out all you want!!!

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I don't know what or where I would have been if I had not found this forum, and the manual.

When my anxiety and OCD just got worse(even worse than before benso) I started searching the internet because I suspected that the medication might be the cause of all this. Funny, my mom is a nurse(and obviously a wise one), when I started taking Sobril she was not happy, she told me that the medication could actually CAUSE anxiety. I didn't believe her. So I told her I had quit taking it. Then I found out that what she said was true. Life's funny that way, I learned in my teenage years growing up with an alcoholic step dad, to take care of myself, but I should have learned to listen to my family nurse instead.

 

I am so grateful for all your answers, it actually makes my cry a bit. On a good day I can realize that it will get better and that I just have to take one day(or hour) at a time, just like you say, but then these bad days, I just got this strong compulsion to just kill myself.

I want you to know that I am sending all my good energy out to you, and although I don't know you I know exactly how you feel, and in those bad moments we have to be strong together, and know that we are not alone, although it may feel like it!!!

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MAVO - yeah, only big pharma could come up with an anti-anxiety medication that causes horrendous anxiety. 

My thoughts sometimes turn dark too, but I know they are just thoughts.  On those days when I feel like I can't take another minute....they pop up.  And I tell those thoughts to F..off.    Benzos seem to find all the weaknesses and rub the salt.

 

OK...probably shoulda listened to you nurse mom  : )  At least she is in the know, and hopefully is not saying 'I told you so'  :  )  You have a good attitude.  You're gonna make it.

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Stay with it Mavo - it will get better and slower is smarter when tapering. You are doing the right thing and BBs is the right place to vent and share your fears so post away and stay strong! We all have your back!
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Mavo I don't  really post here much anymore but I thought I could add some insight.  How do you do it?  For me I had no choice.  I discovered from here that I was in tolerance withdrawal.  I was sicker than ever and I didn't want to keep updosing or adding more drugs.  Staying on the drugs was not doable.  My taper took 26 months and I was so sick the whole way down. I had a merry band of buddies who I still keep in touch with.  We vented and suffered the whole way together. I found banding together with people who just jumped worked well as we progressed down the recovery path at the same times.  We all didn’t heal at the same times though.

 

Also, there is no way but through.  I sat at work or anywhere I had to be in various states of distress almost always even after jumping but I was st the point if it killed me it’d be the easy way out.  At about 1 1/2 years almost all the mental stuff dropped off tremendously.  I am not healed but I am getting better every year off the drugs and I never felt this good on the drugs. I literally maybe have two panics every year when I had three a day in the drugs.  My anxiety is the least in my entire life.    I lost a hell of a lot during this all but I also gained a lot.  I got married and had two kids in the last three years.  I’m fifty and making up for a lost decade. It is so worth it.  Just keep your eye on the prize and try and do one positive thing a day.  It doesn’t have to be big.  Me even going outside and walking to the end of the block was my goal for a day. 

 

Be kind to yourself.  That’s s hard one for us I know.  Don’t feel bad lying in bed all day if you need to.  Think of all the hard stuff we have to do when we feel like death.  Use your down time to recover what you can.

 

I can’t sugar coat this in any way.  It just sucks and is overwhelming.  You can’t avoid the feelings of being overwhelmed so just accept them, vent, and it will pass.

 

I ramble a bit but what I’m trying to say is we have incredible strength to do this. All of us including you.  We are the toughest bastards in the world.  Keep your eye on the prize. A life without meds and feeling better than while on the meds.

 

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Drew - Thanks a million for the compassionate post.  You're right - we are made of incredibly tough stuff.  Some days I'm amazed at how much I've been able to carry and still laugh a bit and stay occasionally optimistic.  I'm amazed at other people's stories, and what they are surviving, how strong they are.  One day we will be able to write the words in big bold black letters 'I am free'.
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Thank you so much for all insightful and moving replies. Drew, so happy to hear that you made your way out of this. I am determined to do the same. Some days, I can see glimpses of my old self. I used to have friends, of which almost all have disappeared. I used to be into a lot of stuff but it all went away with my awful OCD that has gotten way worse since I started the bensos. Anyway, like I said, some days I can see those glimpses and remember, "ah, this is what life feels like", and that is the only thing that keep me going. The hope of becoming me again, not someone who are disabled in everything she does in her life because of the anxiety and the intrusive thoughts the drugs have caused. If I were to die, the drugs would win. And I don't want that. I want to show myself and the world that THERE IS A WAY OUT! I am so grateful for you guys sharing this with me, showing me that it is possible to come back, to be alive, not just surviving.

 

Lots of hugs to all of you, your posts mean sooo much!!!

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MAVO - yeah, only big pharma could come up with an anti-anxiety medication that causes horrendous anxiety. 

My thoughts sometimes turn dark too, but I know they are just thoughts.  On those days when I feel like I can't take another minute....they pop up.  And I tell those thoughts to F..off.    Benzos seem to find all the weaknesses and rub the salt.

 

OK...probably shoulda listened to you nurse mom  : )  At least she is in the know, and hopefully is not saying 'I told you so'  :  )  You have a good attitude.  You're gonna make it.

 

Thank you all for sharing here.  I'm having Very difficult time last couple of months and had to updose and hold-which has me feeling discouraged.  I'd been able to keep up some degree of positivity during first 7 months of active taper (realized once begun, the depression and anxiety I'd been experiencing for 2 years prior was tolerance w/d sxs).  I hadn't experienced either so severely prior to that time, and wasn't started on ativan for anxiety, but for pain management.  I've just pretty much determined that...while they work..great; once they don't..hell (including giving people anxiety!)

 

Re: family/friends, general public/society having no idea-that goes for doctors and medical community too :tickedoff:  I've read about folks finding benzo cooperative physicians, like I'm reading a fairy tale :D  It's not just Switzerland where it's all unknown; it's worldwide.  In the beginning I would send loved ones FYI e-mails, but I could tell no one was reading the information; no one would usually even ask me how things were going.  Meanwhile, I haven't been out in public in a year and 1/2!!  I'd thought, mistakenly, once I put it "out there" that this is what I'm going through that people would know, then, that it's okay to disucss w/me.  It's not solely that they're not educated on it, or don't care.  I think they're afraid.  Society's made such a stigma out of withdrawal.  The word has to get out and it needs to be addressed by the media and Hollywood, b/c we all have images of drug w/d which are completely unrelated to an rx. benzo withdrawal.  Different faces have to be put on this.  Members on benzo's are people from every walk of life, every age; we're not street addicts and that is a difference...we ended up in this position just by taking medication(s) prescribed to us by doctors and as written, which does not constitute abuse.  I urge you to visit Benzodiazepene Information Coalition.  They've been conducting a survey and it's anonymous.  I took it probably about a month-month and 1/2 ago and I know the information on it was posted here somewhere.  I'd come upon it myself, since I'd already been utilizing that site as helpful reading/research tool.  BBs also great info. tool and, even better, support which is what all of us going through this need :smitten:

 

And, MAVO, please don't be tempted to CT, or if you are, resist it.  That's when people have all kinds of trouble.  When its bad, come here. :angel: Or, go to youtube and watch stand-up comedians, or clips from concerts or watch a comedy on TV...anything you enjoy, to distract. :thumbsup:  Thank you for an important post.

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MAVO - I've been housebound too, for many reasons.  And I was NEVER agoraphobic before, always out and looking for new adventures, new people, new experiences.  Just joy in exploring anything and everything.  Quick to laugh.  Easy going. My world has shrunk considerably too.  Like today...I did something really outrageous...went outside and got the mail!!  :)

 

Sometimes I think that is the hardest part.  But there are beautiful people here from all over the word...Australia, Switzerland, England, all over the U.S.  I am meeting some extraordinary people here.  With big hearts.

 

Don't forget, we got your back!!!  Hope you and everyone else here is having an ok day...

 

(Hi deadwood!)

 

 

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Mavo I don't  really post here much anymore but I thought I could add some insight.  How do you do it?  For me I had no choice.  I discovered from here that I was in tolerance withdrawal.  I was sicker than ever and I didn't want to keep updosing or adding more drugs.  Staying on the drugs was not doable.  My taper took 26 months and I was so sick the whole way down. I had a merry band of buddies who I still keep in touch with.  We vented and suffered the whole way together. I found banding together with people who just jumped worked well as we progressed down the recovery path at the same times.  We all didn’t heal at the same times though.

 

Also, there is no way but through.  I sat at work or anywhere I had to be in various states of distress almost always even after jumping but I was st the point if it killed me it’d be the easy way out.  At about 1 1/2 years almost all the mental stuff dropped off tremendously.  I am not healed but I am getting better every year off the drugs and I never felt this good on the drugs. I literally maybe have two panics every year when I had three a day in the drugs.  My anxiety is the least in my entire life.    I lost a hell of a lot during this all but I also gained a lot.  I got married and had two kids in the last three years.  I’m fifty and making up for a lost decade. It is so worth it.  Just keep your eye on the prize and try and do one positive thing a day.  It doesn’t have to be big.  Me even going outside and walking to the end of the block was my goal for a day. 

 

Be kind to yourself.  That’s s hard one for us I know.  Don’t feel bad lying in bed all day if you need to.  Think of all the hard stuff we have to do when we feel like death.  Use your down time to recover what you can.

 

I can’t sugar coat this in any way.  It just sucks and is overwhelming.  You can’t avoid the feelings of being overwhelmed so just accept them, vent, and it will pass.

 

I ramble a bit but what I’m trying to say is we have incredible strength to do this. All of us including you.  We are the toughest bastards in the world.  Keep your eye on the prize. A life without meds and feeling better than while on the meds.

 

This is a wonderful effort at encouragement and support, dear drew  :smitten:

Delighted to read that you are doing so much better :)

Wishing you complete healing blessings.

Anu

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What a wonderful thread!

 

MAVO, I took Valium for about a decade and it almost ruined my life. My cognitive, physical, and mental health all declined but I had no idea it was the medicine making me sick. Withdrawal has been a terrible experience, but I am getting through it because the only way out is through. I am feeling much better these days, except for depression that set in after my taper and seems to be pretty normal. Lingering mood stuff aside, I am thinking much more sharply and clearly. My memory is improving, sensory input is more vivid, and I'm engaging more with the world around me. As awful as it is to be in the midst of this ridiculously long and arduous process...it's still better than the alternative. I am getting my life back and that is worth whatever it takes. Hang in there; it gets better.

 

Gwinna

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A very interesting conversation.

 

MAVO I've been tapering for 2 years off Valium. I've been on it for almost 7 years, most of which was a emotionally blunted mess amongst other things. I decided 2 years ago to try and take back control of my life and start tapering down slowly. It's been really hard at times but I'm almost there. I was a different person on higher doses of Valium. My kids wanted their Mum back, I was emotionally unavailable and a mess for a long time.

 

How do I do it? I take it a day at a time, enjoy the good days and try and get through the bad days the best I can. I have horrible WD symptoms much of the time. I'm lucky to have the support of my family but have also found this forum invaluable and supportive.

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[c5...]
MAVO! You will get through it’s the only way. We all will. We must seize this as an opportunity to never ever take anything for granted again, a lesson most never will experience. In withdrawal and healing we will become new people, who are filled with gratitiude and compassion for both themselves and others. We are learning to love ourselves completely. You my friend are doing wonderfully and will continue to do so. Stay strong and know you are not alone. I walked around wondering where my former self went, but I’ve gotta do this it’s just part of the process. Godspeed !!
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Nice answer, Salalarberry! I completely agree.

Getting through may be a huge accomplishment but once you heal you will know why it was worth the struggle. I took benzos thirty years and went CT. A true recipe for disaster. My WD was awful but I chose to look at it in another way. A HOPEFUL way. I sensed that benzos had truly messed me up, but I wasn't sure how until I found BB. Now I know. Tolerance withdrawal does exists and can caused mental; and physical illnesses. You start running to specialists. They hum and haw and tell you maybe you have fibromyalgia or MS. NONE that I saw ever thought benzos were the cause of my very poor health back then.

Yes. Never take anything for granted ever again.

east

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[c5...]
Exactly East! I took it all for granted until that faithful day I stopped taking Ativan. What had lead me to get there? We must all reflect and know this is a blip on the radar it will smooth again soon. We will know our bodies so much better. Hang in there MAVO!
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MAVO I can so relate to your situation and need a place to vent I feel I to have screwed my

Brain with all the meds I have endured for 18 years.

 

As they say the only way out is through and I’m lost just like you, do I take the benzo taper route again...I tapered in 2011 and all went well, however I’m so scarred of doing it again !!!!

 

I live in the UK and it’s not as up to speed as you may think...However they will only prescribe Valium, so I suppose that’s a better starting point

 

If you don’t mind me asking, how was the lyrica taper ??? This is also on my menu along with Mirtazipine like yours...I do hope BB can support us all to reach the sunshine of our lives

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  • 4 weeks later...

Again, so grateful for all the answers. I can relate so much to what everybody's saying. The expression to "Take one day at a time" suddenly has a whole new meaning. It really is the only way to survive this. Sometimes it's not even one day, it's one hour at a time. I really cannot understand how people create this kind of evil substances.

 

It's been a couple of weeks since I even had the energy to get on my computer, but here I am, two weeks since last taper. doing a little bit better, so I try to just enjoy these moments.

 

And SideFX, looks like we are in kind of the same situation. Is Brintellix an AD too? I think my psychiatrist wanted me to try it, but I got back on Fluoxetine instead.

I tapered Lyrica(Pregabalin) from 600 mg. The first taper I did 175 mg, which was supposed to be 75 mg, but since my brain does not seem to be able to do the even the easiest math these days, I did 175 mg instead. It was AWFUL! Then I tapered 100 mg each time until I reached 100 mg. Then I used liquid taper, 25 mg each time. I am suffering from bad OCD and intrusive thoughts, and the taper of Lyrica made it so much worse. But once I got off it, I felt a lot bettter quite fast actually. In my opinion, it was as bad as the benso taper is, however, I am tapering much less each time with the Valium.

I have read that for some, tapering Lyrica isn't a problem at all, but if you have a lot of anxiety to begin with, I can imagine it often gets hard. If you have a question or just need someone to talk to, just let me know!! I really want to help in any way I can :)

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