Nearly 8 months off from very short use

I'm a former user on here but had to use a new handle. I was using .5/.25mg of K for 10 days (!) for insomnia/tinnitus from a severe ear infection (the temporary tinnitus kept me up) and CT’ed and went into severe WD back in May. I made the awful mistake of taking it daily and thought by stopping at 10 days I’d be okay. I didn't think it was possible to become dependent within such a short time frame despite taking less than the prescribed dosage.

 

I precautiously but foolishly cut to .25mg (50%) and got symptoms a few days later (I only had 1mg tabs and they were impossible to cut into anything smaller). I saw the Ashton Manual but it says it's for long term users, plus I've reduced 50% from AD tapers with no issue. I should have reinstated and slowly tapered but I stupidly followed my doctor’s rapid taper plan to cut another 50% four days later and wouldn’t have had enough pills to taper from to do anything longer. The ENT only gave me 15 1mg pills with 0 refill and my GP only prescribed a few more .125 pills. I brought the Ashton Manual to my GP and everything but she was dismissive.

 

A few days after stopping I thought I was going to die. BP was through the roof and was having zero hour sleep. I should have went to the ER as I thought I was going to have a stroke or heart attack. For whatever dumb reason (fear and disbelief at the time) I stuck it out instead of reaching for a rescue dose. I felt a rush of chemicals to my head a few days after stopping and it felt like someone put an air pump in my skull the next day. Acute WD was horrific as I had jelly legs, tingling extremities, delirium, head pressure, heart palps, sweating... basically every symptom listed but seizures.

 

I came crawling back to my GP after jumping and she just wanted to send me to a psychiatrist! I went to another GP a week later saying I was dealing with BWD and they just wanted to prescribe antidepressants, chalking it up to depression (was happy as a clam the last 10 years). I asked this forum about reinstating after jumping and everyone said not to so I didn't because of the kindling risk.

 

Things have slowly settled down but 7.5 months later I’m still dealing with insomnia, severe depression, anhedonia, suicidal ideations, exercise intolerance, and a host of other issues. I’m desperate for relief. I have a perfect life with two young children and an amazing wife and this is ruining everything. I don't know who I am anymore.

 

I have had very few windows and suffered most of the time.

 

I know reinstatement is very risky with kindling (I used .25mg K as needed in 2008 for a few months with no WD) but I can’t keep functioning like this. Been going to work full time and parenting two kids but I need sleep and the deep depression has made me call the hotline multiple times. I am burnt out beyond belief.

 

I haven’t had any physical or mental health issues prior to this - I was a normal person!

 

Any sort of exercise or exertion sets me back as my brain gets inflamed and gives me insomnia. Certain foods make my brain burn.

 

The first week I jumped I did my normal weightlifting routine and I got an involuntary panic attack and nearly crashed my car. Never had one before. All my hard-earned muscle from the last 10 years has faded as I'm afraid to workout now in fear of a setback.

 

This has been a nightmare. My eyes are bagged. I haven’t had restorative, uninterrupted sleep since April. My house is becoming a mess. All because I wanted to get some sleep from some minor tinnitus.

 

I can’t keep living like this. I feel like a freak. I was in the prime shape of my life and now I can’t run or lift. I’ve remained alcohol, caffeine, and gluten free but this isn’t working. I need sleep!

 

I also started a steroid taper back the same day I started the K so I don't know if that exacerbated my situation or not.

 

As my handle says, not tapering was the biggest mistake of my life. I can't believe I have PAWS from less than two weeks of use. I made so many mistakes, got horrible advice from my doctor, and didn't listen to my body at the time and feel like I ruined my life. I wish I had done a DLMT from day one and live everyday in regret now. This is no way to live. I feel like such a rare case due to my brief usage and severe withdrawal.  I am constantly beating myself up about not tapering better and it consumes me every minute. I'm afraid if I'm ever going to get better at this rate.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this bud...But maybe that Pdoc was trying to send you to a psychiatrist because they possibly know more about benzo withdrawal? I don't have any advice about reinstating, but I know what it's like to feel like a freak. I hope you get feeling better.

Please, please, do not reinstate. Yes, you will be kindled if you do. Sometimes a person just has to bite the bullet and vow to stay the course. I know WD can be awful! Mine sure was and it lasted a lot longer than it does for most people.

 

 

My opinion is that you are in a classic withdrawal from benzos. Every symptom you mention sounds purely like BWD to this old warrior.

 

 

I would strongly suggest you read Parkers article about "What is Happening in your brain." It can be read if you go to the top of THIS section of BB and look for the bold print at the top. Getting a basic understanding of why you feel as you do may help you a lot. Did for me.

 

BWD may be the best thing you ever did for yourself. Was for me. Read my Success Story, Eastcoast's Trip. It will definitely open your eyes. But do not let it scare you. My benzo history is enormously greater than yours!!! THIRTY years taking benzos. Holy COW!

east

Thanks Annie. I have stayed the course but it is becoming too much. The sleep

Deprivation, depression, SI, etc. it’s overwhelming without any sort of relief in sight. I’ve had a few mental windows at times but they are far and few between.

 

This has ruined my life and I’m so afraid if I’m ever going to heal. I can’t believe I’m suffering this much - it’s insanity. I thought I’d be healed by now but I’m really afraid if I caused permanent damage at this rate. CT is the worst route to go and that was NOT my intention.

 

I also started a steroid taper back the same day I started the K so I don't know if that exacerbated my situation or not.

 

 

This seems a big red flag to me.  Am wondering about details such as dose, duration of use, taper details, reason for taking, etc, and where you're presently at with your taper?  I'd imagine all this could possibly be playing a huge role in how you're feeling?  I have to assume you're fully aware of Steroid Withdrawal Syndrome and its very broad range of symptoms, so I'm wondering why you wouldn't be more inclined to consider this your true culprit as opposed to such short term use of a benzo eight months ago?  Perhaps the K was initially masking your early steroid withdrawal symptoms? 

 

Just some food for thought. 

 

It would also be a good idea to add a signature for future, as most members won't be inclined to dig through old posts to get the full story. 

 

 

 

Please, please, do not reinstate. Yes, you will be kindled if you do. Sometimes a person just has to bite the bullet and vow to stay the course. I know WD can be awful! Mine sure was and it lasted a lot longer than it does for most people.

 

Hi East.  I agree that it certainly doesn't sound like there's one good reason for the OP to reinstate, but I think we have to be very careful tossing around this "kindling" word and, moreso, asserting a conclusive outcome, as above.  Let's bear in mind that "kindling" is merely a theory and a very controversial one at that.  It's received quite a bit of air time on BB in recent months, including some input by Colin (link below).  In short, there are no absolute proven facts regarding benzo kindling.

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=212446.msg2737149#msg2737149

 

I also started a steroid taper back the same day I started the K so I don't know if that exacerbated my situation or not.

 

 

This seems a big red flag to me.  Am wondering about details such as dose, duration of use, taper details, reason for taking, etc, and where you're presently at with your taper?  I'd imagine all this could possibly be playing a huge role in how you're feeling?  I have to assume you're fully aware of Steroid Withdrawal Syndrome and its very broad range of symptoms, so I'm wondering why you wouldn't be more inclined to consider this your true culprit as opposed to such short term use of a benzo eight months ago?  Perhaps the K was initially masking your early steroid withdrawal symptoms? 

 

Just some food for thought. 

 

It would also be a good idea to add a signature for future, as most members won't be inclined to dig through old posts to get the full story. 

 

 

 

Please, please, do not reinstate. Yes, you will be kindled if you do. Sometimes a person just has to bite the bullet and vow to stay the course. I know WD can be awful! Mine sure was and it lasted a lot longer than it does for most people.

 

Hi East.  I agree that it certainly doesn't sound like there's one good reason for the OP to reinstate, but I think we have to be very careful tossing around this "kindling" word and, moreso, asserting a conclusive outcome, as above.  Let's bear in mind that "kindling" is merely a theory and a very controversial one at that.  It's received quite a bit of air time on BB in recent months, including some input by Colin (link below).  In short, there are no absolute proven facts regarding benzo kindling.

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=212446.msg2737149#msg2737149

 

Agree. Steroids can cause DEVASTATING SYMPTOMS!!! https://www.mayoclinicproceedings.org/article/S0025-6196(11)61160-9/pdf  I would seriously consider if this reaction is from steroids, not short term benzo use.

 

I also started a steroid taper back the same day I started the K so I don't know if that exacerbated my situation or not.

 

 

This seems a big red flag to me.  Am wondering about details such as dose, duration of use, taper details, reason for taking, etc, and where you're presently at with your taper?  I'd imagine all this could possibly be playing a huge role in how you're feeling?  I have to assume you're fully aware of Steroid Withdrawal Syndrome and its very broad range of symptoms, so I'm wondering why you wouldn't be more inclined to consider this your true culprit as opposed to such short term use of a benzo eight months ago?  Perhaps the K was initially masking your early steroid withdrawal symptoms? 

 

Just some food for thought. 

 

It would also be a good idea to add a signature for future, as most members won't be inclined to dig through old posts to get the full story. 

 

 

 

Please, please, do not reinstate. Yes, you will be kindled if you do. Sometimes a person just has to bite the bullet and vow to stay the course. I know WD can be awful! Mine sure was and it lasted a lot longer than it does for most people.

 

Hi East.  I agree that it certainly doesn't sound like there's one good reason for the OP to reinstate, but I think we have to be very careful tossing around this "kindling" word and, moreso, asserting a conclusive outcome, as above.  Let's bear in mind that "kindling" is merely a theory and a very controversial one at that.  It's received quite a bit of air time on BB in recent months, including some input by Colin (link below).  In short, there are no absolute proven facts regarding benzo kindling.

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=212446.msg2737149#msg2737149

 

Agree. Steroids can cause DEVASTATING SYMPTOMS!!! https://www.mayoclinicproceedings.org/article/S0025-6196(11)61160-9/pdf  I would seriously consider if this reaction is from steroids, not short term benzo use.

 

My psychiatrist, which I had to seek out after this debacle and was listed on the BIC, believes the prednisone induced the depression. I don’t necessarily believe him because I didn’t start having symptoms until I reduced my Klonopin dosage, but I don’t know what to believe anymore. He also doesn’t think the Klonopin did this to me and never heard of anyone getting dependent within 10 days.

 

I also started a steroid taper back the same day I started the K so I don't know if that exacerbated my situation or not.

 

 

This seems a big red flag to me.  Am wondering about details such as dose, duration of use, taper details, reason for taking, etc, and where you're presently at with your taper?  I'd imagine all this could possibly be playing a huge role in how you're feeling?  I have to assume you're fully aware of Steroid Withdrawal Syndrome and its very broad range of symptoms, so I'm wondering why you wouldn't be more inclined to consider this your true culprit as opposed to such short term use of a benzo eight months ago?  Perhaps the K was initially masking your early steroid withdrawal symptoms? 

 

Just some food for thought. 

 

It would also be a good idea to add a signature for future, as most members won't be inclined to dig through old posts to get the full story. 

 

 

 

Please, please, do not reinstate. Yes, you will be kindled if you do. Sometimes a person just has to bite the bullet and vow to stay the course. I know WD can be awful! Mine sure was and it lasted a lot longer than it does for most people.

 

Hi East.  I agree that it certainly doesn't sound like there's one good reason for the OP to reinstate, but I think we have to be very careful tossing around this "kindling" word and, moreso, asserting a conclusive outcome, as above.  Let's bear in mind that "kindling" is merely a theory and a very controversial one at that.  It's received quite a bit of air time on BB in recent months, including some input by Colin (link below).  In short, there are no absolute proven facts regarding benzo kindling.

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=212446.msg2737149#msg2737149

 

Agree. Steroids can cause DEVASTATING SYMPTOMS!!! https://www.mayoclinicproceedings.org/article/S0025-6196(11)61160-9/pdf  I would seriously consider if this reaction is from steroids, not short term benzo use.

 

My psychiatrist, which I had to seek out after this debacle and was listed on the BIC, believes the prednisone induced the depression. I don’t necessarily believe him because I didn’t start having symptoms until I reduced my Klonopin dosage, but I don’t know what to believe anymore. He also doesn’t think the Klonopin did this to me and never heard of anyone getting dependent within 10 days.

 

Just me personally, but my severe reaction to steroids didn’t occur for about two weeks. I also gained 15 pounds in that time period which came off within a couple of months.

If you are suffering such horrific wd after such a low dose short term use then you have proven to yourself that benzos in any amount arent tolerated by your sns. I believe the prednisone must be a huge factor that you continue to suffer. “Reinstatement” eight months after a low dose ten days use would do nothing but make matters worse. You arent thinking clearly and are in obvious deperation mode. You would highly regret reinstating and then facing your first day benzo free.....again....after all you have already been thru. Reinstatement isnt this great panaceea. All that would do is mess with the gaba regulation system that has already been healing for eight months. Do you really want to take that risk? Again, i would research the prednisone connection. I have taken benzos for ten days myriad of times in life with never anything even close to what you describe. If what you say is benzo related then again, you prove your body cannot tolerate benzos even in low dose short term use so why risk a long drawn out taper? Whatever you decide remember this will get better sooner rather then later in all liklyhood. Good luck friend. Keep pushin on!

get some non benzo type sleep aid. seroquel 25mg (better), hydroxizine 25mg. the dont' cross interact. ask your doc

 

get some non benzo type sleep aid. seroquel 25mg (better), hydroxizine 25mg. the dont' cross interact. ask your doc

 

I got a script for Trazodone but I’m afraid of everything now. Wish I was just prescribed that or had taken Benadryl. What a nightmare.

you have 3 option as you know. reinstate, wait it out, or try to support with other things.

trazodone did not work for me. I would stay away from TCA's. they have to be tapered. seroquel is best IMO to knock you out and easy to get off.

you can also try some herbs. the best IMO are passion flower, lemon balm and valerian root. I would go this route before reinstating. even gabapentin will be a better choice then reinstating a benzo.

IMO there are good alternatives to get you through this. many people claim you have to ride it out, but this is non-sense and dangerous IMHO.

 

get some non benzo type sleep aid. seroquel 25mg (better), hydroxizine 25mg. the dont' cross interact. ask your doc

 

I got a script for Trazodone but I’m afraid of everything now. Wish I was just prescribed that or had taken Benadryl. What a nightmare.

you have 3 option as you know. reinstate, wait it out, or try to support with other things.

trazodone did not work for me. I would stay away from TCA's. they have to be tapered. seroquel is best IMO to knock you out and easy to get off.

you can also try some herbs. the best IMO are passion flower, lemon balm and valerian root. I would go this route before reinstating. even gabapentin will be a better choice then reinstating a benzo.

IMO there are good alternatives to get you through this. many people claim you have to ride it out, but this is non-sense and dangerous IMHO.

 

get some non benzo type sleep aid. seroquel 25mg (better), hydroxizine 25mg. the dont' cross interact. ask your doc

 

I got a script for Trazodone but I’m afraid of everything now. Wish I was just prescribed that or had taken Benadryl. What a nightmare.

 

Yes. I am reaching desperation levels to avoid something far worse. I might need to start an AD.

 

Those herbs are GABA agonists, just fyi

it does not matter. herbs do not work like benzos. . and I would also not advice an AD. this might make it much worse. being here for a while it seems it works 1/10 times.

AD might be as bad to w/d as benzos in addition

I also was a short term user and I am suffering now for about 21 months it’s most likely nothing to do with your steroids you are in benzo withrawal some people’s brain creat dependency upon them in less than a week and they will suffer as much as long term user if not worse but I think the symptoms tend to subside faster

So sorry you are suffering

I think for me as a short term user it’s even harder to accept I am in this reality (benzo withrawal)

I would not reinstate after 9 months off as this won't help anything

Adding in an AD is like pouring gasoline on a fire you want to put out

Taking something for sleep, such as seroquel, is also a be no no for you as you are ultra sensitive to Benzos and could be ultra sensitive to other Rx drugs?

 

You made it 9 months and did not die. Withdrawal can't hurt you, it only makes you feel like crap.  Most of your symptoms feel real, but are not real in the sense that they are being caused from actual medical conditions.  You have a jacked up CNS that is causing the anxiety, suicidal ideation, depression, insomnia, etc. That is why if you visit a doctor, they won't find anything medically wrong with you.

 

I went to over a dozen doctors and had dozens of tests and blood work done and nothing was wrong.  It's all withdrawal.  Learn to distract and accept your TEMPORARY situation.  It will end.  You could turn a corner soon and it might all be over before you know it?

I’m stunned that people are suggesting ANTIPSYCHOTICS for sleep!!! Do your research! This is my definition of insanity. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I also was a short term user and I am suffering now for about 21 months it’s most likely nothing to do with your steroids you are in benzo withrawal some people’s brain creat dependency upon them in less than a week and they will suffer as much as long term user if not worse but I think the symptoms tend to subside faster

So sorry you are suffering

I think for me as a short term user it’s even harder to accept I am in this reality (benzo withrawal)

Hi  Ahoooo  That's correct we have people on here that only took if for 3 days messed up for a long time afterwards, another person took 15 low dose benzos over a month  and has been ill for year's on here, even one can be one too many for certain people, Opiate induced Hyperalgesia is notorious by being caused by one single tablet so that can be applied to ALL drugs as far as I'm concerned.

 

The Dr I see is also a long time qualified pharmacist and he said the same thing, 1 pill in the wrong body can have dire consequences for some people,  he also told me that the other name for Pharmacology is 'Selective toxicity'' says it all doesn't it??  In other words one pill is all i takes to eff someone up while it may take 1000 to eff the next person up.  I had severe  anaphylaxis shock from  one pill twice and nearly died,( 2 different antibiotics) and one Prozac made me ill for months after, and the 3  times I should never have been prescribed those drugs  in the first place as usual Death by Drs misdiagnosis 

 

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten: