Author Topic: I Feel HAPPY and WELL!  (Read 2470 times)

[Buddie]

Re: I Feel HAPPY and WELL!
« Reply #10 on: December 23, 2018, 02:06:40 am »
Congratulations, Herb! I'm very happy for you. And thank you for [...] back to share this with us.

 :smitten:

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[Buddie]

Re: I Feel HAPPY and WELL!
« Reply #11 on: December 23, 2018, 02:33:48 am »
That is fantastic to hear!

Congratulations!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I Feel HAPPY and WELL!
« Reply #12 on: December 23, 2018, 02:48:38 am »
Thank you dear Buddies!  Yes, I posted because I decided to stop waiting for some kind of perfect 100% health.  It is all as I said: I feel authentically heart happy, imperfectly well, peaceful.  And it just keeps getting better.  And from the pit where I was, this is a miracle.   

BoomBoxBoy, the intrusive thoughts gradually decreased in both frequency and intensity.  Last one was at maybe 14, 16 months or so.  Entirely gone now.  When in the throes, I had to put up a sign where I would see it that said ďItís a LIEĒ for concern I might act.  Because it IS A LIE.  Until theyíre gone please put up a sign to your self.  As to depression, Iím a type B probably lean towards some depression, not entirely gone, but NOTHING like what it was, it is NOT that empty dark despairing sobbing hell.  Its more like feeling low and in a day or so it passes.

That is one thing I did all along, on my doctors advice nearly every day I made sure to go out and sit and have coffee or a meal where other people are.  That does not mean I felt sociable or nice (tho I tried to be polite lol). 

[...], yes the Progesterone is controversial.  My choice was have migraines or take some Progesterone, I relied on how I felt to guide me.  Perhaps my GABA is being affected, I really donít give a rip, the BENZO was what needed to go.  However. I can say that I felt sxs on the time / sustained release type so changed and had no sxs on the plain old stuff.  Itís excellent to have different people trying different things and reporting back.  Go with how you feel. 

Oh and I take nothing for sleep now, previously was using an herbal.  Now I take 3 mg Melatonin only.  Still tend to wake up for awhile somewhere between 3 and 5 then fall back asleep.  But the sleep is good sleep now.  I take daily walks but do not work out yet. 

xoxo
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I Feel HAPPY and WELL!
« Reply #13 on: December 23, 2018, 04:03:22 am »
Oh, I SO WISH I were in your shoes!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!

I can REST, lie on the sofa and feel PEACEFUL. This is music to my ears. I haven't felt peaceful in years.

ENJOY YOUR BEAUTIFUL LIFE!!! :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I Feel HAPPY and WELL!
« Reply #14 on: December 23, 2018, 11:03:50 pm »
This post is so inspiring especially at Christmas. I usually love this time of year but this year I am not even excited at all. The part about feeling something again while looking at Christmas lights really hit home. I used to enjoy everything in life (well not everything hah but the smallest things would make me happy). I am scared I will never heal. Sometime I wonder if this is withdrawal because I also had a simple partial seizure a year ago and that is what started this whole thing and because I was told it was a panic attack because I didnít lose consciousness or convulse so I went undiagnosed for 5 months and the anxiety from the seizure is why I took Ativan to begin with. I took it for 7 months and I feel like I still had dp/dr while on them and anxiety and maybe a little bit before them but things really hit the fan after I took them a few says a week for 2 weeks and then just stopped. Do you think it is withdrawal? Again thank you so much for this warm and heartfelt post  :smitten: love and light to you and a very Merry Christmas
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I Feel HAPPY and WELL!
« Reply #15 on: December 23, 2018, 11:05:09 pm »
*a few days a week. Sorry I was typing that a little too fast  :idiot:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I Feel HAPPY and WELL!
« Reply #16 on: December 24, 2018, 01:04:43 am »
Such a lovely success story, and your feelings of well-being are beautifully described. Thank you. How I long for the day that I can feel Christmas joy and a sense of peace. Like [...], Iím heartbroken at the thought of suffering through another holiday season in this mental torment. Iím in the same timeframe- I accidentally (ignorantly) cold turkeyed off clonazepam a few days after Christmas in 2016.  I hope to be feeling like you are sometime in this [...] year.  Itís been a long haul

Iím interested in what you said about being unable to deep clean or sort through things. This has been a serious issue for me. I have all sorts of theories about the cognitive injury that might be causing it, but itís baffling. It isnít a lack of motivation to do these kinds of tasks, but a true inability.

I wish you the best as you continue to heal! 

[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I Feel HAPPY and WELL!
« Reply #17 on: December 26, 2018, 05:46:34 pm »
[...], yes it sounds confusing to determine what was the seizure and what is the brain / cns injury from the ativan.  But there are excellent boards on Benzobuddies and I hope you find your answer.

[...], what a beautiful and apt quote "thence we come forth to behold the stars"!   From the Inferno?  Wow, how apt if so as we emerge from an inferno. 

I don't know what part of the brain the benzos injure but it includes a brain / cns injury for sure.  Yes I agree with you said it is a "true inability" = brain injury.  Example:  I would wash and dry my nightgowns and at first I could only take them as a wad from the dryer and set them on a chair in my bedroom.  Later I was able to open their drawer, but couldn't figure out how to put them into it.  Later I was able to fold them and set them on top of the open drawer but not into the drawer.  Now I can put them away lol.  Same with files.  Also I didn't care - not caring about certain things that I used to care about is part of it / some brain area.  Some people on here stop caring about hygiene, that's a tough one; I was able to shower etc but not curl my hair.   There is also forgetfulness - I have to reach for words sometimes or can look right at you and forget your name kind of stuff.  And sometimes a helplessness I did not experience before.  This cognitive harm is improved and improving but not healed yet.  My doctor, who understands this and has been supportive, suggested I get a brain scan ( I think he was curious to see the benzo damage too)  but I refused, I do not want to be limited or scared by a false diagnosis or have one in my records when I had NONE of this before discontinuing the benzos, and the cognitive IS improving not worsening (tho parts of it worsened year 2 or maybe just became more obvious as anxiety and adrenaline decreased).  I just continue to follow the survivors and that is what works for me.  Again, the cognitive IS improving, but slowly.  I would say I'm still sort of "ditsy" now.   I also had bladder symptoms that I think is / was "neurogenic bladder" that shows this is a chemically inflicted brain injury.  We would all be comforted and heal better if we were being sent to neurologists and treated as a brain / cns injury instead of as crazies.

Keep walking [...], I understand today you cannot hope, that the component of hope in you is injured, but you WILL hope - and have happiness and peace.  Just keep surviving, keep walking.  God bless you. 
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I Feel HAPPY and WELL!
« Reply #18 on: December 26, 2018, 06:53:33 pm »
[...], yes it sounds confusing to determine what was the seizure and what is the brain / cns injury from the ativan.  But there are excellent boards on Benzobuddies and I hope you find your answer.

[...], what a beautiful and apt quote "thence we come forth to behold the stars"!   From the Inferno?  Wow, how apt if so as we emerge from an inferno. 

I don't know what part of the brain the benzos injure but it includes a brain / cns injury for sure.  Yes I agree with you said it is a "true inability" = brain injury.  Example:  I would wash and dry my nightgowns and at first I could only take them as a wad from the dryer and set them on a chair in my bedroom.  Later I was able to open their drawer, but couldn't figure out how to put them into it.  Later I was able to fold them and set them on top of the open drawer but not into the drawer.  Now I can put them away lol.  Same with files.  Also I didn't care - not caring about certain things that I used to care about is part of it / some brain area.  Some people on here stop caring about hygiene, that's a tough one; I was able to shower etc but not curl my hair.   There is also forgetfulness - I have to reach for words sometimes or can look right at you and forget your name kind of stuff.  And sometimes a helplessness I did not experience before.  This cognitive harm is improved and improving but not healed yet.  My doctor, who understands this and has been supportive, suggested I get a brain scan ( I think he was curious to see the benzo damage too)  but I refused, I do not want to be limited or scared by a false diagnosis or have one in my records when I had NONE of this before discontinuing the benzos, and the cognitive IS improving not worsening (tho parts of it worsened year 2 or maybe just became more obvious as anxiety and adrenaline decreased).  I just continue to follow the survivors and that is what works for me.  Again, the cognitive IS improving, but slowly.  I would say I'm still sort of "ditsy" now.   I also had bladder symptoms that I think is / was "neurogenic bladder" that shows this is a chemically inflicted brain injury.  We would all be comforted and heal better if we were being sent to neurologists and treated as a brain / cns injury instead of as crazies.

Keep walking [...], I understand today you cannot hope, that the component of hope in you is injured, but you WILL hope - and have happiness and peace.  Just keep surviving, keep walking.  God bless you.

God bless you, [...].  Yes, you have exactly described the way I experience the cognitive damage.  This is how I do laundry too, and how it's progressed for me.  I can break tasks down into steps, but I can't execute them.  I can, however, see progress in how far I'm able to push through a task or project, just as you're able to get the laundry in a drawer.  I do the SAME THING with drying/folding/putting away.  I now can pile clean clothes on top of an opened drawer, but something about folding, putting INSIDE the drawer, and CLOSING the drawer just freaks me out... can't do it.  So I'm not there yet, but making progress.  Unloading/loading the dishwasher was impossible a year ago.  Now I can do the dishes, but can't put something away that I don't use daily, like a baking dish.  I can clear one counter at a time, but it's laborious, and I can't do anything as complex as organizing a cupboard.  You get the idea....  I used to LOVE cleaning an organizing my home, and took such pleasure in it.  And yet I'm able to work, and my job is challenging and fast-paced.  I don't understand. 

I could go on... I don't want to hijack your thread with a topic that only represents one aspect of our ordeal.  The important thing is that YOU'RE HEALING, and so shall we all. 

Yes, wouldn't it be lovely if we could be sent to neurologists and treated with love and compassion as one with a chemically-induced brain injury, and not dismissed with the stigma of addiction or mental illness?  I agree with you - I wouldn't want a brain scan.  Aside from the risk of a false diagnosis, etc., I just don't want to see the damage, and I have faith that I will heal.

Yes, "thence we came forth to rebehold the stars" is the last line of Dante's Inferno.  This has been a spiritual journey for me, and God is good. 

Love,
[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I Feel HAPPY and WELL!
« Reply #19 on: December 26, 2018, 07:28:16 pm »
This is so great!  I just posted something similar.  Congratulations and cheers to many many happy and healthy days to come!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.