Hi [...]
I really feel for you atm, i know that horrible feeling of being alone with this, before we moved house my hubby was gone at work for 14 hours at a time, even when i was in acute and it was awful beyond belief, i don't know how i got through it, i used to sit with pounding heart and anxiety, terrible dp/dr, the full monty of sxs, terrified of another stroke etc, I managed to get through it by literally ticking off the hours on a sheet of paper as they passed by, i used to say "That's one more hour less" and sometimes i would do a task on the hour, something very small like ironing one garment or washing one plate. It's so awful that a drug can reduce a fully functioning person to that level of minutiae just to survive and then to have the dr tell you it's not [...], well it beggars belief.
I think you were very brave to decide not to go with your family, obviously you can contact them at any point to give you a bit of extra grounding so to speak, can you make something for them (a special xmas type something?) so that you are doing something outside of yourself whilst they are gone and they will have something nice from you when they return?. I remember at my almost very worst I spoke with Dr Jennifer Leigh and she told me how she made her garden whilst in the worst acute for months, but she did it so that people passing by could get pleasure from it and after that conversation i started a birth sampler for my daughter's baby, it just compartmentalised the sxs and being alone for a bit and seemed to make them more external.
I had a small miracle last night, like you Waiting i had 3 hours of feeling NORMAL, i went to the party and was very nervous as knew nobody but everyone was so lovely and friendly, the location was beautiful and there was a couple of guys playing guitars and a fiddle (this would normally be seriously overstimulating for me) but i so enjoyed it, i actually felt HAPPY, the sxs were still there but somehow they retreated into the background, i couldn't believe it, normally music like that will really set me off and i get very emotionally sad (i was a classical singer in my previous life and the stroke knocked out my ability to sing in that way) but i was ok!!! i can't imagine this normality will continue but at least it happened!
[...], g'day cobber! hope you're doing good, thanks so much for your lovely post, all encouragement gratefully accepted!!