Medication Induced Setback Support

[[Buddie]]

Oh Waiting this is so horrible for you, i'm so sorry that you're having to go through all this again, you are about 2 weeks ahead of me i think with the setback, i had pretty much similar for the first 4-6 weeks but at least i am getting some windows albeit shortlived. My heart goes out to you. I've been thinking about these setbacks and I wonder because penicillins act on the same receptors as benzos and downregulate them, when the AB is stopped it results in the same sxs of acute as the recovering receptors have been re-injured and need to re-heal. I think that these sxs are unfortunately normal but it seems terrible that you should have to go through this so intensely after just one dose. I took 2 weeks of the stuff.

[...] i understand why you keep checking your urine, living with the fear of maybe another setback with another AB is very real, i wonder if we will ever be able to take "normal" stuff again without going back into acute, it's really quite terrifying. Glad it's clear so far - as i'm sure you are.

Well mental sxs seem to have returned for me, woke up today with pretty bad dp/dr and disconnection from everything, (plus some anxiety and roaring in my ears) i guess it's anhedonia again, just in time for xmas, I am seriously dreading xmas day. Waiting I can relate to the feeling of hopelessness, it's like it's groundhog day and i'm starting to think i'm never going to heal and just better get on with adapting my life to it. Sometimes  I wish i could just be vaporised in my sleep....

Do you guys have any family support? My hubby is not very supportive any more, ignores me most of the time so i spend most of my day in silence. I don't blame him, we bought this great big property and i can't do a thing to help in it, i was able to before this AB setback, and now the relationship has seriously deteriorated. He also has Aspergers (didn't know before i married him) so empathy is in short supply. Friends have dropped like flies as i have no energy to actually be a friend or make new ones
.
Waiting you are amazing to be able to do grocery shopping with these sxs, give yourself a big pat on the back, no way can i do that! We just have to keep on keeping on, this time last year i was sooo ill but i told myself by this time next year it will all be over, i don't feel i can tell myself that this year although there has been some improvement. Just such a long long slog.

Hate to hear the mental.stuff has returned. I know it's just awful.
I have my husband, and he does the best he can, but struggles with depression himself so me being sick again haa really taken a toll on him. We have two small children and well... it is hard. I love and miss feeling connected to them so much. My parents and grandparents are as supportive as they can be. My mom actually took the time to educate herself a little so she could understand a little better. She has been coming to help me with the girls while my husband works, but she lives an hour away so it is not idea that this be a long term thing. I really need some improvement in the next week or so before my husbands Christmas break is over.

[[Buddie]]

I have my mum but she is in the uk (I emigrated to Oz 37 years ago when i married my first husband), she is 89 and had a stroke in June but thankfully retained her thinking and speakiing powers, but i can't tell her too much as she gets upset, she is seriously sensitive to all meds (as i am) so she does understand. god knows when i'll ever be well enough to visit her again. It must be really hard with young children, i take my hat off to you big time, my children are adults, daughter emigrated to US (NYC) and just had a first baby in June, god knows when i'll get there, son is 6.5 hrs drive away, about to get engaged at xmas, hence having to spend xmas wth hid future in laws, i don't tell them much and try and "fake it" with them, no point  telling them, they can't help and they have their own lives.

As for holiday parties etc, only have one to go to tonight, (apart from xmas day stuff) it's local but we don't know anybody as we're new to the area, but i feel i have to go, dreading it as hubby terrible with new people and i'm in no state to help him out, have set a time limt for myself of 3 hours max and strict enforcement of foods i can eat, no alcohol seems to raise people's eyebrows but i tell them i'm on medication and i can't drink, i often feel like saying to people "What, you drink alcohol?" in the same tone they use with me for not drinking it.

I think my hubby has switched off more than usual as he can't cope with it anymore, burnt out with it, compassion fatigue i guess, and he had a mini stroke the week before we moved (fully recovered), me being so disconnected doesn't help either, this journey really does affect us on so many different levels, god knows what i'll be like next xmas, daren't even think that far.

[[Buddie]]

Thanks guys. I don’t get it either, but 20 mins after taking that 1 dose I knew it was bad & my mental state got weird and scary... but it felt like it wore off about 4 hours later & I was so thankful... then I woke up the next day with the worst akathisia ever. & I thought it would be a tough week or so... Then slowly all this creepy mental feelings came. Im like you [...].. I can’t even believe this is my life! I also had a wisdom tooth extracted September 24th with carbocaine... but I was already cycling through so much crap before that anyways. I do know that the sweating hands and feet came back after the carbocaine, but that’s all I noticed that was immediate.

I will say my first acute phase unfolded exactly like this. It peaked at about 60 days then better from there about 5% each month with massive backslides of like -25%  every month due to hormones. Do you guys get this too? I swear if I was a man going through this I’d be so much better off.  However these symptoms feel a lot scarier than my first acute phase, but my memory was so impaired then that I honestly don’t remember much of it. But maybe that’s the difference between gaba and serotonin since most of my recovery is from ssris. I think you are right on about that SS.


Christmas.. oh my. I’m supposed to go to church and 3 family gatherings. I stayed home on thanksgiving... I haven’t decided what I’m going to do for Christmas. I’ll forsure go to my immediate families gathering but I don’t know if I can handle the extended family stuff this year (we have a huge family). I’m 50/50 about church even but I know my mom will be upset if I don’t go.

[[Buddie]]

omg Waiting, i'm so amazed that you went and had a wisdom tooth out in wd!!!!! You are one very tough lady! I have an impacted wisdom tooth that seems to be starting to cause problems atm but no way would i be able to go near the dentist, i am keeping my fingers crossed it settles down. Interesting about the Carbocaine, i had that in injected in my toe when i had to see the foot guy after the AB didn't work on the infection (i'm so mad that i took 2 lots of the darn stuff and it didn't even work) and it caused me to have really bad sweating in my feet and hands for about 12 hours.

We will get through xmas!! i'm thinking being detached and disconnected might work in my favour LOL! my game plan is to not get involved in revvy up stuff, exit with the excuse of a headache if necessary, i've really got to watch the sugar as the last 2 times i ate sugary cake i had a horrible weird episode where i just couldn't put a proper sentence together, couldn't think of the words and felt completely dissociated with the strangest word patterns and thoughts coming into my head, only lasted about half an hour but it was enough to really terrify me.

How are you guys getting through the days? I'm trying to find a different thing to do every hour, nothing big, maybe read for an hour (near impossible), watch tv an hour (also very hard), a bit of sewing (somewhat easier), make some small food item, i feel so unmotivated and lethargic i find it difficult to even get in the shower and procrastinate terribly, yesterday just lay on the couch all day. All this is a  million light years from my previous self and very depressing.

I've got horrible hyperacusis back this morning and the man on the next block has brought out a horrible loud motor powered grass cutter thing, i feel like shouting out Shut the F..k Up!!!

Just keeping on keeping on

[[Buddie]]

Aww thank you! That’s what the AB was for. I had a wisdom tooth that was slowly coming in that I put off for years waiting til I felt better. But then this summer at month 19/20 I got some  gi issues & a new weird metallic/bitter taste on the sides of my tongue and really thought It absolutely had to be from the tooth. The metallic taste came back off and on for months even after the tooth was pulled so it wasn’t. But I stressed huge over it.

That IS really interesting about the carbocaine. My hands and feet are ‘still’ sweating 3 months later. It’s not constant anymore but often. That’s what I don’t get. Why do I get hit so hard for so long? I feel like I’m one of the worst of the worst and it scares me so badly. Or does everyone feel this way?

My days have been very routine and in survival mode. I too can’t watch tv again.  I play a lot of games on my phone, read hopeful recoveries, take my dog for a walk, eat every 4 hours even when I’m not hungry, house work, phone calls etc... nothing really, most days I’m just on the couch.

[[Buddie]]

Hi Guys...

Its been a while since I Have read a collection of posts that I relate so well to.. Not just the symptom aspects etc, But the whole life effect as well...

For those that dont know me, I was very messed up by intense medication well before benzos, and have been playing the WD game for nearly 8yrs one way or the other... Am kinda over it, but here we are...

I just wanted to offer validation to the sensitivity and experiences here, But more to voice that it does get better, and it is worth it... Just as when things go bad, as we get better, things also compound towards rebuilding our lives.. Those little choices where we can say yes to life and its activities start to add up, and one thing leads to another...
Its very hard to see at times, but our bodys are extremely good at untangling and healing us from these medicine messes, though as I found, it can take some time and acceptance...

Keep up the good work, have faith in yourselves when others doubt you, and above all, remember its the meds, -not the true or normal you...
Life will be full of colour as we paint our new futures...

Anyways, Thank you all, Its always good to read from others who "get it"..

A merry Christmas to you, But a super, extra awesome, fantastic NEXT Christmas, -A healed one..!!
(Maybe even for me too by then..!! )

[[Buddie]]

omg Waiting, i'm so amazed that you went and had a wisdom tooth out in wd!!!!! You are one very tough lady! I have an impacted wisdom tooth that seems to be starting to cause problems atm but no way would i be able to go near the dentist, i am keeping my fingers crossed it settles down. Interesting about the Carbocaine, i had that in injected in my toe when i had to see the foot guy after the AB didn't work on the infection (i'm so mad that i took 2 lots of the darn stuff and it didn't even work) and it caused me to have really bad sweating in my feet and hands for about 12 hours.

We will get through xmas!! i'm thinking being detached and disconnected might work in my favour LOL! my game plan is to not get involved in revvy up stuff, exit with the excuse of a headache if necessary, i've really got to watch the sugar as the last 2 times i ate sugary cake i had a horrible weird episode where i just couldn't put a proper sentence together, couldn't think of the words and felt completely dissociated with the strangest word patterns and thoughts coming into my head, only lasted about half an hour but it was enough to really terrify me.

How are you guys getting through the days? I'm trying to find a different thing to do every hour, nothing big, maybe read for an hour (near impossible), watch tv an hour (also very hard), a bit of sewing (somewhat easier), make some small food item, i feel so unmotivated and lethargic i find it difficult to even get in the shower and procrastinate terribly, yesterday just lay on the couch all day. All this is a  million light years from my previous self and very depressing.

I've got horrible hyperacusis back this morning and the man on the next block has brought out a horrible loud motor powered grass cutter thing, i feel like shouting out Shut the F..k Up!!!

Just keeping on keeping on

I do the same kind of stuff. Small chores. Watch tv when I can tolerate. Read. Shower and brush my teeth. Feel like I'm just in auto pilot. I am reqlly sensitive to food too, so I am eating as clean as I can, avoiding all crap. Today I have decided to stay home from the first of our holiday dinners. My husband and kids will be going to his parents in a little while and coming back tomorrow afternoon. I just don't have it in me. And I don't feel like being harassed about why I'm not eating or asked about how my life is going. Having to pretend I'm not dead inside, is more than I have in me right now. It sucks. I had got my life back for the most part. I was teaching wine and canvas classes. Loving my kids and husband. Running 5ks. Makes me so sad to come so far to lose it all again. Anyways worry to be a downer this morning. Ugh. Just mad/sad/blah. Lol.

Aww thank you! That’s what the AB was for. I had a wisdom tooth that was slowly coming in that I put off for years waiting til I felt better. But then this summer at month 19/20 I got some  gi issues & a new weird metallic/bitter taste on the sides of my tongue and really thought It absolutely had to be from the tooth. The metallic taste came back off and on for months even after the tooth was pulled so it wasn’t. But I stressed huge over it.

That IS really interesting about the carbocaine. My hands and feet are ‘still’ sweating 3 months later. It’s not constant anymore but often. That’s what I don’t get. Why do I get hit so hard for so long? I feel like I’m one of the worst of the worst and it scares me so badly. Or does everyone feel this way?

My days have been very routine and in survival mode. I too can’t watch tv again.  I play a lot of games on my phone, read hopeful recoveries, take my dog for a walk, eat every 4 hours even when I’m not hungry, house work, phone calls etc... nothing really, most days I’m just on the couch.

I read lots of recoverie stories too. I spend lots of time digging for other buddies who have had a similar experiences with antibiotics and went on to recover.

My hands and feet sweat like crazy. I think it's the only part of my body that is actually capable of sweating right now.

[[Buddie]]

Hi Guys...

Its been a while since I Have read a collection of posts that I relate so well to.. Not just the symptom aspects etc, But the whole life effect as well...

For those that dont know me, I was very messed up by intense medication well before benzos, and have been playing the WD game for nearly 8yrs one way or the other... Am kinda over it, but here we are...

I just wanted to offer validation to the sensitivity and experiences here, But more to voice that it does get better, and it is worth it... Just as when things go bad, as we get better, things also compound towards rebuilding our lives.. Those little choices where we can say yes to life and its activities start to add up, and one thing leads to another...
Its very hard to see at times, but our bodys are extremely good at untangling and healing us from these medicine messes, though as I found, it can take some time and acceptance...

Keep up the good work, have faith in yourselves when others doubt you, and above all, remember its the meds, -not the true or normal you...
Life will be full of colour as we paint our new futures...

Anyways, Thank you all, Its always good to read from others who "get it"..

A merry Christmas to you, But a super, extra awesome, fantastic NEXT Christmas, -A healed one..!!
(Maybe even for me too by then..!! )

Thank you for the encouragement.
I hope next Christmas will be the one!

[[Buddie]]

I tell you what though, my appetite is back with a vengeances the past couple days. I am craving all the stuff I'm trying to avoid like crazy!

[[Buddie]]

Thanks [...] for the encouragement.

I’m sorry [...] that you are missing out. Ive thought many times I wish my setback could’ve been after the holidays.

I wanted to write I had a great window last night. I watched a Christmas movie, felt totally connected and even teared up a bit at the ending. My brain was quiet, I had emotions of warmth and goodness and felt comfortable. I could breathe so easily. I felt interested in things and my brain worked. All I had was body aches & pains in my legs.

Then woke up in the worst wave today. Instantly filled with fear, despair and intrusive thoughts.. The contrast from last night to this morning was so awful. Back to constant coping and just so deflated & hopeless all over again. I get used to the windows so fast and always feel like the worst is behind me, then back to acute suffering. I miss my previous baseline so bad.