70 percent healed

Hey buddies 

 

I know exactly how you all feel when you come to read the success stories. I was in your place before and know how brutal it is this benzo journey.

 

First of all I would like to give some feedback on this group. It is a great group, helped me a lot. Thank you to the creator and admins.  However, I just have one comment: if they can separate long term benzo users from short term ones and even break each group down to certain number of benzo years it would be fabulous. Or even separate groups of different benzos to would help a lot of those worrying every single day whether they will survive or not and if so when. Cause believe me we do have a lot in common according to the type of drug and years of usage.

 

Anyway, lets go back to my story. I am 70 percent healed. 4 months off xanax after 2 years of taking it. I started feeling ill after one year cause I had accidently changed my dose within a week and never knew anything about the consequences. So yes if we mess with the dosage we get caught in this dark tunnel called withdrawal. I literally was in withdrawal for maybe 8 months until I figured out this group and realised what was exactly wrong with me. And yes I did all tests xrays MRIs to make sure it isn't something else before I even discovered this group. I won't go into detail cause I know how you are feeling while reading this. You will heal. You will smile again. You will laugh again from the bottom of your heart thanking whatever you believe in with tears of gratitude in your eyes. One day you will be proud of yourself for winning this battle. I didn't think it will happen but thank God it did.

 

Ok so why do I say 70 percent: I still have the eye floaters but they are on and off. I am trying to ignore them cause it is easier now when the other symptoms are gone.

 

I still get dizzy or have inner tremors but trust me they are not as strong as before and I have accepted them as a natural thing which we all used to go through before this benzo hell. I mean our body changes every second. Hormones are changing. Your mood changes. But the difference is this time these symptoms all have a reason. For example, when you get annoyed at something or someone your mood will change but this time it's temporary and the symptoms are so weak that you can hardly remember when you had them started and stopped.

 

Another thing is you will become stronger, you will realise that nothing else is worth your health and you will know when to control your emotions in order to not hurt yourself. To get to this place I recommend you all to try CBT. It did help me and I promise it will help you too. So plz give it a go and trust me because we all need this in our lives to control our thoughts and emotions. When you get towards the end of your withdrawal after jumping you will need CBT to overcome stress and anxiety.

 

Sleep is very important. If I don't sleep well I don't't feel well. Again not as ill as the way I was in my withdrawal. Just typical the headaches and weakness thatcevery healthy person will experience if not sleeping enough.

 

Ok I will go through the questions I used to have when I was in your place not long ago just a few months ago:

 

Did any pattern helped me in withdrawal? The only thing I realised was that we should jump at the right dose. Not the tiniest but the right one because taking smaller doses will also give you horrible and more symptoms. Mine was 0.0625mg of xanax. I jumped from that dose. Again as I said in my feedback I think my experience is going to help those of you who took xanax for the same amount of years. Or closer to mine. I asked so many of buddies here and we had more similar experiences than those taking other benzos for longer. I thank you all who helped me in this journey. Especially the buddies I used to msg all the time asking so many questions. Thank you thank you and thank you guys. You are all my heros. I learned a lot from your experiences. You were my angels.

 

 

Did any supplement really help? No. It really depends on your own body but I would say just eat organic and natural food during this time. If anything makes you worse put it aside dont worry you can go back eating it again later when you are healed. But for me some things are a no forever: benzos, alcohol, caffeine and any type of herbal supplement. I won't risk taking anything like these in my life. I do drink tea sometimes but this is just recently as I felt better but will never take it everyday until maybe another year.

 

I said goodbye to all sort of cakes and anything containing baking soda cause of my reflux. I would take some once in a blue moon but I figured out that not taking biscuits and cakes has made me more happier and I don't have any reflux after it. But I do eat chocolates 🙊And ofcourse tea and coffee were also crossed out of my life too and yes my reflux went away and it helped me a lot in my symptoms as well. For vitamins I would only recommend the ones added to the milk. I actually felt good after drinking these milk with added vit D after 2 months off the benzo. Dont know if it helps before 2 months and I remember vit D was giving me racing thoughts every time I took it as a supplement so I decided to never take the supplement again in my life.

 

The phases written in here by one of the admins is also really true. I can say I was in phase 1 for 1.5 months. Phase 2 for 1.5 months and strated to feel the last phase after 2.5 to 3 months.

 

I am still healing. Still worried if they come back which means I am not 100 percent healed so I am working on my thinking and diet to get to the fully recovered stage. I am enjoying life and even at 50 percent healed which was 2 months after jump I could still feel the relief with the remaining weak symptoms.

 

I have had migraines and got them after my jump but they were not too bad. I figured out cheese and cocoa might be the reason so I said goodbye to them for the rest of my life. If you have to cut something which makes you ill why hesitate just do it. There are millions of other things you can eat and be happy and healthy.

 

Painkillers? Ok so at my first month of jump and even when I was on my last dose and month 2 after jump I had all sort of headaches. Ones I never experienced in my life. I was so scared to take any painkiller so I only took 2 during these months. But after 2.5 months yes I did take it for my period pains or migraines. They helped but I took one every time I needed it and tried to take the smaller doses. So you will be fine taking them after you have passed lets say your first ans 2nd month after jump. I know it is hard to tolerate the headaches but benzo headaches are on and off so if you wait and hang in there you will feel they are gone after a couple of hours until the next one 😞. It is our brain trying to go back to normal and balance the hormones. Dont freak out. I was also thinking of all sort of diseases and it was just my brain healing. Read my past posts plz. I explained every single symptom I had in detail because I scrutinised everything. I was always on alert. Waiting and worried. But you can see now I have passed that stage. Looking forward to the day I am 100 percent healed.

 

Dont worry if you get a flu during withdrawal or after your jump. Again you will be fine just try not to take any medicine as much as possible if it is just a simple flu.

 

Brain fog, inner tremors, derealisation, ocd, racing thoughts, akathasia, dizziness, fatigue, brain zap, eye floaters, different head aches, panic attacks, shortness of breath, forgetfulness, depression, anxiety, numbness, fluctuations in your body temperature or hot flushes, low appetite, change in your senses, digestion problems, allergies, acne, hair loss, heart palpitations, pain every where in my body every time in one place and etc were all the symptoms I had. They are all because of the benzos. They will go away or at least get weaker by time and while taking care of yourself. If you dont know what is your symptom called feel free to ask cause I am an expert now after searching and reading about the sypmtoms. They will all go under one of the above list of names so dont worry you're alright.

 

Rest as much as you can, sleep as much as you can, eat as much as you can and just stay patient. Waves have no certain pattern. But at least try to avoid the things making them worse. Don't exercise too much. Don't make yourself tired. Be gentle with yourself. Listen to your body not your head. Maybe it is telling you how to heal faster you just have to pay attention to the things making you feel better or avoid things making you feel worse as much as you can and possible. Most of this is out of control but still you can help yourself a lot.

 

I still feel my memory isn't too good or I am not too sharp sometimes but it's ok I went through worse and I hope I will get better in the future. I know all the symptoms you get feel real and new to you everytime you get them. They will go away just stay calm, brave and patient.

 

I worked and still working 6 days a week, long hours. I did my driving classes. Travelled on the plain. Went on holidays even though i did not enjoy it...

Still have not passed the practical driving test yet but I did well with all of these things. And I live alone. I broke down many of times but I never gave up for the ones who loved me and the ones I loved and above all of this cause I love life. So plz don't give up. Continue with your routines and life while these stages of your life passes.

 

Oh one more thing, should we take anti dep drugs? I would say no just wait until 6 months after your jump or even a year if you can. Try CBT instead. Unless you really had a depression for years before your benzos. I would say wait and ask someone to watch you and be aware of your behaviour and mood. I hesitated toooo much to start taking them to help me but waited and I am so happy I did not take them. I literally don't believe in these drugs anymore. If you became mentally ill it is either your diet, changes in your body due to your diet or an environmental factor. So figure them all out while you are going through this horrific journey. Maybe it is just a simple thing you never paid attention to. Maybe you need to have some talking sessions and therapy to help you. Or maybe like me you have to change the way you think or eat to stay more happy. Benzos and Anti Deps gave me my first panic attack. They were the main trigger and cause. And before them yes my diet was bad, I was going to the gym a lot, I had a broken heart and so many other things which caused my initial stress.

 

I really dont know what else to share with you all to help you feel better so I hope these things I said gives you the power to stay strong and have some hope. Plz reach out to me here if you have any questions or if you think I can give you some advice. I am not a dr but a warrior and survivor 😉

 

I pray for you all. I understand you all. I feel for you all. You will be back to your lovely lives soon. Just dont give up.

 

Take care and I wish you all health and happy days ahead

 

Oh and Merry Christmas

 

And Happy new year 😍

 

Congrats...

 

Just an FYI...eye floaters are not a Benzo withdrawal symptom.  I am 55 and have had them on and off since I was a kid.  They are most likely genetic.

 

Good luck.

Congratulations on your progress! I hope you continue to see improvements.  Best.

Congrats...

 

Just an FYI...eye floaters are not a Benzo withdrawal symptom.  I am 55 and have had them on and off since I was a kid.  They are most likely genetic.

 

Good luck.

 

 

Thanks.

 

I never had them until I went into withdrawal so I guess it is related somehow...I got my eyes checked too and the dr didn't see anything.

 

I hope they go away. Still a bit annoying at times. 

Congratulations on your progress! I hope you continue to see improvements.  Best.

 

Thank you so much.

Another one doing better. I am very thankful and happy you are doing better because it lets me know that prayer is powerful. Congratulations it is news like yours that keep me believing in grace and mercy.

Another one doing better. I am very thankful and happy you are doing better because it lets me know that prayer is powerful. Congratulations it is news like yours that keep me believing in grace and mercy.

 

Thank you so much. I hope you are doing well too.

Congrats on your healing! I would be curious to hear more about your depression and ocd during your recovery. How about intrusive thoughts?

If you have dp or dr you get the floaters.

Congratulations, Survivor!  Thanks so much for coming back to tell your story!  Best of luck for continued success.

 

Flibberty

COngratulations Survivor! YOu are a warrior and may you continue to heal , I'm sure you will ,

thank you for posting your story ,

MiYu

Congrats on your healing! I would be curious to hear more about your depression and ocd during your recovery. How about intrusive thoughts?

 

I remember you and was praying for you. The depression came as waves of attacks when I was on 0.0625 and a month after my jump. Are you still on any benzos? Do you drink or smoke? Cause any of these will be a barrier to your healing.

 

Have you tried CBT? It really helps. Maybe there is something hurting u in life. Try getting rid of anything upsetting you.

 

The OCD and thoughts were with me during taper only. When I jumped I can hardly remember them. Again it is the benzos.

 

If you have suffered from severe depression before benzos maybe you should try to find the cause first...

 

I would recommend trying CBT. It will only take 20 sessions to learn some techniques. You might be repeating a pattern in your thinking that leads to depression. You need to challenge your thoughts.

 

Also you should have an aim. Something pushing you towards seeking that aim and distracting you.

 

Another thing would be enjoying life. Do as much as you can to enjoy your time with someone you feel comfortable with.

 

Try the above for only 2 months and see if it helps. And dont come here while you do these cause some comments are scary. You need to keep telling yourself you are doing better than anyone else and will get better soon. 

 

I am sure you searched and asked a lot until today just let the questions in your head go. Start the CBT. Trust me it will help youba lot.

 

Again honestly depends on what you took and how many years you took the benzo. This is why I said it is better to have separate groups for each benzos and the number of years taking them at least a certain range would help everyone.

 

 

If you have dp or dr you get the floaters.

 

This comment is actually scary cause I dont want to get the drvor dp back or even think they still exist. I don't have the dr or dp anymore. I don't think they are related. But thanks.

Congratulations, Survivor!  Thanks so much for coming back to tell your story!  Best of luck for continued success.

 

Flibberty

 

Thank you so much. You too. 😍

COngratulations Survivor! YOu are a warrior and may you continue to heal , I'm sure you will ,

thank you for posting your story ,

MiYu

 

Thank you lovely.