Wife Doesn't Want me to Talk About Symptoms Anymore

My wife basically said she doesn't want me to talk about my symptoms at home anymore. It brings her down too much. I understand her perspective because I am basically obsessed with talking about it. It consumes my every thought. Does not talking about symptoms help you all?

 

I am basically suffering from extreme depression after nearly nine months off Klonopin. I wake up with it immediately. The worst part of it is thoughts of self-harm chase me around all day so I have to be occupied at all times. The thoughts make me feel like I'm going insane. I have developed monophobia because of this. I can't even comfortably take a day off work anymore. None of this was going on before the Klonopin. Is it possible for this type of depression and these types of thoughts to still be from quitting the drug? Will it go away?

Hello bbb,

 

Yes these are symptoms of withdrawal.

 

We have all had these symptoms and we know it is not an easy thing to get through. These symptoms will go away eventually but it will take time.

 

One of the things that people in withdrawal do is to talk about the symptoms they are having. In the past the withdrawal also consumed my every thought. I found great benefit in talking about what I was experiencing.

 

The rest of this message is for your wife:

 

It is vitally important for those in withdrawal to have the unqualified and complete support of their friends and especially family. You cannot imagine the difficulties that they are facing. As I often say to my wife - "You have no idea what this is like."

 

Even though it may be difficult for you to constantly hear about the withdrawal symptoms you must educate yourself about what bbb is going through so that you can help him manage his symptoms.

 

My wife read every article she could find about benzos and the withdrawal process. We had lengthy discussions about what I was going through and she supported me through some very bizarre and inexplicable behavior. The only reason that I am still on this Earth today is because of the support that my wife has given me throughout this ordeal. Without her I would have been completely lost.

 

If you cannot find support through family and friends you have this forum available to you.

 

Please feel free to PM me anytime if you would like to talk.

 

Take care.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This would be a good place to start:

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=191083.0

Thanks, BrotherInStrength. I have sort of been talking about a time limit with my wife. Like maybe we talk about it for about fifteen minutes after our daughter goes to bed every night, unless of course I have a breakdown in the middle of the night. My wife is getting really depressed too because of me. She even started crying yesterday because she knew we had to go home and our home has become such a sad place.

 

Where are you in the healing process? Were you having these thoughts of self-harm but are not any longer?

Hi bbb,

 

Withdrawal/healing is difficult for the whole family not just the person suffering the withdrawal. My heart goes out to the sufferers and the friends and family who are pulled into this ordeal. I know that it is very difficult for everyone involved.

 

Withdrawal is a challenge that must be met head on. It cannot be ignored or minimized. I do, however, understand what your wife is going through.

 

Your house will not be a sad place forever. One day it will be a happy place again. It will just take time and effort.

 

I am eight years out since my last benzo. Early in withdrawal my symptoms were mainly physical but since year six they are mainly mental/emotional. Fear, terror, panic, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, intrusive memories, ideation, dissociative seizures and the remembrance of unresolved trauma.

 

I have had and do have thoughts of self-harm. These thoughts come and go like all of the other withdrawal symptoms. You have to remember that these are brain tricks caused by the benzos. They are not real. They are not part of who you really are.

 

This is why it is so essential that you have someone to talk to about your thoughts and experiences. Someone who can provide some perspective and steer you towards reality. You must "get it out" somehow.

 

Find some activity that you can do to distract yourself or tire yourself out. I have found this is the only way to deal with the symptoms.

 

And above all remember that the withdrawal symptoms are brain tricks.

 

Take care.

 

 

 

That's a bit discouraging to know that you are eight years off benzos and still having the same symptoms. The idea of having these symptoms for eight years is really scary to me. I've only been like this for 8.5 months, but I know I was having some issues before, but nothing like this.

Remember that everyone is different and will be on different schedules. Just because I am still having problems eight years out does not mean that you will too.

 

You may heal faster than me.

 

There are many on the forum that have healed in one to two years or less. And there are some that are still struggling more than ten years out.

 

Symptoms will come and go. Old ones will disappear and new ones will arise. Some will get worse and some will fade away. But the general trend will be towards healing.

 

Try to stay engaged with life and find some kind of distraction.

 

Take care.

That's a bit discouraging to know that you are eight years off benzos and still having the same symptoms. The idea of having these symptoms for eight years is really scary to me. I've only been like this for 8.5 months, but I know I was having some issues before, but nothing like this.

 

Boom there is no point in comparing yourself to others. You were on a short term dose. Comparing yourself to someone who was on a high dose for years is not worthwhile, we are all different. Try your best not to project the worst scenarios, I did the same but things can change quickly.

 

Is it possible for this type of depression and these types of thoughts to still be from quitting the drug? Will it go away?

 

Yes and yes.

That's a bit discouraging to know that you are eight years off benzos and still having the same symptoms. The idea of having these symptoms for eight years is really scary to me. I've only been like this for 8.5 months, but I know I was having some issues before, but nothing like this.

 

Boom there is no point in comparing yourself to others. You were on a short term dose. Comparing yourself to someone who was on a high dose for years is not worthwhile, we are all different. Try your best not to project the worst scenarios, I did the same but things can change quickly.

 

Is it possible for this type of depression and these types of thoughts to still be from quitting the drug? Will it go away?

 

Yes and yes.

 

Great comment gooner_nate.

 

You really cannot compare yourself to others. We are all unique individuals and our bodies and brains react differently to the drugs.

 

 

I used to talk my husband's ear off about withdrawal, day and night.  At some point, I realized how often it was, and started prefacing my statements with intros like, "Because I just know you're dying to know more information about benzo withdrawal..." or something like that.  I started giving him an out, more often, in case he really didn't want to here it.  I still talk about it, but it doesn't take up all of our conversations now and I listen to him talk about things in his life, and that's nice too.  I know for a while, it was really hard, but it gets better.  I know I was bad at listening to my husband, when I was always talking about what I wanted to talk about.  I am better now and try to consider his feelings more about it.

BBB i am in a similar position, husband doesn't want to acknowledge what i'm going through anymore, ignores anything i say and walks away if i'm  distressed because of the horrible sxs. Friends have also had enough and don't ask me how i am now, at 11 months off i feel i'm totally on my own in this now, such a lonely and frightening experience.

BBB i am in a similar position, husband doesn't want to acknowledge what i'm going through anymore, ignores anything i say and walks away if i'm  distressed because of the horrible sxs. Friends have also had enough and don't ask me how i am now, at 11 months off i feel i'm totally on my own in this now, such a lonely and frightening experience.

 

Hello southern star,

 

I am so sorry to hear this. It is such a benefit to have someone that you can talk to.

 

Remember that you have the members of the forum to talk to. PM me anytime if you would like to talk.

 

Take care.

Thanks for the responses.

 

Gooner, you are probably right. I need to stop comparing my timeline with other people's timelines. It probably won't help me at all. It's crazy how obsessed we all get with our condition. It is basically all I think about.

 

GreenCup, I am trying to do the same thing and listen to my wife more. I don't think I was good about listening to her before all this, so I am really trying to listen to her more now. I am going to make a pitch that she let's me talk about it for about ten minutes a night or something. We could even set a timer.

 

Southern Star, I haven't spoken with many of my friends in a long time because I know this is all I will be able to talk about. I'm hoping to get these friends back after this is all said and done but who knows. I do have a couple of friends that are willing to hear about it and my mom and brother don't mind. I am lucky I have those people. Sorry you are struggling so much.

Much of the depression is due to the fact it is difficult “being yourself” during benzo wd even in front of your wife. Maybe especially in front of your wife. Given your low dose short term use you should be seeing big improvement shortly. Im surprised u havent yet given u are nine months out. Good luck!

I don't initiate conversation anymore at home about my symptoms because I too was talking incessantly about it. My wife asks me every day how I'm feeling, and I'll say "the usual" and leave it at that. I will, however, go out of my way to say I'm feeling better if I am in fact feeling good at some particular moment during the day.

 

I've found that I feel less consumed by this condition if I don't talk so much about it. I also got sick of listening to myself complain even though it was completely justified.

I like this tactic! Speaking up when you feel even slightly better or just recognizing in the moment that you are doing better by telling someone. 

Windwalker, the depression really started in early June. I had alcohol a couple times, not knowing anything about it making withdrawal worse. I have been suffering from bad depression for over six months now. I keep thinking this has to improve some week, but it never seems to, and I'm constantly worried about having done permanent damage to myself. I keep feeling discouraged because I see people that c/t or even properly tapered feeling bad at 18 months or many years after quitting.

 

plgol64, maybe I will start saying the same thing to my wife when she asks. "The usual" and then only tell her when I'm feeling good. Do you talk to anyone else about your symptoms?

 

Is it really possible for this drug to create a chemical depression that could last years?

Windwalker, the depression really started in early June. I had alcohol a couple times, not knowing anything about it making withdrawal worse. I have been suffering from bad depression for over six months now. I keep thinking this has to improve some week, but it never seems to, and I'm constantly worried about having done permanent damage to myself. I keep feeling discouraged because I see people that c/t or even properly tapered feeling bad at 18 months or many years after quitting.

 

plgol64, maybe I will start saying the same thing to my wife when she asks. "The usual" and then only tell her when I'm feeling good. Do you talk to anyone else about your symptoms?

 

Is it really possible for this drug to create a chemical depression that could last years?

 

Yes it is....unfortunately, I was diagnosed with "clinical depression" the whole time I was taking poison V (20 years). It disappeared shortly after my ct/rapid taper and has not returned 

I try not to talk to my wife about this anymore. It is not fair to burden her with this. It has taken its toll. You have to be careful and keep ‘caregiver fatigue’ in mind. There’s only so much the average person can do to support you through this; they have little understanding of what its like. As mentioned, that’s thanksfully why these forums exist.

i have no wife or gf which has sucked, but im in no condition to try to be a partner for someone, so my poor mom has had to listen to my rambling, terror-filled whining about benzo withdrawal, all the damn time. i feel terrible, so many of her golden years are her sons awful ordeal.

 

this condition makes one obsess about oneself like nothing ive ever seen, and theres absolutely no damn help anywhere, its insanity.

 

i wonder if we had the benefit of complete medical care, like if this condition was recognized, would we feel quite as strong a need to have to vent about it, perhaps, but maybe not quite so desperately.

Luke - how long were you on Benzos? Was there any other start and stops? Are you drinking alcohol? I am trying to find the missing piece.  It is great you recognize that your Mom is giving you a lot of support and as a Mom, i know her love is unconditional but it does take a lot out of you.  If you would please explain what you are doing to help your recovery? Eating and sleeping good? Not implying that you are doing anything to cause protracted but I feel there is something that could be prolonging it if you are totally free of meds now. Hope you don’t mind the questions.

This article really helped my wife...

 

https://www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-tips/15-ways-to-help-someone-with-anxiety-disorder.shtml

 

Give it a look and let me know what you think.

I had to ease up my wife because I was just wearing her out.

I found a friend who would let me vent and then encourage me back.

Talking about our struggles seem to really help. So find that outlet.

 

Since that moment, things are much better and she actually asks me how I'm doing at times when she is more prepared to handle the list of my complaints.

I've had to re-love my bedroom as it was a source of a lot of stress during the night..

 

Hang in there!!

I'm with her on this. Suffering quietly would be better for you in my opinion.

I explained the best I could in the beginning, gave wikipedia articles, she understands it can take a while and I need to rest more than the average person. She’s supportive.

With that said since I can fake it and function most of the time I try not to dwell too much on the symptoms, it’s already complicated to have one family member half functional so I don’t want to infect my wife and kid psychologically. Everyone has its own problems, W/D or not so I try to respect the best I can the mental peace of my family.

The person I can really explain in detail what i’m living is my mother, she knows about med WD, she went thru pretty harsh discontinuation syndrome with a powerful headache med (Relpax) and knows that it can take time for the brain to repair.

 

So yeah, I really try to avoid a family crisis with my WD problem by hiding some aspects of it. I don’t know if it’s the best to do but at least I’m not adding a family crisis upon my WD problem.

LMAO this subject title was great! No one wants to here my crap since 4 months out when i read title laughed for minutes tks need all the laughter i can get...good healing to all