Feel like I'll be doing this forever

Not sure what to do. So frustrated. I want to continue my taper but I work full time and I've lost a ton of credibility at work. Mistakes, forgetting things, not as productive etc. I think I'll have to hold for a while until work gets better. But I'm so frustrated. I want to continue. But I need my job. And I have not been the mom I want to be, they know something is not right but they know I'm doing my best. So tired of feeling inadequate and less than my usual self in every way. I know I'm rambling here. Just want this to be over.

Not sure what to do. So frustrated. I want to continue my taper but I work full time and I've lost a ton of credibility at work. Mistakes, forgetting things, not as productive etc. I think I'll have to hold for a while until work gets better. But I'm so frustrated. I want to continue. But I need my job. And I have not been the mom I want to be, they know something is not right but they know I'm doing my best. So tired of feeling inadequate and less than my usual self in every way. I know I'm rambling here. Just want this to be over.

 

So sorry you’re in this foggy phase, I remember it well. It can be very difficult to work during withdrawal, but it is survivable. Folks were beginning to look at me with alarm too, but somehow I got past that horrible time, and now it’s forgotten, fortunately.

 

My field is extremely complex, and I had reached a point where I could hardly write a coherent sentence in plain English, never mind comprehend intricate algorithms. I was sure I’d be fired, but luckily I still got enough crucial work done that I escaped that fate. I’m happy to say now that my brain not only cleared completely after I jumped, it is actually sharper than ever in many ways – and I’m really old.

 

In my experience, the real clarity came as the amount of Ativan in my body got lower, even after I cold-turkeyed (not that I recommend you do that). I suffered all of the acute misery of acute, for sure, but what surprised me was that the brain fog was one of the first things to go.

 

Other members will probably share their thoughts on this too, but for me the drug was actively interfering with my thinking processes.

 

Good luck to you – you’re going to get through this, and being a working mom will become a whole lot easier again.

 

Not sure what to do. So frustrated. I want to continue my taper but I work full time and I've lost a ton of credibility at work. Mistakes, forgetting things, not as productive etc. I think I'll have to hold for a while until work gets better. But I'm so frustrated. I want to continue. But I need my job. And I have not been the mom I want to be, they know something is not right but they know I'm doing my best. So tired of feeling inadequate and less than my usual self in every way. I know I'm rambling here. Just want this to be over.

 

So sorry you’re in this foggy phase, I remember it well. It can be very difficult to work during withdrawal, but it is survivable. Folks were beginning to look at me with alarm too, but somehow I got past that horrible time, and now it’s forgotten, fortunately.

 

My field is extremely complex, and I had reached a point where I could hardly write a coherent sentence in plain English, never mind comprehend intricate algorithms. I was sure I’d be fired, but luckily I still got enough crucial work done that I escaped that fate. I’m happy to say now that my brain not only cleared completely after I jumped, it is actually sharper than ever in many ways – and I’m really old.

 

In my experience, the real clarity came as the amount of Ativan in my body got lower, even after I cold-turkeyed (not that I recommend you do that). I suffered all of the acute misery of acute, for sure, but what surprised me was that the brain fog was one of the first things to go.

 

Other members will probably share their thoughts on this too, but for me the drug was actively interfering with my thinking processes.

 

Good luck to you – you’re going to get through this, and being a working mom will become a whole lot easier again.

 

 

Thank you SO much Leslie. The brain fog is undeniably the worst symptom of them all. I'm so glad to hear that cleared up for you so well. From your sig it looks like you became free the same year I was enslaved by this drug. Can't believe this is taking so long. I laughed at my primary care doctor when she saw klonopin on my chart and said I could develop a dependence and to stop it right away. Silly me. I'll probably compromise with myself and do a taper as planned but if symptoms arise that preclude me from working I'll try an updose. This lower dose I'm at is great but it's new territory the earlier cuts were a walk the park now looking back. I pray this is over soon.

Not sure what to do. So frustrated. I want to continue my taper but I work full time and I've lost a ton of credibility at work. Mistakes, forgetting things, not as productive etc. I think I'll have to hold for a while until work gets better. But I'm so frustrated. I want to continue. But I need my job. And I have not been the mom I want to be, they know something is not right but they know I'm doing my best. So tired of feeling inadequate and less than my usual self in every way. I know I'm rambling here. Just want this to be over.

Hello,

I'm up in the middle of the night "feeling sorry for myself" or I should say been feeling frustrated with how long this has been for me too. I have to do so much self-care that I've had to basically give up my social life. My journey has been much longer but we are all in this together.

I looked at your taper in your signature as well. I'm currently doing a daily micro dry taper, which has allowed me to tolerate my symptoms better.

Have you considered trying this?

Yes, it takes longer but it may help you to function better.

Peace

Hi again Mountaintop,

I did see that you were in contact with Bob in another thread.

I'm so glad I saw that. Definitely follow what he recommends. That's who helped me. 

Not sure what to do. So frustrated. I want to continue my taper but I work full time and I've lost a ton of credibility at work. Mistakes, forgetting things, not as productive etc. I think I'll have to hold for a while until work gets better. But I'm so frustrated. I want to continue. But I need my job. And I have not been the mom I want to be, they know something is not right but they know I'm doing my best. So tired of feeling inadequate and less than my usual self in every way. I know I'm rambling here. Just want this to be over.

Hello,

I'm up in the middle of the night "feeling sorry for myself" or I should say been feeling frustrated with how long this has been for me too. I have to do so much self-care that I've had to basically give up my social life. My journey has been much longer but we are all in this together.

I looked at your taper in your signature as well. I'm currently doing a daily micro dry taper, which has allowed me to tolerate my symptoms better.

Have you considered trying this?

Yes, it takes longer but it may help you to function better.

Peace

 

Hi Peaceful flower,

 

Thanks so much and I'm so glad the Bob7 method is working for you! I've been seriously considering this method. I guess my only concerns are the length of time but hey it's taking a long time anyway. And also I'm worried I'll screw up the measurements somehow as I'm not great at most things lately. Not being hard on myself it's  just a fact. But there are videos I know. I can do this. Also worried what if I want to hold then how do I do that in this method. This just seems very rigid but I also see the clear benefits don't get me wrong. I should lrobably contact Bob7 he seems very helpful. I'm just scared no matter what I do this process is so nebulous. Glad you're on you're way Peaceful flower. Thanks again.

I feel for you Mountaintop. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/hug/hugging.gif

 

I am a professional writer and some days, I look back at what I've written and, like, every fifth word is missing, or I write an entirely different word than the one I was trying to write, or write "no" instead of "know." It's flat out embarassing. (I just had to go back and correct 3 mistakes in just that last sentence!) Anyway, I finally "came out" and told people I was dealing with a medical crisis, which is what this is, you know? It took a bite of the pressure off and let people know what was going on, instead of them gossiping about what might be up with me.

 

Also, I found coffee made my brain fog WAY worse. The only thing I've found that help clear it is the herb bacopa. In fact I was just posting a study on it for another person here, so I will copy it for you too.

 

It suggests bacopa helps normalize damaged GABA receptors. I know for me it is the only herb I tolerate and it greatly reduces anxiety and helps clear my cloudy mind:

 

In the present study, the effects of Bacopa monnieri and its active component, bacoside A, on motor deficit and alterations of GABA receptor functional regulation in the cerebellum of epileptic rats were investigated. Scatchard analysis of [(3)H]GABA and [(3)H]bicuculline in the cerebellum of epileptic rats revealed a significant decrease in B(max) compared with control. Real-time polymerase chain reaction amplification of GABA(A) receptor subunits-GABA(Aalpha1), GABA(Aalpha5,) and GABA(Adelta)-was downregulated (P<0.001) in the cerebellum of epileptic rats compared with control rats. Epileptic rats exhibit deficits in radial arm and Y-maze performance. Treatment with B. monnieri and bacoside A reversed these changes to near-control levels. Our results suggest that changes in GABAergic activity, motor learning, and memory deficit are induced by the occurrence of repetitive seizures. Treatment with B. monnieri and bacoside A prevents the occurrence of seizures thereby reducing the impairment of GABAergic activity, motor learning, and memory deficit

 

Thank you Cowchick! Been thinking about getting off coffee it's my only vice. Sorry if TMI but when I tried to get off it previously I stopped using the bathroom But I just started Japanese water method so maybe it won't be an issue. Or can do more gradual reduction or only one cup a day. With so much to stress about and things I cannot do coffee has been one of my few joys in the morning. But yes I forget basic word spellings or leave out words it's so embarrassing when I look back on emails I've sent. Ugh. Will definitely try the bacopa. Thanks for sharing I appreciate it.

Thank you Cowchick! Been thinking about getting off coffee it's my only vice. Sorry if TMI but when I tried to get off it previously I stopped using the bathroom But I just started Japanese water method so maybe it won't be an issue. Or can do more gradual reduction or only one cup a day. With so much to stress about and things I cannot do coffee has been one of my few joys in the morning. But yes I forget basic word spellings or leave out words it's so embarrassing when I look back on emails I've sent. Ugh. Will definitely try the bacopa. Thanks for sharing I appreciate it.

I feel for you Mountaintop. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/hug/hugging.gif

 

I am a professional writer and some days, I look back at what I've written and, like, every fifth word is missing, or I write an entirely different word than the one I was trying to write, or write "no" instead of "know." It's flat out embarassing. (I just had to go back and correct 3 mistakes in just that last sentence!) Anyway, I finally "came out" and told people I was dealing with a medical crisis, which is what this is, you know? It took a bite of the pressure off and let people know what was going on, instead of them gossiping about what might be up with me.

 

Also, I found coffee made my brain fog WAY worse. The only thing I've found that help clear it is the herb bacopa. In fact I was just posting a study on it for another person here, so I will copy it for you too.

 

It suggests bacopa helps normalize damaged GABA receptors. I know for me it is the only herb I tolerate and it greatly reduces anxiety and helps clear my cloudy mind:

 

In the present study, the effects of Bacopa monnieri and its active component, bacoside A, on motor deficit and alterations of GABA receptor functional regulation in the cerebellum of epileptic rats were investigated. Scatchard analysis of [(3)H]GABA and [(3)H]bicuculline in the cerebellum of epileptic rats revealed a significant decrease in B(max) compared with control. Real-time polymerase chain reaction amplification of GABA(A) receptor subunits-GABA(Aalpha1), GABA(Aalpha5,) and GABA(Adelta)-was downregulated (P<0.001) in the cerebellum of epileptic rats compared with control rats. Epileptic rats exhibit deficits in radial arm and Y-maze performance. Treatment with B. monnieri and bacoside A reversed these changes to near-control levels. Our results suggest that changes in GABAergic activity, motor learning, and memory deficit are induced by the occurrence of repetitive seizures. Treatment with B. monnieri and bacoside A prevents the occurrence of seizures thereby reducing the impairment of GABAergic activity, motor learning, and memory deficit

It was a relief to see you both talking about spelling errors. I struggle with that too. My worse is trying to write something. Taking notes or writing a small note on sticky note is worse challenge for me. I reverse letters or leave them out. I sometimes put the wrong letters in, scribble over it or throw out and start over. I thought it was just me.

Not sure what to do. So frustrated. I want to continue my taper but I work full time and I've lost a ton of credibility at work. Mistakes, forgetting things, not as productive etc. I think I'll have to hold for a while until work gets better. But I'm so frustrated. I want to continue. But I need my job. And I have not been the mom I want to be, they know something is not right but they know I'm doing my best. So tired of feeling inadequate and less than my usual self in every way. I know I'm rambling here. Just want this to be over.

Hello,

I'm up in the middle of the night "feeling sorry for myself" or I should say been feeling frustrated with how long this has been for me too. I have to do so much self-care that I've had to basically give up my social life. My journey has been much longer but we are all in this together.

I looked at your taper in your signature as well. I'm currently doing a daily micro dry taper, which has allowed me to tolerate my symptoms better.

Have you considered trying this?

Yes, it takes longer but it may help you to function better.

Peace

 

Hi Peaceful flower,

 

Thanks so much and I'm so glad the Bob7 method is working for you! I've been seriously considering this method. I guess my only concerns are the length of time but hey it's taking a long time anyway. And also I'm worried I'll screw up the measurements somehow as I'm not great at most things lately. Not being hard on myself it's  just a fact. But there are videos I know. I can do this. Also worried what if I want to hold then how do I do that in this method. This just seems very rigid but I also see the clear benefits don't get me wrong. I should lrobably contact Bob7 he seems very helpful. I'm just scared no matter what I do this process is so nebulous. Glad you're on you're way Peaceful flower. Thanks again.

Mountaintop,

It's really not too difficult doing this method. I've had to hold before. You just make pills of all the same weight. Bob guided me quite a bit when I started out. I usually pick a day on a weekend to make my pills. You can make a months worth of pills or 2 weeks. For me, I've been making 21 days. Once you get the hang of it you will be fine.

Peace

Thank you Cowchick! Been thinking about getting off coffee it's my only vice. Sorry if TMI but when I tried to get off it previously I stopped using the bathroom But I just started Japanese water method so maybe it won't be an issue. Or can do more gradual reduction or only one cup a day. With so much to stress about and things I cannot do coffee has been one of my few joys in the morning. But yes I forget basic word spellings or leave out words it's so embarrassing when I look back on emails I've sent. Ugh. Will definitely try the bacopa. Thanks for sharing I appreciate it.

 

You're welcome. If you try the bacopa, get the organic one. I find it works best if you take a bite of half of the tablet and chew it up in your mouth until it is all liquid. (It tastes like tree bark, but we are fighting for our lives here!) When it is liquid, swallow it. I usually feel relief within ~45 minutes. I think it words faster if you take it on an empty stomach, but you can also take it with food.

 

For me, coffee is the devilhttp://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/devil/fiery-devil-smiley-emoticon.gif. I have had a harder time giving up coffee than quiting booze. Cuz I'm a baby, wah wah, and I love it, it is my "innocent" joy. But, like Britney, it's "not so innocent!" I cannot tell you how many times I actually got to a good feeling place in sobriety only to wreck it with coffee. It's delicious, but really, is it worth not feeling your best over? Of course not, it is a beverage. My life has been all but destroyed by beverages. ...BEVERAGES! ...But I do understand, it is a struggle!

 

If you have trouble pooping in the morning, drinking very warm water first thing relaxes the stomach muscles/intestines and often induces a movement! Good Luck! http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/toilet/pooping.gif

 

Pflower, I KNOW! I have made some SERIOUSLY bad "Freudian slips" by inserting words that I was not trying to type. I look over every email 5 times at least, and then I STILL find a bunch of stuff wrong. Also, I find notes to myself and am like, uh, what the hell was I trying to write?!