Not having control over my mind and body

It has been another week of rough symptoms. I find it very hard to cope lately. Due to the fast changes from hour to hour you never know what to expect and the fact that you don’t have any control over this process is difficult. I am having doubts, if I ever return to normal. Other moments I am fully functional and the doubts are gone, laugh, make plans etc. I am living in a village where people know each other and talk a lot. It’s very frustrating and difficult to let go all the negative thoughts, like do they think I am crazy, is he faking (some moments he is acting normal).

 

In some ways month 14 - 18 where predictable with weekly waves, but the daily waves are too much. Tommorow it’s my birthday and looking back, some symptoms are completely gone and others are much worser than last year. I know it’s the benzo nature, but I don’t have control over my thoughts. Damn, this is hard.

 

Next goal reaching 22 months. By the way, i am going to take a big piece of Chocolat cake on my birthday. I am getting symptoms anyway. Wish you all a blissfull day tommorow!

Hello Hopehope,

 

I am so sorry that you are going through this.

 

I have found that my symptoms changed second to second, minute to minute, hour to hour, morning to afternoon to evening to night, day to day, week to week, month to month, season to season, year to year. There is no way to predict what will happen next. You do not have any control over the healing process it is true.

 

Old symptoms will disappear and new ones will arise. Some symptoms will get better and some will get worse. That is just the way it is.

 

You will return to normal; you will heal. It is just a matter of time. All you can do is find a way to engage with life and find some way to distract yourself.

 

I know it feels scary to not have control but just remain calm if you can and be patient. I know how that sounds but it is the only way.

 

I hope you have a very happy and blissful birthday tomorrow.

 

PM me if you would like to talk some more.

 

Take care.

Thanks for your message buddy. This is what I say to others in good moments. But this is exactly the process. How far are you out?

I am eight years out. Early in withdrawal most of my symptoms were physical but now they are mostly mental/emotional. It has been very challenging.

 

I am experiencing fear, terror, panic, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, intrusive memories, dissociative seizures and the remembrance of unresolved trauma.

 

Fortunately these symptoms appear to be abating somewhat.

 

I am always hopeful!

 

Take care.

Deep respect for you! 8 years, holly crab . All the best!! Are you able to move forward with your life?

 

That is longer than some people but shorter than others. Any amount of this torture is tough to deal with.

 

All the best to you as well and all of the Buddies out there!

 

Take care.