Hello fellow taperers

My reason for joining benzo buddies is to connect with people who are experiencing symptoms or have experienced them in past. I feel I need support for my sanity.

 

I started taking benzos about 15 years ago.

 

First time I quit cold turkey, before I knew about withdrawals, I did not sleep properly for months and ended up going back on meds because I was sure I was sick. It was 100 percent withdrawals.

 

I have come off 5 different psychoactive medications and one legal herbal substance that turned out to be an opioid. I have been at various stages of withdrawal for the last 5 years.

Right now, I am tapering the last klonopin.

 

I cut too fast from 5 pills of 0.5 per week to 3.5 and have become very unstable and confused. I thought it would pass but it has been 2 months since my last cut. I have been getting worse and worse instead of better. My physical symptoms during last cut were terrible but passed in a month. Dizziness, extreme, spasms, vibrating muscles, extreme nausea. I cannot believe after all I have quit, that a 33 per cent cut could be doing me this much harm. I think tat is why I am here and also because I need support.

 

I used to take 3 pills of, 0.5 klonopin per day 5 years ago and 1 green zopiclone, (as well as 2 ssris simultaneously)i forget dose. I reinstated 4 days ago back to 5 pills per week. I'm skipping doses.

 

Even I find it hard to believe anymore it can be the drugs. I can't expect anyone to understand, and it is not accepted in mainstream that it could last so long.

 

My most recent problem is that I cannot shut up. I speak about heavy stuff when it is not the right time. My mind is hyperactive. Worse of all, I feel like I have to say something, it feels like ocd, when I will write something and have the compulsion to change it because it could be wrong or misunderstood. I end up over explaining everything.

I bother the wrong people, family members, with crap that is obsessing me or that I'm thinking about that's kind of out there. I can't be light and cool ever since 2months ago. I can't even pretend.

 

Another symptom is anger, but like I have to say something, when things would be better for me if I just shut up. Anger bothers me most because people think I'm mad at them even if I am not. I am just generally mad. Not today though. Today is pure agony of anxiety. Even the anger comes from fear almost every time.

 

I can no longer judge personal interactions, I have become agarophobic, although I do manage to go out, I am finding it harder and harder. I feel very horrible about myself.

 

15 years ago feels like yesterday, and I cannot stop obsessing about my mistakes and the wrongs that others did to me. This sucks so bad, I feel like 15 years ago was yesterday.

 

I am not sure what is acceptable to say anymore, like I have to check before saying or writing something because it could be wrong or embarrassing or whatever.

 

I need someone to talk to who understands this torture.

 

I will likely be more stable in 3 weeks, when last dose reinstatement balances me out. I hope.

 

I am panicking all the time and have become insecure, a drag, and I'm angry on top of it.

I have no clue if I should be more positive in this post. I hope there is a delete option on this site if I start obsessing later on and sweating and panicking.

 

Thank you for listening.

 

 

Welcome to BenzoBuddies!  We are glad you decided to join us.  You'll find a lot of support and information on this forum, which is the only one of its kind online.  I'm sorry you are going through all this.  Getting off benzos alone can be very hard, but coming off multiple medications can complicate things as well.  As far as what's ok to post on this forim, as long as you follow our rules and are kind and polite to others, you will be fine:

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=212997.0

 

For those starting a taper, we generally recommend starting out at a rate of 5 to 10% every 10-14 days, then adjusting the taper to suit your own needs.  Note: very short term users may be able to taper faster.

 

Withdrawal symptoms, which vary widely but commonly include anxiety and insomnia, often occur during a taper, but these are temporary and will get better in time.  In general, first tapers are easier, but cold turkeys or multiple withdrawals may be more severe and longer lasting.  Here are a few links to get you started:

 

The Ashton Manual, a concise reference for tapering and symptom issues.

 

Withdrawal Support (during your taper)

 

Once again, welcome!

I TOTALLY understand. Now that I am getting out more- I realize I have to relearn appropriate reactions and not flip out over little things. I was raging in tolerance.

I’m new here but I’m on the taper ride too.

 

It sounds like withdrawal to me and some of the things you’re describing sound like a byproduct of agitation. Feeling agitated from WD can lead to a myriad of emotions in my opinion. I usually have a good amount of control over my reactions but it’s much harder when I’m both agitated and exhausted at the same time.

 

I had to slow my taper down and not get down on myself for slowing it down.

 

With all that said, I’m just posting to let you know you’re not alone.

:)Hi survivornowthrives,

 

I see others have addressed your post and I'm sad to be welcoming somebody else here (that there's a need for this type place), but Benzobuddies is the place to come.  I did lots of reading before signing up and while I learned a lot about tapering and withdrawal, not as much as the sharing here.  Plus, every single book or blog I've read talks about how helpful benzobuddies is. 

 

I did want to pass along to you FYI that's more IT stuff and utilizing the site (which I'm still learning myself).  Members have helped me since joining.  If you read the message underneath your initial post, you'll see the actual med./taper backstory.  To add that on yours, go to Profile (up top of page).  You'll see a "signature box".  Type info. in there ...best to stick the basics there and click save (or change profile) at either the top or bottom right of page.  This can be updated as you're progressing, or making any changes to your taper.  It's not mandatory, but with this information, members will have the info.; helpful if they're tapering from same med(s) that you are. 

 

I did do tremendous research over a 4-month period before I joined and I've shared it in a Post under Withdrawal Support (During Your Taper) entitled: Benzo Withdrawal Symptoms.  Physical and Cognitive/Sensory.  Heart.  (It's on pg. 1 right now).  I've received replies that others have found it helpful, as well.  I hope if you read it, it will educate you further.  For me, I feel strongly that Knowledge Is Power.  While I learned a lot (on a subject I wish I didn't need an education in! ) the Benzobuddies community is where you'll get the emotional support. 

P.S.: Additional helpful reading on benzobuddies, under Forum Withdrawal (During Your Taper) is a "Stiky" Topic (up top, bold print) titled Coping During Withdrawal - Valuable Tools"...very useful FYI.

Thank you to all that replied. You have no idea, (actually you probably do!) what it means to hear from others who have been there, or are there, and are here now.

 

I need encouragement to keep going, as the wider world seems to think medication is the only answer to this kind of problem, that medication will fix me right away. I strongly disagree in my case. Some think that I'm not really trying to be normal, that I can be the person I was 2 months ago today if I just try. I cannot meet their expectations.

 

Yes, being on multiple substances and quitting some at the same time, while still medicating with others has meant I could not trace my symptoms to the particular drug that was causing side effects, tolerance or withdrawals. This is the first time I taper just benzos and I am not on something else. I have to say I am very surprised by just how many things they affect an how terrible the psychological stuff is, and how it does not let up. I left the last of the benzo taper for last because I wrongly thought it was not affecting me as much as the other meds.

 

I truly appreciate the warmth an understanding.

 

I am going to study the site and figure out how to use it properly.

 

Am I supposed to post 1 reply to everyone?

 

Thank you again for understanding and writing so many helpful and warm replies.

Survivor, welcome to the forum!

I just want to say that 33% is a huge cut - slow and steady, small cuts with long holds, and a body/symptom driven taper is what will help you win this race.  Be the turtle 🐢

 

You've come so far and you made it here!  Give yourself all the time you need to taper.  You'll get there.

 

Again, welcome!

-PH 🌷