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A real glimmer of hope 🌟


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Hello fellow travellers, been a while since I've been here and here as some would know my daughter has mental illness, and has been in hospital for about 3months.  Have not had the energy or wherewithal to talk, correspond with anyone.  Exhausted.  Freaked out. 

 

I dry cut from 2mgs Valium to 1.25mgs approx one month ago with an initial return of pain and anxiety.  Lots of mental symptoms yet woke this morning feeling so much better. 

 

Today able to ORGANISE and complete tasks.  My eyes seem to be trying to pull focus, and snap crackle pop ears seem improved.  Still have tinnitus, but reduced.  Overall reduction in anxiety, depression.  Weird perceptual stuff almost schizophrenic symptoms greatly abated. 

 

Still some back pain and little appetite but did this morning order in good fruit, vegetables and free range chicken.  I've been on the 2 minute noodle diet and the like for some time.  Baked beans, etc.  Got muddled when peeling a potato.  Couldn't organise myself out of a wet paper bag.  Personal hygiene out the window.  I feel SANE, or as sane as this taper will allow.  I don't care, I'm taking it.  Even planning to buy new swimmers tomorrow in anticipation of using the local swimming pool. 

 

I feel humbled and grateful.  If it's simply a wave, I don't care because what it's telling me is that healing is possible and want to share these glad tidings with you all. 

 

I thought I was losing my mind throughout this ordeal and had practically given up hope and prepared to accept any crumb that came my way, but no longer.  I feel that there is real hope now for a true recovery and healing.  True for us all, I believe. 

 

My mind is slowly unbending and I am so happy.  I want this for us all.  All of us who have been ridiculed, disbelieved by doctors,  friends, family alike.  We have only had each other to rely on and I thank you so. 

 

So much improved today as my dose goes down.  Soon I will be free. 

 

Hang in there buddies.  This CAN be done, I feel it now, and I never thought I would. 

 

Yay! 

 

Dee 

:smitten:

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Hello fellow travellers, been a while since I've been here and here as some would know my daughter has mental illness, and has been in hospital for about 3months.  Have not had the energy or wherewithal to talk, correspond with anyone.  Exhausted.  Freaked out. 

 

I dry cut from 2mgs Valium to 1.25mgs approx one month ago with an initial return of pain and anxiety.  Lots of mental symptoms yet woke this morning feeling so much better. 

 

Today able to ORGANISE and complete tasks.  My eyes seem to be trying to pull focus, and snap crackle pop ears seem improved.  Still have tinnitus, but reduced.  Overall reduction in anxiety, depression.  Weird perceptual stuff almost schizophrenic symptoms greatly abated. 

 

Still some back pain and little appetite but did this morning order in good fruit, vegetables and free range chicken.  I've been on the 2 minute noodle diet and the like for some time.  Baked beans, etc.  Got muddled when peeling a potato.  Couldn't organise myself out of a wet paper bag.  Personal hygiene out the window.  I feel SANE, or as sane as this taper will allow.  I don't care, I'm taking it.  Even planning to buy new swimmers tomorrow in anticipation of using the local swimming pool. 

 

I feel humbled and grateful.  If it's simply a wave, I don't care because what it's telling me is that healing is possible and want to share these glad tidings with you all. 

 

I thought I was losing my mind throughout this ordeal and had practically given up hope and prepared to accept any crumb that came my way, but no longer.  I feel that there is real hope now for a true recovery and healing.  True for us all, I believe. 

 

My mind is slowly unbending and I am so happy.  I want this for us all.  All of us who have been ridiculed, disbelieved by doctors,  friends, family alike.  We have only had each other to rely on and I thank you so. 

 

So much improved today as my dose goes down.  Soon I will be free. 

 

Hang in there buddies.  This CAN be done, I feel it now, and I never thought I would. 

 

Yay! 

 

Dee 

:smitten:

 

That is fantastic!! I’m glad you’re getting a bit of a window. I think those first few moments of even the tiniest clarity is enough to keep us hopeful. It’s a reminder to yourself that it WILL get better.

Sometimes when we struggle for so long...months and months on end...we start to think it’s us and we won’t get better. This is clearly a sign that things are going to look up for you. :)

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Thank you NoMoreBenzoGirl and GreenCup.  I've never had a real window before, maybe an hour or two where things clear a bit but this feels different. 

 

It's a REAL window which I thought would never happen for me, yet it has.

 

Reflecting on my psychiatrist (whom I no longer see) wanting to prescribe me Seroquil because I was describing what COULD be psychotic symptoms to him. 

 

How easily was he prepared to prescribe me an anti psychotic, scoffing at my plea that it was the Valium.  Just WOW! 

 

Dee

:smitten:

 

 

 

 

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Hey,

So glad you are in a window! It reminds us that healing is possible. I have been in a window for about 2 weeks now and feel thrilled. I had not experienced more than one good day in over 3 years. Can you tell me a little about serotonin syndrome? I take remeron and Lexapro together and have for 3 years. I have worried about this happening to me. I would really love to come off all meds but have tried and failed. I have gained a lot of weight due to the remeron. I am tapering off 1mg klonopin and down to a little less than .25mg. I really wish I could just go back to the person I was before the panic attacks hit me and pretty much ruined my life.

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Hi Dee.. :)

 

Welcome back... And such great news...!! :)

 

It sure does help once we know we can feel much better...

-I will never forget my first true window of a couple of hours..

 

Keep up the good/hard work, and let the healing continue...

-I have no doubt you can do this...

 

:)

 

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Thank you everyone, and my apologies for late reply. 

 

I found myself constantly and obsessively reading BB and various rare diseases sites  ::)  :laugh: and it had to stop.  I took a break and just followed the one thing that I knew to be correct, and that was to go slow, and listen to my body. 

 

The window I described initially has gone backwards these last two days, but still  things are better.  I don't have near as much fear, terror, quasi schizophrenia, and when thoughts of death and dying arise it is easier for me to caste them aside.  They lurk, but are no longer all consuming.  My heart is not beating like a drum anymore.  Who knows what the future holds.  Get it while you can. 

 

Hi DMG.  :smitten: I developed Serotonin Syndrome when my psychiatrist didn't give me a long enough wash out period from Mirtazapine, and introduction of Lexapro.  I think it happens when 2 a/d's of a different class are taken without long enough wash out. 

 

Are you (just) afraid of developing it or do you have symptoms?  You would certainly know if you had it.  :sick:  :crazy:  Though I think it can develop over time from what I've read.  Check it out DMG. 

 

Talk to your doctor about the possibility DMG because I am really hesitant on giving advice on such an important subject and I'm only a fellow traveller with no real experience except for my own personal encounter.  Personally, I will never take an a/d again (unless absolutely necessary) as they really mess with me, Serotonin Syndrome aside. 

 

I thank everyone for your replies (hi Cantfly  :)) and in essence say to you all that things have definitely improved (1 month hold 1.25v) and am sadly happy.  I'm going to invent a word that describes being happy, but still sad.  I'm Sappy?  :laugh:

 

I hope everyone is travelling as best we can, but please hear from me that though still afraid I am definitely improving. Improved. 

 

Hey, get this.  There is a really good coffee shop (sometimes I could get there, other days agoraphobic) who also sell veggie boxes, and free range chicken and eggs.  They deliver.    :thumbsup:  I was not eating. Couldn't get to shop. 

 

I ordered veggie box and chicken 'cause I couldn't carry the groceries and when they arrived I asked the young (Irish) girl how I should pay.  She said, you don't, this one is for you, because "I know how hard it can be".  Maybe I've got WD written all over my face because I certainly did not tell her.  It restored my faith in human nature. 

 

Sending all of my love and hope.  We will emerge from this nightmare, I'm starting to feel it.  Hang in, don't give up, take it slow, and listen to your body. 

 

I'm buying a swimming costume today in the hope I can use the local pool.  OMG, I have lost so much weight and will look stupid.  BUT I DON'T CARE because this has been too hard to concern myself with matters of vanity. 

 

I really do respect you all so much.  Hi Ajusta  :smitten:

 

Dee  x

 

 

 

 

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Go the Togs and a Pair of Thongs...  :)

 

Lol, I think you might have stretched the 10% "rule" a tad... :)  hang in there Dee, you are getting there...

How nice you got the veggie box as a personal gift.. So much nicer than just winning a raffel..!

Ummm... -Just how much coffee DO you drink..!! Lol

 

Take care Mate...

:)

 

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Thanks Cantfly.  :)

 

The old 10% rule....hmmm....I know....  :-\

 

It kicked me a bit, but am still on deck.  Flat on my face, but still on deck.  Oh, gawd, how crap is this thing? 

 

Most proud of myself because I now know how to close a drawer and peel a potato.  I guess finding humour is progress. 

 

I read your post where you say it took you a year to taper off 1mg.  Think this could be the case for me too.  So bloody tired of it. 

 

I've never admitted this before because too embarrassed.  During WD and each cut random words just pop out of my mouth.  Can control it when others are around, but on my own just find stupid random words just popping out.  Might be a repressed orator or something.  :laugh:  As I stabilise it stops.  Weird.

 

When I expressed this to my EX psychiatrist he said it was psychotic and wanted to prescribe Seroquil which I did not take.  It's a very selective psychosis that's for sure 'cause only happens when cutting.  He can get nicked.  >:(

 

I'm going for the meat tray next time.  :laugh:  It was so kind of her. 

 

Thanks Cantfly  :)

 

Dee

 

Edit:  Actually, when I look back I can remember myself uttering ONE gobbledygook word which still happens now after too big a cut.  It began in tolerance (which I had no understanding of) and though I thought it a bit weird chalked it up to anxiety.  Really stupid word which I will not utter here because it's really tooooo stupid, even for me.  God save us.    :crazy::laugh:

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