The Fight of My Life Made Me Stronger

Its been almost two years ago. Jan 1, 2017 that I took my last speck of Ativan.

I’ve wanted to write a healed (success story) so often, yet put it off.

A few times I typed an entry but lost it because of low power or just who knows what...

 

I was a technical writer, engineer for Boeing. I later went back to school to be a nurse.

A family. Active, sociable, we owned a medical infusion company.  Faced with menopausal issues at age 51, unable to take hormones....I was prescribed Ativan. The racing heart, hot flashes, restless sleep....all taken care of...... the beginning of the end.

Years and dosing increases to maintain the chill. The calm.

Then the fears came of running out of my pills. Losing them. Planning outings and events around my doses. 

I reached tolerance. Even as a nurse, I had little experience with benzo dependence. My anxiety increased despite taking my Ativan. Interdose syomtons. A paradoxical effect. Researching on the internet on how to stop Ativan, I discovered Benzobuddies.

My blog, my diary, is my journey over 3 plus years of trial and error. Fear to freedom.

 

When I jumped, I was feeling pretty good. Not sleeping well, but lots of other bothersome  symptoms were disappearing.

 

My blog is thorough and intense, full of daily fear and sadness.

I read Ashton. Stumbling upon the Valium crossover thread, it seemed that this was the benzo bus to be on. Professor Ashton laid out the taper from Valium. Many buddies seemed to be reducing steadily and with success. After much help from the forum and special buddies, I made the switch.

Many months went by, but Valium was unkind to me. To be sure, I read about the effect on some people and even Ashton herself noting that Valium isn’t for everyone.

I switched back to Ativan feeling as if I failed, a set-back. More lost time. When youre in your sixties, time is more precious. My sadness, feeling sorry myself was changing into unsettling frustration.

Anger.

Finally pulling up my shitkickers, I resolved to stop fretting about it and get back to a plan.

Thats number one. Start over.

I dry cut Ativan all the way down with a $ 20 Gemini scale I was told about, purchased from Amazon. Cedartree’s taper became a guide for me. Laserjet, River Wolf, Saga, and the Ativan thread buddies  like Bozobertie held my hand. They helped and inspired me more than they could ever know.

 

While tapering over 3 years, family members passed, my sweet mother-in-law, a dear cousin, my beloved dog of 13 years died suddenly(my devoted companion), lost our family owned business, lost savings, endured an insensitive spouse, the loss of friendships, time. Time ...precious Time and yes, money too.

ER visits continually for panic attacks, shaking, cardiac irregularities, gastrointestinal issues and tests, 3 hospital stays on the mental health-behavioral unit for depression and insomnia, endocrinologist, rheumatologist, psychiatrists, neurologists, etc....all trying to alleviate or fix my problems.

Almost ECT therapy, it was presented to me several times in the ward, several doctors said I was psychotic and should shock my brain...but I watched patients return after treatments and decided that wasn’t for me. There were no guarantees.

 

I bought books on meds, special anxiety mood diets, recovery, positive thinking self help,

relaxation tapes, supplements... magnesium, inositol, vitamins C, D.....

I was prescribed every drug known for insomnia. I was on ADs off and on...Celexa, Lexapro, Effexor,  Zoloft, Elavil, Remeron ...more I can’t recall..

 

Off caffeine, no sugar, no this no that.

I had genetic testing for MFHTR or something or another.

More doctors, more testing more Time. Gone gone ....

 

I was lost in terror in my own mind. Looping intrusive thoughts...cried all day.

Estranged from my son much of my taper. I’m sure he was always unsure and scared.

My grandson was a young teen. I missed many parties, visits, his school functions and sports.

 

I experienced the worst debilitating insomnia of my life. I don’t think I slept for three years.

The Valium switch for me personally worsened my depressive state. I became lethargic, helpless, hopeless. A dark, lost frightening place.

My husband tried to hire a private nurse to stay with me. We couldn’t afford it. We were both worried about my worsening hopelessness. I never had a plan, yet I thought about not being able to survive the taper.

 

The 4 am cortisol surges. Zappped my body head to toe like electrical shocks.

I tried orange juice mixed with Himalayan sea salt and honey on advice. No help for me...

A technique called tapping. I tapped my temples, forehead, chin...for hours.

You’ll try just about anything for relief.

 

Bed, to couch to chairs...all day long.

Crying at 1 am 2 am....then the zaps.

Hubby would leave for work with me begging and crying for him to stay. My friends and neighbors worked also.

Just my dog and I, missing her to this day.

It’s was a frightening, often unpredictable, wearisome journey. as many were.

I never talk about it anymore. It’s power greatly diminished. For me, it’s best. A time of merely surviving minute to minute, day to day.  I’m living now.

 

I can’t say right now what day it was .....probably right after the third hospitalization for my severe depression, after the F*$#ing doctors telling me I’d need more meds, shock treatments, probably long term care because I was heading towards being “a dependent”. That thought petrified me.

After a minute I thought F this, if I’m going down, it’ll be my way with what med I’m familiar with...

my old coheart, Ativan...

I dropped the weekly psyche Dr. and the weekly therapist, the ones wanting me on more meds.

I stayed pleasant with my prescribing Dr. although he believed I could taper in 4 weeks....Lol.

I begged him to provide my Ativan 30 day supply continuing to the end.

He was reluctant initially but agreed....belittling me and saying I was overly preoccupied with getting off a “teeny-tiny” white pill. He said, I was draaaaggggging it out .....

 

I remember reading about buddies who tapered directly from Ativan, dry cut. No ligiuds , no titration,

just cut, shave, weigh it. Simple was what my brain needed.

I sought them out.

Always good in algebra, I bought the scale, an exacto knife and a cheap nail file.

Learning how to reduce doses by a percentage actually was the catalyst needed which motivated me.

I did my calculations every 7 to 10 days....loaded my pill box.

Feeling empowered and determined, I never looked back....never updosed again..

I still had zaps, shaking when I drove. Sleep continued to be near nothing, but I rested all day.

I just kept going.

My bed was my safe place.

Oh yeah.....

I didn’t shower every day....didn’t clean my house for weeks at a time. Didn’t cook much

I had agoraphobia all through my taper. Afraid to shop for food. Afraid to walk the dog. Awful. To think about that fear to go places....to be frozen with fear to walk down the street.... my poor sweet dog missed so so much too. So very tragic and sad.........but pissed...

I was getting pissed....

every day I thought what this benzo had taken from my ordinary life.  That anger helped me.

 

When I took the last crumb....just dust really......I felt invigorated.

 

My mom is ill with dementia, I’m her POA and help with her care everyday.

This began in my taper. I was a wreck doing her paperwork for new doctors, for her new facility.

She had two eye surgeries and broke an arm with a fall.

She stayed in my home.

How could I care for her when I couldn’t even comb my hair everyday?

You find a reserve of strength. You pray. You fall in a puddle of tears on the floor. You chant affirmations. You just do it.

After a while, those adverse times, the challenges that come up in the withdrawal process, fortify you. They will occur. Death, funerals, illness, operations, job loss, adult children problems, root canals, weddings, the furnace going out....the events of life.

If you could survive, evenly badly through what you thought would kill you ...there’s realization that you’re gonna be okay. You’ve been okay so far, so this taper thing may just happen. Hope.

There it is.

 

I’m 66 years young. I ache. I sleep better, but still not all night. You know. I wake and read. I go back to sleep. No panic. I’ll sleep when I sleep. 

I drink coffee, love my good food, desserts.

No four bedroom house, three car garage anymore. Gave things away....Outgrown, minimized.

We’ve moved to a condo. I feel lighter, free. I’m happy almost every day. Loving the morning especially.

I love to travel.... Ca, Washington, alone across the US.

I’m out, engaging and living everyday. Colors are more vivid. Stopping in museums, rides in the country, loud movie theaters, each day’s  an adventure. Catching sunrises and sunsets as much as possible.

 

No supplements. No special diet.

No glamorous life. No cruises. No personal trainer. No spas, nothing fancy. I just do what I like.

I didn’t go back to my old self at all. I’m a new person. I don’t much ever talk about the past 5 years.... staying busy and happy in the present, moving forward.

 

I speak up. The tapering years destroyed my spirit for awhile. My voice was fragile, too soft.

My backbone was gone. Enduring ridicule, names, having doors shut in my face. Shrinking away. Feeling odd, less than. Pitied and ignored.

No bullying anymore in this house. No deer in the headlights. The pain gave me strength I never had before.

 

BB was my beacon. My lifeline. It’s been a positive, rewarding experience. Without this forum, my recovery and wellness wouldn’t have happened. That I’m sure of.

The people ...Colin, Juliea, Pianogirl....administrators and moderators, Challis, Grinch, Beth, my tribe of buddies,....ATU, Jackie, Ellen, Bozobertie, VCharris, Moya, Lainey, Laserjet, Moo, Tex, Ingrid, Mary, Michele, Rabbit, Sophia,  so many to name, dear supportive, reassuring friends here day and night.

Sharing hope, sharing kindness. Sharing possibilities , humor,..... being real......genuine.

 

Perhaps I’ve forgotten more of my journey. Perhaps that’s good.

The three basics vital to my taper were;

 

The “Plan” (the med and how you taper)

Time

Patience

 

Prayer helped me also, I’m a woman of faith in my higher power. The universe, God. I never prayed to be cured....never prayed for a miracle.

I prayed for strength. Courage. Patience and tenacity.

 

Distractions not necessarily helped, but passed the long days into nights.

BB, cuddling with my dog, tv comedies, Frazier. Old movies. Deep breathing exercises by Dr. Andrew Weil helped. Tinkering in my garden of roses when I could get outside. Music. Oldies from the 60s and 70s. Walking in my house up and down stairs and around the garage. Phone calls with some of the best buddies. Those lavender, epsom salt, hot bath soaks.

 

Physical symptoms weren’t my primary horrors. No burning skin, no dryness, no tinnitus, tight muscles, etc...

Only insomnia and a feeling of heaviness/ fatigue.... but, all the emotional withdrawal sypmtoms.

The Zappy anxiety and the mental anguish. Paranoia. Despair. My mind was tormenting me constantly.

Mistakes from my past. Worries about the future. Rehashing dark moments over and over.

That all began to lift as I got lower in dose. It was the most gratifying change.

I don’t know how popular the getting better as you get lower status is......but I noticed.

My family noticed. I was recovering. It was happening.

 

There are no residual symptoms bothering me. No flare ups No waves.

What I feel at 66 yrs old is normal.  I ache, my muscles get fatigued, weak, and sleep is crummy,

but I feel better than fine.

I feel wonderful despite it all.

 

Buddies reassured me of healing. There was doubt. It may not happen for me. I’ll be protracted.

With hours ahead of me each day, I read their success stories ,their blogs.

I began to believe and trust that I could also recover.  I fought for Me.

My toughest fight in life’s journey thus far.

Life is good, simply waking up to zero zaps. Not abandoning the grocery cart in the aisle. Being able to walk around the lake at the park. Sitting to watch a movie in a theater.... driving to the theater.

 

Withdrawing from benzos is difficult. Healing is different for each person. BB provides the support needed that can’t be met from family, friends or most of the medical profession, usually.

The success stories are the endings to benzos, but they are the beginnings of new life.

The pain is worth it. You learn so much. Gratitude and appreciation for ordinary daily activities.

It sounds corny maybe, but I’m generally happy everyday.

 

Keep going. If you’re sidetracked or have setbacks as we do.....let it be and move forward.

Fight for you...

 

 

 

 

Sincerely, Rosegal 😘🌹❤️

 

 

I love your story! Congratulations and here’s to many happy healthy years ahead! I can’t  wait to heal and be on the other side too! This gives me hope! Hugs!

Thank you so much, Rosegal!  Congratulations, you did it.

This is wonderful news, Rosegal!  I remember how much you suffered!  It's great that you've returned to tell your story.  It proves that even the long suffering among us do go on to heal.

 

I never thought i was a strong person emotionally, but going through my awful withdrawal proved to me that I am extremely strong and don't need things like xanax to get through the day.  It was worth it for that!

 

Megan

This story gives me so much hope as I'm preparing to start tapering from almost 10 years of Lorazepam. Thank you 

Very happy for you Rosegal! I’m so glad you are better and thank you for sharing your story. I remember a horrible December day in 2014, sending PMs back and forth with you. It was good to not be alone that day. Enjoy your new found health and strength.

Love

JKS

So happy for you Rosegal! Run with your new life!....you made it, Enjoy!!!!

 

B strong ❤

Its been almost two years ago. Jan 1, 2017 that I took my last speck of Ativan.

I’ve wanted to write a healed (success story) so often, yet put it off.

A few times I typed an entry but lost it because of low power or just who knows what...

 

I was a technical writer, engineer for Boeing. I later went back to school to be a nurse.

A family. Active, sociable, we owned a medical infusion company.  Faced with menopausal issues at age 51, unable to take hormones....I was prescribed Ativan. The racing heart, hot flashes, restless sleep....all taken care of...... the beginning of the end.

Years and dosing increases to maintain the chill. The calm.

Then the fears came of running out of my pills. Losing them. Planning outings and events around my doses. 

I reached tolerance. Even as a nurse, I had little experience with benzo dependence. My anxiety increased despite taking my Ativan. Interdose syomtons. A paradoxical effect. Researching on the internet on how to stop Ativan, I discovered Benzobuddies.

My blog, my diary, is my journey over 3 plus years of trial and error. Fear to freedom.

 

When I jumped, I was feeling pretty good. Not sleeping well, but lots of other bothersome  symptoms were disappearing.

 

My blog is thorough and intense describing my initial tapering on my own, finding BB while searching the internet for a way to get off the 20 year benzo bus, and my attempt to cross to Valium.

I switched back to Ativan after 7 or 8 months. Lost time. Finally pulled up my shitkickers and dry cut Ativan all the way down with a 20$ Gemini scale, help from Cedartree, Laserjet, River Wolf, Saga, and the Ativan thread buddies like Bozobertie  and many others no longer here.

 

While tapering over 3 years, family members died, my beloved dog of 13 years died suddenly  (my devoted companion), lost a family owned business, lost savings, endured a insensitive spouse, the loss of friendships, time. Time ...precious Time and yes, money too.

ER visits continually for panic attacks, shaking, cardiac irregularities, gastrointestinal tests, 3 hospital stays on the mental health-behavioral unit for depression and insomnia, endocrinologist, rheumatologist, psychiatrists, neurologists....etc....

Almost ECT therapy, it was presented to me several times in the ward., several doctors said I was psychotic and should shock my brain...but I watched patients return after treatments and decided that wasn’t for me.

 

I bought books on meds, recovery, positive thinking self help,

relaxation tapes, supplements... magnesium, inositol, vitamins C, D.....

I was prescribed every drug known for insomnia. I was on ADs off and on...Celexa, Zoloft, Elavil, Remeron ...more I can’t recall..

 

Off caffeine, no sugar, no this no that.

I had genetic testing for MFHTR or something or another.

More doctors, more testing more Time. Gone gone ....

 

I was lost in terror in my own mind. Looping intrusive thoughts...cried all day.

Estranged from my son much of my taper. I’m sure he was always unsure and scared.

My grandson was a young teen. I missed many parties, visits, his school functions and sports.

 

I experienced the worst debilitating insomnia of my life. I don’t think I slept for three years.

The Valium switch for me personally worsened my depressive state. I became lethargic, helpless, hopeless. A dark, lost frightening place.

My husband tried to hire a private nurse to stay with me. We couldn’t afford it. We were both worried about my worsening hopelessness. I never had a plan, yet I thought about not being able to survive the taper.

 

The 4 am cortisol surges. Zappped my body head to toe like electrical shocks.

I tried orange juice mixed with Himalayan sea salt and honey on advice. No help for me...

A technique called tapping. I tapped my temples, forehead, chin...for hours.

You’ll try just about anything for relief.

 

Bed, to couch to chairs...all day long.

Crying at 1 am 2 am....then the zaps.....

Hubby would leave for work....I’d beg him to stay. My friends and neighbors worked.

Just my dog and I. I miss her to this day......

It’s was a frightening, often unpredictable, wearisome journey. as many were.

I never talk about it anymore. It’s power greatly diminished. For me, it’s best. That was merely a time of surviving minute to minute. Day to day.

I’m living now.

 

I can’t say right now what day it was .....I think it was right after the third hospitalization for my severe depression, After the F*$#ing doctors telling me I’d need more meds, shock treatments,  probably long term care because I was heading towards being “a dependent”......

After a minute....I said F this. If I’m going down, I’m doing it my way with what med I’m familiar with...

My ol coheart, Ativan...

I dropped the weekly psyche Dr and the weekly therapist.

I stayed pleasant with my prescribing Dr. although he believed I could taper in 4 weeks....lol....

I begged him to provide my Ativan 30 day supply as I continued.

He was reluctant initially but agreed....belittling me and saying I was overly preoccupied with getting off a teenytiny white pill. He said, I was draaaaggggging it out .....

 

I remember reading about buddies who tapered directly from Ativan, dry cut. No ligiuds , no titration

Just cut, shave weigh it

I sought them out.

Always good in algebra, I bought the scale an exacto knife and a cheap nail file and learned how to reduce doses.

I did my calculations every 7 to 10 days....loaded my pill box.

Feeling empowered and determined, I never looked back....never updosed again..

I still had zaps, shaking when I drove. Sleep continued to be near nothing, but I rested all the darn time.

I just kept going.

My bed was my safe place.

Oh yeah.....

I didn’t shower every day....didn’t clean my house for weeks at a time.

I had agoraphobia all through my taper. Afraid to shop for food. Afraid to walk the dog. Awful. To think about that fear to go places....to be frozen with fear to walk down the street.... my poor sweet dog missed so so much too. So very tragic and sad.........but pissed...

I was getting pissed....

every day I thought what this benzo had taken from my ordinary life.  That anger helped me.

 

When I took the last crumb....just dust really......I felt invigorated.

My mom is ill with dementia, I’m her POA and help with her care everyday.

This began in my taper. I was a wreck doing her paperwork for new doctors, for her new facility.

She had two eye surgeries and broke an arm with a fall.

She stayed in my home.

How could I care for her when I couldn’t even comb my hair everyday?

You find a reserve of strength. You pray. You fall in a puddle of tears on the floor. You chant affirmations. You just do it.

 

I’m 66 years young. I ache. I sleep better, but still not all night. You know. I wake and read. I go back to sleep. No panic. I’ll sleep when i sleep. 

I drink coffee, love my good food, desserts.

No four bedroom house, three car garage anymore. Gave things away....Outgrown, minimized.

We’ve moved to a condo. I feel lighter. I feel free. I’m happy almost every day. I love the mornings.

I love to travel. I’ve flown alone across the US.

I’m out and living everyday. I love color, nature, museums, loud movie theaters. I love sunrises and sunsets.

 

No supplements. No special diet.

I do what I like. No glamorous life. No cruises. No personal trainer. No spas,, nothing fancy.

I just love life. I’m not my old self at all.  I’m a new person. I don’t much ever talk about the past 5 years.... I’m too busy and happy in the present. Forward. I don’t  look back.

 

I speak up. The tapering years destroyed my spirit for awhile. My voice was fragile, too soft. My backbone was gone. Enduring ridicule, names, having doors shut in my face. Shrinking away. Feeling odd, less than.

No bullying anymore in this house. No deer in the headlights. The pain gave me strength I never had before.

 

BB was my beacon. My lifeline. It’s been a positive, rewarding experience. Without this forum, my recovery and wellness wouldn’t have happened. That I’m sure of.

The people ...Colin, Julia, Pianogirl, moderators, administrators Challis, Grinch, Beth, my tribe of buddies,....ATU, Jackie, Ellen, Bozobertie, VCharris, Moya, Lainey, Laserjet, Moo, Tex, Ingrid, Mary, Michele, Rabbit, Sophia,  so many to name, dear supportive, reassuring friends here day and night.

Sharing hope, sharing kindness. Sharing possibilities , humor,..... being real......genuine.

 

Perhaps I’ve forgotten more.... perhaps that’s good.

The three things that seem to be the most important in my journey to healing:

 

The “Plan” (the med and how you taper)

Time

Patience

 

Prayer helped me also, I’m a woman of faith in my higher power. The universe, God. I never prayed to be cured....never prayed for a miracle.

I prayed for strength. Courage. Patience and tenacity.

 

Distractions not necessarily helped, but passed the long days into nights.

BB, cuddling with my dog, tv comedies, Frazier. Old movies. Deep breathing exercises by Dr. Andrew Weil helped. Tinkering in my garden of roses when I could get outside. Music. Oldies from the 60s and 70s. Walking in my house up and down stairs and around the garage. Phone calls with some of the best buddies. Those lavender, epsom salt, hot bath soaks.

 

Physical symptoms weren’t my primary horrors. No burning skin, no dryness, no tinnitus, tight muscles, etc...

Only insomnia but, all the emotional withdrawal sypmtoms.

The Zappy anxiety and the mental anguish. Paranoia. Despair. My mind was tormenting me constantly.

Mistakes from my past. Worries about the future. Rehashing dark moments over and over.

That all began to lift as I got lower in dose. It was the most gratifying change.

I don’t know how popular the getting better as you get lower status is......but I noticed.

My family noticed. I was recovering. It was happening.

 

There are no residual symptoms bothering me. No flare ups No waves.

What I feel at 66 yrs old is normal.  I ache, my muscles get fatigued, weak, and sleep is crummy,

but I feel better than fine.

I feel wonderful despite it all.

 

Buddies reassured me of healing. There was doubt. It may not happen for me. I’ll be protracted.

With hours ahead of me each day, I read their success stories ,their blogs.

I began to believe and trust that I could also recover.  I fought for Me.

My toughest fight in life’s journey thus far.

Life is good, simply waking up to zero zaps. Not abandoning the grocery cart in the aisle. Being able to walk around the lake at the park. Sitting to watch a movie in a theater.... driving to the theater.

 

Withdrawing from benzos is difficult. Healing is different for each person. BB provides the support needed that can’t be met from family, friends or most of the medical profession, usually.

The success stories are the endings to benzos, but they are the beginnings of new life.

The pain is worth it. You learn so much. Gratitude and appreciation for ordinary daily activities.

It sounds corny maybe, but I’m generally happy everyday.

 

Keep going. If you’re sidetracked or have setbacks as we do.....let it be and move forward.

Fight for you...

Thank You for posting. I don't have physical symptoms, but I have the debilitating mental symptoms that you had. My friends and family don't understand and I'm tired of explaining. I know they worry, but sometimes I think that they just think I'm nuts. Most of my friends don't text or call anymore. I can barely work and am afraid I'll lose my job. My dog is my lifeline. I seriously don't know if I'd still be here without her. I do think of death a lot- the agorophbia and sheer terror at having to get through another day are agonizing.

I am 50 and am so terrified that I will never get through this. That this is just what my life is going to be like now. My plan is to be done with my taper by February. I'm so tired and feel that I won't make it. Being in the world, being around people, being alone....it all feels awful and like I'm a complete alien.

Thank You for giving me hope. I'm so glad that you get to enjoy your life now.

 

 

 

Sincerely. Rosegal 😘🌹❤️

Congratulations my friend! Your success story was so great to read. Your testimony of your persistence and endurance does indeed show the will of the human spirit. I am so so very happy for you. I know what a tremendous challenge and how excruciatingly hard it was for you to get through this. I wish you many wonderful years in your new life. Thank you for sharing your journey.

 

Love you, Jackie :smitten:

 

Congratulations Rosegal! Enjoy life to the fullest!

I'm 30 months out benzo and almost 10 months out all medication. I have more physical symptoms, still fighting for my life every day.

So nice to see people make it to the other side. Give me some hope.

Vica

 

Thank you, Rosegal!  Your story is so encouraging to me!  I'm five months out today and struggling, but you give me hope.  It never ceases to amaze me how different everyone's story is, but like almost everyone, yours was a difficult journey with a happy ending.  Hooray!  And congratulations!

Rosegal, what an incredible story -  Congratulations!!! Thank you so much for coming back to write this and provide some hope to all still suffering.  Blessings.

[move]Rose, you are an amazing woman!!![/move]

 

 

 

 

Our dear Rose, it's wonderful to read your Success Story. We were quite worried about you more than a few times. But, you had it in you to see this withdrawal process through to the end. And you did!!!

 

It's hard to see our friends and family leave us, pass away. Even our pets are our family. You spoke so often of your darling doggie. 

 

It makes my heart so happy to read how you have moved on and the new Rose is out enjoying life. It doesn't have to be a spectacular life, just a life. You so deserve it.

 

Much love to you and thanks for stopping back,

 

PG  :smitten: :smitten:

 

 

Congratulations Rosegal !

Benzos withdrawal is  like a rite of passage with a beginning and an end, an initiation trip...

The lesson of that terrible moment is that life is both precious and fragile.

We learn what is essential...and what is not !

You have been making the impossible a success...

 Now, you know what means introspection, plung into darkness !

 

The real meaning, the real purpose of life, to know ourselves !

 

I quote you:

 

" The universe, God. I never prayed to be cured....never prayed for a miracle.

I prayed for strength.

Courage. Patience and tenacity."

 

Your prayer has been answered.

 

I wish you the best for this new life Rosegal

Thank you, for your strength and inspiration! I feel as though I can face this day with a lot more hope. It has been a rough road since I tapered off of Clonazepam too quickly 4 months ago. My jaw has been very tight these days, I work on smiling any way. This has truly helped with that. Thanks again.  

This is beautiful!  Anger helped me as well.  You have been through so much and come so very far.  Inspirational. 

Pianogirl , you were one of the first to welcome me and support. The early months are full of doubts and catastrophizing and obsessing. I was always unstable through it until the last year. The chemically damaged brain/CNS can’t help it. Thanks so much for being there in the scary times.

You reminded me so often, that it was going to be okay. It was.

A very important, unforgettable person you are. Love and hugs. 

Wonderful success story! Ativan was my worst challenge, did it by cutting and not the right way...Thank you so much for sharing your experience here - I wish you a wonderful live you tough cookie!

Marigold

Megan918

Yes, healing comes and as a surprise to me really.  I felt for a long time that it was “Groundhog’s Day.”

The monotony of the next day and the next feeling never ending. But it does. Gradually. The element of time.

I referred to myself many times as a weepy marshmallow. Like you, the strength cane through the hardship. And now, we deal with life drug free. It was a long trip, but so worth it.

Than’ you for helping me Megan 

Abbyruss,

One day I just became angry. Being weary and tired kinda made me like a cranky three year old.

There was no mean streak really or destructive behavior, only my internal mutiny on my mind and body.

It was what I needed.

Seems you benefited from feistiness too, thank you for kind words.

No one is more surprised than me that I made it completely through.

Thank you. Continued wellness to you. 

Madeline1

Good to know you are smiling.

It’s diffucult for sure during withdrawal. My sister and niece both got married and had showers, etc...

One was out of town. Omg. I shook, I didn’t smile. There are infamous photos. I can’t look at them and have good memories of their beautiful moments. It is what it is.

Maybe I should ask them to both renew their vows. Haaa

I laugh a lot now.

Hope your muscle tightness eases up. Even fast taperers, recover and go onto fullfilling lives.

The best to you miss Madeline. 

Hey Jackie Brown

My angel squad.

The lady who took me under her wing and help with a taper schedule. Who calmed me our shared spiritual beliefs and positive, uplifting conversations.

Dark times. You were a constant light. I loved just chatting about dogs and kids and holidays.

Forever grateful Jackie. Life is good even with bad things.....life’s so very good.

Love you. ❤️

 

Thank you Braddis

Yes. To come through the muck and know ourselves.

I did receive all that I asked for. Courage. Strength. Tenacity.

And it’s true...it all is crystal clear afterwards. We learn what’s important.

Thank you Braddis. Such a wonderfully thoughtful and kind post.

Continued health to you and as the new year begins, the best to you. 

Turn it around.

Thank you for your kindness. You’ll do it. Lorazepam can be successfully tapered.

Many good buddies walked the path with me. I wish you recovered health.

Time and patience and support like BB.

The best to you in the new year. 

Much appreciation JKS...

I remember you. You’re helping many others now. It’s gratifying and helps the spirit to see so many buddies accomplish this tough life journey.

I’m not on BB these days. Family obligations keep me busy and doing all the things I had put on hold.

It’s great to hear from you! Thank you again for your part in my journey.