Will my insomnia end?

Will my insomnia end?  Will I heal?

 

Baylissa is deeply sorry that you continue to suffer and she asks you to not give up or give in to that voice that tells you that this is as good as it gets regarding sleep. Whatever you are experiencing that is related to withdrawal, including insomnia will go. She knows that the longer poor sleep goes on, the more difficult it is to believe this, but you must trust in the innate intelligence of your body and know that those unrelenting sleepless or little sleep nights will go in time.

 

Pre-existing insomnia?

 

If you had sleep problems prior to withdrawal that have worsened over the years, then it is best to seek medical attention for that. Remember too, that for those of you who are not healing as fast as you would like, that as we age, sleep issues sometimes naturally emerge. This is why diagnostics are so important. Don’t be afraid of functional doctors. You are already your own expert regarding withdrawal insomnia and it’s okay to be practical and proactive and get things checked out. Remember, too, that people also develop deficiencies, that with time, can become severe and so it is also important to have those checked out.

Please… Stop!

 

All of this being said, I think that anyone who has had sleep issues for less than 3 years should seriously consider how what you post on this forum (about never healing) affects those who are tapering or early on in their withdrawal, and those who are at higher risk of suicide. Please hold on because these types of posts are making people on the fence seriously consider giving up and taking their lives.

 

Think about it. You are still within the time-frame that others who were majorly sleep deprived have healed in. Yet you are adamant that you won’t get better and you declare this the fate of others. Please stop. I know that the withdrawal-induced fear and cognitive impairment can affect judgement, but you really need to stop, think about this sensibly, and ask why you would make such a premature but important decision about your health and the rest of your life. Come on man!

 

Benzos have been around since the 1950s. They can be immensely damaging and devastating. But if people did not heal, there would certainly be one or more permanently damaged groups online. There would be people off of these drugs for 15, 20, 30 years or longer, saying they never got better. No, instead there are very small groups of people who are well within the time-frame for healing from sleep issues. They are severely, but temporarily and reversibly damaged and they might be taking longer than others to heal. But they are still within the time, that others before them, who were severe insomniacs took to heal.

 

What you claim as your truth

 

Saying you will never heal or get your sleep back is a terrible thing to claim. But worse that that why tell those who are struggling, that they will never heal?  This is extremely irresponsible and inconsiderate. I urge you to please consider others when you utter such negative absolutes. Yes, you may be suffering from sleep issues longer than you would like, but why declare you will never heal? Don’t do it! As I said earlier, some people have always had major sleep issues and with time and some extra work, got enough sleep back to be functional. Give yourself more time and think about how your statements might trigger someone who is on the verge of giving up.

 

You WILL heal

 

You WILL heal. Please don’t lose heart. Over the years, many people challenged Baylissa for saying we all heal and will all get better. Some of them hated her because they felt her encouragement applied only to certain groups of people and that she was discounting their experiences. Some had reinstated, even several times, to taper off, some had cold-turkeyed, were poly-drugged, given ECT, you name it. Some wrote her attacking, hateful emails. Some posted comments that caused people in various recovery groups to seriously consider taking their lives. She doesn’t know if anyone actually did, but it really is concerning to see how they affect the most vulnerable. The irony is that those same people who terrified everyone else then healed and disappeared off the recovery forums. If this is your tendency, don’t do it. Please.

 

So, yes, based on what the more than 10,000 people Baylissa has supported over the past 13 years have experienced, she will continue to say we all do heal, and the longer she does this work, the more confidence and conviction she has when making this statement. If the time comes when someone she supports does not heal and goes beyond the time-frames in which she has seen others heal, she will stop. Until then, this is what she knows to be true… a fact her anecdotal evidence supports.

 

Vicarious distress

 

It is interesting that the same people who have said “we don’t all heal” end up getting their sleep back and then quietly leave the forum. I think it’s wrong to scare people this way. The good thing is, I know that if they (both the scarers and the scared) hold on, they will all heal. So far, I have been right.

 

No one is going to get me to join any bandwagon about permanent damage or people not healing. I truly believe, with all my heart that you will all heal in time and I encourage you to take the best care of yourself and live your best life, while you wait and allow the process to be completed. Do all you can regarding your health – what you eat, what you focus on, forgiveness, letting go, self-compassion, nurture yourself in every way – and then you keep going, until you make it to the finish line. In the meantime, please don’t listen to anyone who tells you nonsense about never healing. This is healing in action. This too is passing and when the timing is right for you, it shall surely pass.

 

Based on a blog from Baylissa.com

 

 

Once again,  thank you ThEway….very informative...  sleep is still a struggle for me....My moto is :  One day at a time....I did get my bloodwork done, and me being a female and 57 years old.... my hormones are out of whack....My doctor thinks I should go on Bio-Identical Progesterone ( My progesterone levels were almost 0).  I am afraid to take anything....but maybe this might help me sleep ,....I think I will try it for a month and see what happens.... any suggestions?

Hi Runnergirl,

 

I would be careful with progesterone...I was on another recovery site and some of the women on that site said it caused problems.  I guess the only way to find out if it will work is through trial and error?  Maybe try it for awhile and see what happens.

 

Sleep seems to take a long time for some to get back to "acceptable" levels.  I still wake up a lot most nights, but usually get 6-8 hours of sleep per night.  I feel great during the day so I don't worry about it.  I usually sleep between 8:30 pm and 4:30 am.  I am a morning person anyway so it works out well for me.  I am almost 28 months off. 

 

What is your sleep like now?  Are you getting enough to be functional?  It will even out...promise! 

 

Hi ThEwAy,  You are so re-assuring.

 

You Sound just like my husband,  he said give the progesterone a try for a short period,.....that is what I am going to do...and not take it every night....plus,  it is not cheap...

 

It seems as though my sleep is on and off and it still does not feel like real sleep...one night so so..... then the next night, little or no sleep..Some nights I do take a melatonin, especially on the nights when I have not slept....I just feel horrible the next day.  The encouragement you give is so positive and I need that.....and you promise that I will heal.....I like that....Smile  Smile..

I was on Klonopin and a anti-depressant for 7 years....for sleep issues.....so,  I am sure it is going to take a long time for me to get my sleep back to somewhat normal, I hope. I have seen other people on this site being on longer than that and they healed...so I am not losing hope. 

 

Thank you again ThEwAy......

 

Runnergirl,

 

You are very welcome.  I have only been on this forum for 2.5 years, but I have yet to see people not heal.  If you had preexisting insomnia, it will slowly improve as you develop coping skills and get your health back to the best it can be.  I took Benzos for sleep issues too.  I always thought you needed 8 hours each night or something bad would happen.  That's simply not true. 

 

Light, stage 1 sleep is pretty common.  I had a few of those nights this week.  I couldn't tell if I was awake or dreaming, but I seemed to notice both.  I felt fine in the morning when I woke up, lots of energy like a normal sleep...so I just brush it off and move on.  Aloha still has some waves at 3.5 years off and says he functions just fine during the day.  Coping skills are so critical.  In the past I would have freaked out and been up the rest of the night.  Now I don't give a rat's butt and I fall back to sleep 9 times out of 10.

 

Others have been on a lot longer than you and got their sleep and lives back.  You will too.  The only downfall is that it could take more time than we would like.  But as Baylissa says, she has yet to see anyone NOT heal in the time frames that others healed in and she is talking about 10,000 people.  So I know you will heal.  Keep doing what you're doing.  My sleep is still improving.  It's amazing what we can do.

 

Runnergirl,

 

TheWay is right about progesterone. It is a GABA-A allosteric modulator, like benzos. I don't know the exact strength, but it's on the list.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Category:GABAA_receptor_positive_allosteric_modulators&pagefrom=Hispidulin#mw-pages

 

It may interfere with healing, like other GABA active sedatives. Be careful.

Runnergirl, I was on Ativan for years, and didn’t sleep for more than 0-2 hours for a couple of years. Broken sleep came back gradually, in increments.

 

For the last few months I have suddenly begun to be able to sleep for 10-14 hours at a time, at first only during the day, which was tough because of work – used up almost all of my leave because I’d fall asleep at five or six in the morning.

 

Now I’m able to sleep at night and remain awake all day, but can actually nap if I want to. That’s a reset that was a long time in coming, but so worth it.

 

You’ll get there too, and it sounds as though you’re already headed in the right direction.

Runnergirl, I was on Ativan for years, and didn’t sleep for more than 0-2 hours for a couple of years. Broken sleep came back gradually, in increments.

 

For the last few months I have suddenly begun to be able to sleep for 10-14 hours at a time, at first only during the day, which was tough because of work – used up almost all of my leave because I’d fall asleep at five or six in the morning.

 

Now I’m able to sleep at night and remain awake all day, but can actually nap if I want to. That’s a reset that was a long time in coming, but so worth it.

 

You’ll get there too, and it sounds as though you’re already headed in the right direction.

 

Did you have to take anything for sleep in those 2 years on nonsleep or did you just let it come naturally? Any supplements or anything to help you sleep?

Runnergirl, I was on Ativan for years, and didn’t sleep for more than 0-2 hours for a couple of years. Broken sleep came back gradually, in increments.

 

For the last few months I have suddenly begun to be able to sleep for 10-14 hours at a time, at first only during the day, which was tough because of work – used up almost all of my leave because I’d fall asleep at five or six in the morning.

 

Now I’m able to sleep at night and remain awake all day, but can actually nap if I want to. That’s a reset that was a long time in coming, but so worth it.

 

You’ll get there too, and it sounds as though you’re already headed in the right direction.

 

Did you have to take anything for sleep in those 2 years on nonsleep or did you just let it come naturally? Any supplements or anything to help you sleep?

 

Nothing really worked more than once or twice. Even when I thought something was helping at the time, I realize that it’s more likely that the fluctuations had nothing to do with taurine, inositol, or anything else I ‘swore by’ at the time, because when I stopped taking everything, I was still on the exact same rollercoaster of weird sleep deprivation anyway.

 

Over the long haul, my brain seemed to just repair itself with the passage of time. I spent more than a thousand bucks on supplements, but I guess I should have saved my money.

 

Now that I can sleep almost at will again, I do it every chance I get, because two years of brutal sleep deprivation made me see it as one of the greatest joys in life, and now I wake up energized again.

 

No more waking up from a short, toxic doze, if I even got one, shaking with cortisol-y horror, terrified to face another useless day of fear, followed by an endless night of despair.

 

The reset, when it finally happens to you, will be a gift that you’ll never forget.

 

Theway,

 

Thank you for these posts providing excellent info and calling out the crud. It's easy to focus on the misery and not allow yourself to take in any of progress. Hope can feel scary to some but it's also a lifesaver. We ALL need to be aware of how we can affect others. I too strongly believe we all heal. For some of us it's a very long time, and aging and pre-existing conditions complicate this, but the benzo-harm heals.

 

MT

I am wondering will i do this the entire taper ... I have not slept more than 4 hours in 5 months and its not getting better, some nights I lie there and nothing happens it makes me so nervous.

I feel jittery on some nights just as my body feels like it might go to sleep then no just like that jittery and no sleep. I get so tired at 6pm and if I go past 7pm and not try to sleep i will not sleep at all. My family is so upset with me , they cant believe I would consider going to sleep at 6pm some nights but my body is so tired.

Tech21

 

How far along in your taper are you.  Maybe update your signature so everyone knows what you were on and how much?

 

I would sleep when you can get it.  If that means sleeping at 6 PM, then so be it.  You can get back to a "regular" sleep schedule after your taper is finished and you heal.

 

4 hours isn't too bad for sleep.  I never really got 4 hours very much after I jumped cold turkey.

 

You'll get your sleep back.

I would kill for 4 hours of sleep. If i try and sleep on my own without a pill i get almost zero sleep. Its been like this for quite a while now.

 

I think someone asked on here if your CNS healed while you are tapering. Does anyone know if it does or not?

 

 

I agree with TheWay, it's better if you just sleep when you get drowsy. I actually only go to bed when I am drowsy now. I've found if I am not nodding off and I try and go to sleep, it ends up backfiring, and then I may be awake all night. This has been what works for me, anyway, not sure of others. I also got really tired at 6pm and I really haven't switched my bedtime much, although I've tried to push it back. It's been tough, but I'm at around 8pm now. Unfortunately I wake up around 1am or 2 and that's it for the night

I would kill for 4 hours of sleep. If i try and sleep on my own without a pill i get almost zero sleep. Its been like this for quite a while now.

 

I think someone asked on here if your CNS healed while you are tapering. Does anyone know if it does or not?

 

Yes, some healing occurs during your taper.  How much is dependent on how slow you taper and how sensitive you are to Benzos and your own unique body chemistry, genes, etc.  But some healing does occur.  Some people almost completely healed during their taper, others not so much.  I am pretty sure Chessplayer almost or completely healed during his 1 year taper off of 10mg of Valium?