Please help diazepam problem

Have been taking diazepam 2mg on off from 15th a sept - 23rd Nov. When I say 2mg I mean I’d take one tablet maybe a few times a week, sometimes I’d take two tablets in one day and in the past few weeks as had extreme anxious times I’ve had maximum 8mg in one day but also just that week. In this timeline I’ve had approximately 70 x 2mg tablets, I’ll be confirming this with my doctor when I call up. The reason for my post is I am 10000% petrified to my very core!! The reason for me taking this drug is severe panic attacks which landed me in A&E, my panic attacks are from an extreme phobia of gagging/retching therefore vomiting. The kind doctor on the 15th Sept prescribed me 16 x 2mg tablets to take 1-2, 3 times a day. I didn’t do this, I only took one here and there when I needed it. I contacted my own GP when these ran out and he kindly gave me some more as I was in high anxiety and my young son was going for an operation I was certain I wouldn’t be able to get through those days without severe panic attacks. My point is, so sorry, that I’ve been given these tablets and advised that they could be addictive hence the small doses but I’ve called my GP who’s always refilled my script until last week when another doctor was on call and explained that the NHS are still paying for their mistake decades after diazepam came on the market. I then googled about this and have got myself into a panicking frenzy!! Not once was I told about withdrawal ONLY addiction. I am now beyond scared that I’m going to vomit, gag whatever in the coming days. Has anyone had a small dose like mine of 70 x 2mg tablets within a 10 week period, taken as and when needed and come off fine? I’m hurt that my doctor didn’t even mention withdrawal or tapering. Please help me. I know being sick, gagging might seem minute to most but please it is beyond terrifying for me. I’d rather die than experience it. This is why I’m Such a mess, after having two panic attacks resulting in gagging I’m now in constant fear of having a panic attack and gagging

Is this your first time on benzos?  They sre really only supposed to be prescribed short term nowadays, because of their obvious long term issues.

 

As for panic attacks, ive had many in the past, and was originally put on xanax because of that issue as well as my extreme fear of my palpitations.  So, i understand how you feel.  It's important, even vital for you to understand that a panic attack won't hurt you, nor will its symptoms.  Once you understand that, your fear of the symptoms themselves will diminish.

 

 

Hi thank you for your reply yes first time having Benzos. I’m not really one for medication due to my phobia and I only fear panic attacks because of my phobia. It’s a vicious cycle I don’t know what to do

Diazepam WILL help - But only at the time - Then you want more, gradually you get to the point where you cant live without it.

 

The fear you have is fear of fear. Im not a Doctor but I would recommend you discuss Cognitive Behaviour Therapy with your doctor regarding your fear of being sick.

 

 

The fear you have is being produced by your brain trying to recover from benzos. This is all very normal when someone stops taking benzos.

Fear originates in your brain. In one special part of your brain. Benso work by numbing that part of your brain. And when you go off benzos, that tiny part of your brain goes crazy for a while, producing a LOT of irrational fear.

Because I know a bit about your story, I am qualified to explain this to you. I know you have a built in fear of gagging. That is a bit unusual but given your history, easy to understand. Right now, that fear you had is being AMPLIFIED by withdrawal. In time, it will fade away to bearable. You will be back to square one,  normal for you. Everyone is like that ibn some way. Every human being has secrets, has childhood hurts, has things they do not like about themselves. We often cannot SEE ourselves clearly, and just ACT. And getting off benzos brings all of that crap out and makes you just feel terrible. Once you have healed from benzos, things will get much easier to deal with.

BIG HUG for you!

east