Jump to content

Constant thoughts about death.


[Ch...]

Recommended Posts

Does the constant thoughts about death go away I feel I’m hanging overboard the abyss knowing I’ve ruined my entire life.

 

Has anyone has this?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah, I have this -  it's become kinda old now but I know that I'm stuck with it until the constant chemical fear lets go. Maybe things will change in 2019, who knows...
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Does the constant thoughts about death go away I feel I’m hanging overboard the abyss knowing I’ve ruined my entire life.

 

Has anyone has this?

 

you are in early withdrawal. totally normal. Be kind and caring to yourself but when you notice its too much push yourself to distract.

Gets better and then it ends.. :thumbsup:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

[5c...]

I never thought much about my own death until after I jumped (Ativan), and then I began to completely obsess over it, with all sorts of horrifying imagery and sheer terror. I literally lived in a state of paralyzing fear, 24/7.

 

Not sure why, but this seems to happen to almost all of us.

 

It lasted for quite a while and then just disappeared. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with what everyone else has said. This is a normal response to WD. Getting off benzos is truly a challenge, and it brings up the most horrible fears. In time, those fears will diminish. But you have to just hang on for now.

 

Because your brain was affected, your mind was affected also. This is what causes all these scary thoughts to rise up in your head. You could choose to see these thoughts as a POSITIVE sign: your brain is starting to heal, and your mind is starting to function better again...causing odd thoughts to pop up.

 

Hang on tight. BWD can be a bumpy ride...but you WILL get through this.

east

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Watch NeuroScientist Caroline Leaf on how Positive Thinking actually HEALS the Brain and BODY.  She shows the activity in the brain when you think negative thoughts and how it affects the Brain and Body and shows the Positive thinking activity healing the body.  Check it out.

[nobbc]https://youtu.be/P9UtL9_2jZA?t=145[/nobbc]

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Watch NeuroScientist Caroline Leaf on how Positive Thinking actually HEALS the Brain and BODY.  She shows the activity in the brain when you think negative thoughts and how it affects the Brain and Body and shows the Positive thinking activity healing the body.  Check it out.

[nobbc]https://youtu.be/P9UtL9_2jZA?t=145[/nobbc]

 

Not a fan of that positive thinking. Because what we feel in withdrawal is real. Its real fear and its real fantasy we could die - and the brain fixes itself. To think positive always seemed as a lie to me, I am more pragmatic thinking "we never know it can be better next second"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She actually shows what the brain does when you think negatively, you can see it happening before your eyes.  Worth watching at the very least.  It's helping me for sure.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

She actually shows what the brain does when you think negatively, you can see it happening before your eyes.  Worth watching at the very least.  It's helping me for sure.

 

ok then I misunderstood..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Watch NeuroScientist Caroline Leaf on how Positive Thinking actually HEALS the Brain and BODY.  She shows the activity in the brain when you think negative thoughts and how it affects the Brain and Body and shows the Positive thinking activity healing the body.  Check it out.

https://youtu.be/P9UtL9_2jZA?t=145

It is claimed that she is not a doctor or a "neuroscientist", and does not have the qualifications to practice.  She works the Christian  religion into her practice, also.

 

http://www.debunkingdrleaf.com/qualifications/

 

http://www.debunkingdrleaf.com/why-we-re-here/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh man.

 

I watched the video. this is bullshit. A lady telling me my thoughts and the belief in jesus and god are influencing my brain chemically.

This is not a helpful source at all!

 

I even wonder if posting the link to that video several times is against the forum rules:

"..(..) please do not use this community to promote or proselytize a specific religious viewpoint."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Watch NeuroScientist Caroline Leaf on how Positive Thinking actually HEALS the Brain and BODY.  She shows the activity in the brain when you think negative thoughts and how it affects the Brain and Body and shows the Positive thinking activity healing the body.  Check it out.

[nobbc]https://youtu.be/P9UtL9_2jZA?t=145[/nobbc]

 

She actually shows what the brain does when you think negatively, you can see it happening before your eyes.  Worth watching at the very least.  It's helping me for sure.

 

Hello Hopeforrecovery-

 

I am glad that this video is helping you :thumbsup:

 

Because this video is of religious nature it is against forum rules to post this type of  media. This is due to the fact that we are a secular forum respectful to everyone’s belief systems.  Because of that we do not allow religious proselytizing on the forum.  We want everyone to feel comfortable here no matter what their religious preference.

 

Please familiarize yourself with forum Rules & Guidelines and please refrain from posting media of this nature in the future.

 

Thank-you!

 

Bella

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not a fan of that positive thinking. Because what we feel in withdrawal is real. Its real fear and its real fantasy we could die - and the brain fixes itself. To think positive always seemed as a lie to me, I am more pragmatic thinking "we never know it can be better next second"

 

I do agree with that, too. The whole "positive" vs "negative" causes a lot of tension in me and my mind, and then it becomes me chasing away the "negative" thoughts with the "positive" thoughts and it just becomes this one, big complicated mess and then all this battling of the thoughts causes intrusive thoughts upon introsive thoughts upon intrusive thoughts. Layer and layers and layers of benzo insanity.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not a fan of that positive thinking. Because what we feel in withdrawal is real. Its real fear and its real fantasy we could die - and the brain fixes itself. To think positive always seemed as a lie to me, I am more pragmatic thinking "we never know it can be better next second"

 

I do agree with that, too. The whole "positive" vs "negative" causes a lot of tension in me and my mind, and then it becomes me chasing away the "negative" thoughts with the "positive" thoughts and it just becomes this one, big complicated mess and then all this battling of the thoughts causes intrusive thoughts upon introsive thoughts upon intrusive thoughts. Layer and layers and layers of benzo insanity.

 

when we are in withdrawal - thats just my opinion - we are shown what real surviving means and terms like thinking positive or negative are just "human" expressions and nothing more. To really survive the contact to death and agony its not about words any more, it gets much deeper - its more feeling than thinking...

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I had this, but it cleared up once I started to improve. I was actually going around telling people it was likely I would die. Seemed pretty realistic at the time.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I AM a big fan of "faking it." Do some research on this. Faking that you feel better than you really do seems top re-train your brain in ways I don't understand. Yes, it means replacing negative thoughts or attitudes with more hopeful ones. Is this so wrong?? I don't think so. In BWD, we do tend to be overly negative. Perhaps because we are so frightened over what is happening to us. Who wouldn't be scared, having symptoms that can be so bizarre you associate them with serious mental illness?

 

First, you need a basic understanding of what is causing withdrawal symptoms.

Second, you need to learn some basic skills (NON drug) for dealing with unpleasant symptoms and sensations.

Third, it has been proved that "faking it" does help re-train your brain into feeling more grounded, more safe and more hopeful.

If you allow yourself to sort of wallow in your misery, I can predict you will have a more difficult withdrawal and may end up being sort of STUCK in feeling awful.

Written with much love for my fellow benzo people,

east

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I AM a big fan of "faking it." Do some research on this. Faking that you feel better than you really do seems top re-train your brain in ways I don't understand. Yes, it means replacing negative thoughts or attitudes with more hopeful ones. Is this so wrong?? I don't think so. In BWD, we do tend to be overly negative. Perhaps because we are so frightened over what is happening to us. Who wouldn't be scared, having symptoms that can be so bizarre you associate them with serious mental illness?

 

First, you need a basic understanding of what is causing withdrawal symptoms.

Second, you need to learn some basic skills (NON drug) for dealing with unpleasant symptoms and sensations.

Third, it has been proved that "faking it" does help re-train your brain into feeling more grounded, more safe and more hopeful.

If you allow yourself to sort of wallow in your misery, I can predict you will have a more difficult withdrawal and may end up being sort of STUCK in feeling awful.

Written with much love for my fellow benzo people,

east

 

What if you can’t recall what it feels... like how do you fake it?

Everything about the world has been altered.

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Watch NeuroScientist Caroline Leaf on how Positive Thinking actually HEALS the Brain and BODY.  She shows the activity in the brain when you think negative thoughts and how it affects the Brain and Body and shows the Positive thinking activity healing the body.  Check it out.

[nobbc]https://youtu.be/P9UtL9_2jZA?t=145[/nobbc]

 

I'm listening to her on audible right now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No matter how far gone you are, you CAN remember how you felt before all this. You have to cling to that, and start faking it.

Positive thinking does work. Many studies have proved this. Positive thinking is just another term for faking it. FAKE IT til you MAKE it. This does help. A lot. It takes time to learn how to do this. It does not come naturally, especially to a brain that is trying to heal from benzos. But it most certainly can be done.

 

What I did is this: At first, every time a sad or negative thought came into my mind, I tried to tell myself the exact opposite of this thought. This felt really silly for a long time but I kept at it. Over time it became easier to subsitute positive thoughts for negative ones. Doing this required some effort on my part, and when you are miserable with WD symptoms, anything that gets your mind OFF symptoms is a good thing. I think I would have done anything just to feel "normal."

 

Over time, thinking more positively became a habit and not a faked thing.

 

"Everything about the world has been altered" is a wonderful description of BWD. Nothing looks normal or feels right to you now,. This is very, very, scary. You do nopt know if you will get better, and you wonder if these changes are permanent. This is a very common feeling for people ion BWD.

 

BWD is NOT permanent. It does end, you DO heal. For some people it just takes longer than you expected. But if you stick with it, eventually you will be your old self, and perhaps a lot ghealthier than you were on benzos.

east

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No matter how far gone you are, you CAN remember how you felt before all this. You have to cling to that, and start faking it.

Positive thinking does work. Many studies have proved this. Positive thinking is just another term for faking it. FAKE IT til you MAKE it. This does help. A lot. It takes time to learn how to do this. It does not come naturally, especially to a brain that is trying to heal from benzos. But it most certainly can be done.

 

What I did is this: At first, every time a sad or negative thought came into my mind, I tried to tell myself the exact opposite of this thought. This felt really silly for a long time but I kept at it. Over time it became easier to subsitute positive thoughts for negative ones. Doing this required some effort on my part, and when you are miserable with WD symptoms, anything that gets your mind OFF symptoms is a good thing. I think I would have done anything just to feel "normal."

 

Over time, thinking more positively became a habit and not a faked thing.

 

"Everything about the world has been altered" is a wonderful description of BWD. Nothing looks normal or feels right to you now,. This is very, very, scary. You do nopt know if you will get better, and you wonder if these changes are permanent. This is a very common feeling for people ion BWD.

 

BWD is NOT permanent. It does end, you DO heal. For some people it just takes longer than you expected. But if you stick with it, eventually you will be your old self, and perhaps a lot ghealthier than you were on benzos.

east

 

 

Thank you east. I read a lot of your posts and this means a lot to me. Brought tears to my eyes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

[98...]

I havent read every post on this thread, but man is my imagination going against me through this.

im paranoid of heart attacks all the time cause i always feel my heart beating, and my heart rate is alil quicker than a healthy persons should be, and i get palpitations sometimes, and in my mind, its the beginning of the end. I think how even if i make it a full life theres not much time now that im 47, and i ponder if ill get through this with my health intact, and i think of existence and eternity and ugh. my mind goes to some very scary places, and i freak to every little twinge in my chest or body.

 

i feel so fragile, its cruel because my whole intent 5 years ago when I went sober from alcohol and got in the gym, was to leave these sort of thoughts behind, which i was doing, i was doing so well until benzo tolerance started to settle in, and as my body went downhill with all the adrenaline surges and dizziness and all stopping me in my tracks, my mind started to dip down into dark places. it was so discouraging, i was being more mature and healthy than i had ever bene becasue i was exhausted of being anxious and miserable, and then benzo withdrawal said, nope, youre about to get yanked down into a darkness unlike youve ever experienced. i was already tired of those sort of thought patterns before i even had the withdrawal ordeal.

 

and then it got REALLY bad, like why all of us are here.

 

i pray that ill have some years or some time where im not constantly pondering my existence and how much is left, etc. i mean, its a part of life as i passed through my midlife crisis years, but it just hangs over me 24/7, its a horrible, morbid way to live, very scary and not really conducive to healing. very hard to shake these thoughts.

 

sorry for the dark post, (i gotta try to not use as many negative words both here and in my real life) but its the truth of my existence through this awful ordeal. its funny, even when im whining here, which ive done a lot the last few months as my stamina for this is shot, i still dont even barely comment on the darkest or scariest stuff ive experienced cause i dont wana trigger anyone, ive got an extensive imagination and some of the things ive thought....eesh...scary.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What if you can’t recall what it feels... like how do you fake it?

...

 

I was just skimming through here & wasn’t going to comment but this post really resonated with me.

This journey feels so alone at times.

 

When I was a young worker, before marriage, kids, benzos, commitments (aside from working...), I had to figure out my job - and it was really hard.  I remember one night, I was completely overwhelmed & trying to pull myself together... one of my co-workers, much more senior to me, sat down and asked how she could help.

 

I asked her how she kept herself together when the *hit was hitting the fan. (because I certainly wasn’t)

 

She said, “I stand up, smile and fake it.  If you do it enough, everyone thinks it’s who you are. Eventually the storm stops and then I can melt down.”

 

I started paying attention to her and trying to copy her - how she handled annoyances, strange people, serious stuff ... from the outside, she looked like one of those people who could handle anything with grace.  Really seeing her, I could tell when she was faking it ... (but I wouldn’t have known if she hadn’t shared that with me.)

 

So, I did my best to emulate her.

I totally faked it.

And it worked.

It didn’t make my job any less stressful, but it changed my attitude about my job - and in many ways, it made my job much easier.

 

—————

 

So relating this tool to benzos ... there were so many days where the darkness was just so overwhelming. Some days, I just needed the rest, so I rested.  But the world didn’t stop because I was in a doom-gloom place.

 

I did my best to “channel” my old faking friend ... I washed my hair, got dressed, put on my make-up, and did one thing.  I let myself be gloomy & paranoid in private but plastered on a smile and faked every interaction - If my one thing was via a phone call, I smiled while I was talking and did my best to be the positive force in the call.

 

And being positive almost always returned positive. 

 

I’d force myself to smile at someone in the grocery store, (inwardly feeling like the walls were falling on me), and 98% of the time someone would smile back.  And would you know, those returned smiles did make me feel a little better ...

 

You don’t have to feel it to fake it.

But it’s remarkable that faking it can bring back some of the feeling.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...