No desire to do anything

I have no desire to do anything, no ambition, going insane. I slipped into a dark depression because of this anxiety I don’t comb my hair nor do I eat I sleep all day and stay up all night. I feel no joy. I just feel like a dissociative mess. How can I get some motivation. I just feel trapped in an endless cycle of ambition and when I wake up all of it goes away. It’s terrifying. What little things can I do to improve my mood and depression?

Personal schedule is really important for me and the feeling that I have the ability to make the choices I want to make.  I've been exercising a lot lately and it helps with so many other things - schedule, insomnia, food choices, choice to get out of bed, and especially motivation, depression and anxiety.  I had to force myself when going through the worst and some days I went backwards but now I exercise how I want so it's enjoyable - walk outside a lot and listen to podcasts, audiobooks, and music - as I long as I'm moving.  It's spiraling up from there and I'm able to tolerate less enjoyable activities (short sessions of lifting weights) that I think will be really helpful in achieving better health.  Start very very small, give yourself the time, and make sure it's enjoyable (or once was in the past and may be again) are my suggestions.  I hope you start feeling better soon and things start turning around a little at least. All the best.

 

Edit:  I really should add that I think the activity should be known to counter depression - talking to someone, exercising, engaging in a hobby, etc.

Sunshine, I have lost a lot of my hobbies because of this ordeal. I was writing songs last year and playing music with a group of guys. I haven't written a song since last fall.

 

When I try to play with my daughter, I am basically lifeless and just go through the motions. It's really sad to me. We had her second birthday yesterday, and I faked it just like I do at work every day.

 

I find the more I lay in bed the worst I feel, yet I just don't want to get out of bed at all. I basically force myself to and try to go through the motions, but I don't find enjoyment in much of anything. I force myself to go to work and do things with my family afterward. There is a lot of crying in all this too, but I force myself to just do things like go to the store, go to events, and what not. 

 

The only thing that has made me laugh throughout this is watching old episodes of Impractical Jokers. It's basically all I can do at bedtime. It definitely helps to laugh, if possible.

 

I am sorry you are struggling. Depression is by far my worst symptom too since quitting Klonopin in March. Never thought it would stick around this long.

Sunshine, I have lost a lot of my hobbies because of this ordeal. I was writing songs last year and playing music with a group of guys. I haven't written a song since last fall.

 

When I try to play with my daughter, I am basically lifeless and just go through the motions. It's really sad to me. We had her second birthday yesterday, and I faked it just like I do at work every day.

 

I find the more I lay in bed the worst I feel, yet I just don't want to get out of bed at all. I basically force myself to and try to go through the motions, but I don't find enjoyment in much of anything. I force myself to go to work and do things with my family afterward. There is a lot of crying in all this too, but I force myself to just do things like go to the store, go to events, and what not. 

 

The only thing that has made me laugh throughout this is watching old episodes of Impractical Jokers. It's basically all I can do at bedtime. It definitely helps to laugh, if possible.

 

I am sorry you are struggling. Depression is by far my worst symptom too since quitting Klonopin in March. Never thought it would stick around this long.

 

Hey boombox I feel the same way! I feel like a terrible mother playing with my son I feel nothing like it’s the emptiest feeling I’ve ever felt in my life! And same I watch impractical jokers at like 3am and I still feel nothing. I’d rather feel intense depression then anxiety, this is all so much to handle. I pray that we get through this.

Hey boombox I feel the same way! I feel like a terrible mother playing with my son I feel nothing like it’s the emptiest feeling I’ve ever felt in my life! And same I watch impractical jokers at like 3am and I still feel nothing. I’d rather feel intense depression then anxiety, this is all so much to handle. I pray that we get through this.

 

This hits the nail on the head, and I'm talking as someone who had depression which was so severe that I ended up in the hospital - they were hardly good times but, given the chance, I'd happily trade this relentless fear and anxiety for my former severe depression. I hope that 2019 brings us some relief from this torment...I mean, nobody deserves to suffer like we do 

%#@$#! awful it is, I understand.  And it's nothing to do with willpower or attitude.  Nobody would choose this.

P.S.  However, speaking for myself, I would describe it more as the inability to function as one would like to if they felt better.  The desire may be there, the brain and/or rest of one's body physiologically cooperating is not.  The desire to do things has always been there for me.

I think you're correct her, RX. I still want to play guitar and I still want to watch a movie or hang out with my friends, but my brain, on a physiological level won't allow me to do it yet. I can acknowledge that I want my life and interests back, but my mind just won't let me have it.

I think you're correct her, RX. I still want to play guitar and I still want to watch a movie or hang out with my friends, but my brain, on a physiological level won't allow me to do it yet. I can acknowledge that I want my life and interests back, but my mind just won't let me have it.

 

I can so relate, boomboxboy. 

If you quit antidepressants in the past weeks or months this happens to me. Also when I take downers for too many days in a row.

I think you're correct her, RX. I still want to play guitar and I still want to watch a movie or hang out with my friends, but my brain, on a physiological level won't allow me to do it yet. I can acknowledge that I want my life and interests back, but my mind just won't let me have it.

 

I'm having the exact same problem. I'm also a musician, been a guitarist my whole life. The weird thing though is when the guys come for rehearsal on Fridays, It might take a couple songs but I eventually start to feel like myself. This is the only time this happens except for when we play out. I'll sit there like a zombie after setting up, feeling like the bottom of my shoe (that's what it feels like to me). But when it's time to play, I come alive. What I think might be happening is I have to stay in the moment to play and keep up with the band and my brain switches over to a different pathway that was ingrained from years of playing professionally. And, when we are done either rehearsing or playing out the feeling of being myself stays with me for the rest of the night and I feel great, planning all kinds of stuff to do like I used to. But...when I wake up in the morning, it's back to the crazy brain and deep despairing thoughts. I try to play alone or with a song to learn but can only handle it for about 10 minutes and have to stop.

 

I wake up different almost every morning. Sometimes when I think it can't possibly get any worse, BAM it sure seems to get worse. I lay there after waking at 3:00 am with thoughts of why can't I feel anything or have any joy or feel good ever! I'm learning that thoughts and feeling are not reality, and I shoud just let them be. But no one should have to go through this ordeal of waking up and immediately getting slammed with feeling like you're stuck in hell.

 

I just became a grandpa for the first time and I'm having a hard time feeling connected to him at all or like I should if was well. I still get up and go to work every morning but I'm like a zombie and can hardly function, it's the same at home. I used to love my weekends, not so much now for some reason.

 

I also keep debating whether I should try another AD. I tried Zoloft and it made me way worse due the startup anxiety. I was doing better before starting it.  was doing things and getting some enjoyment helping my son with his new house. Only had minor anxiety and occasional dark days. I was also tapering down to .5 Klonolpin so I was still on that too but was going through tolerance withdrawal the whole taper and never really stabilized, I thought that was bad. I'v been struggling with lack of interest, lost self and feeling any enjoyment for over a year. This sucks!

I think you're correct her, RX. I still want to play guitar and I still want to watch a movie or hang out with my friends, but my brain, on a physiological level won't allow me to do it yet. I can acknowledge that I want my life and interests back, but my mind just won't let me have it.

 

I'm having the exact same problem. I'm also a musician, been a guitarist my whole life. The weird thing though is when the guys come for rehearsal on Fridays, It might take a couple songs but I eventually start to feel like myself. This is the only time this happens except for when we play out. I'll sit there like a zombie after setting up, feeling like the bottom of my shoe (that's what it feels like to me). But when it's time to play, I come alive. What I think might be happening is I have to stay in the moment to play and keep up with the band and my brain switches over to a different pathway that was ingrained from years of playing professionally. And, when we are done either rehearsing or playing out the feeling of being myself stays with me for the rest of the night and I feel great, planning all kinds of stuff to do like I used to. But...when I wake up in the morning, it's back to the crazy brain and deep despairing thoughts. I try to play alone or with a song to learn but can only handle it for about 10 minutes and have to stop.

 

I wake up different almost every morning. Sometimes when I think it can't possibly get any worse, BAM it sure seems to get worse. I lay there after waking at 3:00 am with thoughts of why can't I feel anything or have any joy or feel good ever! I'm learning that thoughts and feeling are not reality, and I shoud just let them be. But no one should have to go through this ordeal of waking up and immediately getting slammed with feeling like you're stuck in hell.

 

I just became a grandpa for the first time and I'm having a hard time feeling connected to him at all or like I should if was well. I still get up and go to work every morning but I'm like a zombie and can hardly function, it's the same at home. I used to love my weekends, not so much now for some reason.

 

I also keep debating whether I should try another AD. I tried Zoloft and it made me way worse due the startup anxiety. I was doing better before starting it.  was doing things and getting some enjoyment helping my son with his new house. Only had minor anxiety and occasional dark days. I was also tapering down to .5 Klonolpin so I was still on that too but was going through tolerance withdrawal the whole taper and never really stabilized, I thought that was bad. I'v been struggling with lack of interest, lost self and feeling any enjoyment for over a year. This sucks!

 

Sucks indeed.