Why Can't I sleep? What the heck is Going on?

If you are relatively new to Benzo Buddies and/or the Insomnia Forum, I would like to take this opportunity to spell out a few things that could save you some "pain" down the road.

 

1)  Benzo induced WD insomnia is similar to having a traumatic brain injury caused by a car accident.  The big difference is that your Benzo induced "brain injury" will heal and repair itself over time.

2)  Benzos down regulate your Gaba receptors.  Gaba is what slows things down, makes you calm and relaxed.  Glutamate is what makes you active and alert.  Both work at the same time.  However, your chemically "damaged" brain causes Gaba to not work properly.  So Glutamate takes over. That's why you are TIRED, but WIRED at the same time.  For a much better explanation, read this great post by Parker:  http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=66397.0

3) Your Sleep "Switch" is temporarily broken.  It will repair and heal itself, but it takes TIME.  Nothing but Time and prayer will help.  Other non-Benzo drugs could help you to sleep during your WD.  You have to decide if they will work and if it is worth the risk of possibly having another WD to deal with from that drug?

4) Nothing short of another Rx drug will help you to get any sleep early on in your Benzo WD.  Some natural or OTC options may work for some people?  Sometimes OTC and Natural supplements may stop working for you?  Best to only take them a few times per week if they do work for you.  However, most "natural" supplements and oils can safely be used every night for most people.  Keep in mind that many natural herbs and sleep remedies interact with your already damaged Gaba and may ramp up your symptoms.  There is an excellent section on this forum that addresses this.

5) You are NOT permanently broken and will heal over time.  Don't expect to put a time line on how long it will take for your sleep or symptoms to improve.  Doing this will most likely only make things worse and get your frustrated.  The dose you took and for how long does not translate into how long your symptoms/insomnia will last.

6) 99.9% of the time you don't have some other underlying medical condition that is causing your insomnia or other symptoms.  It is all Benzo WD related.

7) Your WD is UNIQUE to you.  A lot of the symptoms are universal along with the insomnia, but it typically plays out for you differently than for other people.  So if one person starts sleeping again by month 12, that doesn't mean you will.  It could take longer or it could take less time.  Don't try to make another person's withdrawal experience your experience...good or bad.

You will go through periods of good sleep and reduced symptoms...WINDOWS....only to be followed by crappy or no sleep and increased symptoms...WAVES.

9) Symptoms and sleep WAX (increase) and WANE (decrease) as you progress through WD.  It is very NONLINEAR and VERY UP and DOWN for some time for most.  Symptoms could disappear for some time only to REAPPEAR later on in your WD.  New symptoms you never had could appear out of the blue at any point during your WD.

10) Almost all of the time, 99% or more, there is no other medical condition for your symptoms/insomnia?  Emergency Rooms are for stabilizing care, not for people with sleep/withdrawal symptoms.  Most doctors are clueless about Benzo withdrawal and the related symptoms/sleep issues.  Be careful as almost all of them will want to put you on more drugs.

11)  Try to avoid catastrophizing...it will make your symptoms and sleep worse.  Focus on what you can control, not what you cannot control.  Don't beat yourself up for taking Benzos, it's too late for that now.  For those that jumped cold turkey, don't wish you had done a long taper.  Even people that taper can have lengthy symptom filled withdrawals.  There are no guarantees.  Expect the unexpected during withdrawal.

12)  Everyone will heal and get their SLEEP and LIFE back.  TRUST the process.  Stop Googling INSOMNIA SITES.  Stop FIXATING and WORRYING about SLEEP.  You can't add a SINGLE MINUTE by WORRYING or FREAKING out.  TIME will heal you.  YOU WILL HEAL.

13) If you had insomnia prior to benzos, then your baseline insomnia will most likely still be there to some degree after you heal.  However, you will be in a position to deal with it so much better having gone through a painful, traumatic withdrawal and healing.  Many people that did not have withdrawal insomnia (or insomnia caused by coming off Benzos or other Rx drugs) "cured" their insomnia by not caring if they slept or not.  There is always hope!

14) You don't have to wait until all of your symptoms are completely gone before you consider yourself healed.  Recovery can be measured by an attitude shift that allows you to move on and stop defining your existence by your withdrawal experience.

 

Here is a much more detailed explanation from Parker.  Definitely worth taking the time to read this!

 

I had NO idea I would ever personally undergo a brain injury.  But insomuch as I have now indeed endured one, I often laid there in waves and attempted to "analyze and decipher" what was happening in my brain as I healed. I thought you all might like to read this. It gives potential answers to all the "WHY?" questions we have about what is happening to us mentally.

 

First of all, a TRUTH to accept is that WE HEAL.  I have seen people emerge from comas who cannot remember who they are - HEAL.

They can't remember how to walk (we do).

They can't write their names (we can).

They cannot tell you the year or the president (I was SO bad I was unsure of this at times, but generally, I was oriented to this).

They often cannot remember family members (we can -our D/R can be hideous, but we remember them).

THEY have to work through many hours of therapy to heal. But most of them do - and from TRAUMATIC PHYSICAL brain trauma that can tear tissue and tear nerves.

We have none of that. We don't have to undergo therapy. We simply have to wait.

 

Most of us, me included, didn't expect the temporary "brain injury" we got when jumping off benzos.

But I am starting to realize through my own experience and my educational background, that there is a PURPOSE in every symptom we have.  I have had months and months to analyze what is likely going on in the brain at a gross level - and I want to attempt to explain certain symptoms in a way that we can visualize - so that they are less "scary" and more "telling" of the healing that is happening.

 

First off - let's start with GABA and Glutamate. Most of you may know how this works by this point. But for those that don't, we have a huge nervous system of millions of nerves (neurons).  They don't "touch" each other. They are separated by a tiny space in between. However, they communicate via chemicals. The 2 MAIN chemicals in the entire nervous system are the BIG GUNS.  They are GABA and Glutamate. They are BOTH at work at ALL times in the CNS.  It isn't like one is working and then the other is working. They are BOTH ALWAYS working in tandem to control every aspect of movement, sensation  - everything. They take the incoming information and appropriately pass it along - they "trim up" the information appropriately so that we can process it.  They are like the steel structure of a building.  The entire building needs a steel structure to stand.

 

GABA is inhibitory.  If a nerve releases GABA - it is to Inhibit function - this could be to "slow it down" or it could be to "limit the sensory input" so that we can process it.  In the same way, GABA might be released to help "steady" your hand while doing something like painting a very detailed painting.  GABA "shores up" movements to make them more fluid.  That's just in a nutshell. Of COURSE it does a lot more than this, but the idea is that GABA is present in the ENTIRE CNS and ALWAYS working to balance every sensation, movement, etc.

 

Likewise, Glutamate is the balance to GABA. It is the "excitatory" transmitter. It fires to speed things up - to initiate action - to make things "go".  There's a lot more to it, but Glutamate is kinda the opposite of GABA. 

 

BOTH are required to work at all times.  Neurons are ALL ALWAYS firing off GABA and Glutamate on a endless cycle all throughout the nervous system. It's quite amazing really.

 

What does a benzo do?  If a person is anxious - they may be so stressed that they cannot overcome a very traumatic event or anxious situation.  If a doctor prescribes a benzo - the benzo comes in and sorta "holds the door open" for ALL the GABA in the system to FLOOD into the nerves - even when that is not what the nerves would actually want to occur. The immediate effect is that EVERYTHING in the body SLOWS DOWN and is inhibited. This might be helpful during surgery, for anesthesia, for a seizure disorder.  Yes - the benzo - by definition - will act on GABA and "slow everything down".  And yes - the net effect of this is that a person may feel drowsy, calm, less anxious... everything is being inhibited.    And in general, taking a benzo for "one day"  is okay. When the benzo is gone, the body just reverts back to regular operation.

 

HOWEVER, if a person takes a benzo day after day,  while indeed the person feels less anxious, the body begins to realize that it cannot DO the things it needs to do in this very slowed-down neuron state. It cannot make hormones. It cannot create enzymes. It cannot digest correctly. It cannot keep a heart going efficiently. It cannot get enough oxygen- and on and on. The body NEEDS to run at "normal" speed - not this "inhibited speed" all slowed down.

 

But what can the body do? It cannot "remove the benzo" from the system. The only choice the body has to maintain a regular speed is to do two things ..  It can TURN OFF it's own GABA receptors - thereby rendering those benzos unable to affect the GABA in the system. And it can grow MORE excitatory Glutamate receptors to counteract the slow-down.  And that's kinda exactly what happens....

 

Only - this isn't true balance either.  The body does the best it can - but over time, things begin to suffer.  The body cannot make enough serotonin in this state. Or dopamine. Some things get made in excess - and other things do not get made enough!  During this time, a person may not be aware this is all going on. He may not be able to perceive any difference. But ONE day - the person may wake up sad - or not sleeping well - or unable to remember things fully - or his vision doesn't look right....and it becomes apparent the person has "hit tolerance".  The body is taking the same amount of drug -but try as it might, it just cannot overcome what has occurred. It can take weeks, months or years to hit tolerance. Some people do and some don't before trying to get off benzos.  (I did. - it took me 9 months to hit tolerance.  But it was fast.  Once I hit it, I could not sleep more than 6 hours on all that klonopin AND Ambien! I couldn't remember things last week. I was crying all the time... something was wrong.)

 

The process to reverse this takes a while.  GABA receptors have to UPregulate and effectively "reopen" or "grow back".  Glutamate receptors must DOWNregulate, or effectively "turn off" or "prune back".  And IN this mix, all the smaller monoamines (neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine) must somehow find a way to synthesize in the mix.  Through weeks and months the body is rebuilding millions of neurons, and changing pathways, rebuilding GABA, downregulating Glutamate, rebuilding serotonin, rebuilding dopamine, rebuilding norepinephrine.  And ALL the enzymes and hormones that need to be made are attempting to be made while this is going on.  Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are trying to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

 

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were trying to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and trying to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while life is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made.

 

And just like the Twin Towers- it's possible - but the building is a major effort -and it takes a good year or two or more sometimes.

(Now look at the new Tower that stands at Ground Zero!  It's taller, stronger, and a symbol of freedom.  JUST like you will be!  )

 

ThEwAy2, I think one of the challenges for some of us is that insomnia was the initial condition that brought us to Benzos. One of the struggles I have is trying to differentiate between WD-induced insomnia versus just the baseline pre-benzo insomnia I had to begin with.

 

When my insomnia recently worsened after being steady throughout my taper, I do question whether it's just the underlying condition getting worse or was it truly WD-induced? If it's the underlying condition, it may require a tightening of some of the classic CBT strategies (sleep restriction, stimulus control, etc.). But if it's mostly due to withdrawal, then some of the behavioral strategies don't necessarily work and one just laps up sleep and rest however he or she can get it, even if it means lying awake in bed.

 

One set of strategies that I think works either way are the cognitive ones you refer to: Acceptance, not caring if one sleeps, don't let it define you, etc. I think those words of wisdom transcend the cause and effect question.

 

 

Good point.  If your baseline was jacked up before going on Benzos, it will most likely still be jacked up after you heal.  However, going through withdrawal puts you in a position to deal with your baseline issues way better than you did in the past.  If you can make it through withdrawal, you can most likely deal with your baseline issues?

 

Maybe it's best not to try to figure out how much is withdrawal and how much is baseline?  It really doesn't matter as you have to deal with the insomnia anyway.  I have heard of lots of people with baseline insomnia (not caused by withdrawal from an Rx drug) "cure" it, but just not caring if they sleep or not.

 

CBT and other methods to regain sleep work for most after withdrawal ends.

 

Good luck.

thats what I said, I was Having insomnia BEFORE BENZOS so getting off them likely my sleep will NOT IMPROVE! Yet he thinks everyone heals...

 

Most likley I am Cured from the Benzo by now and Im back to my Pre Benzo Insomnia shit

thats what I said, I was Having insomnia BEFORE BENZOS so getting off them likely my sleep will NOT IMPROVE! Yet he thinks everyone heals...

 

Most likley I am Cured from the Benzo by now and Im back to my Pre Benzo Insomnia shit

 

Mark, I don’t think anyone is claiming that getting off of benzos cures anyone of pre-existing conditions.

 

If you’re back to the way you were before benzos, then you’re healed from the benzos, technically speaking.

 

There are other ways to alleviate insomnia, so it’s worth looking into that, and leaving the benzo stuff behind now, right?

Never had sleep problems this bad before benzos and these pills disrupted my circadian rhythm big time. So even without a pre existing condition it’s one of my major sx.

I just can’t relax at bedtime anymore. Nap is out of the question. When I wake up I don’t know if I slept 10 mins or 3 hours, dreams/nightmare are straight up from a Stephen King novel and that lack of good sleep intensify my dp/dr. I never took a pill or supplement for sleep before all this...

I think pre existing conditions or not it’s difficult to predict how W/D will affect your CNS, we have to deal with each sxs the best we can.

Thank you ThEwAy2 - very informative and helpful.  I am struggling with the ridiculously lucid and scary dreams that come with the waves and leave me questioning aspects of my life... I hope that goes away for good when my healing is completely done.  It is not a small issue as it makes me want to NOT sleep and when I do suffer through these nights - my face shows how much it has drained me.  Just awful but I guess it is part of this process. But WHERE does my brain even get these ideas?! Just crazy.

thats what I said, I was Having insomnia BEFORE BENZOS so getting off them likely my sleep will NOT IMPROVE! Yet he thinks everyone heals...

 

Most likley I am Cured from the Benzo by now and Im back to my Pre Benzo Insomnia shit

 

Mark everyone heals from the Benzo damage.  They don't necessarily heal from preexisting conditions.  You still have classic withdrawal symptoms with muscle twitching, etc.  So I doubt you are healed completely from the Benzos?  I took Benzos for insomnia, and my insomnia is 100% better now than it was before I took them.  Why?  Because I stopped caring if I slept or not and that helped tremendously.  That's how people that have regular old insomnia, not caused from Benzos, cure or get past their insomnia.  I got 8 hours last night without taking anything...

 

When I say everyone heals, it doesn't mean their baseline conditions heal too and they go back to "normal" although that is possible for a few.  Most still have to deal with whatever caused them to go on Benzos in the first place.  Try CBT, meditation, sleep restriction, hypnosis, relaxing music, binaural beats, something.  Just stop trying to blame the people that say you will heal for your lousy sleep. 

 

Not understanding why you are practically "cheering" yourself on that you won't heal.  That's like being happy when the doctor tells you that your cancer has returned.  Doesn't make any sense to me at all.  Why do you want to believe and "hope" that you are permanently damaged, won't heal and will have terrible insomnia the rest of your life?  Just to prove your point? 

thats what I said, I was Having insomnia BEFORE BENZOS so getting off them likely my sleep will NOT IMPROVE! Yet he thinks everyone heals...

 

Most likley I am Cured from the Benzo by now and Im back to my Pre Benzo Insomnia shit

 

Mark everyone heals from the Benzo damage.  They don't necessarily heal from preexisting conditions.  You still have classic withdrawal symptoms with muscle twitching, etc.  So I doubt you are healed completely from the Benzos?  I took Benzos for insomnia, and my insomnia is 100% better now than it was before I took them.  Why?  Because I stopped caring if I slept or not and that helped tremendously.  That's how people that have regular old insomnia, not caused from Benzos, cure or get past their insomnia.  I got 8 hours last night without taking anything...

 

When I say everyone heals, it doesn't mean their baseline conditions heal too and they go back to "normal" although that is possible for a few.  Most still have to deal with whatever caused them to go on Benzos in the first place.  Try CBT, meditation, sleep restriction, hypnosis, relaxing music, binaural beats, something.  Just stop trying to blame the people that say you will heal for your lousy sleep. 

 

Not understanding why you are practically "cheering" yourself on that you won't heal.  That's like being happy when the doctor tells you that your cancer has returned.  Doesn't make any sense to me at all.  Why you want to believe and "hope" that you are permanently damaged, won't heal and will have terrible insomnia the rest of your life?  Just to prove your point?

 

As I said before, Withdrawl is OVER......I am now back to Pre Benzo shitty Poor or no sleep again.....the Benzo shit is over...Now Im back to 4 years ago when all this shit started for no reason so no its not gunna get better, 4 years of hell will continue till I die

You don't know that withdrawal is over.  You were just saying you had Fasciculations a week or two back.  Believe what you want.

 

I thought withdrawal was over for me too and then got hit by a month long wave at 18 months out. 

Mark,

There is a really good "Vent Here" thread in the Off-Topic section of BB that you might want to post on. You don't seem to want advice or to change your thinking so I'm not sure why you are sticking around on this thread. If you just want sympathy, you got it. I really do feel bad that you are going through such a hard time.

I concur with Aloha, maybe find a place to vent. That's pretty much all you do anyway.

 

There has to be an underlying reason for a sudden onset of insomnia 4 years ago?  A functional doctor could help find the underlying cause and treat it without Rx drugs.

 

Looking for another "safer" drug to take care of your insomnia is a dead end road. There is nothing out there that won't stop working over time.  ALL drugs have side effects and many carry the possibility of a lengthy withdrawal.

 

Learning to be healthy and learning how to cope and deal with your insomnia are much better approaches than drugs and work well for most.

 

Some people take years to get their sleep back to functional levels after a few years of Benzos.

 

If you're so sure your withdrawal is over, then maybe try to help others still struggling and still in withdrawal on this forum.  There is "healing" in helping others. 

 

 

"If you're so sure your withdrawal is over, then maybe try to help others still struggling and still in withdrawal on this forum.  There is "healing" in helping others.  " ThEwAy2 just nailed it!! So true. 

 

 

Leslie, I agree. completely. Helping other IS a form of therapy for BWD. This is part of "faking it". We may not be TOTALLY healed, but we try to help others des[pite any remaining symptoms. The very act of helping someone else IS a healing tool.

east'[

@[Ma...]

 

Look at Eastcoast62s Signature.  She took a lot of Benzos for a long time and got enough sleep back to function and enjoy life.

 

Klonapin 6 mg/night for 12 years.

Ambien 10-20 mg at bedtime for 12 years.

Zoloft and Nefazadone for 12 years (ADs)

Before being prescribed this lovely "cocktail," I self-medicated with sleeping pills and benzos for many years. Quit alcohol several years ago - no problem.

July  2012: Forced to abruptly stop Klonapin by doctor. Floxed twice with Levaquin July 2012.  Tapered ADs + Ambien on my own.

"If you're so sure your withdrawal is over, then maybe try to help others still struggling and still in withdrawal on this forum.  There is "healing" in helping others.  " ThEwAy2 just nailed it!! So true.

 

My WD is over but help with what?! I still have the PRe Benzo crappy insomnikia BEFORE THE BENZOS! Ill have that till I die so Obviously i will NEVER HEAL!

@MarkM

 

Look at Eastcoast62s Signature.  She took a lot of Benzos for a long time and got enough sleep back to function and enjoy life.

 

Klonapin 6 mg/night for 12 years.

Ambien 10-20 mg at bedtime for 12 years.

Zoloft and Nefazadone for 12 years (ADs)

Before being prescribed this lovely "cocktail," I self-medicated with sleeping pills and benzos for many years. Quit alcohol several years ago - no problem.

July  2012: Forced to abruptly stop Klonapin by doctor. Floxed twice with Levaquin July 2012.  Tapered ADs + Ambien on my own.

 

Yest TheWay, you just said it, ALOT OF MEDS and She got good sleep back, My 1 measly ass of Ativan as you cann BIG which its not and yet I still have Issues, God LOved Her, fucking hates me!

"If you're so sure your withdrawal is over, then maybe try to help others still struggling and still in withdrawal on this forum.  There is "healing" in helping others.  " ThEwAy2 just nailed it!! So true.

 

My WD is over but help with what?! I still have the PRe Benzo crappy insomnikia BEFORE THE BENZOS! Ill have that till I die so Obviously i will NEVER HEAL!

 

But you did recover from the benzos, and you’re not suffering from SFI as you had believed for so long, so that’s at least a good starting point. 

 

Most of the folks here are very grateful to get back to their baselines. I certainly am.

Mark,

 

Maybe go to the vent forum.  1mg of Ativan = 10mg of Valium.  You keep saying measly amount.  But it's not a measly amount.  And taking that much for 2 years can do a HUGE amount of damage to your Gaba receptors and Central Nervous System. 

 

Benzos are not to be taken for more than 2-4 weeks.  You took them for over 2 years.  You took over 750 pills.  Each time you took a pill it did some amount of damage to your Gaba receptors and CNS. 

 

There has to be a reason for your sudden onset of insomnia 4 years ago.  Something happened.  Maybe it was another drug that brought it on?

 

As LeslieAsh says, at least you don't have SFI as you kept saying you did for quite some time!   You made it 11 months and didn't die, so you are getting enough sleep to live on.  Maybe the quality isn't what you would like, but you are getting some sleep!

 

Is your post withdrawal sleep just as crappy as it was before Benzos?  If so, then ask yourself the following questions:

 

What have you done to help with your pre-Benzo insomnia both before and now?  What lifestyle changes have you made? 

 

Do you practice good sleep hygiene?  Do you go to bed at the same time each night and get out of bed at the same time each morning? 

 

Do you avoid caffeine and sugar?  Do you eat healthy?  Do you exercise (even walking is helpful)?

 

Do you have something in your life that you can distract with?  A job?  A hobby?  Hanging out with friends or family?

 

What are you hoping would have happened after your withdrawal ended?  Taking Benzos doesn't typically heal a preexisting condition.  In fact, Benzos are nothing more than a band-aid to mask symptoms of something else. 

 

You don't have insomnia because you don't have enough Benzos in your body.  Similarly people don't have anxiety because they don't have enough of an antidepressant in their body.  Something else is going on?  Find a doctor that can help isolate and find the underlying reason for your insomnia and treat it without Rx drugs.  Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is supposed to work as well as Benzos for most that try it?

 

Blaming people on this forum for your insomnia makes about as much sense as shouting profanities at the sky and hoping a storm will change direction.

Another well written post Theway. Thank you for how your provide perspective and kindness to those in our community here.

 

We all need to be aware of a tendency for addictions and attachment to compulsive behaviors interfering with our recovery. This can be anything from eating, substances or even creating drama and engaging in excessive self-pity. Of course as we're suffering it's natural to have some feelings of self-pity and this suffering can increase the urge to manufacture drama. But it's harmful to our personal recovery and toxic to relationships. Catastrophizing, blaming, etc. is all created drama. It can be difficult to take a look inside and how we're making our lives and relationships more difficult but it's so worth it.

 

Early in recovery I had to let myself see that I created this vortex of drama that no one else had suffered like I had-with the health problems, the depression/anxiety, insomnia, etc. I saw how this pushed others away and left me isolated so I forced myself to show more interest in others and went out of my way to be supportive and encouraging of others. I worked to nurture gratitude even in the midst of abject darkness. This is how I crawled out of the black hole. This helped me and helped others. We all need to notice the vortex of personal hell we're in and strive to break out of it...and not suck others in.

I forced myself to show more interest in others and went out of my way to be supportive and encouraging of others. I worked to nurture gratitude even in the midst of abject darkness. This is how I crawled out of the black hole. This helped me and helped others. We all need to notice the vortex of personal hell we're in and strive to break out of it...and not suck others in.

 

Well said, MTfan.

 

Katz

Another well written post Theway. Thank you for how your provide perspective and kindness to those in our community here.

 

We all need to be aware of a tendency for addictions and attachment to compulsive behaviors interfering with our recovery. This can be anything from eating, substances or even creating drama and engaging in excessive self-pity. Of course as we're suffering it's natural to have some feelings of self-pity and this suffering can increase the urge to manufacture drama. But it's harmful to our personal recovery and toxic to relationships. Catastrophizing, blaming, etc. is all created drama. It can be difficult to take a look inside and how we're making our lives and relationships more difficult but it's so worth it.

 

Early in recovery I had to let myself see that I created this vortex of drama that no one else had suffered like I had-with the health problems, the depression/anxiety, insomnia, etc. I saw how this pushed others away and left me isolated so I forced myself to show more interest in others and went out of my way to be supportive and encouraging of others. I worked to nurture gratitude even in the midst of abject darkness. This is how I crawled out of the black hole. This helped me and helped others. We all need to notice the vortex of personal hell we're in and strive to break out of it...and not suck others in.

 

1-3MG for 18 years and your doing better then my shitty 2 years on 1mg Ativan...just shows ALL DONT HEAL

1-3MG for 18 years and your doing better then my shitty 2 years on 1mg Ativan...just shows ALL DONT HEAL

 

Mark, you already stated that you are back to your pre-benzo baseline of insomnia, so please don’t continue to make absurd false equivalencies.

 

Any more of these negative posts that have nothing remaining to do with benzos, and you may lose your privilege to post without pre-moderation.

I was reading on the website below today about the benefits of gratitude. Practicing gratitude increases multiple health measures (blood pressure, immune response, etc.) increases feelings of well-being and even positively affects sleep. They've found that even those experiencing immense pain and suffering benefit. This is a simple way we can all help ourselves-and each other. Not by trying to minimize or stuff the painful aspects of wd, or life, but by noticing (and sharing) that there is also much for which we can be grateful. I'm grateful for each of you who stay in this battle, who practice kindness with each other, who show compassion and choose to keep putting one foot in front of the other when it can feel impossible. Insomnia is a beast but even when you experience night after night of zero sleep minimal sleep, you're probably not doing so in a war zone, you probably have a roof over your head, and you (most likely) are not in the midst of a zombie apocalypse:-)

 

A practice that has helped keep me sane is every morning when I either wake up or give up trying to sleep, I express gratitude for whatever amount of rest or sleep I got. There were years where I only slept a small amount 3-4 nights/week and not at all the other nights. After the sleepless nights I expressed thanks for the rest I got from lying down and that my bed was warm and safe and dry. For the year or so with mostly 2-4 hour nights I expressed thanks for those brief hours since I knew well what zero sleep was like. I don't always get my 6 hours now but I still express thanks every morning whether it was a very difficult night or a night with "bonus sleep" (anything over 6 hours). You may feel skeptical about doing this but try being scientific. Experiment with expressing gratitude for whatever happens each morning. Keep a gratitude journal where you write down 3 things every day for which you're grateful. Express thanks to those in your life-family, friends, the cashier at the grocery store, and so forth. What do you have to lose?

 

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/five_myths_about_gratitude

Excellent post MT. Thanks for sharing!