Insomnia worse after complete withdrawal

I posted on the main post-withdrawal sub-forum too, but thought I would poke around here too.

 

My insomnia actually was stable to improving during my withdrawal process! This gave me great hope and made my withdrawal process fairly smooth and fast (thank God!). However, I'm now a month completely off and boy, my insomnia is worse than its ever been! I wasn't expecting this after such a smooth withdrawal process. I can't think of any other underlying reason for my insomnia worsening other than Benzo withdrawal, but it just seems odd to me....or may be this isn't odd (?).

 

Any words of wisdom or shared experience out there?

I posted on the main post-withdrawal sub-forum too, but thought I would poke around here too.

 

My insomnia actually was stable to improving during my withdrawal process! This gave me great hope and made my withdrawal process fairly smooth and fast (thank God!). However, I'm now a month completely off and boy, my insomnia is worse than its ever been! I wasn't expecting this after such a smooth withdrawal process. I can't think of any other underlying reason for my insomnia worsening other than Benzo withdrawal, but it just seems odd to me....or may be this isn't odd (?).

 

Any words of wisdom or shared experience out there?

You have done a great job..!!

 

Yes its quite normal, but I would remain optimistic that it wont last too long...

 

Lilac001,

 

Expect the unexpected in withdrawal.  Things can go smooth during your taper then all sorts of symptoms can pop up after you jump.  Recovery/healing is a very nonlinear, an UP and DOWN process for most for some time.  New symptoms can appear at any time and those that faded can return.  Unfortunately the top 3 withdrawal symptoms for most are:  insomnia, anxiety and depression.  Your sleep could improve only to get worse again...don't let it bother you.  It will even out in the end.  You are not broken.  Sleep WILL return.  Just be patient and give it time.

Thanks Cantfly and ThEwAy2....I really need to hear these things! I'm a linear thinker and do everything in my power to set myself up well for sleep (exercise, hygiene, consistent times, etc.) so it's so freakin' frustrating when it's all for naught!

 

For those of us that are linear thinkers and are used to being successful problem solvers, we believe that if I successfully do inputs A, B, and C, then the Output will be just as I want! Not the case with insomnia and (apparently) many of the other symptoms folks describe here!

 

ThEwAy2, your "800 day" post is soooo helpful. I have literally written down some of your bullet points on to index cards and look at them a few times a week just to remind myself that accepting my circumstances as they come is a huge key to coping with this.

 

This might seem like an odd question, but how did you go about "not caring" if you slept? I mean, did you just pretend to not care and then it sort of permeated your real inner self? I've been working on a much more relaxed mental approach to my insomnia because anger, frustration, and worry hasn't worked so well!

 

 

ThEwAy2, your "800 day" post is soooo helpful. I have literally written down some of your bullet points on to index cards and look at them a few times a week just to remind myself that accepting my circumstances as they come is a huge key to coping with this.

 

This might seem like an odd question, but how did you go about "not caring" if you slept? I mean, did you just pretend to not care and then it sort of permeated your real inner self? I've been working on a much more relaxed mental approach to my insomnia because anger, frustration, and worry hasn't worked so well!

 

Thanks Lilac001...Glad to learn my posts can help some people.

 

"Not Caring" is a big part of Acceptance.  Unfortunately acceptance is only something you can do when you are both physically and mentally ready to do it.  I understood it, but was too messed up until about month 6 or 7 off to actually be able to do it.  I was a basket case for the first 6 or 7 months and there was no way I was just going to start "not caring" just like that.  It was a process that took a bunch of time and like withdrawal, was up and down...I would do well on some days only to freak out a bit when I hit a patch of poor sleep.

 

You'll get there...promise! 

ThEwAy2, your "800 day" post is soooo helpful. I have literally written down some of your bullet points on to index cards and look at them a few times a week just to remind myself that accepting my circumstances as they come is a huge key to coping with this.

 

This might seem like an odd question, but how did you go about "not caring" if you slept? I mean, did you just pretend to not care and then it sort of permeated your real inner self? I've been working on a much more relaxed mental approach to my insomnia because anger, frustration, and worry hasn't worked so well!

 

Thanks Lilac001...Glad to learn my posts can help some people.

 

"Not Caring" is a big part of Acceptance.  Unfortunately acceptance is only something you can do when you are both physically and mentally ready to do it.  I understood it, but was too messed up until about month 6 or 7 off to actually be able to do it.  I was a basket case for the first 6 or 7 months and there was no way I was just going to start "not caring" just like that.  It was a process that too a bunch of time and like withdrawal, was up and down...I would do well on some days only to freak out a bit when I hit a patch of poor sleep.

 

You'll get there...promise! 

 

Not everyone heals, don't believe this junk! TheWay says he was messed up thru months 6-7, yet he took alot more then me and for longer times, and yet 11 months out I am still a mess....so yeah, people heal but for unlucky ones like me they don't

Stop trying to scare people. You took way more total benzos than I did. You took 1mg of Ativan for over 2 years which is well over 700 pills. (365 days in a year times 2 = 730)

 

I never even took 120 pills total... and I started on .5mg Xanax, so by your own reasoning, your withdrawal will last 6 times longer than mine did or at least 84 months or so!

 

And I never said I was healed in 6-7 months.  I said I couldn't practice ACCEPTANCE as I was too messed up to do that UNTIL month 6-7.  I completely healed by month 14 or so because I actually made an effort to eat healthy and clean, exercise when possible, drink lots of water and show gratitude.

 

The amount of Benzos you took and for how long doesn't equal how long you will suffer symptoms or be in withdrawal,  but you are clueless about that.

 

You keep saying 1mg of Ativan is a low dose.  No such thing as a low dose with a Benzo.  They all damage Gaba receptors even at .25mg or less

 

So everyone on this forum that wrote a success story is lying or passing junk?  Well then I guess I lied as did the hundreds of others that wrote success stories and the thousands that healed that never bothered to write a success story.  Plus there are a lot of other Benzo recovery sites besides Benzo Buddies and hundreds, if not thousands, of people heal on those sites too.

No worries guys. I can understand why some folks are resentful and upset. The seemingly random and brutal nature of withdrawal can really get the best of us....I know it has with me at times and I have it easy compared to some of the experiences I have read about here.

 

ThEwAY2, thanks again for your sound advice and encouragement.

I posted on the main post-withdrawal sub-forum too, but thought I would poke around here too.

 

My insomnia actually was stable to improving during my withdrawal process! This gave me great hope and made my withdrawal process fairly smooth and fast (thank God!). However, I'm now a month completely off and boy, my insomnia is worse than its ever been! I wasn't expecting this after such a smooth withdrawal process. I can't think of any other underlying reason for my insomnia worsening other than Benzo withdrawal, but it just seems odd to me....or may be this isn't odd (?).

 

Any words of wisdom or shared experience out there?

Exactly the same for me with no sleep night 4 weeks out....

Stop trying to scare people. You took way more total benzos than I did. You took 1mg of Ativan for over 2 years which is well over 700 pills. (365 days in a year times 2 = 730)

 

I never even took 120 pills total... and I started on .5mg Xanax, so by your own reasoning, your withdrawal will last 5 times longer than mine did or at least 70 months or so!

 

And I never said I was healed in 6-7 months.  I said I couldn't practice ACCEPTANCE as I was too messed up to do that UNTIL month 6-7.  I completely healed by month 14 or so because I actually made an effort to eat healthy and clean, exercise when possible, drink lots of water and show gratitude.

 

The amount of Benzos you took and for how long doesn't equal how long you will suffer symptoms or be in withdrawal,  but you are clueless about that.

 

You keep saying 1mg of Ativan is a low dose.  No such thing as a low dose with a Benzo.  They all damage Gaba receptors even at .25mg or less

 

So everyone on this forum that wrote a success story is lying or passing junk?  Well then I guess I lied as did the hundreds of others that wrote success stories and the thousands that healed that never bothered to write a success story.  Plus there are a lot of other Benzo recovery sites besides Benzo Buddies  and hundreds, if not thousands, of people heal on those sites too.

 

So your saying THeWay EVERYONE here got Better...EVERY LAST DAMN PERSON?! Then your lying to yourself!

Mark M,

 

We all "get" that your angry, But these continual type of replies dont help anyone, Most if all they wont help you with the journey ahead...

 

I hope you find enough acceptance to move forward in the direction you desire...

 

"Seek and you shall find"... Just be careful what one seeks..

 

Take care...

 

 

So your saying THeWay EVERYONE here got Better...EVERY LAST DAMN PERSON?! Then your lying to yourself!

 

I am not lying to myself...I don't know what every person on this forum went through or is going through.  But everyone heals to some degree. 

Just because you are not healing when you want to or expect to doesn't mean you won't heal given enough time!

If your baseline was bad before Benzos, then you most likely will not heal any better than your pre-Benzo baseline? 

 

If you don't do anything to help yourself heal, then why would you heal?  If you keep picking a scab and it keeps bleeding, but never heals, then you complain about it not healing....then who is to blame, the wound you keep picking or you?

 

Did you know that people who regularly practice gratitude, by taking time to notice and reflect upon the things they're thankful for, experience happiness more often, feel more alive, sleep better, express more compassion and kindness, and even have stronger immune systems?

@[Ma...]

 

Here is a success story from a person that was on 3mg a day for 20 years and healed:

 

I figured it's time to write this. First off I want to thank the people here. The success stories got me through the worst of it.

 

I was on 3mg of K for over 20 years.  I began a 6 month taper last fall and jumped in May. A couple days later I was in hell. I didn't make the connection between the benzos and what was happening to me because I was on such a low dose before I jumped and because taking more didn't help.

 

I ended up in the hospital a couple of times and did the rounds of docs, shrinks, and eventually a neurologist.  I told each of them that I was on K and that I had recently quit but none of them made the connection either. They simply don't understand the range of symptoms that most of us know all to well are connected to withdrawal.

 

I could barely walk for a month, I shivered and shook all the time. I had tinitus. I couldn't drive myself. I couldn't eat for a while and lost over 20 lbs. I couldn't focus on anything. I would watch TV to distract me from how I was feeling but I just sorta stared thru it. I tried 20 some medications for insomnia before settling on Mirtazapine. The anxiety was the worst of it.  I don't need to elaborate on that because I'm sure you know. I thought about suicide more than I'd like to admit.

 

After days and weeks of googling all these disparate symptoms I stumbled across this forum and found my diagnosis and my first glimmer of hope.  This has a name, it's withdrawal.  It has a prognosis, it gets better. At least that's what everyone says and I know it's so hard to believe.  That's why I'm back.  I'm back to say it's true.

 

My turning point came at the 4 month mark.  I had already given up on praying for healing and just prayed for it to become bearable.  Well the first few days of September the anxiety just dropped away.  I worried that it was just a "window" and I was so tired of getting my hopes up and being fooled that I didn't allow myself to just enjoy it.  But after 7 days in a row of feeling normal I started to think "okay, this might be a new baseline."  And it was.

 

There were a couple of things that were unmistakable about my recovery, most notable my appetite returning and my sleep improving (I got 9 hrs last night). But so many symptoms disappeared without me ever noticing, like the tinitus, the shivering and a dozen others that I've probably forgotten. The mind has a way of blocking unpleasant memories and while you thankfully won't remember much of the worst of it, you'll never forget getting through it and it will make you feel like there's nothing you can't do.

 

Now I know the worst of it is well behind me. I'm serene. I'm looking forward to starting life over anew.  When they tell you it WILL get better, believe it.  One day you'll wake up and it'll be bearable. Then slowly things will start to get better.  You'll catch yourself doing something you can't now or you'll realize your ears aren't ringing. Or you'll notice you got a solid 5 hrs of sleep.  You'll walk to the mailbox without your legs giving out.  You'll realize that you haven't visited Benzo Buddies in a couple of days.  All these little things will add up and you'll know the worst is behind you. When you turn that corner it's like being born again.

 

I posted on the main post-withdrawal sub-forum too, but thought I would poke around here too.

 

My insomnia actually was stable to improving during my withdrawal process! This gave me great hope and made my withdrawal process fairly smooth and fast (thank God!). However, I'm now a month completely off and boy, my insomnia is worse than its ever been! I wasn't expecting this after such a smooth withdrawal process. I can't think of any other underlying reason for my insomnia worsening other than Benzo withdrawal, but it just seems odd to me....or may be this isn't odd (?).

 

Any words of wisdom or shared experience out there?

 

This is a very common problem when someone goes off benzos. The reason is that benzos affect your brain. When you stop taking them, your brain goes into a sort of frenzy. It is trying to heal itself, but the result can be insomnia and a host of other symptoms.

 

Insomnia was the reason I started taking benzos 36 years ago. I only took them at night. But over time they had a profound affect on me.

 

I went cold turkey in 2012. I had a horrible withdrawal. That first year I did not truly sleep at all. By the second and third year, I was getting maybe 3 hours of sleep a night.

 

Somewhere along the way I discovered Sleep Hypnosis Videos on YouTube. I started listening to them meerly to pass the time. But after about a month, I found that they WORKED!! I began falling asleep while listening to them. What a huge relief.

I STILL listen to them, but now it is sort of a nightly ritual.

 

Sweet dreams, my friends...

east

Hi Eastcoast62,

 

What is your sleep like now?  Just wondering as there are some users that took Benzos for insomnia and think they cannot get past their baseline insomnia for sleep?  They think they are permanently "damaged."  Just wondering if you could offer some hope?  I took Benzos for insomnia too and sleep really well now.  I cannot say the "healing" from Benzos fixed my sleep, but rather a combination of not caring if I slept or not, eating healthy and being positive.

 

Please provide hope for those that think their insomnia is permanent!

 

Thanks

 

 

Glad your tapeevwent well! I think there is a delayed reaction when we taper off and the benzos leave your system. My last cut was over a month ago and I've just started seeing a disturbance in my sleep and waking early. I am down to my last bit now and pray that I'm still able to get some sleep as things progress. Your results thus far are promising so best of luck to you.

I posted on the main post-withdrawal sub-forum too, but thought I would poke around here too.

 

My insomnia actually was stable to improving during my withdrawal process! This gave me great hope and made my withdrawal process fairly smooth and fast (thank God!). However, I'm now a month completely off and boy, my insomnia is worse than its ever been! I wasn't expecting this after such a smooth withdrawal process. I can't think of any other underlying reason for my insomnia worsening other than Benzo withdrawal, but it just seems odd to me....or may be this isn't odd (?).

 

Any words of wisdom or shared experience out there?

 

This is a very common problem when someone goes off benzos. The reason is that benzos affect your brain. When you stop taking them, your brain goes into a sort of frenzy. It is trying to heal itself, but the result can be insomnia and a host of other symptoms.

 

Insomnia was the reason I started taking benzos 36 years ago. I only took them at night. But over time they had a profound affect on me.

 

I went cold turkey in 2012. I had a horrible withdrawal. That first year I did not truly sleep at all. By the second and third year, I was getting maybe 3 hours of sleep a night.

 

Somewhere along the way I discovered Sleep Hypnosis Videos on YouTube. I started listening to them meerly to pass the time. But after about a month, I found that they WORKED!! I began falling asleep while listening to them. What a huge relief.

I STILL listen to them, but now it is sort of a nightly ritual.

 

Sweet dreams, my friends...

east

\  East in what order or how did you get off all your med.  did you just drop one by one.  Anythijg aid your tapers?  hey which youtube do you listen to??  thanks

 

I posted on the main post-withdrawal sub-forum too, but thought I would poke around here too.

 

My insomnia actually was stable to improving during my withdrawal process! This gave me great hope and made my withdrawal process fairly smooth and fast (thank God!). However, I'm now a month completely off and boy, my insomnia is worse than its ever been! I wasn't expecting this after such a smooth withdrawal process. I can't think of any other underlying reason for my insomnia worsening other than Benzo withdrawal, but it just seems odd to me....or may be this isn't odd (?).

 

Any words of wisdom or shared experience out there?

 

Lilac001 just checking in to see how it's going. I don't know who I was responding to when I posted last, clearly you were not doing well. I must have forgot which post I was on as I was so disoriented from lack of sleep. As I've held my last dose I'm sleeping a bit better but starting the microtaper soon and who knows what to expect. At least you are done with your taper and I pray your sleep has gotten better. It's tough but the hardest part is done hopefully. Be healthy.

Hey mountaintop, Thanks for asking about my progress! Thankfully, things DID improve since I originally wrote this post about a month ago. In fact, this past week I've been getting about 5-6 hours a night, which is really good by my standards. Of course last night I only got about 4.5 hours, but I know things can wax and wane.

 

I originally took Ativan for sleep anxiety/insomnia, so at this point it's hard to tell how much withdrawal is contributing to my sleep issues versus me just returning to my pre-benzo baseline. I do think that rough patch I hit in November was definitely withdrawal-related, only because I had never had it so bad previously. And like you, I was sort of puzzled as to why I was getting hit so hard when I had already been completely off Benzos for nearly a month (and I realize in your case it's late in the taper)! The episode lasted about 10 days or so before my sleep stabilized into a more acceptable range.

 

I wish you the best with the remainder of your taper. TheWay has some great advice on here as do others. I do think you need a level of stoicism to deal with some of these symptoms and just "ride the wave". If you fight it/fixate on it/feed it, it can actually make things worse.