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8 Years of Klonopin and Finally Free


[JL...]

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Hi there,

 

My name is Jason and I was taking Klonopin for eight years, since I was 15 years old. I am now nearly 24 and I have been off of Klonopin for 7 1/2 months.

 

I decided last year that I needed to see if life was possible without Klonopin. I had been taking between 2-6mg daily, never missing a day, for 8 years. I had such debilitating panic attacks before I started taking it that I had stopped going to school, taking care of myself, not wanting to leave bed, had a hard time connecting to other people without a substance to stave away the urge to run from any situation that was even remotely uncomfortable. As I said before, I started Klonopin when I was 15 and no one ever told me that it was something that I would eventually have to stop. Year after year I continued to unquestioningly take it having no idea the hell I was heading towards.

 

In my last year or so of taking it, it had stopped having the ability to entirely take away my panic. I would still feel very anxious and often panic, so I then turned to alcohol, but that lasted for all but a couple months before I decided that was not a viable option. I sent myself (with the financial help of my dad) to a detox facility, thinking that I could go in, get off Klonopin, head back to my place and start back up where I left off. There are few things I've been more wrong about in my life.

 

I stayed at the detox for 25 days, watching people come in and out, coming off of heroin, meth, alcohol, anything you can think of, and none stayed more than a week, leaving almost as good as new. Candidly, I felt ok for the first few weeks, with only severe panic being the worst of it. Things didn't get bad until a few weeks after I had left the detox center. About 6 weeks in... I can safely say I couldn't live through this experience again.

 

For those of you who think you're the only one, you're not. These are just some of the things I experienced. I could no longer read because my eyes were blurry and darting from side to side. I was always crying, then angry, then crying. I had trouble finding words, my speech was slurred, I couldn't talk to people without breaking down. I would stand in my bedroom awake for days at a time because my skin burned so badly to the touch that I couldn't lay down. Shaking, vomiting, panic, shortness of breath, paranoia, mood swings, heart palpitations, sweating, dizziness, anxiety (now when I say "anxiety", only someone going through this will understand the level that anxiety can truly get to; this is not "oh I have anxiety today", this is "if this lasts any longer, I might be better off killing myself"), dry mouth, headaches, feeling disconnected from reality, unending fatigue, flashing lights in vision, numbness, tingling, chest pain, jaw pain, muscle aches... It was hell. And although reading those things sounds pretty bad, when you're experiencing them, words cannot actually describe the depths of pain, sadness and fear that you reach.

 

Now I can tell you that I experience less than 5% of those things in my daily life. I am nearly 8 months off of Klonopin and I am happier than I've been in... maybe ever. Just two months ago I was going to the ER on a regular basis from the physical symptoms of the withdrawals combined with unrelenting panic. I do still panic, but I see a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist. I do still have blood pressure spikes that scare me, but I have been checked out and know now that they too will pass. I do still have physical symptoms; some aches, pains, twitches, shakes and headaches, but they are all manageable. I am moving to a new city soon to start anew, knowing that I can and will only continue to improve. I now can sleep and dream normally. I wake with enough energy to get through the day, and enough peace of mind that I can function for at least most of the day, and each month it gets better and better.

 

If I could give you any advice, it is to be kind to yourself. You are going through the hardest thing that anyone can go through. There is suffering, and then there is this. I have tears running down my face as I write this now... I guess I had forgotten where I was then until just now... Know that you will know what it's like to feel normal again. In time you will have an hour, maybe even a day. Then it will be weeks. Then you'll be like me, laying in bed, and remembering that these stories are the ones that got me through and now it's my turn to write on this very same forum that I did it too. That I'm finally better and it doesn't matter who you are, how many, how much or how often you were taking this poison, you will get better to. You are not special in that sense. You are just like me and everyone else here in that you too will come back, and be all the stronger for it.

 

With love and hope,

Jason

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Congratulations Jason , thank you for writing your story, it sounds like you went through utter hell that only someone who experiences benzo withdrawal knows.

 

You sound like you are in a good place , and  I wish you all the best as you go forward with your life,

MiYu

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Congratulations! I am 2 months out and have some windows, but wow the waves just slam you.  I am praying that I will heal fast like you! I can pray and hope anyway! Best wishes on your new life!
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Congratulations Jason for being benzo free! I have tears running down my eyes while reading what you went through to get off these poison medications. You are very strong young man and with patience, acceptance and faith you  and others including myself who are still struggling will fully recover and regain our normal life back given the right amount of time.

 

Thank you again for sharing your story! May you continue to get better and better as you go further out the process! KEEP ON FIGHTING THE GOOD FIGHT BUDDY!

 

Blessings!

Pi

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Congratulations Jason and thanks for your story. You give me hope to be patient and let time pass. I pray you continue to heal fast and enjoy your life. You are a blessed and brave young man, so make the most of the gift you have been given.
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Right on man! Your story sounds like a rough one, and it makes me so happy to hear you're doing well now. It's painful to think that your youth was so tainted by these insidious pills. Nobody should have to go through this ordeal, especially during that time of your life. We are the people that can understand the hell you went through, and you should never forget how strong you are having survived it. You seem extremely smart & capable, and I'm sure you'll be able to do great things. Take care and enjoy everything life has to offer.
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Jason congratulations to you!! Thank you for sharing your process and I'm glad you're feeling so much better. I am at a point I feel like it's never going to end. My main issues are POTS symptoms and pure exhaustion and short of breath just from even talking. It's hard not to think something more is going on.  Good luck to you on your new life. ❤️
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Awww Jason now you have me crying. I needed to read that. I am happy that you got off this horrible drug and are doing better. Enjoy your life and all It has to offer!!

Thank you for taking the time to write the beautiful post. It gives us all hope especially when we feel so hopeless. All the best to you,

Bella

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Jason,

Thank you for sharing your story. You will inspire many people.

Isnt describing WD difficult to do? If one is being tortured by over 50 weird or painful symptoms, it is almost impossible to describe the hell you are feeling.

east :thumbsup:

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  • 1 month later...

Jason,

Thank you so much for sharing your journey. It isnt far different from mine. I am so glad for you, that you struggled through WD and came out happier. I did too. I took benzos for 30 years. The last 12 I was on Klonapin and Ambien plus 2 ads. I was a huge mess, and almost died several times due to benzos.

Describing WD is almost impossible. I tried to find the words to explain how bad I felt and I had terrible trouble doing just that! WD is AWFUL!!!!

Jason, you are a great example of someone how fought through BWD and won. Your story is inspiring and I hope many people read it and learn.

I am so proud of you. I hope you are too.

east

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  • 2 weeks later...

Jason,

Thank you for sharing your journey. You went through pure hell and we can all relate to your story. It is so encouraging to hear success comes from this darkness. Stories like yours keep me going.

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  • 2 weeks later...
I started crying as I started reading that you started to tear writing what you did. I cannot wait until I can do the same and write about how it's all over. It's so hard. Thank you for sharing your success because I am half way through my taper and I feel like I'm never gunna find my way out.
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Thank you so much Jason.  I started crying too, reading your story.

 

Riley - We're going to find our out way, just like many others have.  Success stories are a good thing to hold on to.

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  • 1 month later...

Thanks Jason, I had a motorcycle accident 13 years ago and broke my head open and broke a lot of my bones and found out recently that I died 2 times the first week. The doctors put me on Klonopin and over a dozen other meds. That was the first and only time I took my son for a ride who had just turned 5 years old. I came off all the other meds by myself with no help from anyone because I wanted to get my life back to where it was before my accident. I have now bin off the Klonopin for 11 weeks and if my wonderful wife had not found this site I would have checked back into one of the hospitals I was going to again for the 15th time with no help from any of them because I learned that none of the doctors that work in these places have a clue as to how to handle getting off Klonopin. I am a very successful businessman and when I get to where you are healthwise I will also wright a letter like you did to help anyone I can. You are a true blessing for anyone that is lucky enough to read what you have told us all. God should give you a blessing & I thank you for helping me to think positively about where I will get to because I wound have given up if not for someone as good as you! 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...
I stopped Clonazepam almost 8 months ago and only symptom left is head pressure. It seems to be worse during driving and at night . I am praying my healing is around the corner. I am ready to be normal again. 🙏🏽
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