Author Topic: 8 Years of Klonopin and Finally Free  (Read 2936 times)

[Buddie]

8 Years of Klonopin and Finally Free
« on: November 05, 2018, 10:56:27 pm »
Hi there,

My name is Jason and I was taking Klonopin for eight years, since I was 15 years old. I am now nearly 24 and I have been off of Klonopin for 7 1/2 months.

I decided last year that I needed to see if life was possible without Klonopin. I had been taking between 2-6mg daily, never missing a day, for 8 years. I had such debilitating panic attacks before I started taking it that I had stopped going to school, taking care of myself, not wanting to leave bed, had a hard time connecting to other people without a substance to stave away the urge to run from any situation that was even remotely uncomfortable. As I said before, I started Klonopin when I was 15 and no one ever told me that it was something that I would eventually have to stop. Year after year I continued to unquestioningly take it having no idea the hell I was heading towards.

In my last year or so of taking it, it had stopped having the ability to entirely take away my panic. I would still feel very anxious and often panic, so I then turned to alcohol, but that lasted for all but a couple months before I decided that was not a viable option. I sent myself (with the financial help of my dad) to a detox facility, thinking that I could go in, get off Klonopin, head back to my place and start back up where I left off. There are few things I've been more wrong about in my life.

I stayed at the detox for 25 days, watching people come in and out, coming off of heroin, meth, alcohol, anything you can think of, and none stayed more than a week, leaving almost as good as new. Candidly, I felt ok for the first few weeks, with only severe panic being the worst of it. Things didn't get bad until a few weeks after I had left the detox center. About 6 weeks in... I can safely say I couldn't live through this experience again.

For those of you who think you're the only one, you're not. These are just some of the things I experienced. I could no longer read because my eyes were blurry and darting from side to side. I was always crying, then angry, then crying. I had trouble finding words, my speech was slurred, I couldn't talk to people without breaking down. I would stand in my bedroom awake for days at a time because my skin burned so badly to the touch that I couldn't lay down. Shaking, vomiting, panic, shortness of breath, paranoia, mood swings, heart palpitations, sweating, dizziness, anxiety (now when I say "anxiety", only someone going through this will understand the level that anxiety can truly get to; this is not "oh I have anxiety today", this is "if this lasts any longer, I might be better off killing myself"), dry mouth, headaches, feeling disconnected from reality, unending fatigue, flashing lights in vision, numbness, tingling, chest pain, jaw pain, muscle aches... It was hell. And although reading those things sounds pretty bad, when you're experiencing them, words cannot actually describe the depths of pain, sadness and fear that you reach.

Now I can tell you that I experience less than 5% of those things in my daily life. I am nearly 8 months off of Klonopin and I am happier than I've been in... maybe ever. Just two months ago I was going to the ER on a regular basis from the physical symptoms of the withdrawals combined with unrelenting panic. I do still panic, but I see a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist. I do still have blood pressure spikes that scare me, but I have been checked out and know now that they too will pass. I do still have physical symptoms; some aches, pains, twitches, shakes and headaches, but they are all manageable. I am moving to a new city soon to start anew, knowing that I can and will only continue to improve. I now can sleep and dream normally. I wake with enough energy to get through the day, and enough peace of mind that I can function for at least most of the day, and each month it gets better and better.

If I could give you any advice, it is to be kind to yourself. You are going through the hardest thing that anyone can go through. There is suffering, and then there is this. I have tears running down my face as I write this now... I guess I had forgotten where I was then until just now... Know that you will know what it's like to feel normal again. In time you will have an hour, maybe even a day. Then it will be weeks. Then you'll be like me, laying in bed, and remembering that these stories are the ones that got me through and now it's my turn to write on this very same forum that I did it too. That I'm finally better and it doesn't matter who you are, how many, how much or how often you were taking this poison, you will get better to. You are not special in that sense. You are just like me and everyone else here in that you too will come back, and be all the stronger for it.

With love and hope,
Jason
« Last Edit: November 05, 2018, 11:13:16 pm by [Buddie] »
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 8 Years of Klonopin and Finally Free
« Reply #1 on: November 05, 2018, 11:25:24 pm »
Congratulations Jason , thank you for writing your story, it sounds like you went through utter hell that only someone who experiences benzo withdrawal knows.

You sound like you are in a good place , and  I wish you all the best as you go forward with your life,
[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 8 Years of Klonopin and Finally Free
« Reply #2 on: November 06, 2018, 01:37:04 am »
Congratulations! I am 2 months out and have some windows, but wow the waves just slam you.  I am praying that I will heal fast like you! I can pray and hope anyway! Best wishes on your new life!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 8 Years of Klonopin and Finally Free
« Reply #3 on: November 06, 2018, 01:43:29 am »
So glad to hear now go live a great life !
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 8 Years of Klonopin and Finally Free
« Reply #4 on: November 06, 2018, 01:44:19 am »
Congratulations and thank you!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 8 Years of Klonopin and Finally Free
« Reply #5 on: November 06, 2018, 02:16:22 am »
Congratulations Jason for being benzo free! I have tears running down my eyes while reading what you went through to get off these poison medications. You are very strong young man and with patience, acceptance and faith you  and others including myself who are still struggling will fully recover and regain our normal life back given the right amount of time.

Thank you again for sharing your story! May you continue to get better and better as you go further out the process! KEEP ON FIGHTING THE GOOD FIGHT BUDDY!

Blessings!
[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 8 Years of Klonopin and Finally Free
« Reply #6 on: November 06, 2018, 02:20:13 am »
Amazing, yes!! Congratulations 🎈🎉🍾Thank you for sharing!!! ♥️
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 8 Years of Klonopin and Finally Free
« Reply #7 on: November 06, 2018, 02:21:24 am »
Jason... so appreciate you taking the time to write this. Thank you.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 8 Years of Klonopin and Finally Free
« Reply #8 on: November 06, 2018, 12:18:38 pm »
Congratulations Jason and thanks for your story. You give me hope to be patient and let time pass. I pray you continue to heal fast and enjoy your life. You are a blessed and brave young man, so make the most of the gift you have been given.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 8 Years of Klonopin and Finally Free
« Reply #9 on: November 06, 2018, 07:35:14 pm »
Right on man! Your story sounds like a rough one, and it makes me so happy to hear you're doing well now. It's painful to think that your youth was so tainted by these insidious pills. Nobody should have to go through this ordeal, especially during that time of your life. We are the people that can understand the hell you went through, and you should never forget how strong you are having survived it. You seem extremely smart & capable, and I'm sure you'll be able to do great things. Take care and enjoy everything life has to offer.
« Last Edit: November 07, 2018, 12:46:57 am by [Buddie] »
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.