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5 months off - the unthinkable - I think I'm free!!!


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I never thought I'd be off this stuff ever. Given that I've healed a lot the last few months, the frantic manic push to write about my symptoms or recovery are gone. And I take that as a GOOD sign, as it means the emotional load has lessened around the topic of benzo dependence. Funnily, the last few months I was on alparazolam tapering with a pretty quick switch-over and taper off diazepam of 6 weeks. This was very fast. I won't go into the exact dosages and time frames as it will always be different for every individual. I was on benzos for 8 years, either about 2mg clonazepam, 20mg + diazepam or 2mg alprazolam. The main point I am going to make is that if one wants to get through this, to expect it to get rough. I basically had to tell myself I'd rather die before reinstating. That's the mindset I needed to maintain throughout. I just didn't want my brain to be chemically stunted and enslaved anymore. The first 2 months were very rough. I was constantly choking and had severe anxiety with feelings of claustrophobia. This incidents got lesser and lesser in intensity and frequency. Now I may get them very lightly and infreqeuntly - totally manageable. I have to say that at 5 months I still feel improvements month by month which is kind of ridiculous but true. Another major feature of early withdrawal was of course depersonalization. I don't really know how to describe it but let's say it feels like you're in a cartoon. I also dissasociated a lot into fears and panic. I still don't like looking at the toilet water, puddles, caves, holes, graves, tights places. It brings on a sense of dread and anxiety. it has gotten less but it's still there. I think it will get less but I am not sure if it will go away completely. I remember never having this before benzos. Sleep was funny enough never the main issue. I consider myself lucky there. Another word of warning around alcohol and coffee - just stay away from it completely as it will rev up symptoms. Some people might be able to get away with 1 coffee or 1 beer every other day but just think about the risk you are taking by doing that. It's not worth it and cause of reinstatement in my previous attempts. Not sure if what I am writing will help anybody. Basically, taper as much as you need to so that when the withdrawal starts after tapering you feel you are not at risk of a seizure. How to do that? I don't know. A long taper is best for most people. And also try and take the emotional charge out of it as much as you can. I know that's hard to say when you're freaking out because you're in withdrawal but this needs to become you mantra. 'In another month this will be much better" I measure my progress in months so I can actually feel progress. Don't measure it in days or weeks....this isn't opiate withdrawal unfortunately. For me, getting through the first 2-3 months was key. It got better or more manageable after that. 2 to 3 months guys. I believe most people for whom benzo WD isnt super rough follow my sort of trajectory. I consider myself lucky that I didn't get slammed like some people  :-X  after using valium 5mg for 10 days. Very lucky. Good luck and you can do it!!! You can really do it!!! Count in months people!!!  :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
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Congrats on 5 months!  I think your post is good and can relate to all of it.  I had to totally commit too.  I asked people to prepare for the worst if I got really bad (bouts of delusions or psychosis) and promise not to take me to the ER or the psych hospital unless I was completely psychotic and about to hurt myself or someone else.  I never alarmed anyone thankfully but the pain and fear and mental torment was indescribable.  I'm feeling so much better after 2 months.  I really started turning around after about a month and a half to 2 months.  I was doing everything I could during the taper though including eating healthy and exercising.  I keep getting better and attribute it to exercise mostly.  Anyway, got off explaining my own experience but this is good.  Thanks for sharing.
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  • 1 month later...
I have approximately one more month to go getting off .25 Xanax for nine years and at the end I had increased to .75 for ten months because of nerve pain due to a fracture. I’ve had all the symptoms in the manual and I still have stomach issues. Your post gives me hope for a better future. Good luck and thanks for posting.
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  • 2 weeks later...

Congratulations!

 

I agree with the mind set; I had the same.

Hoping to realize improvements in 5-6 months, too.

 

Thanks for posting

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  • 4 weeks later...
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