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About a week in Cold Turkey (very heavy use)


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Just discovered this site. It's cool there are free resources like these out here to help people like us, especially those in my case who do not have forms of medical insurance at the moments.

 

My name is Corey and I am a mailman in the bay area. Recently started using benzos to help me sleep at night due to my stimulant use I was ordering off online websites. I have been doing so for the past 3 months. While I was aware of my stimulant tolerance building, I was completely unaware of my benzodiazepine tolerance. My benzo withdrawals symptoms didn't appear until month 3 of use, and I wrongly attributed them to being side effects of me using too many stimulants, which led to me quitting. When i realized that i had insomnia, I was like hmmm, this isn't a symptom of benzo withdrawal? I realized what I was most addicted too.

 

Started off taking etizolam. Would usually take two or three 1 mg a night to sleep, but there were nights I'd take five. Sometimes I'd go through 40 in a week. I had tried an order of clonazolam and a couple other benzos as well. So i was taking the strongest benzos out there. When i started having trouble getting orders through customs, i turned to people I knew who had prescriptions on the streets who were more than happy to sell to me.

 

I started buying Xanax 1 mg pills. Would usually take 2 or 3, but about as many as 5. People usually rate etizolam to xanax as 1 to 2, with xanax being twice as potent. I felt the etizolam were more effective personally, but at that point my tolerance was sky high. There was a couple week period i couldn't get xanies so i used Valium, and would use 2 a night only due to the long half lifes. I think Valiums long half life is where my tolerance really shot up. Forgot to mention through out this entire time I was mixing my benzos with alcohol. Usually about 3 standard drinks every night.

 

The last week i used I was running out of xanies and i had decided i was going to quit. So i only took one xanax a night, and still mixed with alcohol, for about one week as a "taper," in which i noticed the xanax was woefully ineffective. I ran out last Friday night, and it is now Thursday. So almost a week in.

 

My symptoms were very severe at first. Extreme shakes, profound paranoia, very pronounced fatigue, and the dreaded insomnia. At this point, I am able to sleep, but it takes a long time to happen and I do not ever seem to hit deep sleep. I can only dream for short periods. I feel like I am completely through the stim withdrawals, however it's hard to tell with the benzo withdrawals being so much stronger. I need and want sleep so bad at this point. I probably should have done a slow taper. Not realizing that a few days in, i have decided to stick with it so that this suffering isn't for nothing. I also have a demanding job, i work 12 hours or more per day and with usually only 1 day off per week. Working this much has made this withdrawal experience a nightmare. I called in sick one day due to my withdrawal symptoms, and I NEVER call in sick, even when sick.

 

I suppose I don't have much good to say, but I am here for support, but mostly a realistic description of a cold turkey quit after very heavy benzodiazepine misuse. Reading through forums on here, it looks like I'm one of the heaviest cases. So if I can be of support to someone on here, or if someone could help spell out a timeline window of when my withdrawal symptoms will end, that would be great. I can go out and buy more Xanax whenever I want, but as nightmarish as this is, I feel it is doable. My main symptom now is not sleeping at night. My shakes are pretty much gone, but the tooth grinding still persists.

 

I have cut out all benzo and alcohol use at night. However to make it through my long work day, I NEED something or could not work such long hours with such heavy withdrawal symptoms. I take 30mg of 3FPM in the morning instranasally, and about 2 grams of Kratom in the afernoon. the 3FPM worsens withdrawals symptoms a bit, but allows me to move around enough and think just enough to make it out of bed do my job. The kratom I take when i hit the street and office work is done. Movement is still very hard at that point and the kratom allows me to push through, the Kratom is a huge help tremendously. I would not have been able to do this and work like this at the same time without the kratom, that's for dam sure. Days off like today i take nothing and am usually bed ridden, today is the first day I have been able to make it out of bed and do something on a day off.

 

I don't personally recommend someone quit how I have. I was unaware of how bad my addiction was an woefully unaware of the dangers of quitting like this. I was pretty benzo intolerant and unaware up until i started using a few months and ago and have decided this is a problem and need to quit. I had a light facial seizure on the morning of the first day. The left side of my face dropped down and then shook for about 5 seconds, so there is a danger to quitting cold turkey. Beware.

 

I apologize if I am encouraging kratom use. This is not my intent. Please note that I keep my kratom doses small. Average dose is 4 grams, but people who take kratom frequently will use much more than that. I use about 2 grams, enough to take the edge off on work days. If this substance is illegal in your country, please don't do this. Kratom can have dangerous interactions with your brain during benzodiazpine withdrawal, so it isn't recommended.

 

I will try to update my progress when I can. Probably on this upcoming Sunday since that is my next day off.

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Man go easy taking that 3 fpm in benzo withdrawal and booze, be careful. Can you cut that stuff out somehow and work on getting off the kratom? Kratom in benzo withdrawal was for me like taking ritalin or something but with all the bad effects.

 

You need to come first not work....

 

Hope your ok I hope some other people chime in. I got myself into a fucking hell of a mess with drugs in the end nothing helped me but made me worse...

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So u essentially used 3 mg of xanax daily for 3 months? I was on 8 mg Kpin daily for 2 years and four decades of intermmiten use before that so you arent alone. I strongly suggest you consider at least a shortened ashton like taper given youve only a week of ct. It is your choice and you may be ok as some people are at similar ct doses but not on this website. You cant hold out much longer before you decide because there comes a time during a ct that you have to much clean time to begin a taper. Isnt that fm 3 a stimulant? To each his own but a stimulant is the last thing id take during wd. Good luck buddy. I feel for ya!
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I knew someone who was taking 20 mags of Klonopin a day. That’s a insane amount of benzos!! Regardless of the amount coming off safely is key. Your symptoms you described Ed are typical in withdrawl. I abused Xanax in the past myself. I would stay away from alcohol completely and anything that acts in GABA receptors.
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You have done the best thing possible to help yourself. Going CT off benzos is never recommended, but for some people it may be the ONLY way. I did it and so have many others.

Benzo WD (BWD) may be very unpleasant and may make you think you have gone insane. You havent. Because benzos work on your brain, it is your brain creating all those weird and unpleasant symptoms. Only time will heal this.

 

I would suggest you read my Success Story. Eastcoast's Trip is its name. If you have trouble finding it, let me know. In the first few pages I attempt to describe my withdrawal. That alone was hard to do. How do you describe total misery??? But I sure tried.

I also talk about what helped me get through one of the worst withdrawals on record.

 

Please know that today - 6.5 years later - I am healthier and happier than I have been in 36 years.

 

Let me know how you are doing, please.

east :thumbsup:

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I am not sure how to go about editing at the moment so far now I am posting my updates as Replys, so your going to have to scroll to the bottom to see my updates. Sorry.

 

First would like to thank everyone for their responses. If I am going through this hell coming off of about 4 xanax's daily then I can't imagine what the hell the guy above me posted coming of 8 klonopin must of gone through.

 

So it's Sunday so that means I am at the 11th day mark. Shakes are completely gone, and the tooth grinding is still there but it's residual. Tooth grinding has improved remarkably. I imagine in two more days it will be completely gone. Sleep is still hard, but it's finally happening. I can hit deep sleep for about two hours, after that I can only hit REM sleep. After my first deep sleep phase, I toss and turn in the bed, but not for nearly as long. I wake up four to six times, which i consider a good thing. That means I am falling asleep four or six times! As opposed to laying there all night and not sleeping. I should mention a couple nights ago I bought a few things at the store to help me out that I think have been working wonders. At night I take 5 mg melatonin, a shot of nightquil, and 300 mgs of phenibut weighed out.

 

Since I've started to use a little bit of phenibut, this is sort of a half way cold turkey here. The first night I started using it is the first night i really hit deep sleep and it had been over a week at that point. A few things about the phenibut i should mention. One it's seems to be a great tool for withdrawl, but know that's coming from someone whose been withdrawing hard for over a week, so anything at this point seems like a godsend. If it's your first couple days in withdrawal, I am pretty confident that phenibut won't do anything at all. Two, phenibut is addictive in itself. That's I keep my doses so small. Normal dose of phenibut is .5 to 1.5 grams. Since I am trying to detox here, I keep it at 300mg. The half life of phenibut changes from 8 hours to 20 hours if you dose over 300mg. And three, Phenibut acts on GABA (B) receptors. Alcohol and benzodiazepines act on GABA (A) receptors, this is important to note that while you may have a hardcore benzotolerance, that dosen't mean your gonna have a huge phenibut tolerance, nor will it help you sleep in the beginning since it's agonizing the wrong receptor sub type. Your also potentially unleashing a whole new receptor tolerance. Take too much phenibut, and you not only have a GABA (A) receptor tolerance, but a GABA (B) receptor tolerance too, it's a double whammy.

 

Still though, i consider low dose better than relapse and some much needed comfort to a poor soul who hasn't slept in a week. Plus i was beginning to worry about permanent damage I might be causing to my body for going without deep sleep for so long. I read online that the longest someone has gone without deep sleep before fatality is 11 days, and I felt I was a little too close there.

 

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Hi Corey, thanks for sharing. Great job in recognizing and taking an initiative. Coming off a somewhat considerable dose of 2 mg kolonopin silt for 10 years, I can tell you things do improve in time. However, I should warn you to temper expectations regarding any timeline.
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I have heard some awqful things about phenibut. One guy here (about 5 years ago) became sort of addicted to it and went throuogh ANOTHER withdrawal getting off of it.

 

With BWD, I think it is smarter to limit your "pill taking" to simply pills that are to treat medical conditions such as hypertension. Playing around wit herbals, vitamins and other sorts of suppllements may only add misery to your current misery. "Keep it clean" was my motto.

 

BWD can be extremely difficult and unpleasant. The possible symptoms are FAR ranging and involve every single partof your brain and body.

 

Time helps you, and only time will heal you. Please do not add new drugs into that mix...it may slow you down or even send you into a new sort of mess.

east

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It's unfortunate what SamSitty is saying about not putting a timeline on anything. I can't go on without sleep like this forever. But things are improving so I am going to keep pressing on. I am only going to consider a slower taper if there isn't any improvement in another weeks time, but since there has been so far I don't think that will happen. It's surprising how long it takes to bounce back off these drugs. Why does the lack of sleep seem to persist so much longer than other things? I can't imagine being some of these people who claim years clean and still going through withdrawals. Certainly hope I am not one of those people because if I am, I might consider just staying on these things. For now though, things are still improving. I should note that during the day, although I am tired from little sleep, my mood and energy levels have probably tripled to when I first started this endeavor. So things are getting better. Just not as fast I was hoping.
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Going without normal sleep wont kill you, no matter what you think. After my CT I did not sleep normally for a year. All I got was micro sleeps. Moments when my brain just clicked off briefly. And this was enough to keep me from dying of lack of sleep. Micro sleeps were discovered, I think, when studies were done about sleep devprived POWS. Deliberately deprived of sleep. But they did not die from it....but they sure felt miserable just like I did. NOT sleeping at all was terrifying to me. I started taking benzos because of insomnia. And when I got off benzos, I could not sleep at all. What a mess!

Took several years for my sleep to turn into something that felt normal enough to deal with. I started listening to sleep hypnosis videos on YouTube. Those things taught me how to sleep without pills. They were truly hepful to me and I still listen to them on occasion.

I tried OTC stuff like benadryl but decided that I needed to stop thinking "a pill will always help me." Cuz that thinking is what got me into such a horrible mess with benzos. The fewer pills I take now, the better!

east :thumbsup:

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Corey, I am concerned about you. How are you doing now??

I sense you are a lot like me. Some people are especially prone to thinking that if they dont feel "right", they need to find some substance to fix things. Well, it just aint so. Phenibut can be quite dangerous. Several former members of BB tried it and had a wicked bad time getting off it. Adding any new substances into a withdrawing brain can be very dangerous.

 

Understand this, please. Benzo withdrawal symptoms are caused by your brain. ALL your symptoms. And why is this? Because benzos work on the brain, giving a false sense of calm and relaxation. When you go off benzos, your brain goes into overdrive. The brain tells you you are anxious, fearful, and so many other possible symptoms it is scary! ONLY time will heal your brain, and adding new substances into the mix will not help you a bit and may even prolong withdrawal.

east

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  • 3 weeks later...

Corey.

You are going to get yourself into SERIOUS trouble. You are self medicating, reaching for a drug when you cannot deal with life. This is crazy bad. You - of you continue this sort of thinking - will end up worse than I was. Read a few pages of my Success Story. Eastcoast's Trip.

That could easily be you and not far from now.

 

You assume that if something does not feel good, you need to find a new drug. Unless you finally learn how to deal with life's unpleasant feelings (such as insomnia) you will remain addicted to various drugs. You are a true "Drug Seeker." I was one, too, so I do knbow what I am talking about.

 

NO drug can fix you. Only YOU can fix you. And that takes time and hard work.

 

Get real, friend.

east

PS If you do decide to get real, private message me. I am more than willing to try to help someone else.

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That sounds very dangerous. :( Why not try to taper instead of going cold turkey? Also, what do you do for work if you don't mind me asking, and how are you around people without being on the benzos? I am trying to taper off but it's so difficult for me to work full time anddd not take the benzos.
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