Handling Anger

I get anxiety thinking about even being assertive regarding things that have made me angry.  I can't really be assertive due to fear of what it will lead to.  So then I keep anger to myself and eventually get really mad.

For instance, the apartment management have repeatedly done a bad job fixing any problem and then have been rude to me when I followed up on it.  They also talk to me in a condescending manner and lecture me sometimes.

I'm really mad knowing that there are several problems they've been told about repeatedly and they only do some pointless quick fix that doesn't usually even work and then act rude if I finally get annoyed about it.

They've known for 2 months there is a hole in the atic.  They have told me three times it would be fixed and it's not.  That alone makes me madder than anything else because nobody can be dumb enough to think that a hole which animals got through at one point is ok to leave there.  How can there NOT be future animals and bugs coming in if there's a HOLE?

What I'm afraid of is if I let them know it's not acceptable they'll try to keep me from having my lease renewed next year.  I like this area and may want to stay here and it's not really fair that I'm supposed to suck up to these people just to be allowed to stay here and pay them more money.  I really can't just keep letting them think it's ok to talk rudely and do a half assed job fixing anythig,

But anyway I wonder how to better handle things like this without getting flat mad or letting people walk all over me.  When I feel like I am being unfairly treated I get a ton of anxiety due to fear of confrontations.

midnight,

i don't know exactly how to help with the apartment problem/anger, anxiety then fear.

i have a recommendation:

get these book and cd by claire weekes:

book: "hope and help for you nerves"

audio cd: "pass through panic"

Claire does a great job explaining anxiety and the follow-up secondary fear and how to overcome these feeling

Really, she's great.  The CD is an easy listen.  The book, i'v read only 5 chapters so far and it's been a God send...it's a short book; i really should read the rest

take care,

truck

Thanks.  I've seen her mentioned before on another site, i think.  I haven't read or heard anything by her yet.  I've read a lot of books by others which have helped to varying degrees.

I think the clonazepam makes things even worse too.  I don't think I used to fear people's reactions as much.  Or not as often anywya.  I'm always nervous now that someone is going to say something rude or get mad at me as if it's the end of the world.

In the apartment situation though I sure don't want to scrwew myself over where I have trouble renewing a lease, so it's confusing what to do.  I sure can't keep dealing with these problems and ignore them though.

Thanks.  I've seen her mentioned before on another site, i think.  I haven't read or heard anything by her yet.  I've read a lot of books by others which have helped to varying degrees.

...

i have a lot of self-help books; most of which i just couldn't get through or identify with.

Believe me, these two that i recommend are "IT"! they are way cool.  You will get much out of them right away. Listen to the CD first; it's easier but doesn't cover as much as the book (which is a short book BTW).

for 20bucks from amazon, these are life altering tools she teaches...reallly no bullshit breathing stuff... real info that makes sense and works... try it..i wish i could give you a money back guarantee but i'm broke!

Know the difference between assertiveness and aggression-I dont mean to be condescending here.

Air your grievances in a calm way. If you dont like the way you are being spoken to, tell them, using 'I feel' statements, rather than 'you....' statements.

Tell them, again, in a calm way about the holes and the animals.

Look up anger management techniques on the web, if you fear that being assertive will open the way to being more angry.

lack of assertiveness to me, is not just about being timid, its about difficulty with assertiveness due to fear of ones own anger leaking out.