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Face paralysis, neck tension, and other fun stuff


[Mu...]

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Hi everyone,

 

I’m experiencing facial tics below my left cheek bones that come and go and feel like that part of my face extending downward into my neck is paralyzed. 

 

In 2016 after quitting CT, and not knowing anything about the repurcussions, the left side of my face wouldn’t move. The P Dr thought I had TIA, I blamed it on the damn anti psychotics he prescribed me.  I really hate that guy. 

 

I am beginning to suspect the benzodiazepines withdrawal caused me to have a damn stroke, that has gone untreated. In retrospect the amount of stress that CT caused me is terrifying. No one understood what was happening to me. My family became hostile, thought I had lost my mind and were themselves under great stress as a result of my behavior which made everything I was experiencing worse.  Only going back on the benzodiazepines stopped my symptoms. Difficult to think about.

 

This detox was done under medical supervision and my symptoms are far less, but my face feeling this way is unsettling. Is this a common withdrawal symptom?  If so, will it go away?  I’m really bummed about this, damn benzodiazepines ruined my life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Hi. Your post is very scary for sure. My experience with a stiff neck and numbness on my face included a strong pinging pain isolated right below my right eye. It came on suddenly and lasted 3-4 days during the third week after jumping. The neck issue comes back to a lesser degree in waves. I know MANY of us have this awful symptom including that pulling sensation but please look in the mirror and smile to determine if both sides are symmetrical.  If they are then I would be much more likely to confirm that this is “just” Benzo withdrawals.  Sounds like you and your family have been through hell and I am here to tell you that all relationships that have suffered can be repaired once you have healed. The best we can do is keep the damage to a minimal and focus on our health/ survival. Benzos will not win.
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Hi and thanks for the reply.

 

I did the mirror check and it’s not symmetrical.  Maybe just a few mm’s off, but it’s off.

 

Between this and the intrusive thoughts kicking in again I’m at a low point. The phenobarbital is leaving my system and the withdrawal symptoms are hitting me hard. I have vistaril to help but it makes me drowsy.

 

I feel like  Im watching my life go down the drain in slow motion. From my business, marriage, health, I can’t seem to catch a damn break. On the benzo I didn’t care about anything, off I’m worrying about things that I have no control over, which is overwhelming and making it near impossible to focus on what I do have control over. It’s vicious.

 

Friday &  Saturday were good days, yesterday not so much and today has been rough.

 

MB

 

 

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OK.  I am glad you checked.  A few millimeters is totally normal as no one's smile perfectly symmetrical.  But if you can pull both sides up then that is all that matters.  I am glad you had a couple of good days...  please hold tight to those.  The memory plays tricks on us during this process as in I can almost remember when I felt good but can't really believe it.  I am coming out of a huge wave but was pretty darn good for about a month.  I hear you about watching your life slide... and that is best description ON and OFF Benzos that I have thus seen.  We are just surviving and healing right now.  That is it.  What falls apart will not break us.  We are going to be better and without a doubt, stronger.  This is a very bad illness that can't be looked at any other way.  Please accept that you are doing the best you can and let others know that too.  I am doing the exact same thing.
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Hi Mush,

I laughed reading your post. "I really hate that guy." Dont we all!

 

I sort of doubt you had a TIA or stroke. Your symptoms are quite normal when someone rapidly goes off benzos.

 

Intrusive thoughts are also common. I had them quite badly and even though it has been 6 years since my CT I still get them on occasion. I try to banish them, learning tricks I learned here on BB. I wish they would just GO AWAY!

 

Benzo withdrawal can be extremely frightening. It is as if you have lost all control over your mind and body. And in truth, you kind of have. Because benzos work on your brain, and your brain controls EVERYTHING about you, withdrawal can produce incredibly intense and weird symptoms, leading one to think they have something else wrong with them. When I went CT off two benzos and 2 ADs, my symptoms were so awful I truly thought I had gone totally insane. I was so paranoid about doctors I would NOT get help even when I thought I had some seriously dire conditions or diseases. My symptoms mimiced stroke, cancer, Parkinsons and MS. And you know what? I had NONE of those things. It was all withdrawal from benzos.

 

It is 6 years later for me now. My symptoms are almost gone except for a niggling one or two that I have just learned to live with. Stupid stuff not worth mentioning. I consider myself fully healed, and I am now healthier and happier and more at peace with myself than I have been in so, so many years.

 

Benzos are awful drugs. They DO help temporarily but should never be taken for more than about 2 weeks. Amen.

east :thumbsup:

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Hi,

 

Thanks for the replies.  They certainly help.

 

The facial numbness has subsided a bit, so that’s good. 

 

I swear benzo withdrawal symptoms are the crap version of the everlasting gobstopper. Different day different symptom.  Today’s flavor is adrenaline dump.. so sever everything is a threat, mostly my thoughts, a catastrophe waiting to happen.

 

The idea of enduring this for months or years creates its own apprehension.

 

Gotta keep moving forward.

 

Peace

 

 

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What is a gobstopper???? Just curious.

 

Yes, the symptoms can change all the time. One day it will be fear, the next it will be auditory hallucinations. Then you may start tasting your food as weird. Then you can have aches and pains and just feel like crap. It is never ending.....until you do start to heal. And then it starts to get a whole lot better!

 

Hang in there.

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Hi.

 

From Wikipedia:

“According to Roald Dahl's book Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the fictional Everlasting Gobstopper is a candy that not only changes colors and flavors, but can never be finished, and never even gets smaller.”

 

So that’s how it feels for me, at times..most of the time last couple days. The physical symptoms change daily, and  rotating content in the fear, and paranoia, and intrusive thoughts are exhausting and quite embarrassing.  I know my mind, at least I thought I did, and the source of these things has me baffled.

 

I keep reading inspirational stories of recovery here and elsewhere, so I know it can be done. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

 

MB

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Your symptoms are completely “normal” in this world. The face stuff got really bad for me and it felt like bugs were crawling on my face. Apparently, my nerves were so sensitive I was “feeling” my facial hair. This has gone down slowly and I’m sure yours will also.
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Hi thank you all for helping ease my concerns. I had a pretty good day yesterday, the face tic disappeared, no serious intrusive thoughts worth worrying about. Was pretty amazing to feel kinda normal.

 

This morning went to the gym and after was hit with an 8 hour adrenaline dump and all that goes with it. Exhausted I took a nap and woke up to the face tic and a numb left hand. Back of my head is tense and a nice scowl. The intrusive thoughts diminished significantly though, which I’ll take.

 

My self care is inconsistent, when I feel like hell I drink lots of water, eat well, meditate, educate myself and work hard to get through it.  When I woke  up feeling “normal” I had forgotten how terrible the day before was and neglected using the tools at my disposal and over did it.

 

I’m in such a hurry to recover.  I’ve only been off 21 days, but have been battling this bastard withdrawal for 2 years without  knowing it.

 

Pfizer can burn in hell.

 

MB

 

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi LeslieJ,

 

Thanks for asking.  doing significantly better. The facial tic stopped then moved to below the right side of my mouth, disappeared, came back and is gone again.

 

My neck isn’t nearly as tense. Jaw is clenched most of the time and my legs are either always moving on pressed against each other so they won’t. 

 

Still deal with numbness but not as often.

I’m not sure if the intrusive thoughts have improved or if I’m managing them better.

 

Still hard to stay on task, and focused, which is expensive. My follow through is a joke.

 

In public I feel out of place and talking to people is really difficult even on the phone. Can’t quite organize my thoughts into speech, which is weird.

 

Lights are too bright, sounds too loud. People are stressful.

 

Took the kids out trick or treating and got chased down the street by a woman dressed as a

clown yellling “I just want a hug”.. because I mumbled I don’t like clowns. It was funny, but now I REALLY don’t like clowns. 

 

Good times.

 

MB

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I can identify with everything you mention below. All are (sadly!) very normal feelings in BWD. It is as if you threw a party, and several people showed up who caused an enormous scene, such as throwing pizza on your new sofa, dropping their drinks on your new rug, or screaming obscenities at your neighbors, and harassing your puppy.  One of them took a leak on your front porch, with the light on! Terrible stuff and you wish they hadnt shown up so damn drunk! But you deal with it all and later on, clean up the mess and calm the puppy down.

 

BWD can be a long process. During this process you may experience things you didnt even knew existed. Except perhaps in horror movies. But you slowly get through it, putting one foot ahead of the other and trying to deal with an onslaught of symptoms that boggle your mind. You often think "will this ever end? Will I be myself again?" And the answer is YES, but you wont know that until you get through BWD.

 

Once you truly start healing, symptoms will disappear, slowly but surely. One day you will realized that a symptom that bothered you greatly has just....disappeared. This begins to happen more often. For some people this process of healing can last a long time, but everyone DOES heal.

 

Much love to all of you...

east

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi Everyone,

 

Today is day 48 since my last benzo and I’m doing better than I ever expected.

 

Most of the mental symptoms have practically disappeared, with the exception of short term memory. I have been dealing with some extremely stressful situations and I’m not sure if they are a distraction or a remedy.

 

I still get the facial tics, numbness and itches but not nearly as bad. Lost a bit more weight but hey, more cake for me!

 

I will say addressing the intrusive thoughts while they were “raw” helped enormously. Once I adopted a bring it on attitude (after realizing how much I dealt with as a result of the interdose withdrawal I faced daily for years), things improved rapidly.

 

All in all very pleased, and very thankful for this site. It alone, and all of you, helped guide me.

 

Here’s to the strong and resilient people enduring this hell.  May every day bring you back.

 

MB

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Hi Mush,

I am glad you are doing better!!!

Could you explain more what you mean by getting a "bring it on" attitude???

 

And intrusive thoughts - how did you address them? Did you do something specific to make them go away? I was plagued with them during WD and on occasion, 6 years later, STILL get them sometimes. Horrible stuff. I would like to hear how you dealt with them.

Thanking you in advance, and keep up the good work!

east :thumbsup:

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Hi and thank you,

 

Doing better for sure, not near 100% but I can function, which is a great start.

 

As for the intrusive thoughts, I realized they were inevitably a part this process and really took the time to address their source. Meaning I wasn’t just going to sit around and let this crap roll around in my brain without trying to lessen its impact. For me these damn thoughts were brutal.

 

I was being bombarded by things long passed that I could not change, or do anything about, while also being inundated with a host of current issues that I could. so I started focusing on the immediate and potential problems sitting on my ass and worrying was going to create. It was and is stressful but I really had no choice.  As I said previously I felt like I was watching my life slowly go down the drain without the ability to do anything about it. I have a family, I couldn’t let that happen.

 

By focusing my attention on today, the intrusive thoughts of yesterday dissipated enough that I could start putting things back in order. My mind has since accepted the fact we have shit to do. It’s still throws tantrums but I just keep moving.

 

I’m exhausted at the end of the day, and after tough days my symptoms in the morning are off the chart, but as soon as I start doing what I need to everything going on pauses, or I’m just paying it no mind, not sure, don’t care which really the effect is the same.

 

Hope this helps explain my process.

 

MB

 

 

 

 

 

 

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  • 1 month later...

Hi everyone,

 

Almost 90 days, and I swear to God it has been a damn roller coaster.  I’ve had to deal with a ton of family issues, a relocation and other crap that has acted as a distraction from my misery. I’m not sure if I should be thankful or absolutely pissed. 

 

Mentally I’m stronger than I have ever been. After fighting the demons of intrusive thoughts and hellish memories for months I realize nothing in this world is more dangerous or painful than the inability to stay in the moment and live life. Now I deal with it head on: the good, the bad and the ugly. I want to put things behind me instead of letting them fester and allowing neglect to dictate the outcome. 

 

My memory is still crap, but getting better.  Still dealing with numbness in my face, neck and hands and a new patch of skin on my back. Weirdest damn thing. Serious joint pain and muscle aches that wake me up at night.

 

I have lost a TON of weight. I weigh as much now as I did in my early 20s. Not a welcome side effect when you’re buying new clothes all the time.

 

All in all happy to be off that crap, hopefully the numbness improves/disappears soon and the body aches stop. Oh, and I cannot eat anything with MSG.  I will pass out for a couple of hours and feel drugged the rest of the day.

 

Here’s to the New year, may we all find peace and healing.

 

Mush

 

 

 

 

 

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Hi Mush,

What a great post! Hopeful but honest. BWD can be truly awful, and many have used the smilie of the roller coaster. When I was SO bad off, I was definitly in one of those scary downswings of a roller coaster. I never had windows, so my ride was ALL scary.

 

I love the fact that you remain hopeful despite daily issues as we all have. Hope is maybe one of the best tools to get through this stuff. Remaining positive no matter what. I think you are doinbg very well.

east

 

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Hey, all. I just wanted to jump in here. I have been dealing with facial numbness since quitting this drug nine months ago. As I sit here typing this, I have numbness on both cheeks. Just got done with a workout. It seems pretty common in benzo withdrawal. I know most people with experience on this thread have already said this, but I wanted to say I experience the same thing. It seems worse after workouts and when I'm feeling particularly low mood wise.
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This is a fairly common symptom. Always keep in mind that when you get off benzos, your brain struggles to heal and this produces all those weird symptoms. No, you do not have some dread disease. You just are withdrawing from benzos. All of this stuff will fade away in time. Take that from someone who has been there and come bacl!

east

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  • 3 weeks later...

106 Days and this sucks.  Enormous amounts of stress and my symptoms are off the chart.  Severe insomnia, facial ticks are like day 30, new patch of skin on my left leg is numb. Jaw constantly clenching. This crap is exhausting.  High anxiety and some paranoia.  I would almost take a.benzo it so damn bad, but no way in hell.

 

I’ve lost so much weight I’m afraid to get on a scale.  Feel like a walking skeleton. Gross.  Nerve damage in my left arm from whatever is causing muscle in my hand to waste. Getting kinda scared.

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Hi Mushbrain,

What an apt name you chose. Benzo withdrawal does feel like we have Mushbrain. But rest assured that this too will heal.

I hate to say this but 106 days out is "small time" for benzo healing. It took me almost two years to feel ANYWAY normal and after that it took more time to truly heal. Keep in mind that my benzo history is far more extensive than yours. Thirty years of nightly benzos is a heck of a lot of benzos. Plus I drank too much back then. My withdrawal was truly awful and it should have killed me, but somehow it didn't. I am now 69 and so darn healthy and happy. No depression, very little anxiety, and for 99% worth, free of symptoms I associate with withdrawal.

 

Being scared of this stuff is normal. Few people are NOT scared of this stuff! Benzo withdrawal can make you feel you are going to die. It truly is frightening to have so little control over how you feel.

 

Before I went CT, my weight had dropped to 84 lbs. During my withdrawal it went down even more and I truly looked like aa stick with breasts! LOL! I had to buy jeans in the childrens department at Walmart. About midway my first year out I made a concerted effort to gain weight, and I did this by eating peppermint patties night and day. I ate so much of that crap I bought new bags in different stores, because I was a bit embarrassed about it LOL! A York Peppermint Pattie junkie.

 

Have you been medically checked out, as in having basic labs drawn? If so and all was normal, then it is most likely all withdrawal stuff. Because it is your BRAIN that has to heal, and your brain is producing all those scary symptoms. Without your brain, you would be dead. And benzos do caused temporary damage to the brain. Understanding that better might help you deal with this stuff..;

Feel free to Private Message me if are having a truly bad time of it. I get here every day, usually late in the day-  and always read my messages and reply. People did that for me, when I had it as bad as you now feel. Knowing I could depend on BB friends was just so wonderful.

east

 

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Hi eastcoast62,

 

I understand I’m a short timer but it feels like it’s been 106 years. The nights are so damn long and the waking moments are tortuous.  I keep hearing acceptance and I accept this sucks.

 

Mush

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