Almost three months free...still waiting.

Hi, well my story is so similar to so many others, but to give a brief history, I was prescribed a “low” dose of Xanax after a knee surgery left me with 2 weeks on no sleep.  My poor doctor did try so many things before prescribing the benzo, but little did we know, I don’t metabolize meds normally.  After about two weeks of nightly use I stopped taking the Xanax and all hell broke loose.  I was in the ER with an almost seizure and so sick I thought I might die.  After another visit to my doctor and a prescription for Temazepam, I magically got better. I then realized what happened and the true dangers of benzo use.  I then read the Ashton Manuel,crossed over to Valium and spent the next 2-1/2 years tapering off.

Well here I am today and free!  I am far from healed and still very much sick, but I know I’ll never have to take a benzo again.  I often wonder if there is something else wrong, but deep down I know it’s all benzo WD.  There are three things that helped me, and not everyone will agree and many say to stay away, but I was soooo sick and something had to change, so I prayed like crazy and took a leap of faith and tried Remeron, a low dose birth control and had a compound made so I could micro taper.

The Remeron helped me sleep, eat and not have suicidal thoughts.  I’m on 3.75 mg’s and will taper when I’m more healed.

The birth control helped control my crazy PMS and hormonal fluctuations.  I was so sick during my cycle I could barely function.  I too plan on getting off when I’m more healed.

And the last thing that helped was getting a compound made so I could do a daily micro taper.  I feel that if I didn’t do this I would not have been able to come off of Valium somewhat “stable”.  I had a compound of olive oil and diazepam powder made with a 1:1 ratio (1mg=1ml).  This made small cuts possible and allowed for holds.  I used majority pills along with the compound.

Anyways, I know I have a lot more healing ahead of me and I still have more waves than windows, but my waves aren’t as bad as they used to be and my windows seem a lot better with each one.

My true success story will come the day I am able to step on the soccer field and play again!  That has been my biggest goal and my sign of true healing.

To all of you looking for comfort and reassurance, I can tell you it does get better and to hold faith.  Keep praying and one day all those prayers will be answered!!!