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Is there an over 50 support group?


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Is there an over 50 support group. Each age group has such unique challenges and experiences. All the other decades were fine for me. This one has hit hard.
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I don't know if there is an over 50 support group. I am 49, will be 50 in December, and yes, I am finding these years to be very hard. Sent my first son off to college last fall which was probably one of the hardest things I have had to do. I thought I was going to physically collapse when it was time to walk away. My father died almost three years ago; my mother is very sick with Parkinson's. Son #2 is now having health issues--he is a sophomore in HS so he will be gone soon. My marriage is mostly okay although our sex life is virtually non existent as I feel nauseous almost all the time.

 

I am experiencing a lot of depression from ... I don't even know what. Is it the taper, life, periomenopause? Many of my friends not tapering drugs are having a lot of depression as well. So I would continue to post here if this group gets going!

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redevan,

 

I think you’re right about that. But I’m also going to say that so many of these support groups are shadows of a lot the support groups in the past.

 

Maybe it’s just me though. Who knows?

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Thanks for the links. I’ll check them out. I don’t think it’s a silly idea to relate to issues people of the same age group are going thru. Certainly life circumstances affect tapers. Maybe it’s just me.

 

NJstrength sending you hugs 🤗 I lost my Mom in May. Empty nester. Long term relationship ended 3 yrs ago durI no first taper. He left married someone else.  Can’t get out to make friends or do anything.  Don’t know what’s the wd or menopause or circumstances or real health issues anymore. When I tapered at 25 the first time it was no problem and I was so much more hopeful about my future. Now not so much .....

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I hear you.  The issues now are different.  I feel less hope about my future.  I think if I were younger, I'd have felt at least that when I heal, I'd have decades of my life to look forward to.  I was always such an optimistic person, but no longer, and I don't know how much of that is because of benzos and how much is just this stage of life. 

 

I once believed that my 50's and 60's would be the prime of my life.  Now everything seems to be filtered through a very dark benzo lens, and I'm wondering what my life will hold for me once I'm well.  My kids are transitioning into their own lives, and they have problems and challenges that I would never have expected before.  My parents are not in good health, and I'm praying that I'll be well enough to handle the grief when their time comes. 

 

Everything seems to be overwhelming and hopeless. I don't know if it's a mid-life issue or a benzo-issue, or a combination of both.  But it's a very hard time of life for sure, thanks to  Dr. A. M., and her "benign" little solution for occasional insomnia. 

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ComingHome I feel the same way.

In fact as crazy as it sounds.....if I wasn’t already on an anti depressant, this age and the things that come with it, would be exactly what would make me ask to get on one!

 

Having said that and knowing how well GETTING ON PILLS worked out in the long run ... there has to be a better way. I don’t know what it is.

 

And if anyone says exercise and eating healthy .... really hard to do when you’re dizzy, depressed, agoraphobic, and broke.

 

Sorry for the melancholic post.

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I know.  I have to believe that when we're better, it won't seem this hopeless and bleak. 

 

There is a better way - antidepressants don't work long term, at least they didn't for me, and over time they ended up causing far more problems than they solved in the beginning.  But like you, I'm feeling too lousy to do the things that can help.  I eat healthy (mostly), but I'm intolerant of exercise right now.  I'm agoraphobic as well, and forcing myself to socialize backfires.  This in itself is very unlike me, and so I have hope of that improving when I'm better. 

 

I've had "normal" clinical depression before, and this is NOT THE SAME.  Not at all.  I believe that even with no effort or intervention, "normal" depression will be totally tolerable for me in the future.  Nothing I'll enjoy, for sure, but manageable.  I have this crazy hope sometimes that healing from the benzo damage can perhaps rewire my system in a way that helps me to heal from the depression that started me on this horrible path many years ago. 

 

I don't even try to "solve" any of it right now.  I'm just trying to put in the time, and get through one day at a time until I come out the other side. 

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I think these years are hard for everyone, benzo withdrawal or not. I feel that most if not all of my friends are struggling, especially with depression. The suicide rate for this age group is also pretty high. I know in my local community there have been five (that I am aware of) suicides among men in the 50-65 age group in a very short period of time.

 

So while benzo withdrawal doesn't help anything, I think it's just a hard stage of life overall.

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NJstrength ... agreed about this age being difficult. Still I see so many women especially saying they wouldn’t trade these years for anything. That they’ve learned so much and are now comfortable and happy in their own skin and enjoying time alone. I’d definitely go back ten years ! These pills and getting off them have aged me. I personally don’t know anyone  struggling with anxiety/depression let alone withdrawal yet it’s supposedly so prevalent. Everyone I see is out enjoying life. That’s why I got off social media. 

 

ComingHome ...I’m also pretty intolerant of exercise. It revs me up. Socializing is just a memory to me now. I don’t have much to say anymore anyway. I’m just a downer.  I literally can’t find my sense of humor. I like your idea about not trying to solve anything right now. It’s hard because I’m very restlessly despressed. I try to trick my mind into thinking of it as a sentence or recovering from an injury and what could I do to be in the best shape when this is over. But I don’t have much motivation most days.

 

I’m not sure what type of depression this is. It’s definitly not a crying depression like when my mom died or my partner left. It’s a sense of hopelessness combined with terror I guess. Some days it’s lethargy, some days it’s pure anxiety and fear. I hope it’s just all the pills I’ve been on over the years and it gets better when off.

 

 

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In my view, it’s a chemically induced depression  that’s unlike anything humans could possibly go through under normal circumstances.  It’s far darker and laced with terror and dissociation. Oddly, that’s the thing about it that gives me reason to hope. If we can recover from the benzo damage (and I believe we do), then it stands to reason that as we heal, it will go away or at least get better.

 

Yes, it’s a difficult time of life but I’ve known so many women who thrive in these years. I think these transitions that are hard for me (kids growing up, parents growing older) are just all amplified horribly by the crazy mental sxs of bwd.

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Don't get too caught up by seeing others who seem to be doing well. You really have no idea of what is going on for real in their lives. Even I work full time, just got recruited by a new employer with a big raise, go out with friends, go on vacation, have two great kids, good income, marriage, etc. etc. but I am suffering from crushing depression and frequently just sob to/from work or most of a weekend.

 

I do actually feel more comfortable in my skin and am in some senses enjoying having some free time again. It's just that things aren't always what they seem, and I think it can be worse if we compare ourselves to others' social media lives.

 

Now, I admit this horrific withdrawal does of course make everything worse, but there are lots of people self medicating with drugs, alcohol, etc. to get through the day that you may not be seeing. A friend's husband took his own life , and really, they looked like the perfect family. When I heard the whole backstory, alcoholism, mental health hospitalization, on psych meds forever, I never suspected this was going on. I think it is important to try to live our lives the best we can while tapering and hope that the next chapter of our lives will be better for all we have gone through.

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I'm in the 60's group, but it is pretty quiet.

Thought would be thinking do I want to move or live where I am for final years... then withdrawal hit like ton of bricks.

Hey, came upon this video yesterday and thought it was fascinating.  You can listen to this interesting, compassionate Stanford professor for free!  One of the best explanations I've heard.

 

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BarbaraAve.....Wow I’m only 5 minutes into this video and he gets it! How bad it can be. How disabling. That and anxiety. Thank you for sharing.
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I'm 46 and I totally relate here to everything everyone is saying.  We moved when I was 37 and had a little baby and now just moved again.  I feel like my ability to make friends was terribly impacted both for the last move, but even more for this move. Now here we are, in a new place, and I have no job or career and I'm on disability.

 

This was NEVER how I thought my life would go.  I have been disabled for years now and I'm pretty sure my disability was caused by benzos. I never even know what to say when someone asks what I do for a living, it makes me so angry and ashamed.  Of course, that is not really giving any credit to any women who stay home to raise their kids, cause that is what I pretend to do everything, but I feel like a fake.  I never wanted to do that and I feel like I am somehow letting my parents down and letting down all other women, by not working and staying the in the stereotypical female world.

 

To make it worse, my MIL, was a housewife, and even though she is not doing this, in my mind, I feel like she is constantly criticizing me.  I know I think of her much more than she thinks of me, but it's really negative the thoughts and imaginary fight's in my mind, that I have with her. 

 

I wanted to be an civil engineer, so many years ago, when I was 19.  Once I started taking benzos, I couldn't learn properly and could not get through my college classes.  I've now been on disability for about 11 years. 

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I’m on disability too GreenCup. This isn’t how I thought my life would be either. I never know what to tell people about “ my work.” So I just don’t meet new people or I lie. I think I worked for years in tolerance. I had to get rides and eventually couldn’t do it anymore. I’m thankful I get disability to live on but it’s not what I planned and the isolation is awful. I know exactly what you mean about learning. I can’t learn anything new now.

 

 

PS There’s nothing wrong with saying you wanted to work outside the home and you’re not discrediting anyone. I understand what you’re saying.

 

 

I hope you have good support from your partner at least?

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Off-  I have just looked at your signature and we have similar stories.  I was 19 years old and going off to college, and had a very stressful court trial to attend, which was, honestly, a stressful situation.  I tried not to be concerned about it, and just study hard, and then, when it was over, I had a bunch of panic.  I had NO IDEA that I could still be feeling panic from my anxiety that I had before.  I completely did not understand anxiety and how it can effect the body.  I believed the psychologist when he said I might be one of those people who *need* a tranquilizer in order to function. 

 

The truth was the I functioned much worse as soon as I started taking those pills.  My life since age 19 has just been compensating for those ill effects, which eventually made me too unwell to work. 

 

I am truly lucky that my husband has a good job.  I often think, that without these pills, I could have been working side by side with him, instead of just being ill, on the sidelines. 

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I'm 46 and I totally relate here to everything everyone is saying.  We moved when I was 37 and had a little baby and now just moved again.  I feel like my ability to make friends was terribly impacted both for the last move, but even more for this move. Now here we are, in a new place, and I have no job or career and I'm on disability.

 

This was NEVER how I thought my life would go.  I have been disabled for years now and I'm pretty sure my disability was caused by benzos. I never even know what to say when someone asks what I do for a living, it makes me so angry and ashamed.  Of course, that is not really giving any credit to any women who stay home to raise their kids, cause that is what I pretend to do everything, but I feel like a fake.  I never wanted to do that and I feel like I am somehow letting my parents down and letting down all other women, by not working and staying the in the stereotypical female world.

 

To make it worse, my MIL, was a housewife, and even though she is not doing this, in my mind, I feel like she is constantly criticizing me.  I know I think of her much more than she thinks of me, but it's really negative the thoughts and imaginary fight's in my mind, that I have with her. 

 

I wanted to be an civil engineer, so many years ago, when I was 19.  Once I started taking benzos, I couldn't learn properly and could not get through my college classes.  I've now been on disability for about 11 years.

 

GC: I think many of us at this point in our lives sit back and wonder how we got here and have regrets.

 

I graduated second in my high school class of 319. I was (am) smart. But I didn't go to some great college and follow a big career because I was already pretty crippled with anxiety. I was on librax (a drug that has Librium, so a benzo, with an anti-nausea drug), and wasn't ready to move far from home. My biggest accomplishment was being able to study abroad senior year.

 

I did stop taking that drug after I was married (and I was a mess then, I had no idea that it was due to stopping the drug), did well working at a big company, then at a school, but stopped working when I had my first child because I could not see how I was going to be able to work and juggle raising a kid, it was too much. I worked very part-time and freelance for many years and only returned to the work force full time a few years ago.

 

I am not doing anything that I want to do now and really feel like I am not particularly good at what I do. I am a strong writer and want to work in communications but that world changed so much with social media while I was home with the kids that I cannot get back into it. At this point, I would like to stop working or scale back but we have one in college and one on the way in three years so that is not my reality.

 

I hope you can somehow find a way to enjoy the time you have with your child and not beat yourself up over not having a career. I think it is really a gift to be able to stay home, although I know it can be very lonely.

 

Congrats on being near the end of your taper. I hope you start to feel better as you continue healing.

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I was valedictorian and went to fancy university and then had good career... but because of sleep prob (sig) was on benzos at  before 30 for sure.  So they, I think, gave me some sort of life, for decades, tho I don't know what they may have undermined (did they worsten sleep; anxiety; follow through?)

 

Went from super over achiever, high functioning...  to this mess  ;(

 

Beyond humbling is all I can say.

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Thanks NJ and Barbara for your input. 

 

NJ, you are completely correct about everyone having regrets.  I guess I am having a hard time accepting how I got here.  A lot of my 20s and 30s, I was just plain sick with withdrawal symptoms, in and out of psychiatrists' offices, looking for answers.  I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to find "the one" to get married and have kids.  I feel like I dodged a few bullets there, at least, by not settling, so at least there, I think I made a good decision.

 

I do feel the drugs severely impacted my cognitive function to the point, that I was not able to complete schoolwork without anxiety, which I am just now realizing, probably came from the fact that one day I could do it and the next I couldn't, and I had no idea why.  It's amazing to me, that even with the known side effects, none of the psychologists of psychiatrists ever thought of this.  As far as I can remember, they all thought that maybe college, or maybe my math and science courses, were just "too hard" for me.  I had and still have a really hard time accepting this. 

 

I do think that these drugs effected my mind more than others, as I see people using benzos and finishing college and working and just not having as many problems as I did.  I imagine this problem is/has probably effected others in a similar way though, especially with the proliferation of psychiatric prescriptions for young people.

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Sorry I haven’t gotten back.

 

I think a lot of us who ended up on these were/are highly intelligent, deep thinkers, over achievers.

 

It’s so hard to know what came first... the chicken or the egg .....sometimes I’m not sure if I would have been able to have success without them ....at the time they brought me out of terrible breakup that included severe anxiety and depression. Then I went to college in my late twenties and I was public speaking like nobody’s business. But I remember towards the end of my senior year I couldn’t do presentations anymore.

 

I’m sure the good effects were wearing off, but at the time I thought I was just having more anxiety. So I kept on them and trying different combos of meds. Until I eventually landed at this point.

 

 

I don’t expect my career back or the money I made and lost. Right now I’d just settle for being able to drive to the grocery store and feel some level of happiness.

 

 

 

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Off,

 

Yes.  To be able to go to store with no problem, not feel like it hard to breathe, not have horrendous panic/depression...  yup a boring little life I would not take for granted at all now!

 

You know there is a guy came across on youtube calle Max Strom.  Look him up and he talks about overachievers who need pills to sleep and cope and be successful in his Ted Talk, I believe.  Interesting.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Is there an over 50 support group. Each age group has such unique challenges and experiences. All the other decades were fine for me. This one has hit hard.

I would like to join "over 50 support group".

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