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KROCK....The Sucess Story I never wrote......


[KR...]

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thank you, I needed to hear this. If you can go cold turkey like that, I can do this taper. thank you a million times for not forgetting about your community and sharing your success. I look forward to being in your position one day, and being able to help others see that there is a chance at the other side of this.

 

Im happy to help! You will be in my position sooner than you think. Promise.

 

Please know you have what it takes to make it through your taper. Your WAY stronger than you think. You will surprise yourself on what you can handle and endure.... You got this! Stay the course....you have the inner strength to prevail.

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Thanks Krock for the inspo. Sorry you suffered so much but so glad to hear you’re better :)

 

How long were you on benzos before your first CT?

I’m in similar position, was CT, put back on 6 weeks later but not helped and now feel worse than I did when I quit them. Wish I’d listened on here not to docs  and stayed off.

Doc wants to CT again as I’m suffering so much on them, they’re making me sicker..

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Thanks Krock for the inspo. Sorry you suffered so much but so glad to hear you’re better :)

 

How long were you on benzos before your first CT?

I’m in similar position, was CT, put back on 6 weeks later but not helped and now feel worse than I did when I quit them. Wish I’d listened on here not to docs  and stayed off.

Doc wants to CT again as I’m suffering so much on them, they’re making me sicker..

 

So i was on Valium for a few years before I went CT at a Detox Center. I tried to taper down and had no idea what the fuck I was doing. As I'm sure that happens with many. The withdrawl symptoms would kick in and I would dose back up out of fear and the CRAZY symptoms.

 

Long story short I checked myself into a high dollar rehab center in California. Major mistake!! All hell broke loose there. Loaded me up on a ton of seizure meds and ripped me off the Valium. I was still on 20 to 30mgs a day when that happened. The withdrawl ravaged my body and mind. I tried to reinstate due to the UNREAL pain and suffering. I cant explain to you how bad i was. So dam bad!!

 

Anyways the reinstatement didn't work. I was to fucked up...pardon my language. I kept taking more Valium each day hoping i would go back to being normal and relaxed again. Unfortunately...that never came. I got sicker and sicker during the reinstatement. My doc was extremely worried about my health and safety. He never saw full blown benzo withdrawl like i had. I was then faced with a rapid taper off my failed reinstatement of 20mgs of Valium. That's was SUPER brutal because i was still in really bad shape from the CT at the Detox Center.

 

During my failed reinstatement....my doc put me on Phenobarbital to try and ease some of my withdrawl symptoms. Dont EVER take that shit.....it totally fucked me up beyond description. I then had to taper off of the Pheno. I was so sick i truly thought I was going to die. I basically went through one CT and 2 rapid tapers in a very short time frame. Not wise or smart...but when your that sick...you will try anything to help yourself. Docs were CLUELESS!!!!

 

To sum it up...I did EVERYTHING wrong when it came to coming off Benzos. I'm sure what i did to my poor brain had a lot to do with the pain and suffering i went thru. But even me being a VERY extreme case. I'm hear to tell you that it does end. Your body WILL heal. Maybe not as fast as you like. But it knows how to fix itself. You have to go through it to believe it. The symptoms just fade away......

 

This part is VERY important to remember......

There is NO way through Benzo withdrawl....but through it.

Remember that sentence. I read that online when i first went CT. I was like WTF is that suppose to mean. But it all made sense after it was over.

 

Theres NO short cuts or secret remedies. I tried a lot of them. Its all bullshit. Get off the drugs and let your body heal. Its the ONLY cure.

 

Please TRY and taper off if all possible....i know its frustrating and time consuming. But its way better than shocking the shit out of your brain with a CT. I stopped going to doctors after my Pheno nightmare taper. Never went back. Never plan to. I just buried myself on this site and passed time while i was healing. I had NO choice. Everyrhing else i did was a EPIC failure!!!

 

Please believe me and the others on here that have gone through this before you. Were here to tell you that if we can make it....so can you. Theres nothing special about us. Were just normal people that got dependant on a very bad drug. We were you once upon a time. And now were here pulling you toward the finish line... just as others did for us when we were down.

 

Stay STRONG! Believe in yourself! Your not a quitter. You have a GREAT life ahead of you! The misery DOES end!

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Thanks Krock for the inspo. Sorry you suffered so much but so glad to hear you’re better :)

 

How long were you on benzos before your first CT?

I’m in similar position, was CT, put back on 6 weeks later but not helped and now feel worse than I did when I quit them. Wish I’d listened on here not to docs  and stayed off.

Doc wants to CT again as I’m suffering so much on them, they’re making me sicker..

 

So i was on Valium for a few years before I went CT at a Detox Center. I tried to taper down and had no idea what the fuck I was doing. As I'm sure that happens with many. The withdrawl symptoms would kick in and I would dose back up out of fear and the CRAZY symptoms.

 

Long story short I checked myself into a high dollar rehab center in California. Major mistake!! All hell broke loose there. Loaded me up on a ton of seizure meds and ripped me off the Valium. I was still on 20 to 30mgs a day when that happened. The withdrawl ravaged my body and mind. I tried to reinstate due to the UNREAL pain and suffering. I cant explain to you how bad i was. So dam bad!!

 

Anyways the reinstatement didn't work. I was to fucked up...pardon my language. I kept taking more Valium each day hoping i would go back to being normal and relaxed again. Unfortunately...that never came. I got sicker and sicker during the reinstatement. My doc was extremely worried about my health and safety. He never saw full blown benzo withdrawl like i had. I was then faced with a rapid taper off my failed reinstatement of 20mgs of Valium. That's was SUPER brutal because i was still in really bad shape from the CT at the Detox Center.

 

During my failed reinstatement....my doc put me on Phenobarbital to try and ease some of my withdrawl symptoms. Dont EVER take that shit.....it totally fucked me up beyond description. I then had to taper off of the Pheno. I was so sick i truly thought I was going to die. I basically went through one CT and 2 rapid tapers in a very short time frame. Not wise or smart...but when your that sick...you will try anything to help yourself. Docs were CLUELESS!!!!

 

To sum it up...I did EVERYTHING wrong when it came to coming off Benzos. I'm sure what i did to my poor brain had a lot to do with the pain and suffering i went thru. But even me being a VERY extreme case. I'm hear to tell you that it does end. Your body WILL heal. Maybe not as fast as you like. But it knows how to fix itself. You have to go through it to believe it. The symptoms just fade away......

 

This part is VERY important to remember......

There is NO way through Benzo withdrawl....but through it.

Remember that sentence. I read that online when i first went CT. I was like WTF is that suppose to mean. But it all made sense after it was over.

 

Theres NO short cuts or secret remedies. I tried a lot of them. Its all bullshit. Get off the drugs and let your body heal. Its the ONLY cure.

 

Please TRY and taper off if all possible....i know its frustrating and time consuming. But its way better than shocking the shit out of your brain with a CT. I stopped going to doctors after my Pheno nightmare taper. Never went back. Never plan to. I just buried myself on this site and passed time while i was healing. I had NO choice. Everyrhing else i did was a EPIC failure!!!

 

Please believe me and the others on here that have gone through this before you. Were here to tell you that if we can make it....so can you. Theres nothing special about us. Were just normal people that got dependant on a very bad drug. We were you once upon a time. And now were here pulling you toward the finish line... just as others did for us when we were down.

 

Stay STRONG! Believe in yourself! Your not a quitter. You have a GREAT life ahead of you! The misery DOES end!

 

KROCK = Legend!

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  • 3 weeks later...

LEGEND + HOPE!!!

 

Thanks for your kind words! I want everyone here to make it through this deal. Support is key!

 

Please remember....when i first joined this site i was just the opposite of Hope....i was Hopeless. I was also VERY sick...lost...and scared.

 

That was then...and this is now. Its all gone. Would i ever have believed it back then? Hell No!  But here I am....and what Im telling you is true. You do heal...and your time WILL come.

 

Stay strong and believe in yourself. Listen to that inner voice inside your head. It wont mislead you. Keep distracting and making time pass. Time is the ultimate healer.

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Thanks for posting. I think what I love most about your posts is your so full of life and personality. It makes me want to hang out around you and yr just in the digital world. That is the thing I miss most is myself, my brain and my joy for life. I'm dealing with really bad suicidal ideation the past several days. I'm only barely 4 months of benzos rapid taper. Its scary because its not just suicidal thoughts but this feeling that I'm looking back on my life and all my mistakes and feeling like things will only get worse so its very logical to me to take control and end my life. Those are my thoughts and I know its benzo induced and I'm not gonna act on it but its non stop. Thank you for talking about this and giving hope that this is a common thing in w/d and it will eventually go away.
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Thanks for posting. I think what I love most about your posts is your so full of life and personality. It makes me want to hang out around you and yr just in the digital world. That is the thing I miss most is myself, my brain and my joy for life. I'm dealing with really bad suicidal ideation the past several days. I'm only barely 4 months of benzos rapid taper. Its scary because its not just suicidal thoughts but this feeling that I'm looking back on my life and all my mistakes and feeling like things will only get worse so its very logical to me to take control and end my life. Those are my thoughts and I know its benzo induced and I'm not gonna act on it but its non stop. Thank you for talking about this and giving hope that this is a common thing in w/d and it will eventually go away.

 

Im sorry your dealing with those scary thoughts. Please know that as real as they seem....their not the real you. Its the withdrawl lieing to you. Its your brain misfireing from the withdrawl.

 

The reason i talked about my suicidal ideation is because I was scared out of my mind! I never had those thoughts before withdrawl....and ive never had them after. Talking about your symptoms and feelings is a very important part of healing. Dont ever be ashamed about any of your symptoms. Especially ones involving death. It always flips some people out when you bring it up....but there are lots of other people that have experienced the same thoughts. They can ease you fear by telling you its gonna be ok....that this to shall pass. The thoughts are temporary. I promise.

 

Once your brain calms down from your rapid taper...the suicidal ideation will chill. It might pop back up. Then go away again. Then come back for a minute....and then go away. It will be less and less frequent. It was pissing me off after awhile. Just when i thought it was gone....that shit would creep back up on me for a minute. It just fades away like all the other symptoms.

 

Dont ever think your life is not worth living. When your withdrawl is over....you have a lot to offer the world. People love you. And most importantly ....you need to love yourself. Because your worth loving and life is worth living. Your current misery is temporary!  Dont ever forget that!!  Your very special...and you will see life through a new lens when this is over.

 

Remember this line when it comes to withdrawl. I use to tell myself  this  during my darkest hours... ....Death is a PERMANENT solution to a TEMPORARY problem. Your withdrawl is TEMPORARY! It goes AWAY!! Remind yourself of that often. 

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KROCK, over the past couple months, my SI has gotten to be less. Instead now I feel an intense anger toward my loved ones. It's very distressing with anger and intrusive thoughts. Did you ever experience that at all? If so, did it come on later in withdrawal like mine has?
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KROCK, over the past couple months, my SI has gotten to be less. Instead now I feel an intense anger toward my loved ones. It's very distressing with anger and intrusive thoughts. Did you ever experience that at all? If so, did it come on later in withdrawal like mine has?

 

That's a problem dude. Forget benzo stuff, you have to talk yourself out of that shit. Bad stuff. No excuse.

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KROCK, over the past couple months, my SI has gotten to be less. Instead now I feel an intense anger toward my loved ones. It's very distressing with anger and intrusive thoughts. Did you ever experience that at all? If so, did it come on later in withdrawal like mine has?

 

In regards to your question... if i ever felt anger toward loved ones during withdrawl? The answer is yes. Very much so. The root of my anger was the fact that i wasn't healing as fast as i thought i would. It was VERY frustrating!! My family and friends started questioning if i was still in withdrawl.... or is something else wrong with me due to the duration. I got VERY defensive that they doubted what i was going through. Pissed me off BIG time. I was jealous they were healthy living a productive life while i was miserable and suffering.

 

Long story short...i pushed them ALL out of my life while i was healing. I still dont talk to many of them to this day. Was it selfish of me? Maybe. But I HAD to be selfish while i was healing. I was trying to survive this nightmare. I didn't need ANY negative energy or doubters around me. It just made things worse. I pretty much became a hermit except for my friends on this site. I was happy when i was talking to people on here that understood my symptoms. I'm not saying i recomend this...but it worked for me.

 

Looking back at my withdrawl....it was a complete cleanzing process of my life. It took dam near everything i had to survive it. It brought me to my knees and i constantly begged God to let me live through it. Not kidding when i say that. I begged God for help...and i begged often!! I just wanted to get better.

 

So while i was healing....I made a list of all the people and things that caused me anxiety or brought me down prior to my withdrawl. I promised myself if i made it through this i would make a fresh start in life. So that's what i did. All the negative people and bullshit that was in my life prior to withdrawl are now Gone! I feel so much better not dealing with them or those things anymore. They were draining the life and energy out of me. It was the BEST thing that came out of this deal. I'm happier and healthier than ever. It took this happening to me to realize what did and didn't make me happy in life.

 

 

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I'd love to write more but as of this moment, with tears of happiness and hope streaming down my face, all I can say is..

 

CONGRATULATIONS and THANK YOU!  :thumbsup::smitten:

 

Fondly,

Lori

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sunlit...if it's any help, I went through the exact same thing, big time.  It's like benzos knew all my deep dark sorrows and regrets and fears...and everything else painful and dark...and kept serving them up to me 24/7.  It was the worst of all symptoms because I seemed to have no place to rest within myself...dealing with my brain was like living behind enemy lines, constantly.  I came to understand it was 'normal' recovery.  But actually, it started happening about a month into taking the Klon and I didn't understand what was going on.  So I was in that place for over a year.  It felt like an epic spiritual battle. 

 

I'm in month four too, from a rapid taper.  All that stuff is finally starting to fade away, about 70% better.  But there was a time it was totally inconceivable to me that Humpty Dumpty would ever be able to be put back together again.  But it's happening.

 

KRock...as always...love your straightforward, honest, caring, no-nonsense attitude.  I want to thank you again for being such an incredible beacon of hope for me.  And many others.  I lost count of how many times I have read and reread this thread and how much hope it gave me during those endless dark days.  You continue to be my biggest inspiration.

 

Thanks for being you!  :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

 

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Krock, first of all thank you for coming back and congratulations on your inspiring succes and recovery, you did it. I hope you enjoy your life fully now. I know tinnitus doesn't bother you so much now, it could of been worse. Did you have DP and brain fog? I had DR in acute withdrawal for a month, then it went away(didn't have DP). First two years in withdrawal I didn't drink alcohol, then at two years out I started drinking because I was tired with the process and disappointed how much I didn't improve. It was just beer but few times I've got drunk also. After I stopped doing that I noticed i got worse and got DP which I didnt know at the time was DP, so at the beggining of this year I got hit with a bad vawe, still DP, couldn't sleep. In short I was reinstated with valium, i used it maybe over a month or so and quit, it was at 2.5 years out. Now I'm off but confused and don't know if I will recover after all that. I wrote this to you because you also reinstated but not this far out. Now still have DP, worse at night among x other sxs. Also wanted to ask you what you did while in protracted wd, what did you do to heal? Were you mostly in bed, working, exercizing, were you able to do that, I know you said you had sxs after 4 years, I am now at about 3 years or so, confused and tired of everything. I didn't expect this to happen. Currently I'm not drinking or taking anything. Also should note that I Ct.
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sunlit...if it's any help, I went through the exact same thing, big time.  It's like benzos knew all my deep dark sorrows and regrets and fears...and everything else painful and dark...and kept serving them up to me 24/7.  It was the worst of all symptoms because I seemed to have no place to rest within myself...dealing with my brain was like living behind enemy lines, constantly.  I came to understand it was 'normal' recovery.  But actually, it started happening about a month into taking the Klon and I didn't understand what was going on.  So I was in that place for over a year.  It felt like an epic spiritual battle. 

 

I'm in month four too, from a rapid taper.  All that stuff is finally starting to fade away, about 70% better.  But there was a time it was totally inconceivable to me that Humpty Dumpty would ever be able to be put back together again.  But it's happening.

 

KRock...as always...love your straightforward, honest, caring, no-nonsense attitude.  I want to thank you again for being such an incredible beacon of hope for me.  And many others.  I lost count of how many times I have read and reread this thread and how much hope it gave me during those endless dark days.  You continue to be my biggest inspiration.

 

Thanks for being you!  :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

 

Your so sweet! :smitten:

 

Your tag line under your screen name has me ROLLIN!! :laugh: " Gone Crazy...Be Back Soon".  I never noticed that before!! Bahahaaha!! Totally fitting for the occasion!

 

But isn't that line you use the truth?  I was out of my fuckin mind for a long time!!!  I should of been using your line on everyone that was normal that looked at me crazy.....they would of really thought i lost it!! LOL...so funny looking back on how normal people looked at me during my withdrawl. I was a COMPLETE basket case! They wrote me off as damaged goods. Mental illness. Nervous breakdown. Stroke victim. Brain damage. You name it....they thought i had it.

 

Docs said theres a GOOD chance that my NEW normal wasn't going to be CLOSE to normal at all EVER again!! WTF!! That's just what i wanted to hear from a doctor....such encouraging WORDS!! Lucky for me those Docs didn't know shit about benzo withdrawl or recovery. They just assumed due to the duration that i was fucked. Well....that wasn't the case. I healed....and proved them ALL wrong! And so will YOU!!

 

By the way....please know I'm not just saying any of this to make you feel better because i feel bad for you. I dont roll like that. If you were screwed...i would tell you straight up. Promise! I would say your in big trouble...get used to living in misery forever. But all that would be a lie. Because it ALL fades away over time....your normal life is coming!!

 

When it comes to this shit....I speak the truth. You WILL heal PERIOD! Dont ever forget that or let ANYONE tell you different!

 

 

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Thank you KROCK!

 

Yep.  KROCK rocks.  :D

 

Thanks Whoopsie! Much LOVE back to ya!!!!  :smitten:

 

Stay the course!! Youve come a LOOOOOOOOONG way from when we first met! Dont EVER forget that!

 

Im ALWAYS here for you if you need ANYTHING! Promise!

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Krock, first of all thank you for coming back and congratulations on your inspiring succes and recovery, you did it. I hope you enjoy your life fully now. I know tinnitus doesn't bother you so much now, it could of been worse. Did you have DP and brain fog? I had DR in acute withdrawal for a month, then it went away(didn't have DP). First two years in withdrawal I didn't drink alcohol, then at two years out I started drinking because I was tired with the process and disappointed how much I didn't improve. It was just beer but few times I've got drunk also. After I stopped doing that I noticed i got worse and got DP which I didnt know at the time was DP, so at the beggining of this year I got hit with a bad vawe, still DP, couldn't sleep. In short I was reinstated with valium, i used it maybe over a month or so and quit, it was at 2.5 years out. Now I'm off but confused and don't know if I will recover after all that. I wrote this to you because you also reinstated but not this far out. Now still have DP, worse at night among x other sxs. Also wanted to ask you what you did while in protracted wd, what did you do to heal? Were you mostly in bed, working, exercizing, were you able to do that, I know you said you had sxs after 4 years, I am now at about 3 years or so, confused and tired of everything. I didn't expect this to happen. Currently I'm not drinking or taking anything. Also should note that I Ct.

 

Sorry about the delay in answering your questions. I'm also VERY sorry your still dealing with this shit. I'm sure its frustrating.

 

In regards to my tinnitus. It was off the charts loud as hell when i first went CT. The problem was i had so many other fucked up symptoms i didn't pay it much attention because i thought i was gonna die. Not kidding. The other symptoms were off the charts HORRIBLE!! So yes...now i notice the tinnitus at night when I'm laying in bed in silence. Its a small reminder of what happened to me and how far Ive come. Just to be clear.....its been fading in and out occasionally. It will go away for a few minutes and then pop back on. So it must be trying to reset back to normal. Who knows. As i said before...I'm cool with it. I'm SUPER thankfull my other 100 plus symptom are gone and I'm functional.

 

As far as the DP and DR. I had both very bad. My brain was in shock from the CT. I'm not sure if that's a way for your brain to protect itself from trauma. But it lasted a long dam time. I just had to ride it out and learn to accept it. I wasn't sure if it ever was going to go away. But it did. I was even telling myself that maybe this is the new me. I'm going to be disconnected from reality forever. But it faded away like all the other symptoms did.....slowly but surely.

 

In terms of you drinking. Alcohol effects the GABA receptors. Their trying to heal while in withdrawl. Not smart to put anything in your body that pisses them off or sets you back. You feel me on this? Leave that shit alone while in recovery. Treat your body with care. It knows how to fix itself if you dont alter it with ANY foreign substances. That includes drugs!! Big No No! Your body cant go back to its normal baseline when you put shit in your body that alters that line.

 

My insomnia was like no other post CT. I didn't know the human body could run on such little sleep. But your body will sleep when it needs sleep. Watching the sun come up and go down over and over without sleeping is maddening. What a cruel ass symptom.

 

In terms of my reinstatement.....that happened shortly after i got back from Detox/Rebab. The CT they inflicted on me really fucked me up. The symptoms were SUPER fucking bad. I wanted to OFF myself due to the pain and suffering. If that puts it into perspective. My reinstatement was a failure. It didn't make me feel ANY better. I got sicker and sicker. I had to taper off that shit quick. I guess my brain was to fucked up from the CT or i missed the small window that reinstatement is a success. Whatever it was....i was in BIG trouble and my nightmare was just beginning.

 

You ask what i did in protracted withdrawl. I stopped going to doctors all together. I got all my support from the members on this site. I was bedridden for quite sometime. Then i was housebound because i was scared to talk to anyone in person. I isolated myself inside my house forever! Talk about mental mess....that was ME! I had akethesia really bad so i paced around my house like a mad man. Totally fucked up scene. So glad that's gone. 

 

Slowly but surely i started to take walks around the block. Then i pushed myself to go farther and farther. Started going out in public little by little like to Walmart ect. I looked like complete death and people would stare at me like a was some stage 4 cancer patient. I had lost a TON of weight and my skin was grey. Huge black rings under my eyes. And i was walking like i was 90 years old. Very frail and weak.

 

Things slooooowly got better. I gained more confidence in myself. I got stronger and my physical appearance started to come back. I tried to push myself to do as MUCH normal stuff that i could. And believe me it wasn't easy. My anxiety levels were still peaking pretty hard. My fight or flight symptoms were kicking in over the stupidist shit. But the more i exposed myself to the things i was scared of...the less scary they were the second time around. And i was scared of some really stupid shit because my central nervous system was so dam hypersensitive due to my  CT.

 

Finally i got a part time job....that was a major hurdle in my recovery. It helped make time pass. Which is key. Recovery takes time....and you NEED to distract yourself and make time pass as much as possible. Healing DOES happen and this shit does come to a END....but you just cant sit around watching the clock and mark the days off on the calender. When and if your able to work...do it. Even if your not normal yet.

 

The number ONE thing i did to heal was i didn't put ANY other chemicals in my body during recovery. Plus i stayed SUPER hydrated. As i stated many times...i stopped going to doctors or got near ANYONE else that doubted my withdrawl. I surrounded myself with a supporting cast on this website. Lots of POSITIVE reinforcement is key!!! And what a better place to get it is from others that have been through it!!

 

Please stay AWAY from anyone that doubts you or brings you down. It just makes the situation WORSE!! Your gonna make it through this deal.... your normal life awaits you. You cant give up and doubt the process. If you were not going to heal....i would tell you your fucked. Trust me i would. But that's not the case. Hold tight. You have what it takes!!! Your WAY stronger than you think! Its just a bad chapter in your life that will come to a close. If i can make it....so can you.

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Krock, it's okay I understand you were busy. It sure is the hardest thing in my life as you know it very well. I'm really thankful you came back to answer, I appreciate that. As for tinnitus, i know perfectly what you are saying, I have too much other fucked up symptoms and i'm more like focused on them through the day and through whole recovery, it is when i try to go to sleep I notice it, its still pretty bad, changing sometimes less intense then at full force, high pitched. It's in my left ear. Most my other physical sxs are worse on left side. I am glad you are cool with it, would sign on that any day in exchange for x other symptoms to leave. I understand acceptance after some time and just reminding yourself that its not you helps with it as it helps with other sxs. Mine is like I go out of my body or see myself as behind if that makes sense and get fucked up, weird thoughts(not my thoughts) etc..obssesions. Some days less prominent, others more, generally always there sneaking, worse at night. I wanted to ask if you had brain fog and how bad? When did you notice it started to fade and could you describe it? Mine is I think most extreme one, it may doesn't look like when I write this, but I've always been good in writing. In regards to alcohol, i feel that, i get it, no alcohol or any shit during this. I'm continuing doing right now. Insomnia is absoulety one of the worst and your body needs to sleep during recovery, it's beneficial. How do you sleep now? In terms of reinstatement, I'm verry sorry they did this to you, its traumatic and fucked up like all this shit in many ways. I didnt go to rehab/detox but I did Ct on my own in a foreign country from high dose and it was pure hell, day after day I didnt know how to walk so I needed to lelearn it again. Brutal. I know what are you talking here. I also stopped going to doctors, I get that very well. They don't know shit about this and would prescribe just pills again. You cant go back to benzos or any other shit when they fucked you up in the first place and you are healing from them. Luckily, I was able to go off them after reinst. and in overall I feel worse now, I have less stable days but I'm holding on hope that it will pass.You gave me hope and belief again, thanks. Everything you said it's true and im still going through it. Fight flight is hardest to deal with when there is no rationalization with it along with bad anxiety/dp, for example, I'm walking outside and some noise happens and my poor brain can't recognize it and in second i'm like paralyzed. Phone noise also does that to me or when someone texts. I try to go for a walk when I can, mostly at night. I have light hypersensitivity issues pretty bad with all other weird stuff. How did you handle socializing with people, person in person, could you go out sometimes, were you making excuses etc.. I get that pushing yourself little by little, slowly is along with distraction key to make time pass and stay sane. Thanks for the advices and tips about job, hydration, distraction, positive cast. I'm keen on doing it and I intend to make it that way. Thank you very much for encouragement and for giving me some confidence and hope back. I needes this. Wish you all the best.
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