KROCK....The Sucess Story I never wrote......

[[Buddie]]

Hello [...],
Thank you so very much for coming back and sharing your success story. Your encouragement is well appreciated. I try to tell myself all the time what you mentioned that “ our body knows what to do to heal, trust ourselves and the process and let time pass “. Again, a very big thank you to you for taking time to write your success story.   

CONGRATULATIONS on your healing that you well deserved!

Hope and pray that you continue to be healthy and happy for the years ahead!


Blessings!
[...]

[[Buddie]]

Thank you for coming back and giving hope to so many still suffering

[[Buddie]]

I'm glad you came back and wrote this! Congratulations on getting through the suffering and getting your life back. Can you discuss your symptoms and you timeline for recovery?

As far as my symptoms...they were off the charts.....everything from suicidal ideation to extreme pacing or what they call (Akethesia) for months on end. Just brutal. I had burning skin...GI probs...heart pain....facial twitches.....mega weight loss....vision issues....slurred speech...tinnitus (which I still have a little) sucks but owell...I’m cool with it. Also had balance issues....tooth pain....crazy fatigue....kidney problems...sinus problems...extreme depression.....inability to work.....couldn’t eat....skin problems...trouble breathing...bad nerve pain....head pressure...felt like my brain was going to explode....scared to talk to people except on this site.....scared to leave my house....scared of doctors......and anxiety like I was plugged into a generator.......insomnia like no other.....I had no idea I could live on such little sleep. Unreal!!! I had so many other symptoms....my whole body and mind was such a mess. I had to go through a complete rebuild internally and externally. It’s pretty amazing your body knows how to fix everything. If you didn’t have any of these symptoms before withdrawal.....theres a very good chance they will all be gone when it’s over.

As far as a time line....the symptoms wax and wane.....come and go...sometimes come back...then go forever. No rhyme or reason to any of it. I just slowly got better....time passed and I wanted to live. So here I am.

You mention that you still have tinnitus.  How bad is it compared to when you first withdrew?  Is it intermittent or constant?  I still have it after 3 years since my first withdrawal.  It has always been my worst symptom.  It is discouraging to see that some people still have it many years later.  I won't feel healed unless it completely disappears.

[[Buddie]]

Thanks so much for coming back and writing a SS for us. AND thank you for taking the time to respond to these questions too.

You mentioned intrusive thoughts, I’m almost 16 months out and they’re extremely troubling for me, I have dark thoughts, weird off the wall thoughts that seem to go in hand with DRDP, existential thoughts...What kind of intrusive thoughts did you have? And how did you deal w them?

Again, thank you so much for coming back.

[[Buddie]]

I'm glad you came back and wrote this! Congratulations on getting through the suffering and getting your life back. Can you discuss your symptoms and you timeline for recovery?

As far as my symptoms...they were off the charts.....everything from suicidal ideation to extreme pacing or what they call (Akethesia) for months on end. Just brutal. I had burning skin...GI probs...heart pain....facial twitches.....mega weight loss....vision issues....slurred speech...tinnitus (which I still have a little) sucks but owell...I’m cool with it. Also had balance issues....tooth pain....crazy fatigue....kidney problems...sinus problems...extreme depression.....inability to work.....couldn’t eat....skin problems...trouble breathing...bad nerve pain....head pressure...felt like my brain was going to explode....scared to talk to people except on this site.....scared to leave my house....scared of doctors......and anxiety like I was plugged into a generator.......insomnia like no other.....I had no idea I could live on such little sleep. Unreal!!! I had so many other symptoms....my whole body and mind was such a mess. I had to go through a complete rebuild internally and externally. It’s pretty amazing your body knows how to fix everything. If you didn’t have any of these symptoms before withdrawal.....theres a very good chance they will all be gone when it’s over.

As far as a time line....the symptoms wax and wane.....come and go...sometimes come back...then go forever. No rhyme or reason to any of it. I just slowly got better....time passed and I wanted to live. So here I am.

You mention that you still have tinnitus.  How bad is it compared to when you first withdrew?  Is it intermittent or constant?  I still have it after 3 years since my first withdrawal.  It has always been my worst symptom.  It is discouraging to see that some people still have it many years later.  I won't feel healed unless it completely disappears.

My tinnitus was super bad when I first CTd. But I couldn’t pay a lot of attention to it because I thought I was going to die from all my other extreme symptoms. As the really bad symptoms started to fade away.....I started noticing the ringing in my ears more and more. Mostly at night while I’m laying in bed with the tv off. If it makes you feel better I don’t notice it during the day while there is noise around. Plus I have moments at night that it will totally fade out and go away for like 15 mins. Total silence. I’m like Holy Shit....its gone. Then it comes back. Sort of a mean deal. But knowing it’s off and on sometimes is a good sign.

Please don’t be hard on yourself. it sounds like you’ve come a long ways in your recovery. The ear ringing will fade.....you have to stay positive and believe. Your a warrior...keep pushing forward!

[[Buddie]]

Thanks so much for coming back and writing a SS for us. AND thank you for taking the time to respond to these questions too.

You mentioned intrusive thoughts, I'm almost 16 months out and they're extremely troubling for me, I have dark thoughts, weird off the wall thoughts that seem to go in hand with DRDP, existential thoughts...What kind of intrusive thoughts did you have? And how did you deal w them?

Again, thank you so much for coming back.

I will be very honest with you about my intrusive thoughts during my withdrawal. Most of them involved death. I had very bad suicidal ideation. I never in my life had these thoughts before withdrawal. And I didn't have them after it was over. It was 100% benzo withdrawal induced.

 I honestly think the cold turkey shocked the hell out of my brain and it just started miss firing. The most morbid thoughts would appear. Plus ....I was having a hard time dealing with all the pain and suffering the withdrawal was inflicting on me. So I would have these very real and scary thoughts about killing myself. All the symptoms combined were just really hard to deal with.

While this was happening I was like WTF am I thinking. I have a kid....I can't kill myself. He will grow up without a dad. So he was a major driving force of me recovering.  I knew it was the withdrawal causing me to think like this....plus I also had a subconscious not to act on it. So I hoped. I was literally fighting with myself inside my mind. The pre benzo me was saying don’t do it...and the whacked out withdrawl me was saying end it.

How did I deal with these thoughts? There’s one word.....DISTRACT. When the thoughts would come I would jump up if I was laying down and go for a walk. Get on this site and start chatting with other members. I would take a bath. You name it...I would do it to get that shit out of my head. I even learned how to just say the word STOP out loud to end the thought process.

The intrusive thoughts will get fewer and farther between as time goes by. Just when you think there gone forever one might pop up here and there. But by that time you’ve been through hell and back. So you just brush them off and laugh. Nothing can stop you toward the end of your withdrawal. Your to dam strong and mentally powerful.

Once you’ve been through benzo withdrawal.....everything else in life seems easy.

[[Buddie]]

Hello [...] again,
How long did it take for you to fully heal?  Your signature states you were benzo and pheno free in January 2011. I know we are all different and recover differently. From what I gather from this forum the average healing period is 2-3 years. Your response is greatly appreciated.

Take care and God bless!

[...]

[[Buddie]]

Hello [...] again,
How long did it take for you to fully heal?  Your signature states you were benzo and pheno free in January 2011. I know we are all different and recover differently. From what I gather from this forum the average healing period is 2-3 years. Your response is greatly appreciated.

Take care and God bless!

[...]

Great success story!!

 I would like to know this too!

[[Buddie]]

Hello [...] again,
How long did it take for you to fully heal?  Your signature states you were benzo and pheno free in January 2011. I know we are all different and recover differently. From what I gather from this forum the average healing period is 2-3 years. Your response is greatly appreciated.

Take care and God bless!

[...]

It’s sort of hard to say....I didn’t just wake up one day and all was gone. I had a lot of lingering symptoms that would come and go for years. Then come back again. Then go again. I learned how to cope with them and go on with my life. So I was living with a protracted withdrawal. Things were just a lot less intense.

Believe it or not .....I was still having symptoms well after 4 years out. That’s not meant to scare anyone....I was an extreme case in my opinion. I did everything wrong as far as coming off the drugs the way I did. I mean I still have the ringing in my ears 8 years later. So in all reality I’m not fully healed. But if that never goes away I’m good with it. I’m just thankful I can function at 99 percent....the 1 percent missing is the tinnitus.

To tell you the truth......I just had to “surrender to the withdrawal”. It’s how I coped after awhile. I literally just gave up fighting the symptoms and feeling sorry for myself. It was very counterproductive. I told myself if this is what God has planned for me....so be it. I wasn’t very spiritual before withdrawal. But I sure the hell was after. I prayed a lot while I was suffering. I prayed to God to please let me live through this. To please make the suffering go away. I prayed and prayed and prayed. I had to hold onto to hope that the man above would get me through this. I needed my life back so I could be a good dad for my son.

I never have been through anything in my life that inflicted so much pain and suffering for such a long duration. It’s just unreal looking back on it. I’m not trying to push religion on anyone here. Everyone copes in different ways. It’s just what I turned to in my darkest hours.

[[Buddie]]

[...], what kind of kidney problems did you have?

Also, prayer has pulled me through more times than I can count. When family and friends have had it with me, I can at least pray.