Thanks so much for coming back and writing a SS for us. AND thank you for taking the time to respond to these questions too.
You mentioned intrusive thoughts, I'm almost 16 months out and they're extremely troubling for me, I have dark thoughts, weird off the wall thoughts that seem to go in hand with DRDP, existential thoughts...What kind of intrusive thoughts did you have? And how did you deal w them?
Again, thank you so much for coming back.
I will be very honest with you about my intrusive thoughts during my withdrawal. Most of them involved death. I had very bad suicidal ideation. I never in my life had these thoughts before withdrawal. And I didn't have them after it was over. It was 100% benzo withdrawal induced.
I honestly think the cold turkey shocked the hell out of my brain and it just started miss firing. The most morbid thoughts would appear. Plus ....I was having a hard time dealing with all the pain and suffering the withdrawal was inflicting on me. So I would have these very real and scary thoughts about killing myself. All the symptoms combined were just really hard to deal with.
While this was happening I was like WTF am I thinking. I have a kid....I can't kill myself. He will grow up without a dad. So he was a major driving force of me recovering. I knew it was the withdrawal causing me to think like this....plus I also had a subconscious not to act on it. So I hoped. I was literally fighting with myself inside my mind. The pre benzo me was saying don’t do it...and the whacked out withdrawl me was saying end it.
How did I deal with these thoughts? There’s one word.....DISTRACT. When the thoughts would come I would jump up if I was laying down and go for a walk. Get on this site and start chatting with other members. I would take a bath. You name it...I would do it to get that shit out of my head. I even learned how to just say the word STOP out loud to end the thought process.
The intrusive thoughts will get fewer and farther between as time goes by. Just when you think there gone forever one might pop up here and there. But by that time you’ve been through hell and back. So you just brush them off and laugh. Nothing can stop you toward the end of your withdrawal. Your to dam strong and mentally powerful.
Once you’ve been through benzo withdrawal.....everything else in life seems easy.