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KROCK....The Sucess Story I never wrote......


[KR...]

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I never wrote a success story after my withdrawal. I’m not sure why. Maybe I was being selfish....or maybe i didn’t want to relive it in writing....IDK.....but maybe it was because I was to down on myself about being a success due to the fact I let this happen to me in the first place. Who knows...but it was life changing for sure. Last night I was on line catching up on a thread I started 8 years ago in the Chewing the Fat section on this site. It’s called Online Support...Can it make things worse? I posted the comment below to it and I want it to be my success story for all to read. It sums things up in a nut shell. So heres a copy of the post. I hope it’s encouraging to everyone. God Bless.

 

“Just popping in to check on this thread. It’s come a LONG ways from back when I first started it. I just want to leave a few words of encouragement ......please remember....you all are a lot stronger than you think. Everyone has the will to survive. Your body knows what to do to heal. Trust yourself and the process....let time pass. My withdrawal took me to the depths of hell and back. Not kidding when I say that. Hands down the worst thing I’ve ever been through. I will NEVER forget it....thus the reason I come here occasionally. This place holds a spot dear in my heart. Knowing people here  are suffering like I did is both sad and concerning.

 

Looking back....I was in such a bad place with all my symptoms I really didn’t know how I would ever get better. I couldn't believe that benzos would rock my world like they did. Such a powerful and cruel drug and process. All I could do was pray and wait it out. I did a lot of things wrong with the cold turkeys and detox centers. I wouldn’t advise that path to anyone. It’s not for the faint of hearts.

 

Thanks to this site and the people I’ve met here... I survived. It gave me the support I needed to make it through one more day....just when I didn’t think I could do it. I needed to talk to other people that were going through the same thing I was. And this site did that for me. I’m not sure I would be here today without this site....it was truly a God sent looking back on it. It was the life line I needed.  The members here talked me through some of my darkest hours. No doctor or outside therapy could ever substitute the type of support and care I received here.

 

I want to thank Colin and all the people that make this site possible. They do a great job providing a safe haven for people going through this.

 

My only regret is ....I wish I would of took videos of my withdrawal to show people on line how bad I was. The beginning and the end results of my withdrawal are truly amazing. It would encourage everyone and let them know you WILL heal. Seeing is believing......and I would of never believed it if I hadn’t went through it.

 

Please know....If I can make it through my nightmare.....so can you. I had a ton of doctors telling me my withdrawal symptoms were all in my head....that I had all these medical issues. That I might be disabled for the rest of my life. Yes they said that to me ....so that might tell you how bad I was. Doctors said I might have possible brain damage etc. Also that there was NO way it could still be withdrawal symptoms....blah...blah...blah. Looking back it was all total bullshit. The things we experience during withdrawal are VERY real. Don’t let anyone ever down play it or tell you it’s not. All the stuff the doctors told me that I would have to live with forever are now GONE. Poof!! Vanished!! It was benzo withdrawal the whole time. Members here kept telling me it was...I just had to wait it out and let my body heal.

 

Please stay positive and know it does end. I’m proof of it.”

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Hi Krock

 

So happy for you. Could you plz let us know when did you start feeling great? I know it's a very hard question but it will help a lot especially for those like me keep looking forward to that day.

 

Hope you stay healthy and happy for the rest of the years ahead. Thanks for coming back and posting your story.

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I'm glad you came back and wrote this! Congratulations on getting through the suffering and getting your life back. Can you discuss your symptoms and you timeline for recovery?
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I needed to read this today. 

If I may ask:

 

Did you consistently have to ask yourself if it was truly from the Benzos or not?  I keep wondering if this is how I was before everything started and I keep telling myself NO, I was a much happier and productive person.  Yes, I had a little anxiety, but nothing to this extreme.  Same with the depression.

 

I would also love to hear how you felt at 6 months off, a year, etc.  I'm 6 1/2 months off right now.  I had one window for a few hours a few weeks ago.

 

Did you take any supplements?  CBD?  Anything?

 

I just cannot wait to be on the other side of this and hopefully writing a success story myself one day.

 

For now though it's Groundhog day over and over again.

 

(Is that how you felt?)

 

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Thank you for taking the time to come back and share your story!  Makes me so happy.  :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

 

I never wrote a success story after my withdrawal. I’m not sure why. Maybe I was being selfish....or maybe i didn’t want to relive it in writing....IDK.....but maybe it was because I was to down on myself about being a success due to the fact I let this happen to me in the first place. Who knows...but it was life changing for sure. Last night I was on line catching up on a thread I started 8 years ago in the Chewing the Fat section on this site. It’s called Online Support...Can it make things worse? I posted the comment below to it and I want it to be my success story for all to read. It sums things up in a nut shell. So heres a copy of the post. I hope it’s encouraging to everyone. God Bless.

 

“Just popping in to check on this thread. It’s come a LONG ways from back when I first started it. I just want to leave a few words of encouragement ......please remember....you all are a lot stronger than you think. Everyone has the will to survive. Your body knows what to do to heal. Trust yourself and the process....let time pass. My withdrawal took me to the depths of hell and back. Not kidding when I say that. Hands down the worst thing I’ve ever been through. I will NEVER forget it....thus the reason I come here occasionally. This place holds a spot dear in my heart. Knowing people here  are suffering like I did is both sad and concerning.

 

Looking back....I was in such a bad place with all my symptoms I really didn’t know how I would ever get better. I couldn't believe that benzos would rock my world like they did. Such a powerful and cruel drug and process. All I could do was pray and wait it out. I did a lot of things wrong with the cold turkeys and detox centers. I wouldn’t advise that path to anyone. It’s not for the faint of hearts.

 

Thanks to this site and the people I’ve met here... I survived. It gave me the support I needed to make it through one more day....just when I didn’t think I could do it. I needed to talk to other people that were going through the same thing I was. And this site did that for me. I’m not sure I would be here today without this site....it was truly a God sent looking back on it. It was the life line I needed.  The members here talked me through some of my darkest hours. No doctor or outside therapy could ever substitute the type of support and care I received here.

 

I want to thank Colin and all the people that make this site possible. They do a great job providing a safe haven for people going through this.

 

My only regret is ....I wish I would of took videos of my withdrawal to show people on line how bad I was. The beginning and the end results of my withdrawal are truly amazing. It would encourage everyone and let them know you WILL heal. Seeing is believing......and I would of never believed it if I hadn’t went through it.

 

Please know....If I can make it through my nightmare.....so can you. I had a ton of doctors telling me my withdrawal symptoms were all in my head....that I had all these medical issues. That I might be disabled for the rest of my life. Yes they said that to me ....so that might tell you how bad I was. Doctors said I might have possible brain damage etc. Also that there was NO way it could still be withdrawal symptoms....blah...blah...blah. Looking back it was all total bullshit. The things we experience during withdrawal are VERY real. Don’t let anyone ever down play it or tell you it’s not. All the stuff the doctors told me that I would have to live with forever are now GONE. Poof!! Vanished!! It was benzo withdrawal the whole time. Members here kept telling me it was...I just had to wait it out and let my body heal.

 

Please stay positive and know it does end. I’m proof of it.”

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CONGRATULATIONS!!!  :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

 

What were some of the first indications that you were feeling better? Did your symptoms fade away or rapidly go near the end? What was the one symptom that stayed with you the whole time? Was it the worst symptom? Just trying to get a handle on these things!

 

You suffered for a long time. I'm SO GLAD you came back and posted your success story!!! There are many of us who need encouragement over on the protracted board. THANK YOU!!!  :smitten:

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Hey Man!!!

You are one of those hard core old timers that I read when I was a lurker 7 yrs ago!!!!

Cool that you stopped back.

Glad you are doing well.

I think you had a bud named ChrisW who had a hell of a time, but he disappeared years ago.

Wonder how he is.

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Its amazing how things work out or appear in life sometimes......I stumbled across that thread, searched your name and just finished reading all of your posts and then you post this.

 

 

Firstly, congrats and secondly thank you!

 

 

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I think you had a bud named ChrisW who had a hell of a time, but he disappeared years ago.

Wonder how he is.

 

 

I too read ChrisW posts and wonder exactly the same thing regularly, as I do with many of the sufferers who just disappear......

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Hi Krock

 

So happy for you. Could you plz let us know when did you start feeling great? I know it's a very hard question but it will help a lot especially for those like me keep looking forward to that day.

 

Hope you stay healthy and happy for the rest of the years ahead. Thanks for coming back and posting your story.

 

I was a mess for awhile. I didn’t taper like you so things got bad very quickly. Not down playing tapers....I know they can be hell as well.

 

I’m very Sorry your going through this. My prayers are with you. Just know that no 2 withdrawals are the same. It’s hard to compare yours to mine. So many variables go into this. People heal at different rates. What I can tell you is that you will heal and get better. I would never lie to you about any of this. It goes away...promise.

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I'm glad you came back and wrote this! Congratulations on getting through the suffering and getting your life back. Can you discuss your symptoms and you timeline for recovery?

 

As far as my symptoms...they were off the charts.....everything from suicidal ideation to extreme pacing or what they call (Akethesia) for months on end. Just brutal. I had burning skin...GI probs...heart pain....facial twitches.....mega weight loss....vision issues....slurred speech...tinnitus (which I still have a little) sucks but owell...I’m cool with it. Also had balance issues....tooth pain....crazy fatigue....kidney problems...sinus problems...extreme depression.....inability to work.....couldn’t eat....skin problems...trouble breathing...bad nerve pain....head pressure...felt like my brain was going to explode....scared to talk to people except on this site.....scared to leave my house....scared of doctors......and anxiety like I was plugged into a generator.......insomnia like no other.....I had no idea I could live on such little sleep. Unreal!!! I had so many other symptoms....my whole body and mind was such a mess. I had to go through a complete rebuild internally and externally. It’s pretty amazing your body knows how to fix everything. If you didn’t have any of these symptoms before withdrawal.....theres a very good chance they will all be gone when it’s over.

 

As far as a time line....the symptoms wax and wane.....come and go...sometimes come back...then go forever. No rhyme or reason to any of it. I just slowly got better....time passed and I wanted to live. So here I am.

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CONGRATULATIONS!!!  :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

 

What were some of the first indications that you were feeling better? Did your symptoms fade away or rapidly go near the end? What was the one symptom that stayed with you the whole time? Was it the worst symptom? Just trying to get a handle on these things!

 

You suffered for a long time. I'm SO GLAD you came back and posted your success story!!! There are many of us who need encouragement over on the protracted board. THANK YOU!!!  :smitten:

 

The first symptom that I was getting better was the fact that I was starting to be able to sit still...I was pacing my house all day long....it slowly faded away where I could start watching tv. The anxiety was just so dam bad.

 

A symptom that stayed with me the longest were the intrusive thoughts....my mind played many mean games on me. I knew the thoughts were part of the withdrawal.....but they scared the shit out of me while they were happening. I had to keep distracting my mind to push them aside. Being scared of yourself is a real eye opener.....that never happened before the withdrawal....and it’s never happened again when it was over.

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Hey Man!!!

You are one of those hard core old timers that I read when I was a lurker 7 yrs ago!!!!

Cool that you stopped back.

Glad you are doing well.

I think you had a bud named ChrisW who had a hell of a time, but he disappeared years ago.

Wonder how he is.

 

Yep...this is me. I hope you are doing ok. Not sure about ChisW.....he went through hell as well. I hope he’s sitting on a beach somewhere enjoying life. Everyone here deserves the best...just get through this mess and it’s all waiting for you.

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Its amazing how things work out or appear in life sometimes......I stumbled across that thread, searched your name and just finished reading all of your posts and then you post this.

 

 

Firstly, congrats and secondly thank you!

 

Stay strong ......You have what it takes to get through this.

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I needed to read this today. 

If I may ask:

 

Did you consistently have to ask yourself if it was truly from the Benzos or not?  I keep wondering if this is how I was before everything started and I keep telling myself NO, I was a much happier and productive person.  Yes, I had a little anxiety, but nothing to this extreme.  Same with the depression.

 

I would also love to hear how you felt at 6 months off, a year, etc.  I'm 6 1/2 months off right now.  I had one window for a few hours a few weeks ago.

 

Did you take any supplements?  CBD?  Anything?

 

I just cannot wait to be on the other side of this and hopefully writing a success story myself one day.

 

For now though it's Groundhog day over and over again.

 

(Is that how you felt?)

 

 

I never asked myself if this was from benzos....I knew it was all along. The doctors are the ones that tried to convince me it wasn’t from benzos.....and that’s when I stopped going to doctors. I also stopped talking to any family members or friends that doubted if what I was going through was real or not. I got very paranoid that no one outside of this website believed me. It Really pissed me off....but it impowered me to get better and prove all of them wrong.

 

As far as how I was at 6 months out....I was a complete mess. Please don’t let this scare anyone that’s about to complete their taper or who’s currently suffering. I came off a large amount of benzos CT.....so looking back it was par for course. Its crazy how the human body and mind can deal with all the pain and suffering. You think you will quit or something will give out....but it doesn’t happen. You keep pushing forward and believing in yourself.

 

In terms of if I tried or took any supplements....that’s a funny one...I tried all sorts of bullshit diets....no caffeine....no carbs.....no this...no that.....vitamins here.....protein shakes there. I was so desperate to try to feel better.....I was praying that something would finally work. All of it turned out to be duds. So sad.....but it killed some time and gave me some hope.

 

If I can give any advice on what to do while your healing....it would be to drink PLENTY of water. Keep hydrated. Go for walks and get some fresh air. Getting out of the house was key for me after awhile....I was very isolated during the acute phase of this. Light excercise such as walking did wonders for me. I couldn’t walk far at first due to muscle burning and anxiety. But I slowly walked farther and farther. It gave me confidence.

 

And finally...yes Ground Hog Day is the best way to describe it. It’s quite maddening. I remember it well. It’s so dam cruel and mean. It’s hard to believe a little pill can fuck things up so bad.

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Hello KRock,

Thank you so very much for coming back and sharing your success story. Your encouragement is well appreciated. I try to tell myself all the time what you mentioned that “ our body knows what to do to heal, trust ourselves and the process and let time pass “. Again, a very big thank you to you for taking time to write your success story. 

 

CONGRATULATIONS on your healing that you well deserved!

 

Hope and pray that you continue to be healthy and happy for the years ahead!

 

 

Blessings!

Pi

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I'm glad you came back and wrote this! Congratulations on getting through the suffering and getting your life back. Can you discuss your symptoms and you timeline for recovery?

 

As far as my symptoms...they were off the charts.....everything from suicidal ideation to extreme pacing or what they call (Akethesia) for months on end. Just brutal. I had burning skin...GI probs...heart pain....facial twitches.....mega weight loss....vision issues....slurred speech...tinnitus (which I still have a little) sucks but owell...I’m cool with it. Also had balance issues....tooth pain....crazy fatigue....kidney problems...sinus problems...extreme depression.....inability to work.....couldn’t eat....skin problems...trouble breathing...bad nerve pain....head pressure...felt like my brain was going to explode....scared to talk to people except on this site.....scared to leave my house....scared of doctors......and anxiety like I was plugged into a generator.......insomnia like no other.....I had no idea I could live on such little sleep. Unreal!!! I had so many other symptoms....my whole body and mind was such a mess. I had to go through a complete rebuild internally and externally. It’s pretty amazing your body knows how to fix everything. If you didn’t have any of these symptoms before withdrawal.....theres a very good chance they will all be gone when it’s over.

 

As far as a time line....the symptoms wax and wane.....come and go...sometimes come back...then go forever. No rhyme or reason to any of it. I just slowly got better....time passed and I wanted to live. So here I am.

 

You mention that you still have tinnitus.  How bad is it compared to when you first withdrew?  Is it intermittent or constant?  I still have it after 3 years since my first withdrawal.  It has always been my worst symptom.  It is discouraging to see that some people still have it many years later.  I won't feel healed unless it completely disappears.

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Thanks so much for coming back and writing a SS for us. AND thank you for taking the time to respond to these questions too.

 

You mentioned intrusive thoughts, I’m almost 16 months out and they’re extremely troubling for me, I have dark thoughts, weird off the wall thoughts that seem to go in hand with DRDP, existential thoughts...What kind of intrusive thoughts did you have? And how did you deal w them?

 

Again, thank you so much for coming back.

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I'm glad you came back and wrote this! Congratulations on getting through the suffering and getting your life back. Can you discuss your symptoms and you timeline for recovery?

 

As far as my symptoms...they were off the charts.....everything from suicidal ideation to extreme pacing or what they call (Akethesia) for months on end. Just brutal. I had burning skin...GI probs...heart pain....facial twitches.....mega weight loss....vision issues....slurred speech...tinnitus (which I still have a little) sucks but owell...I’m cool with it. Also had balance issues....tooth pain....crazy fatigue....kidney problems...sinus problems...extreme depression.....inability to work.....couldn’t eat....skin problems...trouble breathing...bad nerve pain....head pressure...felt like my brain was going to explode....scared to talk to people except on this site.....scared to leave my house....scared of doctors......and anxiety like I was plugged into a generator.......insomnia like no other.....I had no idea I could live on such little sleep. Unreal!!! I had so many other symptoms....my whole body and mind was such a mess. I had to go through a complete rebuild internally and externally. It’s pretty amazing your body knows how to fix everything. If you didn’t have any of these symptoms before withdrawal.....theres a very good chance they will all be gone when it’s over.

 

As far as a time line....the symptoms wax and wane.....come and go...sometimes come back...then go forever. No rhyme or reason to any of it. I just slowly got better....time passed and I wanted to live. So here I am.

 

You mention that you still have tinnitus.  How bad is it compared to when you first withdrew?  Is it intermittent or constant?  I still have it after 3 years since my first withdrawal.  It has always been my worst symptom.  It is discouraging to see that some people still have it many years later.  I won't feel healed unless it completely disappears.

 

My tinnitus was super bad when I first CTd. But I couldn’t pay a lot of attention to it because I thought I was going to die from all my other extreme symptoms. As the really bad symptoms started to fade away.....I started noticing the ringing in my ears more and more. Mostly at night while I’m laying in bed with the tv off. If it makes you feel better I don’t notice it during the day while there is noise around. Plus I have moments at night that it will totally fade out and go away for like 15 mins. Total silence. I’m like Holy Shit....its gone. Then it comes back. Sort of a mean deal. But knowing it’s off and on sometimes is a good sign.

 

Please don’t be hard on yourself. it sounds like you’ve come a long ways in your recovery. The ear ringing will fade.....you have to stay positive and believe. Your a warrior...keep pushing forward!

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