sinking into a deep depression, and very scared

Trapped in bed without appetite , I am sinking into a deep depression. I have had depression about 4 years ago and recovered well on . But this is different. I so scared. I have the psychiatric nurse calling tomorrow and this is causing tension within the family. I know that tapering of the diazepam is adding to my worsening feelings, but need to be rid of the stuff. I don't know what is going to happen but have done the worst thing and looked up ECT, Yes I know I have jumped to the worst scenario. I am not on any other meds, as I was so ill on Mirtazapine, and could not tolerate sertraline. Now the psychiatrist wont prescribe, says

talk to your GP. So so frightened. and don't know what to do . I never thought I would ever be in this position. always having had a dread of addition. I don't smoke, drink. or do any recreational drugs not even caffeine. Really scared myself . Can't eat much and cant get out in the fresh air. Help pleased  buddies

I am so sorry you are feeling so bad.  You have endured a lot recently and now you are tapering, so perhaps it is not so surprising that you are becoming more depressed, and the fact you are stuck in bed and not able to eat will of course make things worse.  I would try to eat to keep up your strength, anything that is nutritious and healthy, anything you can manage to tolerate. 

 

Try to avoid looking things up that are going to scare you even further as that will feed into your anxiety.  Many many people suffer from depression and recover without having ECT, so it is important to remember that.  And of course you have recovered yourself in the past. ECT should only be used as a last resort, some would say it should never be used.  Is there anything that you find helps .. having a bath perhaps, listening to some soothing music or perhaps a soothing voice, a meditation, anything to calm down your anxiety rather than increasing it. 

 

Perhaps others  here will have some more suggestions which might help. 

None of the things that used to give me pleasure hold any interest now. All I feel is fear and panic that I wont survive this, and the home situation is now becoming worse. I have just been told that they don't want my brother coming round to be with me when the nurse is here. that he is visiting me too much, but I see no one else, and I feel  too weak to speak to the nurse and explain why I am getting worse, She wont take on board the addictive quality of diazepam and thinks I am making too much of it, that it takes years of high doses to become addicted. I need my brother to represent me, and hopefully find a way forward.

 

I am shivering with fear. Oh dear

I am really sorry.  Who are you living with at home?  Are they there all the time?  Can your brother visit at times when you are in the house alone?

I hope so . as there is no one else at the moment .

thank you for taking the time to care. it is much appreciate  looking forward 

Chinchuck, I can fully relate to what you are going through. My depression has been pretty bad for the past three months. I quit K in March and started feeling better by May and then the depression returned in the middle of June and has stayed until today. I have had only a couple windows along the way. It get so bad it has one searching for any possible way to relieve oneself. I can relate to nothing you were once interested holding your attention now. I feel the same way. Old interests seem completely irrelevant now. I would like even an inkling of interest in old things because it would allow time to go by quicker but it's just not the case. Try to build any sort of support system that you can and keep focusing on the fact that you will get better. Hope this helps.

thank you for taking the time to care. it is much appreciate  looking forward

 

You are very welcome, wish I could help more.

The social worker and psychiatric nurse have called today and have offered a place in hospital to get me started on medication. How do cope with that when I have agoraphobia. However I am getting so bad I may have to take the offer up. I dread what drugs they will make me take or how I will cope. I wish I could shift this awful anxiety/depression naturally. I never thought my life would be like this only 6 months ago when I was happy and well

I am sorry.  It is not a course of action I would recommend particularly after reading your recent experiences with medication.  I hope it works for you, if that is what you decide to do.  Take care.

Yes, my friend every item you listed is not uncommon - in fact quite common for the lot of us - myself included. I am so sorry you are going through this ordeal. I would not even be considering ECT but that's just me. Nor would I go back to any hospital - talk about anxiety /depression - OMG. But of course it's your decision. I agree with the advice here - hunger can be quite a depressant - I do suggest you do stay up on the groceries. One thing too, avoid stress like the plague if you possibly can - that tends to precipitate symptoms and you may find that you are ultra sensitive to stress as is usually the case. Later on, at some point, you feel like it, you can be more adventurous, but for, you may want to just take it slow and easy and take care of yourself. I had looking into Psilocybin clinical trials. Have been favorable reports on the use of it in the treatment of both addiction and depression. But it's required that you not be talking an antidepressant - which is an obstacle I've yet to overcome. Take care -

 

A psych ward will make you even worse. The biggest mistake of my life. I had 2 weeks (voluntary) in one a few years back and I went in on prozac and valium after 2 weeks suffering at home. I thought I was doing the right thing and they would help me. I came out on Pregabalin 15mg of V (I was only on 6mg prior to admission), Mirtazapine, Escitalopram. They turned me into a involuntary benzo addict which I've paid for ever since. In the UK the standard of NHS care provided on psych wards is awful. Uncarring staff, poorly trained and very quick to shove benzos into you and get you out the door.