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I'm still in here!


[B ...]

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27 months from my last dose.

 

Things still left....

Constant tinnitus

Headaches but not as often

Sleep is still broken, wake 5-6 times a night and have to pee everytime but broken sleep is still better than no sleep!

 

Things gone....

Pretty much everything else.

Anxiety

Agoraphobia

Akathasia

Depression

Intrusive thoughts

Rashes

Muscle pain (except old guy pain)

Palpitations

Hypersalivation

Cold intolerance

Tremors

Health anxiety

Fear

Many more.....

 

I'm thankful to have a "normal" life again. I can do pretty much anything any other 61 year old can do. Is life perfect, no. But it's not supposed to be. I'm more patient and resilient than ever. I appreciate the little things even more than before.

 

I never thought I'd make it....I had assumed I would suffer and die, dying would have been an answer to prayer....but I'm so glad I'm still alive!

Hang in there and make it through the hell, one moment at a time.

 

B strong

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Thanks for the thoughts buddies!

In response to some dm's....

I decided to get off of everything and see where I was. I was in hell and wasn't sure what was causing what. I had been on Nexium for 10+ years, I tapered off of it because of reading how absorption can be hindered in the gut by the Nexium restricting acid too much that vitamins and nutrients don't get broken down and absorbed properly.

I had been put on propranolol at one point for BP/heart issues. I tapered off of it. I quit Phenergan which I was told (erroneously) to take 2 a day for my stomach issues. This made my insomnia much worse. At one point or another I had been given Ativan, Valium, Buspirone, Visteril, Lyrica, Ambien and other sleep drugs, Probiotics, Remeron, Lexapro, Thorazine (which had the most severe withdrawal), Mobic, self injected B12, Vitamin D, in addition to Klonopin.

I was also told to take Losartan, dopamine antagonists, prosac, zoloft and probably others I have forgotten.

I was initially diagnosed with Mesenteric Paniculitis, a rare autoimmune Gastrointestinal disease. During my illness and withdrawal I was also diagnosed with Parkinson's, tardive dyskinesia, Cushing's disease, schizophrenia and possibly lymphoma.

I wore Holter monitors, had a heart Catheter, 3 different heart stress tests, MRIs of my brain, EKGs, EEGs....

It has now been 27+ months since my last dose of K. I've not had any of the other drugs either. I've taken a few tylenol or advil for migraines...but usually only 2-3 times a month, I don't want rebound headaches so I tough it out unless I feel I really need it. The migraines are decreasing also.

I made a concerted effort to avoid anything that might have an impact on my recovery. I've not had any caffeine since December 5th, 2015. No alcohol either, even though I've never really been a drinker anyway (alcoholism runs in my family).

I also avoided supplements and quick fixes too, because like many before me have said....Time is the only cure.

This is not meant to sway you as I'm no doctor! But be your own advocate!!!!

I'm living life again! I have clarity! I see colors! I may die tomorrow but I made it to the other side! :smitten:

At my worst NO ONE believed me when I said it was the drugs....NO ONE!

I'm so glad I didn't cave and start taking more drugs!!! Hang in there and trust yourself! :thumbsup:

 

B strong

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  • 2 months later...

Hope all my buddies are seeing more positive days and getting better. My prayers to you guys for healing and happiness.  :smitten:

I'm almost 2 1/2 years since my last bit of K and am loving life again! Never thought it would be possible.....Peace and love to you all!!!!

 

B strong

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Wow, B strong, thank you for the detailed update! You totally did get to the glorious other side. That list of meds is unreal...the system is seriously insane. So sorry no one believed you.. congrats on sticking to your intuition. So you don’t do any vits? Not even Vit D?  That’s the one I’m on the fence abt taking. But too scared to during w/d so I’m not taking anything else right now either. Stepping off in less than 2 wks and can’t wait to join you on the other side. And I’m so happy to read the intrusive thoughts are gone- I still have that one (amongst plenty of other things) and hate it. 

 

You’re a true inspiration and I love your happy ending!!

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Wow, B strong, thank you for the detailed update! You totally did get to the glorious other side. That list of meds is unreal...the system is seriously insane. So sorry no one believed you.. congrats on sticking to your intuition. So you don’t do any vits? Not even Vit D?  That’s the one I’m on the fence abt taking. But too scared to during w/d so I’m not taking anything else right now either. Stepping off in less than 2 wks and can’t wait to join you on the other side. And I’m so happy to read the intrusive thoughts are gone- I still have that one (amongst plenty of other things) and hate it. 

 

You’re a true inspiration and I love your happy ending!!

Libr,

Come on in the water's fine!....so happy for your stepping off! Congratulations. I do absolutely no vitamins, but that's ust me. It works better for me; I believed the best way for my body to have a chance to reach homeostasis was to not use anything artificial. I chose to try and get my vitamins through my food. I also had quit Nexium, and I believe that helped my absorption. I tried vitamin D a couple times earlier on before I decided this, while I was still very anxious and it definitely ramped up my anxiety. I had tried multivitamins and the iron was too strong for my stomach and caused constipation.

After this and all the other trials and tribulations I was put through with meds, I decided I was foregoing all meds I could, no matter how tough and avoid any supplements. Aside from an occasional tylenol or advil, I haven't taken anything!!!

And I feel better than I have in forever.

I pray your getting off is as smooth as possible, prayers my friend  :thumbsup:

 

B strong

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Thank you B strong!!

One week to go for me for my taper.

 

I agree with you- no artificial- getting vits and nutrients from food. I’m all for that!

So what do you do for D? Hard to get in food. Do you get enough sun exposure?

 

So wonderful to hear you feel better than ever. So many buddies say that and that is definitely very exciting!

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Libr,

Hooray for you!  :thumbsup:

Yes, I get my Vitamin D from the sun again. I was extremely deficient during my akathasia and agoraphobia. I didn't leave the house for 9 months except doctors appointments.(and canceled many of those because of fear). I was also extremely low in B12 and have to give myself injections daily initially, then weekly.

Everything is fine now! (Knock on wood)....For a 62 year old :laugh:

 

Keep on going my friend!

 

B strong

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B strong,

 

thank you for keeping this thread alive and reminding us, that you came out the other side and are doing good.

I wish you all the best, I hope you have many many many amazing days!

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go on B strong!

 

i think your messages keep our hopes alive and so please write it up regularly. now i started mirtazapine taper and wish me and everybody luck...

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Starfish,

Thanks for the kind words! Hope you are having many good days! :thumbsup:

June,

I was on Remeron a short time, true it helped some with sleep...but it gave me other symptoms.....alas I decided to tough out the insomnia and get off everything! Hey, you got this!

 

B strong

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hey guys!

Hope you are all getting better.  In response to many PM's, my advice is to get off everything artificial you can. Your body can never get back to homeostasis if you are using synthetic or artificial means to get there. There are certainly drugs that are necessary for many people to live and/or even function. You be your own advocate, listen to advice from doctors and friends, but you make the decision. Don't feel pressured to do or take things you are not comfortable with....many of our situations may have been alleviated altogether if we had more information.

I personally got off everything. Benzos, AD's, Thorazine, Visteril, sleep meds, Nexium, blood pressure meds, etc. I almost ever take tylenol or advil, I had bad migraines up until a few months ago(I had them prior for years), but rarely have headaches now.(knock on wood) I think many of what I may have had before were rebound headaches from drugs.

My sleep is still a little broken, but I get at least 6 hours most nights. Still have the tinnitus, and may always have it, but I live with it. Many of you ask has it got better....well it's still there all the time, but I don't notice it most times unless I pay attention. How? Living life, you occupy your focus on what you're doing and enjoying not the incessant buzzing in your head. It becomes background noise. It may sound silly, but you can get there too!

 

Create NEW memories, don't live in the doldrums of the hell the drugs have caused. You won't be able to do this immediately and everyday while recovering, but when you learn how to live again you will want more. It is unbelievable how the drugs encompass your whole existence that you forget what living was like. I forgot what joy was....never thought I'd feel it again, but once you do and realize what you had taken away you will long to live again!

Just survive the bad times...it's unbearable at times, but bear it and survive and you will thrive one day!

I absolutely never thought my life would be better than ever, I didn't believe when people would write that...don't get me wrong, I lost over 3 years of my life I'll never get back. I lost some opportunities and friends too. But we weren't promised a perfect life, I absolutely love life again and appreciate the small things.💙💙

I pray all of you survive and instead of reading success stories, you are writing one! God bless 😊

 

Love to you all❤

 

B strong

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Mary said it well B Strong....thank you for lifting us up! It feels so good to read of your success. Enjoy your hard earned wellness!

 

With appreciation,

Carita :smitten:

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B strong, I always appreciate your wise, positive updates! Your story is still one of my favourites - and I agree with everything you wrote in your latest post.

 

Thank you for being a light on here. Wishing you endless moments of magic and beautiful new memories....

 

Warmly,

Wildflower

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  • 3 months later...

Buddies,

I hope you are well and seeing brighter days my friends! I'm living life like a "normal" person....the good and the bad. During my ordeal one of the things I feared was my mother dying and me not being able to be there, whether at the hospital or funeral. 2 weeks ago today my mom had a massive stroke, the doctor prepared us for the worst and didn't believe she would make it through the day. It has been a struggle but she is still paralyzed on her left side, can't swallow and talk normally and has moments where we're not sure if she's aware of anything. There are some small moments of hope but at best it will be a long journey. She's 85 btw.

In the midst of this I am thankful to God that I've been able to be at the hospital, speak with the doctors and therapists and just be there. 3 years ago this wouldn't have been possible. The struggle I went through helped prepare me for the bad things in life, and allows me to appreciate even more the good things.

I hope you all find your way through the hell that these drugs can bring and be able to see the sun shine again!☀️

 

Merry Christmas and God bless....

 

B strong

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Buddies,

I hope you are well and seeing brighter days my friends! I'm living life like a "normal" person....the good and the bad. During my ordeal one of the things I feared was my mother dying and me not being able to be there, whether at the hospital or funeral. 2 weeks ago today my mom had a massive stroke, the doctor prepared us for the worst and didn't believe she would make it through the day. It has been a struggle but she is still paralyzed on her left side, can't swallow and talk normally and has moments where we're not sure if she's aware of anything. There are some small moments of hope but at best it will be a long journey. She's 85 btw.

In the midst of this I am thankful to God that I've been able to be at the hospital, speak with the doctors and therapists and just be there. 3 years ago this wouldn't have been possible. The struggle I went through helped prepare me for the bad things in life, and allows me to appreciate even more the good things.

I hope you all find your way through the hell that these drugs can bring and be able to see the sun shine again!☀️

 

Merry Christmas and God bless....

 

B strong

 

Very sorry to hear about your Mom and what she has gone through.  Its is such a good thing that you can advocate for her at this time.  I understand how being able to do this is important for you. 

 

I am wishing for your mother to stabilize and heal.

 

God bless.

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  • 1 month later...

Hey buddies!

Just checking in to say Hi and hopefully give someone hope! 3 years tomorrow was my last taste of Klonopin! The Hell wasn't over then but I knew I was going forward and not looking back at that point. I had a horrible experience with these drugs and was ready to die. I truly believed for months that I was never going to heal. The success stories on this forum were the one place I could pick up pieces of hope from people who had actually made my journey. It was not a quick fix, a long and winding road....often 1 step forward followed by 2 steps back.

Try your best to do things to distract, no matter how insignificant. Folding laundry, washing dishes, gardening....anything that is not 24/7 of consuming your mind with drugs! Stay away from the horror stories try to surround yourself with something or someone positive. Don't try to look to far ahead aside from having goals. Relish in the small victories, try new things if you can. I learned how to play the guitar in my 60's, something I've always thought about doing....why not NOW! Since I had nothing but time...

Time it seems is the only healer of this hell. Don't try too many shortcuts (other drugs or supplements) in my opinion they may send you back...but be your own advocate! Don't let me or anyone else tell you what YOU should do.

I played softball today with a bunch of other old guys! I'm able to coach my grandson's baseball and soccer teams (with a dozen other 8 year olds). We had to move my mom in with us after a massive stroke and 2 months in rehab. I'm blessed to be able to handle this tough time emotionally...no way I could have done this during my years of Hell!

Try to keep moving forward and survive the moment! Take small steps and when you look back you will be surprised where you came from and what you survived.

I pray you find a glimmer of hope reading how I made it and hope you can find strength in your journey. It's hard, but it's worth making!

Love to you all...❤❤❤

 

B strong

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B strong,

 

It's always lovely to read your updates. It sounds like you're truly living life to the full...I'm so happy for you! Cherish every second with that precious family of yours.

 

Thoughts are with you in this time of taking care of your mother.

 

Thank you for always spreading hope on here. Wishing you all the love and happiness your heart can hold.

 

Wildflower

💕

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Thanks for sharing your story. I was a long time user of K (clonazepam) >15 yrs. I am 11 months out, noticed one comment you made about cortisol showing out at 3Am. I think, very sure actually that is happening to me. Wake up somewhat startled and struggle getting back to sleep.

 

What did you do to relieve the cortisol??

 

Keep up posted, your story gives hope to all of us and those yet to find us.

 

J

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Thank you, B Strong, for dropping by.  I’ve read your success story many times and it’s  so wonderful of you to continue to encourage those of us who are still in the weeds.  I’m so glad you’re doing well, though I’m sorry to hear about your mother.

Best to you,

Flibberty

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