Author Topic: I'm still in here!  (Read 6989 times)

[Buddie]

Re: I'm still in here!
« Reply #90 on: February 05, 2019, 09:40:04 pm »
Hi buddies,
2 years today since my last crumb of K. Nothing but Tylenol since, and only occasionally. Still have some migraines, partly because I have herniated discs in my neck that will probably need fusion surgery. Staying away from doctors as long as possible:) Sleep is better, maybe 6 hours a night of broken sleep. Wake 3-6 times a night and have to go pee, prostate problems are a pain....but so is getting old. Although this might really be frustrating for the average person, from where I've been, it's just an inconvenience. I was sleeping ZERO for days a couple years ago, so everything is perspective. I'm living life, going to movies, the beach, out to dinner, coaching my grandson's baseball team...all without a thought. No more anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts. I can laugh, watch tv, listen to music; things that seemed impossible just 2 years ago. It took almost 18 months to feel "normal", but each day is now a blessing, instead of misery.
I was suicidal for months, prayed for God to take me every day....I'm so glad he didn't.
During the depths of it I didn't think I could make another day...It was unbearable especially when the akathasia looked like it would last forever. I told everyone I believed it was the drugs....but NO ONE believed me.
Even my wife who stood by me was skeptical, people thought I had mental problems. Doctors thought I was "crazy". One neurologist refused to see me anymore at my worst, and even "blacklisted" me from seeing any other Neurologists associated with his hospital. This was when I was at my darkest and had no where to turn...it was months before I could get in to a psychiatric doctor. I had already been to 2 psych hospitals previously and they just added more drugs.
Fast forward.....

Life is now beautiful again....I can see colors, think, relax. I'm so excited to live again. I'm 61 and looking forward! :smitten:
God bless you all.💙 prayers for each of you!

[...]
 
I love your posts [...], so uplifting and [...], thank you so much for sharing your taper and recovery with us.  [...] ☮️💜🙏
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I'm still in here!
« Reply #91 on: February 06, 2019, 02:19:27 am »
[...],
Always appreciate your response! Thanks for being here ! :smitten:
Tw2,
Thank you for your encouragement! As someone who's been there you get it too. So true, doctors told me it wasn't possible it was the drugs because they were out of your system in 2 weeks....yea right! Bless you going towards retirement!
BBB,
My intrusive thoughts were everything horrible...especially my mind trying to get me to kill myself.  I actually tried more than once. I'm glad I wasn't successful. I had a beautiful wife and kids and 3 beautiful grandchildren with another on the way but the evil in my mind was winning. I hated people and things, I was extremely jealous of anyone that was happy....and this was nothing like the real me. Every negative emotion was multiplied 10x.
As I said my mind wasn't mine....it's impossible to describe if you haven't been there. It wasn't until after months of this that I had a small moment of [...] at night, the possibility that I could make it was the glimmer of [...] I needed to wade through the hell I was in. Don't give up! Survive one more moment, one more hour, one more day....they will add up!
Good luck my friend!
❤❤❤

[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I'm still in here!
« Reply #92 on: February 06, 2019, 02:49:24 am »
Yes, it feels like my mind isn't mine, and I get scared of it all the time. How I think about others is just scary right now. It gets a little better at night and then the fatigue kicks in. Did you struggle with fatigue when your sleep got better? My sleep just got better and my fatigue has really picked up.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I'm still in here!
« Reply #93 on: February 06, 2019, 06:40:09 am »
[...],
Always appreciate your response! Thanks for being here ! :smitten:
Tw2,
Thank you for your encouragement! As someone who's been there you get it too. So true, doctors told me it wasn't possible it was the drugs because they were out of your system in 2 weeks....yea right! Bless you going towards retirement!
BBB,
My intrusive thoughts were everything horrible...especially my mind trying to get me to kill myself.  I actually tried more than once. I'm glad I wasn't successful. I had a beautiful wife and kids and 3 beautiful grandchildren with another on the way but the evil in my mind was winning. I hated people and things, I was extremely jealous of anyone that was happy....and this was nothing like the real me. Every negative emotion was multiplied 10x.
As I said my mind wasn't mine....it's impossible to describe if you haven't been there. It wasn't until after months of this that I had a small moment of [...] at night, the possibility that I could make it was the glimmer of [...] I needed to wade through the hell I was in. Don't give up! Survive one more moment, one more hour, one more day....they will add up!
Good luck my friend!
❤❤❤

[...]

[...],

I love your posts and I love that you continue to come back. Your story is very inspiring.

Thanks and I [...] life keeps getting better for you. You've earned it and then some :)
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I'm still in here!
« Reply #94 on: February 06, 2019, 01:32:05 pm »
[...],
Always appreciate your response! Thanks for being here ! :smitten:
Tw2,
Thank you for your encouragement! As someone who's been there you get it too. So true, doctors told me it wasn't possible it was the drugs because they were out of your system in 2 weeks....yea right! Bless you going towards retirement!
BBB,
My intrusive thoughts were everything horrible...especially my mind trying to get me to kill myself.  I actually tried more than once. I'm glad I wasn't successful. I had a beautiful wife and kids and 3 beautiful grandchildren with another on the way but the evil in my mind was winning. I hated people and things, I was extremely jealous of anyone that was happy....and this was nothing like the real me. Every negative emotion was multiplied 10x.
As I said my mind wasn't mine....it's impossible to describe if you haven't been there. It wasn't until after months of this that I had a small moment of [...] at night, the possibility that I could make it was the glimmer of [...] I needed to wade through the hell I was in. Don't give up! Survive one more moment, one more hour, one more day....they will add up!
Good luck my friend!
❤❤❤

[...]

Thank you [...], you keep us moving forward that hour or that day.  And that is all time we need to succeed.
[...] ☮️💜🙏☮️💜
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I'm still in here!
« Reply #95 on: February 18, 2019, 03:08:17 am »
Hey buddies,
Be your own advocate! Don't do anything YOU don't want to do. Unfortunately many doctors have zero compassion and refuse to listen to anything that goes against their preconceived beliefs. I'm sure there are good doctors out there....I just didn't meet them. I had to get off drugs with absolutely no help from doctors.  BUT, I DID IT!!!! And so can you!

Love to you my friends ❤

[...]
 
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I'm still in here!
« Reply #96 on: March 24, 2019, 10:16:10 pm »
Beautiful day here....
I [...] the sun is shining on many of you today. It certainly is difficult to be optimistic when we are in the throws of benzo recovery...but me must have [...] we can overcome the effects of the poison we were on. I used to be angry and jealous at times reading others good fortune, but then it started to turn to be IT IS POSSIBLE!
It does take time, it doesn't seem fair but we must survive. I never thought I would have peace again. I used to ask God to take me, I felt like I was not being heard....but I'm so fortunate to be alive today. There is a saying that the teacher is always quiet during the test.Some of the best moments of my life have come since my recovery, I can see the colors in the sky again, I have clarity, something that I thought I'd lost forever.
I pray all that are struggling can find some [...] in my journey as I did reading others success stories.❤

[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I'm still in here!
« Reply #97 on: March 24, 2019, 10:20:39 pm »
Thanks for always [...] back and being very honest about your experience. Did you deal with feelings of anger directed at people for absolutely no reason? I have been having this lately and it's very alarming for me.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I'm still in here!
« Reply #98 on: March 24, 2019, 10:59:45 pm »
That was wonderful [...] and so full of [...].....thank you so much!!  Love, [...] 💎💙🙏💎💙🙏
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I'm still in here!
« Reply #99 on: March 25, 2019, 09:41:56 pm »
Thank you [...]. It is good to hear messages of recovery. Some days I share your positive outlook but when a wave hits I have trouble finding any optimism. Your posts remind me to keep an open heart and trust in this process. Thank you!

With gratitude,
[...] :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.