Author Topic: I'm still in here!  (Read 9367 times)

[Buddie]

Re: I'm still in here!
« Reply #80 on: January 28, 2019, 10:14:56 pm »
Thanks for always [...] back and offering words of encouragement. I just feel like my brain is mush. I can't sit and watch anything and relax. I'm always on edge and have to be moving at almost all times or it feels like I'm losing it. Sometimes this lets up before bed, but it always comes back the next day. Any little stressful or negative thought makes me feel like I can't take living anymore. It's been 10 months of this.

I would love to have joy and clear thoughts again.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I'm still in here!
« Reply #81 on: January 28, 2019, 10:30:09 pm »
I [...] all my buddies are seeing some progress and not losing [...]. Looking back on the HELL I really never thought life was possible again. It seemed life wasn't worth living, but afterwards you will be so thankful you never gave up. You will smile again, have joy, see colors, have clear thoughts, and even have moments of euphoria. To be able to sit and R-E-L-A-X is something we take for granted....but it is so nice to look at the horizon with promise.
My [...] is we all are able to get back to normal, whatever that is!

I'm [...] up on 2 years off and SO thankful!
Prayers to you all....

[...]


Thank you [...], needed to hear that today.  Love, [...].  ☮️💜🙏
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I'm still in here!
« Reply #82 on: January 29, 2019, 02:12:30 am »
Thanks for always [...] back and offering words of encouragement. I just feel like my brain is mush. I can't sit and watch anything and relax. I'm always on edge and have to be moving at almost all times or it feels like I'm losing it. Sometimes this lets up before bed, but it always comes back the next day. Any little stressful or negative thought makes me feel like I can't take living anymore. It's been 10 months of this.

I would love to have joy and clear thoughts again.
Completely understand the PM small windows. When I started having any relief it was late at night and very gradual. When it happened I hated for the day to end, because I knew once I laid down (even though I didn't sleep), 3am would hit and the cortisol rushes would start and I was back in hell. But at least with a small sliver of [...] in the evening it was what I needed to know it was possible that I could make it. It took what seemed like eternity but one small moment of [...] is all you need to believe it is indeed possible.
Hang on!

[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I'm still in here!
« Reply #83 on: January 29, 2019, 11:40:34 am »
Hi [...]!!  I'm so glad to see your post again!  I want to thank you so much for your kind words of welcome and encouragement to me when I first joined the forum in November.  It meant so much.  And reading your success story back then was hugely encouraging.  I have since jumped and have been Klon free for about a week (8 days, 7 hours and 16 minutes, but who's counting?) and I've been seeing good progress every step of the way.  Thanks for being one of those who blazed the trail for the rest of us...and your big heart.

So glad you are well, my friend.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I'm still in here!
« Reply #84 on: January 29, 2019, 03:44:12 pm »
Hi [...]!!  I'm so glad to see your post again!  I want to thank you so much for your kind words of welcome and encouragement to me when I first joined the forum in November.  It meant so much.  And reading your success story back then was hugely encouraging.  I have since jumped and have been Klon free for about a week (8 days, 7 hours and 16 minutes, but who's counting?) and I've been seeing good progress every step of the way.  Thanks for being one of those who blazed the trail for the rest of us...and your big heart.

So glad you are well, my friend.
[...],
So Awesome my friend!!!! 8+ days away and never going back. You are inspiring to many others trying to find their way! You got this.....please keep me posted! :thumbsup:


[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I'm still in here!
« Reply #85 on: January 29, 2019, 06:17:01 pm »
Thanks [...]!  Old [...] is hanging tough...like the rest of us.  But it feels so very very good to have zero benzo going on.  Noticed I'm not any crazier than usual, at least   :)  So far so good.  We're all getting there and [...] and you are showing us newbies the way!!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I'm still in here!
« Reply #86 on: January 29, 2019, 09:04:55 pm »
Thanks [...]!  Old [...] is hanging tough...like the rest of us.  But it feels so very very good to have zero benzo going on.  Noticed I'm not any crazier than usual, at least   :)  So far so good.  We're all getting there and [...] and you are showing us newbies the way!!

 :smitten: :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I'm still in here!
« Reply #87 on: February 05, 2019, 05:10:21 pm »
Hi buddies,
2 years today since my last crumb of K. Nothing but Tylenol since, and only occasionally. Still have some migraines, partly because I have herniated discs in my neck that will probably need fusion surgery. Staying away from doctors as long as possible:) Sleep is better, maybe 6 hours a night of broken sleep. Wake 3-6 times a night and have to go pee, prostate problems are a pain....but so is getting old. Although this might really be frustrating for the average person, from where I've been, it's just an inconvenience. I was sleeping ZERO for days a couple years ago, so everything is perspective. I'm living life, going to movies, the beach, out to dinner, coaching my grandson's baseball team...all without a thought. No more anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts. I can laugh, watch tv, listen to music; things that seemed impossible just 2 years ago. It took almost 18 months to feel "normal", but each day is now a blessing, instead of misery.
I was suicidal for months, prayed for God to take me every day....I'm so glad he didn't.
During the depths of it I didn't think I could make another day...It was unbearable especially when the akathasia looked like it would last forever. I told everyone I believed it was the drugs....but NO ONE believed me.
Even my wife who stood by me was skeptical, people thought I had mental problems. Doctors thought I was "crazy". One neurologist refused to see me anymore at my worst, and even "blacklisted" me from seeing any other Neurologists associated with his hospital. This was when I was at my darkest and had no where to turn...it was months before I could get in to a psychiatric doctor. I had already been to 2 psych hospitals previously and they just added more drugs.
Fast forward.....

Life is now beautiful again....I can see colors, think, relax. I'm so excited to live again. I'm 61 and looking forward! :smitten:
God bless you all.💙 prayers for each of you!

[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I'm still in here!
« Reply #88 on: February 05, 2019, 06:06:15 pm »
Hi [...]

Congratulations on your healing and recovery!

I was a short term user that did a cold turkey and paid the price for about 13 months.

My recovery journey was like yours...lots of symptoms, very little sleep and doctors telling me withdrawal lasts 2-4 weeks max!

I am 55 and looking forward to retiring in 4 years (God willing).

I too enjoy everything now and take nothing for granted.  It is like I have a new lease on life.

So happy for you.  Wishing you a long, happy and healthy retirement!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I'm still in here!
« Reply #89 on: February 05, 2019, 08:16:25 pm »
No more anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts. I can laugh, watch tv, listen to music; things that seemed impossible just 2 years ago. It took almost 18 months to feel "normal", but each day is now a blessing, instead of misery.
I was suicidal for months, prayed for God to take me every day....I'm so glad he didn't.
During the depths of it I didn't think I could make another day...It was unbearable especially when the akathasia looked like it would last forever. I told everyone I believed it was the drugs....but NO ONE believed me.

Again, thanks for always [...] back. So glad you are doing so much better. What sort of intrusive thoughts did you have? Today, I was doing dishes and the crazy notion that this is all because of my wife came over me, and I started thinking "why am I doing dishes for her? Why do I care so much? It's the marriage that has done this to me." Now, I'm afraid for my wife to come home because I have all this internal anger toward her for no reason.

It seems all my intrusive thoughts are linked to any amount of stress including thoughts toward my wife and daughter. Then those thoughts push me to very dark places with the suicidal ideation and me thinking I will never feel normal again. I'm 10.5 months off and I quit c/t. I'm just hoping these thoughts pass soon and I can start feeling some joy again.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.