3 years later - Never been better!

Hey everyone, I haven't checked this in so long but it came across my mind today and I wanted to write to everyone going through withdrawal right now... These success stories helped me immensely during my withdrawal.  Some days all I could do was read these for some positivity about my situation but they gave me hope... Hope that got me to where I am today and where you will be as well

 

 

So, a little about my history - I was having some trouble sleeping, severe anxiety, panic attacks. You guys know the drill  ... I decided I needed help.  I met with a psychiatrist who told me I needed Klonopin, once daily before bed...

 

The first time I took it I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.  I thought this must be how normal people feel. All those anxious thoughts and behaviors just melted away.  I was confident, I was secure, I was who I always wanted to be...  I told myself I NEEDED this now.  This drug was going to be a part of me.

 

That feeling slowly started fading away over the course of the next two years.  I felt like my personality and who I was--was slipping away and I was actually BECOMING the drug if that makes sense... I wanted to be nervous and anxious again.  I wanted to feel some insecurity. I wanted to be ME again...  But I was lost.  I had been on this drug so long I had forgotten who I was and what it was like without it...

 

I knew I needed to get off the Klonopin when all my original symptoms came back threefold even AFTER I just took my daily dose... On top of that I had some newer, much scarier symptoms.  Disassociation, paranoia, derealization were slipping through the cracks. I panicked...  I immediately tried to cold turkey.  What happened next was like I was sent into some sort of parallel dimension.

 

PSYCHOSIS.  I remember being hungry and wanting some noodles. I literally could not think straight enough to boil water on my stove top.  I couldn't be around anyone because I was so suspicious of everyone.  I couldn't even be around my own family...  I was afraid they would hurt me or say something that would cause me more confusion.  I was thrown into this paranoid kind of alternate universe and it was my absolute worst symptom.

 

Burning and tingling in my hands and feet, sudden blood pressure changes, blood sugar changes, hypersensitivity to light and sound, the worst depression of my life, and pretty much any other symptoms you can imagine. These symptoms would be 100% of the time at first.  Then a few months later maybe 95% on 5% off.  Few more months 85-90% on 15-10% off...  This pattern would continue throughout my whole withdrawal period.

 

I struggled.  Every. Single. Day.  A struggle.  I lost my job, my friends, went on unemployment, gained 40 pounds, and stayed in my apartment for about 6 months...  I'd spend hours and hours on these forums searching for people with the same symptoms I was currently experiencing, looking for hope that it actually does end but let me tell you...

 

IT ALL GOES AWAY!!

 

Psychosis? NOWAY

Depression? GONE

Paresthesia? NOPE

DR/DP? OUT OF HERE

 

3 years later I feel better than I've ever felt in my life!  Through the constant everyday struggle that is benzo withdrawal I found true grit and determination.  I wake up everyday thankful of what I have.  I love everyone near me deeper.  I've achieved more than I ever had in my life because when things get rough or uncomfortable I think back to my withdrawal and tell myself "This may be bad but not as bad as withdrawal was" and I feel as though I can push through any obstacle life has to throw at me.

 

That is the silver lining.  What you're going through now is Hell.  It's going to test you every single day.  It will wear you down and break you.  But through it you gain a whole new perspective on life.  You come out stronger, even if you don't feel it now you're body and mind are healing. 

 

This entire healing process was like falling asleep... While I can say with confidence I'm definitely healed now, if someone were to ask "When exactly were you healed?" "When did most of your healing take place?" "When did your healing begin?" ...I couldn't tell them.  Just like falling asleep... I know when I shut my eyes, but I couldn't tell you the moment I crossed over into sleep... While I was sleeping I couldn't tell you when I was going to wake up... Simply because it was a process.  It was happening the whole time.

 

 

Wonderful story! Thank you for writing of your success. It brings hope to weary healers. I'm happy to know you feel well. This is the encouragement I needed today...thank you!

 

Enjoy your wellness!

 

Carita

Thanks for this, man.

Came onto the site tonight because I've been in a really rough wave.

 

This made my night!

I love reading these kinds of posts. They give me hope and the will to push on.

Awesome to hear! Congratulations on making it through!

Prayers for continued happiness 👍

B strong

Javablood,

 

I'm reading this in the middle of the night because I woke up feeling incredibly depressed with dark, looping thoughts. I appreciate you writing this and congratulations on your full recovery. I'm only dealing with mental symptoms at this point at just over five months of Klonopin and I'm hoping and praying my story ends up like yours.

Thanks for posting this and providing hope for those of us still in the trenches.  So pleased your suffering has ended and life is beautiful again!

Congratulations Javablood and thanks so much for coming back to share your story.

 

I felt the same way once healed, I appreciated everything and everyone in my life so much more.  I quit sweating the small stuff, as you said, everything pales in comparison to benzo withdrawal.

 

Enjoy your life of wellness!

 

pianogirl 

So happy to read this today! I’ve just found this site and I’m so thankful for the many posts.. I’m in the midst of my taper and not feeling well at all.. dizziness, overheating, my foot won’t stop shaking, no appetite, continuing to lose weight, and bad muscle weakness! Ugh. But I read this and gave hope, I will get through this and get off of this drug for good!  Thanks for the hope!!

Congratulations  and thank you! 

Javablood, I love your story!!! I know it was very, very difficult for you because I'm still experiencing it and have experienced tons of symptoms throughout the time I've been going through this. They SLOWLY go away. I like the analogy of sleep. It's true. One day you realize that you haven't had a symptom in a long time. So I guess it must be like that with healing.

 

HAVE A HAPPY, WONDERFUL LIFE!!! And thanks SO MUCH for stopping by and writing this. We need these stories to keep us sane and on the right track!!!  :thumbsup:

Thank you everyone,

 

Even to this day after I've healed theirs still so much love and support.  I truly love this group.

 

I'm humbled that my story can help others.  I know when I was at my lowest I needed this group.  Now that I'm healed I want to give back and help others as much as I can.  If you have any questions or would like to talk about ANYTHING -- Please message me.  Theirs no reason to fight this alone...  Much love to this community and above posters

 

:smitten:

Thanks for coming back and sharing your story. Brings hope to the rest of us.  Can you tell me what was your paresthesia like (tingling/ burning/ just legs/arms,.. etc) and when/ how it resolved (one of my main symptoms).  Did the doctors diagnose you with anything else/ how did you know it was Benz w/d?  Finally- did you do anything to help facilitate healing? (other meds? supplements/ exercise/ diet... etc?).  Thanks so much again. Hanging on to hope is tough.. but stories like yours help keep it alive.

Thanks Javablood for your message. I do the same that you used to do: the success stories give me hope and encouragement to continue with this awful journey.

 

Thank you so much Javablood for coming back and taking time to write your success story. Am so happy for your full recovery and healing. We need all success stories we can get to continue with our hope that those of us still in the thick of withdrawal will also heal and fully recover given the right time.

 

Prayers for your wellness, joy, peace and love!

 

God bless!

Pi

 

Great story, Javablood! Thanks so much for taking the time to come back and share it with us. For those of us still in the trenches, it's so meaningful and uplifting to read something like this. Since Klonopin/clonazepam is known to be a really rough benzo to get off and heal from, your success is all the sweeter. Best wishes to you!

3 years later I feel better than I've ever felt in my life!  Through the constant everyday struggle that is benzo withdrawal I found true grit and determination.  I wake up everyday thankful of what I have.  I love everyone near me deeper.  I've achieved more than I ever had in my life because when things get rough or uncomfortable I think back to my withdrawal and tell myself "This may be bad but not as bad as withdrawal was" and I feel as though I can push through any obstacle life has to throw at me.

 

That is the silver lining... through it you gain a whole new perspective on life.  You come out stronger, even if you don't feel it now you're body and mind are healing. 

 

 

Lovely write-up, Javablood! Many blessings and a beautiful life to you for coming back to spread the hope.

Reading this has me in tears, I am at 2.5 years free of benzos . I can so very much relate, Time heals these wounds , I suffered so very much for so long but I am free now and I am stronger than ever . I never come on this site anymore but tonight as I was on my computer I decided to check in . Please be strong people , It will get better with time, you will heal. The veil will be lifted and life will be brighter than you could ever imagine .

Same here with me ! On 26th of september it will be three and a half years since I quit benzos and  I consider myself 95 percent healed.

I was a long term and high-dose user and believe me : evereything will be fine !! Once in a while I will write my (very long) full success story .

It can take some time because English is not my native language.

 

A bientot

 

ilan

argo and ilan,

 

I would highly recommend coming back and writing a success story. It would provide hope for all of us still suffering.

argo and ilan,

 

I agree with boomboxboy21 that your success stories would help us maintain hope, faith and patience that full healing will also come to us given the right amount of time.  Success  stories is my lifeline and I read them so many times a day.

 

May you continue to have peace, joy and wellness in your well deserved life!

 

God bless!

 

Pi

 

Hi there,

I agree: we need the success stories of Ilan and Argo!!

Being in a half-way through this journey I wish to know how GOOD is it going to be my health after we'll be off benzos!

These past months have been like hell to most of us...we need to know how is it going to be our future. We need to know that we are going to feel better and heal!

 

Congratulations on your recovery I have the same symptoms you had can I ask when the paranoia stoped for you.