Extreme sadness

I'm 15 weeks pregnant. I was pulled off from Clonazepam 2mg. My OB said I should taper but my psych at the VA was just so "concerned". I feel like committing suicide every minute. I look at objects and imagine hitting myself or killing myself with it. Talking to someone isn't even possible since I'm in another state, and don't have family or friends. My husband is staying away from me. Doesn't talk to me, and i don't blame him. I deserve to be hated. Feel sorry for the stress the baby feels. Well it makes sense that I would already fail at being a mother. I'm not eating. I lost 11 pounds while pregnant. I'm not sleeping.  Sorry, venting is my last resort.

Karen! You are doing the best thing for your baby.. although I would have preferred some tapering. This shows that you are going to be a Wonderful Mother!  Accept that this withdrawal is like fighting for your life. You are strong and can do this!! We believe in you.

Dear Karen, I am so incredibly sorry for what you're going through... But I agree with Leslie - you can do this. You're not alone on here. There are people who care and who will support you as best they can. I know you can't feel it or believe it right now, but you are loved.

 

It sounds as though you need more support. Of course you do - and you deserve it! You deserve only to be loved right now, and cared for and nurtured. (Certainly not hated!) If you can't find it in the people around you, you can do this for yourself, Karen, and for your baby. You can - you can learn to. Like Leslie, I believe in you with my whole heart.

 

Do you have the financial means to seek professional online support, perhaps also from an online midwife/doula? (Sorry for asking.) There are some who work like that...

 

Keep reaching out on here. One baby-step at a time. In the meantime, try to force yourself to eat something nourishing, even if it's a small one-pot meal. If you can't sleep, just try to rest as much as you can. Put your feet up and breathe deeply.

 

The suicidal thoughts are partly a result of the drug withdrawal, which is messing with your bio-chemistry. It is not you, Karen, but you need to be aware of it and reach out immediately if you have to. You are very, very precious, just like your baby. You've reached out on here - like any responsible mother would do. Your instincts are intact. You've got this. 'Trust' - keep repeating that word to yourself. You're going to be wonderful, mama.

 

Sending warmth and love and a huge hug.

Karen, I forgot to add: I think you'll find it well worthwhile to make a skype appointment with Baylissa Fredericks at baylissa.com. She's one of the most compassionate people I've ever met, and I'm sure she'll be an incredible support for you.