Author Topic: Full Time worker support group  (Read 11960 times)

[Buddie]

Re: Full Time worker support group
« Reply #250 on: September 20, 2020, 05:51:40 pm »
Hi all,

Another full time worker here, currently working from home due to COVID.  It's been a huge challenge to keep working through the taper, as I've been experiencing so much cognitive fog and memory issues.  My work requires me to keep track of quite a bit of information, deal directly with people (now on Zoom or the like), and generally work at a high level cognitively.  My job involves providing emotional support to other people, which I usually love being able to do, but it can become very hard when I'm doing everything I can just to keep my own head above water.

Every day, now, I feel like I'm faking it and worry I will not be able to fake it one more day and will eventually lose my job.  I use every bit of positive self talk, affirmation, etc. I can muster, but when I drop the ball on something or make a stupid mistake, it's very very hard not to go into a negative place, feel ashamed, and really struggle -- all while trying to act is if everything is just fine.  I've also tried using strategies like writing everything, and I basically mean EVERYTHING, down, yet I still manage to forget things.  Then it becomes very hard not to worry that this is some kind of permanent condition, not taper related. 

I really loved this job before I started having all these withdrawal related (I [...]) problems.  Now, I just take it one day at a time.

Anyway, I'm very glad to have found this group.  I've read every single post here, starting from page 1, and am impressed at everyone who is making it through withdrawal/tapering while continuing to work full time.  It's nice to feel not alone.

[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Full Time worker support group
« Reply #251 on: September 21, 2020, 05:00:56 pm »
Hi all,

Another full time worker here, currently working from home due to COVID.  It's been a huge challenge to keep working through the taper, as I've been experiencing so much cognitive fog and memory issues.  My work requires me to keep track of quite a bit of information, deal directly with people (now on Zoom or the like), and generally work at a high level cognitively.  My job involves providing emotional support to other people, which I usually love being able to do, but it can become very hard when I'm doing everything I can just to keep my own head above water.

Every day, now, I feel like I'm faking it and worry I will not be able to fake it one more day and will eventually lose my job.  I use every bit of positive self talk, affirmation, etc. I can muster, but when I drop the ball on something or make a stupid mistake, it's very very hard not to go into a negative place, feel ashamed, and really struggle -- all while trying to act is if everything is just fine.  I've also tried using strategies like writing everything, and I basically mean EVERYTHING, down, yet I still manage to forget things.  Then it becomes very hard not to worry that this is some kind of permanent condition, not taper related. 

I really loved this job before I started having all these withdrawal related (I [...]) problems.  Now, I just take it one day at a time.

Anyway, I'm very glad to have found this group.  I've read every single post here, starting from page 1, and am impressed at everyone who is making it through withdrawal/tapering while continuing to work full time.  It's nice to feel not alone.

[...]

Hi [...]. Wellcome to the group and congrats for being able to manage a job and a benzo taper.

FWIW, I've been holding for a long time and I'm planning to hold for as long as it takes to keep my life in order. It seems like I'm feeling a bit better this  past week. I won't cut any time soon. I've seen some buddies hold a year and a half or two years. I'm going for that. My finances and motherhood are my absolute priority now. The taper can wait. I do [...] to be able to taper in the future though, if my brain stabilizes and if life gives me a break.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Full Time worker support group
« Reply #252 on: September 21, 2020, 06:17:41 pm »
Hi all,

Another full time worker here, currently working from home due to COVID.  It's been a huge challenge to keep working through the taper, as I've been experiencing so much cognitive fog and memory issues.  My work requires me to keep track of quite a bit of information, deal directly with people (now on Zoom or the like), and generally work at a high level cognitively.  My job involves providing emotional support to other people, which I usually love being able to do, but it can become very hard when I'm doing everything I can just to keep my own head above water.

Every day, now, I feel like I'm faking it and worry I will not be able to fake it one more day and will eventually lose my job.  I use every bit of positive self talk, affirmation, etc. I can muster, but when I drop the ball on something or make a stupid mistake, it's very very hard not to go into a negative place, feel ashamed, and really struggle -- all while trying to act is if everything is just fine.  I've also tried using strategies like writing everything, and I basically mean EVERYTHING, down, yet I still manage to forget things.  Then it becomes very hard not to worry that this is some kind of permanent condition, not taper related. 

I really loved this job before I started having all these withdrawal related (I [...]) problems.  Now, I just take it one day at a time.

Anyway, I'm very glad to have found this group.  I've read every single post here, starting from page 1, and am impressed at everyone who is making it through withdrawal/tapering while continuing to work full time.  It's nice to feel not alone.

[...]

Hey! Welcome! I'm in a similar boat, but I just take it an hour at a time. I don't have the luxury of working at home, so it's tough to fake it around others most of the time. I've been tapering over 5 years, so my cog fog is pretty far off the charts at times. I [...] to be off in a few months, and I'm also hoping that my cog fog is related to the taper and that I get clear-minded soon after jumping. We'll all forge ahead. Hang in there!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Full Time worker support group
« Reply #253 on: October 03, 2020, 03:46:54 am »
[...] and [...],

Thanks for the welcomes.  I'm so glad it's the weekend again.  I realized today that it's been almost a year since I started having cog fog and memory issues when I tapered down from .5 to .375 mg of ativan, and every time I think about how long it's been I get scared all over again that this is a permanent thing.  But somehow I trudge through every day, feeling like a shell of what I was but continuing to fake it. 

I [...] you guys are doing okay.

[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Full Time worker support group
« Reply #254 on: October 05, 2020, 06:29:55 pm »
[...] and [...],

Thanks for the welcomes.  I'm so glad it's the weekend again.  I realized today that it's been almost a year since I started having cog fog and memory issues when I tapered down from .5 to .375 mg of ativan, and every time I think about how long it's been I get scared all over again that this is a permanent thing.  But somehow I trudge through every day, feeling like a shell of what I was but continuing to fake it. 

I [...] you guys are doing okay.

[...]

[...] don't worry, we're all faking it as best we can. I'm sure you're doing much better than you thing. One this that is true is that people hardly notice there's anything wrong with you, even when you think you're dying or on an LSD trip or both. I just tell myself "stick to the to do list". Of course this is not possible in extreme stages of wd but as soon as it can be done, I think it's all we can do, and it does seem to work for many.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Full Time worker support group
« Reply #255 on: October 06, 2020, 07:51:09 pm »
[...] and [...],

Thanks for the welcomes.  I'm so glad it's the weekend again.  I realized today that it's been almost a year since I started having cog fog and memory issues when I tapered down from .5 to .375 mg of ativan, and every time I think about how long it's been I get scared all over again that this is a permanent thing.  But somehow I trudge through every day, feeling like a shell of what I was but continuing to fake it. 

I [...] you guys are doing okay.

[...]

I agree with [...]...you're probably doing a ton better than you realize. We're our own worst critic at times. One foot at a time, you'll get there!!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Full Time worker support group
« Reply #256 on: October 06, 2020, 09:38:36 pm »
Hi I'm fairly new here and still working fulltime.

Thankfully, with covid, I've been able to work from home.
I just move from the bed to my chair and then back to bed.
I do Microsoft Teams and WebEx mtgs and frequently just say my camera won't work, I turn it on, if I'm doing ok that day etc.

I'm just at the beginning and I'm trying to stabilize, since a crazy rapid taper in July - stupid I didn't know any better.

I need to keep working, as we need the money etc.

I'm sure most of you are in a similar situation.

anyway, just wanted to say hi!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Full Time worker support group
« Reply #257 on: October 08, 2020, 03:28:09 pm »
Hi I'm fairly new here and still working fulltime.

Thankfully, with covid, I've been able to work from home.
I just move from the bed to my chair and then back to bed.
I do Microsoft Teams and WebEx mtgs and frequently just say my camera won't work, I turn it on, if I'm doing ok that day etc.

I'm just at the beginning and I'm trying to stabilize, since a crazy rapid taper in July - stupid I didn't know any better.

I need to keep working, as we need the money etc.

I'm sure most of you are in a similar situation.

anyway, just wanted to say hi!

Just stick with it and do what your body needs to heal. It's unfortunate that you had a rapid taper, but at least you have the blessing of working from home. I'm still kind of a mess (but better than a year ago!), but I have to go in to work each day and fake it as if all is great. It's a brutal existence, but you and I will be fine. Rest and recover, count your/our blessings, and move on! My sincere best to you :)
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Full Time worker support group
« Reply #258 on: October 08, 2020, 09:45:52 pm »
HI after only two months use (stupid dr) I CT not know anything.   I reinstated on Diazapam and tapering. I'm not functional and thank goodness due to covid I am able to work from home. I'm totally like that too. I'll turn my camera off during long meetings and just lay my head down on the couch and listen. Im thankful that for now I'm able to function and work for my family.  I put a smile on during zoom meeting and a tad of makeup and put a big smile on my face.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Full Time worker support group
« Reply #259 on: October 28, 2020, 08:09:37 pm »
Haven't been on here for a while, but not having the best time as just did another big drop in my taper. Like many others here, perversely I feel COVID saved my job over the past few months. I've also an on and off heavy drinker (I know, I'm not meant to drink, and I try, but keep having slip ups - 25 days without a drink was my best shot), and some days during lockdown I reckon I would have lost my job, but I can hide behind teams calls with no camera, and chat and email. I'm back in the office half the time now, which is tough, but I think it's actually given me a renewed purpose to sort this out. Without the 5 year-ish history. Here is what my taper has looked like the past couple of months - 2 weeks for every drop:

September - 30, 25, 20mg diazepam
October - 20, 15, 10mg diazepam

Feeling the pain a bit having just dropped to 10mg. I was offered 12mg, but thought I'd be brave. As I read on here, I'm just suffering a bit of "taper flu" and it will pass. dropping to 8mg in 2 weeks. Aiming to see in the new year benzo free...

Good luck all you workers. We can do this!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.