Son still bad, maybe worse. 13 mos. off.

Haven't been here or even checked the site since last late autumn.  My son (32 years old, 13 mos off benzos about now, took Klon. 5 years, abused it, tapered too fast per doc) is presently having auditory hallucinations since last fall.  Doc has him on a couple of anti-depressants, and also Stelazine for the Psychotic symptoms.  Son has begun to feel like it is NOT Benzo-withdrawal, (and it doesn't help that his Psychiatrist doesn't believe in it) and that may be true, but all signs point to it.  He has had a textbook succession of symptoms that make me feel it still is BW.  It is SO much like what all of you are going through to one degree or another, and funny how it all started right after he got off Benzos. 

 

He has tightening of muscles, nerve pains, jerking movements at times, wants to "rock" in the chair a lot. says he can't help it.  He DOES get up and get on the computer, watching/listening to podcasts that interest him, playing games, sometimes against his brother and friends who live all over the country (the only real socializing he's done in about a year).  He is still majorly agoraphobic, and only goes to visit the Psychiatrist, which I think he does as one last hope, and possibly for my sake.  He has diagnosed him as "Depressive Psychosis".  Ok. 

 

Maybe I just want to believe that is it.  I am truly ready to accept that it may be just mental illness, and this is our 'new normal'.  But wow----it just follows such a pattern I recognize from here.  The "Voice" he hears make him believe this is not BW.  Maybe, but I've seen some of you say hallucinations.  His BW, if it is that, is severe.  It has had ALL of the symptoms I've read on here, at some time in the last 13 mos.      I am rambling, but I just needed to check in here, do some reading and see how things are going with all of you.  I'm so sorry for my son, so sorry for all of you (HUGS), and so frustrated that docs just don't get this thing.  We had one doc (our family doc) who had a patient with similar symptoms, and he believed for awhile, but I think he's bailed now that my son is this bad. 

 

Ah, well.  Thanks for listening.  I'd appreciate any and all comments on my post.  Whatever you're thinking.  I'm fairly lost and hanging on.  TIA.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi tearose,

 

Auditory hallucinations may not be a surprising effect of benzodiazepine withdrawal.

 

See: https://www1.ndmctsgh.edu.tw/pharm/pic/medinsert/005LEX02E.pdf

 

Even the label on this benzodiazepine warns of "psychosis" as a potential effect.

 

The only person who can validate this is really your son himself.

Dear tearose,

 

first of all, I am so sorry for your son suffering so badly and for you having to watch him suffering. I am 38 and my mother was living with me because of the same reason.

 

13 months sound increadibly long, unfortunatelly, in the case of recovery from psych meds 13 months is very early in the game. You know your son, and even if he is not able to see things rational now, you are and since you have informed yourself so well about possible symptoms, see them in your son and knowing he was not like this before wd, be assured you are right and this IS withdrawal. All of it is.

 

I got that psychotic depression diagnosis too,...since in withdrawal. These words sound scary (especially the psychotic part) but in reality it is a part of the healing process, that, if we want to make it out of this, has to be endured.

 

You sound like a wonderful mother and your psychistrist sounds as if he's on a permanent lunch break. Please do yourself s favor and don't keep looking for help at the wrong places. Those psychistrists are good at prescribing drugs....and that's it. Adding more drugs while in wd can complecate things even more.

It's good that your son is able to distract himself by playing video Games. Maybe he could try to add some kind of calming distraction....meditation, any kind of art, spending time in nature, etc. And I would highly recommend to start a healthy diet, if he is not already doing this. You could take a look at paleo or keto. Many people achieve great results with one or the other.

 

Don't lose hope, dear mom . Things will improve. Maybe not yet, but they will.

 

All the best for both of you.

Tearose,

 

I am so sorry you and your son are both suffering—your son in the throes of withdrawal and you standing by watching him helplessly.  I have grown children of my own and five grandchildren.  The thought of what you are going through, as a mother of a child suffering like this, breaks my heart.

 

Please don’t jump to the same hopeless conclusion the psychiatrist made that your son is suffering from psychotic depression.  This is withdrawal and recovery from dangerous drugs that never should have been prescribed to your son long term.  If he is seeing the same psychiatrist who put him on these drugs in the first place, or is currently prescribing more drugs to counteract the symptoms of benzo withdrawal, please consider finding your son a different psychiatrist who understands what these drugs are capable of doing to people.  Not just benzos, either.  All psychotropic drugs effect the brain and the CNS and cause alterations to occur in the brain that now need to rectify.

 

I had auditory hallucinations for a couple of months in my recovery.  They thankfully disappeared suddenly.  Your son is listening to benzo lies as part of his recovery.  We’ve all had these “lies” try to convince us that we’ve incurred permanent damage from these pills.  Benzos do not cause permanent damage, but the length of time it takes us to heal presents a strong case against full recovery in our minds.  These are just thoughts, not reality.  The REALITY is we fully recover from this nightmare eventually, no matter how long it takes each of us individually to do so.

 

Hold your son.  Don’t give up on him and don’t let him give up on himself.  This is temporary.  A very long time, but temporary and reversible.

 

Sofa

Hi tearose,

 

I’m 13 months off today and I am 58.  I’m so sorry for your son’s suffering.

 

I spent only a few weeks on Ativan and it has been the hardest thing that ever happened to me.  I had a ton of loss during that period as well which I won’t go in to, but please don’t despair about your son. As of today I am better than before, but it was a bitterly confusing disorienting onslaught of physical and mental symptoms for many many months.  I still have lingering symptoms and sometimes distrust my ability to think quickly or accurately, but I’m reminded like you of the many many people on this site who report similar things.  It is hard to comprehend that it’s the drug, or lack of it.  The best description I heard was on this site, where someone stated it was benzo injury and not withdrawal, and then went on to say it’s like the Twin Towers falling, if you compare that to our central nervous system. It takes a long time to rebuild such a large complex structure, with scaffolding and constructing over in this corner, and then taking down the scaffolding and rebuilding other areas to finally rebuild the whole.  It’s a frustratingly long process.

 

I’ve had dozens of times that I thought it was not benzo injury.  I thought of mental illness, MS, fibromyalgia, all kinds of food things, thyroid, and on and on and on.  But I’m slowly getting better and I can only believe that he is too.  Look for the positive changes as much as you can.

 

I believe the medical community has no clue about the severity of this and we will be learning about it for years to come.

 

Hugs, Tiny

 

 

Wow, never expected to get many responses in summer on a weekend.   

 

Samuel---Yes, I've read that people here have had psychotic symptoms, that's why I am holding onto the BW idea.  This voice is telling him he's a bad person, and giving him all kinds of grief---telling him it's HE (the voice) who tormenting my son, and the voice is in charge, basically.  It's tough.  I have nothing for him...nothing I can do to help, except make sure he eats and rests as much as possible, and just being there.  But, I have the hope that someday, this will end.  And he may be whole again.

 

neverending---Yeah, I wish docs weren't involved in this, almost.  My son unfortunately got rather confused, psychotic and a bit combative last fall/winter, and ended up in the hospital.  He is 6'6" and was trying to run out the door into the snow and yelling things, and we had to call the police, as my husband held him down---barely.  So----began the drugs.  And then our family doc cont'd to order them so he wouldn't get crazy on us again, and turned him over to a Psychiatrist to manage the meds.  Truth is...I don't want him flipping out on us like he did that night and other nights, and doing us harm or harming himself.  So does he need to be at least on the Stelazine?    Maybe so.  In my mind, I'm considering it control over the possible harming actions he may display.  At least for now.  I don't like it one bit, any of it, but I'm at a loss.  I've tried to convince the psych that he's in WD, but to no avail.  And now that my son no longer thinks tha's what's going on......I'm in the minority.  His dad agrees with me.   It's just too much like WD to not be.  I have a question for you, neverending---what's the longest you've ever heard of anyone going through protracted withdrawal?  I'm bracing myself.   

 

sofaking----I will never give up on him, I'm in for the long-haul.  I'm his Mom, right?    And I keep telling him to hang in there, I truly believe that this will be over someday.  He's skeptical.  He's living here with his Dad and I, and we are helping him with his  life.  He's pretty much bedridden, except for some computering, as I said.  I'm not HAPPY to know you had hallucinations  but I'm glad to be reminded that this is one of the symptoms, as it's so easy to start to question myself, and just---the whole thing.  He's been hearing the voice since autumn. 

 

Thank you all for the comments and advice!!  You all remind me what track we're on here, and why I need to stay on track.  He keeps saying it is tormenting him.  I agree, that's what he's feeling for sure, but we agree to disagree on what the cause is.  Luckily (I guess), he says the voice wants to keep him here to torture him, so it won't allow him to hurt himself.  This guys is the sweetest, nicest, gentlest giant you could ever know.  Not just me who says that.  He has many friends (some who keep in touch) and has always been good-hearted.  He's also a smarty-pants, went to a tough-entry college and has a Master's degree.  Was working on his PhD when this became a problem.  When I think of what his life could be, probably should be, right now, I could cry.  He had a breakdown and went aorund for two years, resisting taking anything for the anxiety.  When he finally caved, this is what happened.... :'(  Ugh.

Tinypillow, I like the term Benzo-injury.  I also like your NYC towers analogy.  It's so true.  I wonder if a presented it like that to his psych doc, he would finally believe....?    I think they are trying to cover up for their prescribing habits over the years, and also trying to assuage their guilty consciences by saying "It ain't so."  Would it be so bad for them to just admit "we were wrong'?? 

My best thing I can say is to help him realize this is his withdrawal voice, he isn't crazy or insane, this is temporary. I heavily suggest you have him join Baylissa Frdericks website which is the best resource in my opinion for benzo healing help, she has some wonderful webinars where she talks specifically about "the withdrawal voice" and how it lies to you telling you that you are doomed, you are a bad person, you are never going to get better, you should just kill yourself. I had all these things and it's ALL WITHDRAWAL. He will get better it just will take time probably another year or so, but if he eats clean, avoids all drugs and alcohol and commits to talking positively to himself he will get better. The website is baylissa.com and she also has other awesome books to that have helped me a lot, you might want to schedule a phone call with her where you can ask her your questions it has helped me so much to have a kind and loving benzo expert to talk to and get reassurance from. He will be ok and he is so so lucky to have you as a mom

Tearose,

 

It would be helpful if you updated your signature to include all the drugs and the doses your son is currently taking.  More members will be able to offer support knowing the current situation.

 

Sofa

Is there any way he could see a therapist who works in a way that encourages him to talk to the voice? There is research this can help and might be more productive than more drugs.

 

I just googled ‘Talk to your voices’ and stuff like this comes up:

 

http://www.dirkcorstens.com/talking-to-the-voices/

 

Possibly worth a go?

 

He is very lucky to have you and his dad supporting him.

First thing i would do is get a different Dr......stat! Stelazine is a drug normally prescribed to schizophrenics. I know this because a friend of mine was on it years ago and i accidently took one of his pills. The Stelazine made me have auditory and visual hallucinations. Is your son schitzophrenic? I think it is insane how Drs. load patients up with more psyche drugs when psyche drugs are the problem to begin with. Only time cures benzo wd. NOT more psyche drugs trying to diguise the symptoms of the wd. You should listen to your son. Stelazine Is some wiked shit i wouldnt wish on my worst enemy......,unless he were schitzophrenic.

Dear tearose,

to answer your question....I am a protracted case myself. I am over 3 and a half years off benzos and still suffering badly (almost all my symptoms are mental). I am also still on another drug and often (every day) think that is the reason why I don't heal. On the other hand there are many protracted people here that are on no drugs and still are in this hell for several years. I cannot give you a number, I just know from a lot of time here that the majority of people heal within 2-3 years. As for the rest of us...I have no idea...all I know is that they say in the end we all heal. I pray every day they are right.

Love and strenght to you.

Hello songbird, I was a bit better (everything that isn't psychosis is better for me) 2 years ago until August last year. I had a lot of stress then for several months after losing my home. That was so overwhelming for me and shot me into the worst state I have ever been in and I don't seem to find my way back out. I had to send away my parents cause I felt they were not safe with me around anymore. I am all alone now and that's another thing I cannot handle since I am back to psychosis for almost a year now. It is a nightmare...nothing less.

 

I got several blood tests and they all came back without anything unnormal (I call myself highly sensitve (I always was like that) and maybe because of that I am not as tough as others when it comes to handling this and healing from it.

 

Thank you for your kind words and I hope we will all make it out.

Love, neverending.

See, guys, here's my dilemma---

 

When son WASN'T on an antipsychotic, he ran out the door in his socks and pj's screaming that he was evil. He is 6"6" and we are 64 years old.  Luckily his dad held him down (barely) until the police could get there, and take him to the hosp. where---they put him on anti-psychotic meds.  Now, it's scary to take him off of them.  What are we to do to keep him from hurting himself or us (there was a scuffle and such)??  Can't restrain him, I believe that's against the law.  So---take him off anti-psychotics?  I just don't know....

 

Also--he is on a LOT of antidepressants.  I know that.  Wish he could come off some of them, but since doc keeps just switching them up, don't know what to do about that.....and if he stops seeing doc he goes screeching to a halt off the antipsychotics, cause doc

's the one who prescribes them.  Hmmmm.  Sounds risky, even if he tapers off...

 

My HOPE is in the fact that some of you here talk about taking meds (antipsychotics or antidepressants or both), OR people you've seen on BB taking meds throughout and finally coming out of WD(maybe a longer time), AND you've also seen/heard of people who ate well, rested, NO meds, and also took a long time to come out of wd.  So.....I'm just so.....not sure. 

 

Thanks, for all of the links on Baylissa etc.  I need that.  All info is good. 

What was your son like BEFORE any of the benzos or anti depressants? Why did he get on all these meds to begin with? Was he deemed schizophrenic? Please give a little background of why your son initially was prescribed these drugs and what was he like BEFORE ANY any drugs.

Sorry, Windwalker, got sidetracked by life.

 

He was perfectly normal, in grad school, had always been a bit anxious, but had a breakdown at school, and tried to move on, without meds for it, but after two years of intense anxiety, a campus doc gave him Klonopin.  Over 5 years, anxiety was less helped by it, dosages went up, usage went up, he knew he had a problem with it, and wanted off.  Tapered too fast under doc's care, 6 weeks, maybe less.  Completely free of Klon. for 13 mos now.  Suffering.  Bad.  Physical, emotional, mental.  Got his master's but could not go on to get the PhD he had been working on.  Home now at his childhood home, was bedridden for a long time, is now up most days on the computer in our office/den.  We know we have a long way to go, but I joined to ask questions I had and to gain knowledge about this. 

Your son is going to be totally fine. He was taken off these meds almost in a cold turkey fashion because that wasn’t really a taper at 6 weeks. It just is going to take a lot of time to recover, hopefully by two or three years off these meds he’ll be totally healed or at least a far better than he is now. If he wasn’t like this before psychiatric meds he won’t be like this after, I highly doubt he need to be on anything right now as psychiatric meds just make you numb and dumb honestly and I think can prevent healing in some ways. He just needs support from you guys so he can ride this out

I was polydrugged and diagnosed almost every diagnosis on this planet.

Now - after I freed myself totally alone from all my meds, suffering so hard, nearly died - my psychiatrist and the former one apologized and told me I have never been mentally in because if they had been right and I was ill, I wouldn't have been able to taper over 10 meds all alone while being psychotic and other ...stuff... and still having a home, family, man..

 

13 months is nothing. Nothing. Give the 2 of you another year and things will be different again.

I totally agree with the comment of songbird 127 - we NEED people who stand by our side and will do research to find therapies or other things that help us. - besides this: Anything that helps him, wether for the pain or to calm down is right and should be done. No matter if its a teddy bear, massages, a light for the night or a tv right in the bed - anything that helps is right there to be a helper.

 

Your a wonderful mum