Barely hanging on....Please help

I am approaching the 12th week mark of being off, and the last week has been unbearable with today being the worst.  I seem to slowly be getting back to where I was two years ago which is my worst fear.  I won't make it.  I'm shocked to have even made it through the afternoon.  I started tapering Gabapentin from 600mg and am almost at 500mg shortly after completing my benzo taper which was probably a HUGE mistake.  I don't know if this is all due to being still in the acute stage of benzo withrdawal or a nasty wave, or Gabapentin withdrawals, or a combination.  Who knows....  All I know is I am struggling to make it through each day, and dread going to sleep at night because I know that I will have to face another day. 

 

My family doesn't want to hear it anymore, and is doubting me.  It's been such a long process already, and they can't believe that I am still in this situation.  I have been very close to calling the distress line, but am afraid of them sending an ambulance and admitting me to the hospital.  The hospital is where this whole ordeal started, and don't want to end up on more meds.  I'm doing everything in my power not to reinstate, but don't know if I should go back up to 600mg of Gabapentin.  I was planning on stopping the tapering of Gabapentin once I got to 500mg, but am at a total loss of what to do.  There are days I feel too chemically damaged to go on, and have no hope of ever living somewhat of a normal life. 

 

I apologize for rambling on, and if I posted in the wrong place; just am unsure if this is related to benzos or Gabapentin, or both.

 

Any advice or thoughts? 

Hey so I wouldn’t taper the gabapentin at all until you are feeling better, it does act like a Benzo so you are making things harder on yourself. Most likely it will take a year to heal from this maybe longer maybe shorter but you are still very much in the thick of it and probably still in acute. I know not having family support sucks but just keep going and keep the faith that you will heal, if you felt this bad before getting on benzos then maybe it is an underlying anxiety issue that could use therapy or maybe an SSRI, but I know how scary it is starting new meds during withdrawal. What initially led you to being put on benzos?

Hey so I wouldn’t taper the gabapentin at all until you are feeling better, it does act like a Benzo so you are making things harder on yourself. Most likely it will take a year to heal from this maybe longer maybe shorter but you are still very much in the thick of it and probably still in acute. I know not having family support sucks but just keep going and keep the faith that you will heal, if you felt this bad before getting on benzos then maybe it is an underlying anxiety issue that could use therapy or maybe an SSRI, but I know how scary it is starting new meds during withdrawal. What initially led you to being put on benzos?

 

Thank you so much for your response.  Sorry, I should have been a bit more clear... I never felt this bad prior to benzo use.  Two years ago when I began my taper unaware of how to, and trusted my Doctor was when things got extremely ugly.  He tapered me from 10mg of Ativan to 1.5mg in about three weeks, and then I continued on and got to about 0.75mg when everything just went from bad to worse.  I got extremely sick, and was updosed back to 3mg of Ativan.  I have always struggled with anxiety, and then had a bad case of Vertigo, and my panic and anxiety were feeding off of that.  I can't tolerate SSRI's or SNRI's.  Right now I am on 10mg of Amitriptyline, and  87.7mg of Trazodone.  Both clearly aren't helping much.  My family has been great, but are sick of this as am I.  I feel so alone, and I can't handle any worse at this point.   

For me the third and fourth month were the hardest, you are in the deep water my friend so just hold on and make it to month 6, it does get better and you can make it.

 

Regarding the other meds IMO you are taking a lot of stuff that isn't fixing anything, I would stabilize even if it's at 600 and stay for a while there.

For me the third and fourth month were the hardest, you are in the deep water my friend so just hold on and make it to month 6, it does get better and you can make it.

 

Regarding the other meds IMO you are taking a lot of stuff that isn't fixing anything, I would stabilize even if it's at 600 and stay for a while there.

 

Thank you.  That gives me some hope.  I sure hope I can hold out that long.  I'm afraid I screwed up by tapering the Gabapentin so soon.  I might have to slowly updose as I am extremely sensitive to meds.  I am absolutely terrified at this point.