Help!!! Jim Hawk, Bella Amis pls reply post of 7/19/18

please read and reply to post of 7/19/18.

In short, was using vodka/water solution per builder, going down on 4 mg Valium tablets (2 2mg at bedtime) and doing a liquid vodka/water liquid taper for the 3 remaining mg in the am.  I was keeping solid tab pm constant, and doing approx 1/2 mg Valium liquid taper, at .02ml per day (ratio of 1mgV =1ml solution.

Ok until equivalent dose of 5mg Valium combined tablets and solution.

Pls see my post of 7/19/18 for what happend next. 

In short , after an ambulance ride to the nearest Psych Er detox in nearby Buffalo, NY, in the "baddest part of town", the Psychiatrist and director of the detox sent me home after 4 days in the hospital under observation with instructions to discontinue all benzos.  So this 66 year-old grandmother from a nice middle class suburb was sent home, and just rec a phonecall from The ECMC  charge nurse to make sure I am getting follow up treatment.  My poor, long suffering husband, who is 70 years old listened to the shrinks there, and disposed of all my stash of valium. I cannot get a refill until at leat 7/31 per New York State Law.  I cancelled an appointment I had with the Psychiatrist I was seeing on July23. The doctors in the hospital told my husband that he could report said doctor to the licensi board in Nys for keeping his wife on benzos for 15 years!!! This I agree with, the man is clueless on benzo use, and claims he has see patients on the for 10 years het off with no problem.  I asked him if could refer me to a shrink with more expertise on benzo addiction in the area, and after conferring with the other shrinks in the practice, knew of nobody. So in essence, after tapering since 2016 from 15 mg Valium after a transition from Ativan, I jumped off V at 5 mg.  Right now, I feel nauseated, have no appetite and have to force myself to eat cereal with nuts and skim milk oe almond milk, fruits and icecream bars only. I have intermittent body twitches, my heart is racing, and I am dizzy upon standing and have tinnitus, or ringing in the ears. I already have a shower bench from when I fell and fractured my pelvis in 2016 (probably the result os dizziness from the benzos and osteoporosis);  The hospital Physical therapist also sent me home with a wheelchair covered by my medicare advantage plan, that I can use if I need tomget somewhere and am too dizzy to walk.  Except for the nausea, chills increased heart rate and intermittent body tremors, my symptoms are really not much worse than the slow taper off benzos,  as I was still a zombie who did nothing but sit on a recliner and binge watch cable TV or listen to audiobooks. I haven't driven in well over a year, and my husband has to do all the grocery shopping, meal preparation, housework, and gardening that I used to do, although at around 7 mg Valium this spring, I did some light gardening and at least helped with meal preparation and was able to eat with him.  Now the poor man has to eat alone.  I am 15 pounds overweight anyway, but being ill is not a good way to loose weight.  I cannot even walm the dog or go to senior fitness classes at the YMCA or our senior center.  Any thoughts?  The closest benzo wise shrink I know of from this group is a Dr. Bogonovich in Boston.  What happens if I go into more severe symptoms on a trip up there, Which is about a 10 -12 hour car trip from Buffalo?  My husband will not consider taking me there unless I try outpatient rehab here first.  I KNOW this works for opiod or alcohol abuse, but is not designed for suburban grandmothers who got hooked on benzos first be a general practice MD, and then kept on it for another 16 years by TWO  clueless shrinks who I feel like Suing!!!!

"In short, was using vodka/water solution per builder, going down on 4 mg Valium tablets (2 2mg at bedtime) and doing a liquid vodka/water liquid taper for the 3 remaining mg in the am.  I was keeping solid tab pm constant, and doing approx 1/2 mg Valium liquid taper, at .02ml per day (ratio of 1mgV =1ml solution"

I realize that is probably just a typo, but I have never recommended making a 1mg=1ml solution.

My standard formula is .1mg V per ml.

please read and reply to post of 7/19/18.

In short, was using vodka/water solution per builder, going down on 4 mg Valium tablets (2 2mg at bedtime) and doing a liquid vodka/water liquid taper for the 3 remaining mg in the am.  I was keeping solid tab pm constant, and doing approx 1/2 mg Valium liquid taper, at .02ml per day (ratio of 1mgV =1ml solution.

Ok until equivalent dose of 5mg Valium combined tablets and solution.

Pls see my post of 7/19/18 for what happend next. 

In short , after an ambulance ride to the nearest Psych Er detox in nearby Buffalo, NY, in the "baddest part of town", the Psychiatrist and director of the detox sent me home after 4 days in the hospital under observation with instructions to discontinue all benzos.  So this 66 year-old grandmother from a nice middle class suburb was sent home, and just rec a phonecall from The ECMC  charge nurse to make sure I am getting follow up treatment.  My poor, long suffering husband, who is 70 years old listened to the shrinks there, and disposed of all my stash of valium. I cannot get a refill until at leat 7/31 per New York State Law.  I cancelled an appointment I had with the Psychiatrist I was seeing on July23. The doctors in the hospital told my husband that he could report said doctor to the licensi board in Nys for keeping his wife on benzos for 15 years!!! This I agree with, the man is clueless on benzo use, and claims he has see patients on the for 10 years het off with no problem.  I asked him if could refer me to a shrink with more expertise on benzo addiction in the area, and after conferring with the other shrinks in the practice, knew of nobody. So in essence, after tapering since 2016 from 15 mg Valium after a transition from Ativan, I jumped off V at 5 mg.  Right now, I feel nauseated, have no appetite and have to force myself to eat cereal with nuts and skim milk oe almond milk, fruits and icecream bars only. I have intermittent body twitches, my heart is racing, and I am dizzy upon standing and have tinnitus, or ringing in the ears. I already have a shower bench from when I fell and fractured my pelvis in 2016 (probably the result os dizziness from the benzos and osteoporosis);  The hospital Physical therapist also sent me home with a wheelchair covered by my medicare advantage plan, that I can use if I need tomget somewhere and am too dizzy to walk.  Except for the nausea, chills increased heart rate and intermittent body tremors, my symptoms are really not much worse than the slow taper off benzos,  as I was still a zombie who did nothing but sit on a recliner and binge watch cable TV or listen to audiobooks. I haven't driven in well over a year, and my husband has to do all the grocery shopping, meal preparation, housework, and gardening that I used to do, although at around 7 mg Valium this spring, I did some light gardening and at least helped with meal preparation and was able to eat with him.  Now the poor man has to eat alone.  I am 15 pounds overweight anyway, but being ill is not a good way to loose weight.  I cannot even walm the dog or go to senior fitness classes at the YMCA or our senior center.  Any thoughts?  The closest benzo wise shrink I know of from this group is a Dr. Bogonovich in Boston.  What happens if I go into more severe symptoms on a trip up there, Which is about a 10 -12 hour car trip from Buffalo?  My husband will not consider taking me there unless I try outpatient rehab here first.  I KNOW this works for opiod or alcohol abuse, but is not designed for suburban grandmothers who got hooked on benzos first be a general practice MD, and then kept on it for another 16 years by TWO  clueless shrinks who I feel like Suing!!!!

Hello Marja2-

I read your whole story. I am very sorry that you went through this. A couple of thoughts....If the symptoms you are describing are pretty much the same as you had while tapering, it would make perfect sense to just stay off the benzo & ride out the symptoms. Healing will take place over time & you will more than likely find symptom gradually improve as time goes by.

I think that it possible that you made error in mixing up your solution. I see where you were tapering using a 1ml=.1mg & then you posted making a 1ml=1mg solution? Is this a typo or correct statement? If this is the case it would explain the episode you had that brought you to the ER. If you only took 1ml of a .1mg per ml solution. That would equate to a huge drop IF this was indeed the case. Regardless, what has been done has been done. At this point I would stay off the benzo if symptoms remain the same and are tolerable. To reinstate now would only drag out the process. 

Hang in there...I do wish you the very best & hope things smooth out for you very soon. 

yes, the ratio of 1mg V= 1ml solution is probably a typo or maybe I was just a little.stressed out and confused after my ordeal.  I folllowed Builder's directions to the letter, and the solution and tablet combination worked fine all the way from 7 mg V until 5mg V when I was exactly 2/3 through with my taper.  I was titrating at the rate of 1/2 per month, going down .02ml per day.

It makes sense cor me to try to ride it out at what amounted to a 5 mg jump off point.  Since I left the hospital after a shot of 2mg ativan in the ER and 4 days under observation, symptoms are tolerable.  I was released from the hospital.last Saturday at around noon, and now it is Friday night.

My only worry is that when I tapered off Ativan 4 1mg tablets per day under psych doctor's directions, I felt rebound increased anxiety, but 6 moths after my last dose, I became really ill, with severe depersonalization and derealization.  At least now I know what these symptoms are from, and that I was not loosint my mind.  So I am toint to listen to the doctors in the hospital and your advise and not reinstate benzos.  they recommended outpatient counseling  and rehab support, but I do not feel this is what I need.  I am well motivated to stay benzo free, and was a fictim of 3 doctors prescribing benzos when they were not really knowledgeable about these druts and how to taper off.

Thanks for your support, and for someone finally getting back to me.  I was feeling deserted by the group.

yes, the ratio of 1mg V= 1ml solution is probably a typo or maybe I was just a little.stressed out and confused after my ordeal.  I folllowed Builder's directions to the letter, and the solution and tablet combination worked fine all the way from 7 mg V until 5mg V when I was exactly 2/3 through with my taper.  I was titrating at the rate of 1/2 per month, going down .02ml per day.

It makes sense cor me to try to ride it out at what amounted to a 5 mg jump off point.  Since I left the hospital after a shot of 2mg ativan in the ER and 4 days under observation, symptoms are tolerable.  I was released from the hospital.last Saturday at around noon, and now it is Friday night.

My only worry is that when I tapered off Ativan 4 1mg tablets per day under psych doctor's directions, I felt rebound increased anxiety, but 6 moths after my last dose, I became really ill, with severe depersonalization and derealization.  At least now I know what these symptoms are from, and that I was not loosint my mind. So I am toint to listen to the doctors in the hospital and your advise and not reinstate benzos.  they recommended outpatient counseling  and rehab support, but I do not feel this is what I need.  I am well motivated to stay benzo free, and was a fictim of 3 doctors prescribing benzos when they were not really knowledgeable about these druts and how to taper off.

Thanks for your support, and for someone finally getting back to me.  I was feeling deserted by the group.

Hi Marja-

Ah, ok....excessive stress can do that...\

I am so glad you have decided to ride it out. This is a wise decision. Symptoms may come & go for a while. It can take some time to fully heal. So when symptoms present distract & remind yourself that it only gets better.

It is common, unfortunate &so frustrating that the medical community is not supportive with benzo withdrawal. This needs to change. A friend recently sent me this GREAT ARTICLE... check it out... this gives give me hope that changes are on the horizon...

Please try not to get discouraged when you post & folks are not responsive. Many here suffer to the point of not being able to respond. Please continue to post & reach out on the various boards...maybe even consider starting a personal blog (if you have not already done so)

We are here for you Marja 

Hang in there... you will heal too... stay strong my friend!