Mom just told she had weeks to live - I'm too unwell to visit

So for the past 2.5 years I have been on the benzo rollercoaster which coincided with my mom's cancer diagnosis. The past 2.5 years have been tough for me tapering and healing. I got to a place where I was about 80 percent healed and feeling pretty good and then I had a huge wave setback 12 weeks ago.

 

Today my mom told me doctors can do nothing else for her and My sister says she is in bad shape. We don't know how long she has, but it may not be long as her blood pressure is dropping , she has Mersa infection and a host of other issues with the cancer.

 

I spent 6 weeks with my mom in March and April and I feel so grateful for that time however I am not well enough right now to get on a plane and visit and go to a funeral if she passes. I'm hoping for a window soon, so that maybe somehow I can muster up the energy to go.

 

My setbacks have been severe from "overdoing" it , and have put me back to an almost bedridden state.

 

I didn't tell mom about the Benzos because I didn't want her to worry. This is just really making me feel bad today. I feel partial windows coming on and am just praying that somehow god will allow me this last visit.

So for the past 2.5 years I have been on the benzo rollercoaster which coincided with my mom's cancer diagnosis. The past 2.5 years have been tough for me tapering and healing. I got to a place where I was about 80 percent healed and feeling pretty good and then I had a huge wave setback 12 weeks ago.

 

Today my mom told me doctors can do nothing else for her and My sister says she is in bad shape. We don't know how long she has, but it may not be long as her blood pressure is dropping , she has Mersa infection and a host of other issues with the cancer.

 

I spent 6 weeks with my mom in March and April and I feel so grateful for that time however I am not well enough right now to get on a plane and visit and go to a funeral if she passes. I'm hoping for a window soon, so that maybe somehow I can muster up the energy to go.

 

My setbacks have been severe from "overdoing" it , and have put me back to an almost bedridden state.

 

I didn't tell mom about the Benzos because I didn't want her to worry. This is just really making me feel bad today. I feel partial windows coming on and am just praying that somehow god will allow me this last visit.

 

I am so very sorry and will pray you get the window you need to get there.  We all care ❤️

So sorry, Linnie. I just want to back up what Mary said. I'm not religious but I will be thinking about you and hoping you can make it. We are here for you.

Praying that you can make it as well, linnie!🙏

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your Mom.  Hope you become well enough to make this last visit.   

Hugs, Tina

Definitely praying that God will make it so that you will be able to go and matter of fact I pray that the symptoms leave and never come back.

Thank you for your kind words

I’m so sorry to hear that.

 

I have missed grandparents funerals and couldn’t visit & help my Mum when Dad suffered severe brain injury or when she nearly died so really feel for you.

 

It is just horrible to miss such important things and to not be there or be able to say goodbye in person or to grieve properly oneself.

 

I really hope you have a window and are able to go.

I am so sorry for what you're going through.

You're such a strong person to have gotten so far and be so dedicated to healing.

I hope that you'll be able to see your mom before she passes but if you don't, know that she will be there with you in spirit and you'll be reunited in time.

I think that the 6 weeks you spent with her when she was healthier are, in my opinion, far more important than seeing her now.

Around a month before my grandpa passed away, he wanted to be alone for the most part. Visits were hard on him, even seeing just me and my mom was too much.

Again, I really hope that you'll be able to see her, but please know that it's ok if you can't. Your mom and, when the time comes, her spirit will understand.

You'll be in my thoughts and I wish you the best!

Yes her spirit will understand. Thanks for the kind words. I need to take care of myself.

 

Part of the issue is I did not tell her about my Wave because I was much better when I saw her 3 months ago. At some point I may have to come clean.

 

Oh well....such is life

Just checking in to see how you are and to let you know I'm thinking of you and your mom ❤️

Im sooo sorry to hear that Linnie my thoughts and prayers will be with you!

 

 

Butterfly

Still thinking of you, Linnie. I think Eggplantblue had a really valid point about you being with your Mum for those weeks earlier in the year. That precious time can never be taken away,. Hugs.

I'm still struggling but small improvements. Very slow. Like watching paint peel.

 

But you can't expect to be doing really well when you have such a lot going on in your personal life, Linnie. Just accept slow or even no progress at this time. This stuff would floor anyone who'd never touched a psych drug. Try to be kind to yourself.

But you can't expect to be doing really well when you have such a lot going on in your personal life, Linnie. Just accept slow or even no progress at this time. This stuff would floor anyone who'd never touched a psych drug. Try to be kind to yourself.

 

 

That was great advice from GB Linnie.  We are all thinking of you 🙂

Sending Prayers and Love Linnie💕

 

F4M