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4 Months Free--Some Improvement


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Hello, all. On Saturday, it will be 4 months since quitting Klonopin. I was taking a very small dose for only two-and-a-half months. My last small dose of .125 mgs was on March 21st. The first month of withdrawal was brutal. It started immediately with rebound anxiety and then morphed into a very dark depression with horrible thoughts. I couldn't sleep and thought I was losing my mind.

 

After about a month, early in May, I did start feeling better. By the middle of May, I really thought I was getting 100% better. Foolishly, at the end of May, I drank a beer. I started drinking coffee again and working out very hard. As soon as school let out (I'm a teacher), I went into a wave of horrible depression. It was like the entire process started over. The only difference from the early part of withdrawal and my most recent wave is I can sleep again. I feel tired all the time and I actually sleep an awful lot because it's a break from symptoms. Here are the symptoms I'm still suffering from. The symptoms are different daily and they last for different amounts of time every day.

 

1. Depression--I still feel it, especially when I'm given time to think about it a lot. It has been improving though. I can tell it's getting a little better day by day. It tends to be at it's worse in the late morning and early afternoon. With this, there has been a lack of interest in things formerly interesting to me. Distraction has been the best for improvements in this area.

 

2. Racing/Manic thoughts--It feels like my brain is overstimulated all the time. It never seems to clear. It is very hard to focus on things because of this. It gets worse when I use a computer. I wish this would disappear.

 

3. Lightheadedness, poor vision, and mental fog --These are not the worst symptoms to have. They are better than the depression and racing thoughts. I generally feel like these mental symptoms mean I'm improving.

 

4. Numb spots in body--These are mostly in the left side of my chest and sometimes in my stomach.

 

5. Pressure on left side of temple--Again, on the left side of my body.

 

The mental symptoms are far worse than the physical symptoms. The hardest part of this is I figured the symptoms would disappear rapidly once I started sleeping again, and I am sleeping again. I am really hoping that they do disappear by the end of August, as I have to go back to work as a teacher. The things I'm doing to speed up my recovery are no alcohol, no caffeine, no difficult exercise (I only walk a lot), no dairy, and very little sugar besides fruit. I take a multivitamin, daily. It's been 43 days without any alcohol, as I fear the few times I had one drink set me back. It's been over a month since quitting caffeine. Anyway, I hope that if continue with my path, these symptoms disappear fully, and I can write a success story and move on with my life. I truly feel bad for anybody else out there suffering from these toxic drugs. 

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Good for you!! Boy, you were lucky to not have this wave until school got out and I am very impressed with all that you think contributed - in that I am impressed you are so open and honest about it all.  I think you will have saved a bunch of us from suffering more than we need to with this insight.  4 Months!  I am looking forward to that but know that I am going to continue to suffer waves until at least then so I am focusing on the windows.  I am sorry you are feeling this way and feel that recovery is just around the corner for you but...  knowing that stress triggers such setbacks; be open to having to take some more time off if you are not ready to return to school.  Your health and life are more important.  One teacher to another.
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Hi Leslie,

 

I'm almost convinced my job was acting as a distraction from the symptoms at the end of the year, once the symptoms became more tolerable. Keep focusing on windows. I feel fine today, just a little mentally out of it and a bit tired from not sleeping well (which had nothing to do with the withdrawal). I know that stress can trigger setbacks. I won't be taking a graduate level class in the fall as I had planned. I need a semester off for sure. I'm three classes from having my master's in Creative Writing. Not sure I will be able to take time off. I'm just praying that I will feel better by the end of August, or at least good enough to work, and stress doesn't cause any setbacks. Hope you are better by 4 months.

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Good call taking the semester off!  Sounds like you are doing what you need to do to take care of yourself.  Teaching is a profession that sometimes makes us put our needs second to our students unlike in business where I could just blow off a customer who I didn't think was important enough to waste time on.  So many teachers are stressed beyond capacity due to tending their 80+ students' needs and I was one of them.  I may go back to education in a different capacity but not going to even consider it until I know I am healed.  Creative Writing? So cool.  I am a Math/Science person who had an engineering career in automation before thinking that teaching middle school was my calling.  Yeah, it was my calling to the world of anxiety and the beginning of this hell with benzos.  I so appreciate how much work teachers do for their students that is simply not recognized by parent, other professions, our state and federal government and society in general. OK sorry for the rant.  Kudos to YOU!
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Yeah, it's a tough profession, and it's what got me started with benzos years ago when I couldn't sleep. I had no issue going off and on them for years. When I went off them for a year and a half and then restarted, that's when it all hit the fan. I am entering my ninth year as an English teacher. Not sure how much longer I can do it. It's a ridiculously difficult profession. Not many people would understand that unless they did it too. How far along are you since you jumped?
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I started my taper June 3rd and did a 8 day rapid detox so I am about 6 weeks out from my last dose.  Thanks for asking.  I used Ativan (Lorazapam) as needed prior to being on Klonopin (Clonazapam) for 3 1/2 years. I didn't think I had any issues getting off the Ativan until I read posts that made me convinced that it was withdrawal from this pill that lead me to seek out help and then I got this perscription for Klonopin.  I am sad to say that I had no idea about tolerance at all so when I started to get even more ramped up at about 1 1/2 years on Klonopin; I started self-medicating with alcohol.  A vicious circle.  I am totally clean now (don't even have caffeine) and it has been a shock to my system to say the least.  I feel very exposed while at the same time; I am enjoying the peacefulness of life like I haven't in ten years.  All of my education (M. Ed) and all of my wealth; I never knew how to be a calm person who accepts feelings. I fought and fought.  Burned a lot of bridges and came close to wrecking my health.  I have definitely aged faster due to this but I know that I will live a longer, healthier life being off the benzos and so will you!
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That's good that you've been off for 6 weeks now. Sometimes it seems time goes by agonizingly slow during this process. The process has really made me understand all the things I once depended on I don't need like alcohol and coffee. This is, without doubt, the longest I've ever gone without drinking both of those things since the first time I have tried them. It has probably been a shock to my system as well and is probably the reason it's taking so long to return to my baseline. I hope we both come out of this stronger, better human beings and live better and more healthy lives after the fact.
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THank you! I think we will.  Let's stay in touch as I think we understand each other pretty well.  And I want to support you when you go back to school.  My legs are starting to ache again real bad.  So you have numbness and no pain?  The tension in my back when I CT was just excruciating. 
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I haven't had many physical symptoms through this experience, mostly just mental. The only things I've noticed for physical symptoms are occasionally pressure in my left temple and some numb spots on the left side of my body. They come and go. I didn't notice them at all yesterday and haven't noticed them much today. Yesterday was one of the best days I've had in a long time. Today, I'm feeling a bit sad and mentally out of it again. I ate a few pieces of fudge last night and some Cheetohs at a barbecue. I wonder if eating those things made me feel bad today. It stinks that people going through this can't eat what they want based on social situations, as they try to normalize their lives again.

 

We can stay in touch on this thread. What other symptoms are you experiencing besides aching in your legs? I haven't noticed any aching throughout the experience. 

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You are lucky to not have the physical pain but I know the mental is equally challenging.  I am having anxiety but it is getting better. So true about foods. I had a piece of banana bread too late last night and woke up drenched in sweat. Hip pain was back too. If possible, I hope that I continue to learn what is bad for my body to avoid future setbacks.  Feeling pretty good this morning so going to get going on the house as I let it slip for years!
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