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What a nightmare!


[Le...]

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Hello,

Hoping to get support from this sight to help me get through withdrawal from originally 1mg Klonopin started about 1 year ago. I'm down to .5mg a day and starting to have a rough time with the withdrawal. I started having issues last year being an alcoholic and waking up one morning with a broken brain from drinking hard stuff every night for a few years. Been going through a really bad nightmare with anxiety and depression (Anhedonia and DP/DR is the worst) since then. Was prescribed 20mg Lexapro and 1 mg Klonopin for sleep and anxiety by my Pdoc, but eventually grew tolerant and started the Benzo dependence withdrawal nightmare. Slipped a few times on the alcohol also which kept setting me back months of recovery. Started seeing a Psych that tapered me off way too fast. Wound up almost agoraphobic and had to take a leave of absence from work to go to try and get help from a recovery program. Learned a few things but not much I didn't already know from my own research. The psych there reinstated the 1mg Klonopin, stopped the Lexapro and started me on Wellbutrin, which I quickly weaned myself off of. I'm trying to get off Klonopin again after growing tolerant in about 3 months. Now having morning tremors which is something new. Pretty sure I may have tapered too fast down to .5mg from 1mg in only 1 month. Getting better with seeing more windows, but I'm hoping this tremor thing will go away soon. Anyway, glad to be here and hoping to learn how to deal with this devil and come out on top! I now have a feeling the benzo has been holding me back the whole time and just wrecking my brain more and more. I'm am an electrical engineer, a life long musician (guitar), built my own studio and all my own computers. Now I lost who I was, and all that was me seems so far away. Booze and Benzos suck, I wish I never started either of them.

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Welcome to BenzoBuddies!  We are glad you decided to join us.  You'll find a lot of support and information on this forum, which is currently the only one of its kind online.  Benzo withdrawal can produce severe symptoms, but these are temporary and do get better in time.  This is true, even though at times many of us feel that we'll never get back to normal.  This is what's called a "benzo lie." 

 

For those starting a taper, we generally recommend starting out at a rate of 5-10% every 10-14 days, then adjusting the taper to suit your own needs.  One exception: very short term users may be able to taper faster. During and after the taper there are often withdrawal symptoms, most commonly anxiety and insomnia, but these are temporary and will go away in time.

 

In general, those who've never withdrawn from benzos before seem to have fewer problems healing, while those with multiple withdrawals sometimes have longer, more challenging healing periods due to nervous system sensitization.

 

Here are a few useful links:

 

The Ashton Manual A great, short and concise reference for tapering and symptom issues.

 

Withdrawal Support (during your taper)

 

Again, welcome!

 

Megan918

Administrator

 

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[6e...]

You will find a lot of support on here for sure, I've been lurking in the wings for a while now, and most people are kind, thoughtful and respectful in their comments despite being in their own personal hell.

Sending you a healing hug.

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Hey Lefthangin,

Glad to welcome you here.

I think a lot of us feel the same about benzos holding us back rather than helping us. In part, whoever decided first to place the benzo bandage on us, probably found us in an acute episode and did the least destructive or quickest thing that seemed to help. However, they or more likely, a different medical professional left a stop gap measure in place.

It isn't really any different than signing for a high interest loan, whether it was done knowingly or in ignorance, -we found out by hitting a tolerance or we received the information before hand -we signed on and have a high price to pay.

Try not to focus on what you think you've lost. Try listing what you still have, for now, and add little by little to it. It will keep you in a positive zone; we all need to stay there to face the tough times.

I'm in your corner  :thumbsup:

You may feel like your Left hangin,

But your Hangin tough.

Peace & Hope,

Eutychus

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I built a few studios in my former life as a recording engineer.  It was the most rewarding job I could think of. Sadly, many of the habits I took on in those days followed me so here I am, same as you.

 

Feel free to shoot a message if you ever want to talk shop. I'd welcome the distraction.

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