24 months and this!!!!

Are you kidding me? Started feeling a lift yesterday and even got out for a walk. Felt some peace and quiet in my brain. Well today that’s all gone. 24 months out and just had a panic attack. Mind you I never ever had of even knew what one was before the pusher doctor prescribed me k-poison. 24 months out and still having panic attacks. Good god how much damage did he do to me? I’m thinking law suit.

And now the anhedonia has returned to 100% again. You start thinking your making progress and it get ripped away from you and there you are dancing with the devil again. Someday we will all look back at this bull shit as a distant memory. Speedy healing to all of you.

Dear Badben,

 

Congratulations on reaching this new milestone!

 

I know this sounds futile when you have been walking through this for so long, feeling like so little has changed... but rest assured that your body and brain are working hard at repairing everything the drugs and discontinuation have temporarily damaged. You've had some lessening of symptoms, so you know it is happening, your brain has shown you it is capable of making you feel a bit better, or even good perhaps?

 

I know, you ask why your brain is making you suffer like this if it is capable of peace and good emotion. It is not ready yet. Not all circuits are ready to function at their full strength. Slow healing might ensure you don't get slammed months after returning to a fairly better life. I am plagiarising Sofakingdone, by the way. This ensures that you will not have to look over your shoulder once you have turned the page. All the repair work is happening right now, and it is intensive. No weekends off, no holidays.  Why the torture?... to make sure you are at least at 105% when all this is over.

 

Hang in there, Badben. I know something positive will happen soon, it is only a question of time... but every day you wake up to is a day closer to feeling good again. And a day less to have to endure.

 

Keep going, you are not alone.

 

Hugs,

Julz xx

Julz thank you for the kind words of encouragement. I was really thinking that I was about to turn a corner. I made it about a mile yesterday for my walk. I was elated. As elated as my emotionally blunted brain would allow. I hated even going to bed thinking that if I fell asleep it might end. It ended. I can’t wait to return to life. No more fear, no more anxiety, no more crushing head pressure, no more depression or DP/DR or anhedonia. I’m just stuck in my own head and can’t get out. I’m really getting so weary. 24 months of virtually non stop agony. That don’t even count the first 4 months of agony from the cold turkey the wonderful doctor. Put me through. This November will be the 3 year mark since I was k-poisoned. I lived a wonderful life up til then. I wish I would of googled lorazepam before I ever took that first pill. I wish everyone here would suddenly heal. Can you imagine the on line party we could have? Well here I am bed ridden and can’t funct and 24 hours ago I walked a mile. Wow! What a roller coaster ride we victims have to endure. I don’t know what is the worst symptom. Probably a tie between the terror and the depression. Sure hope these evil drugs are someday banned world wide. Thanks again julz. I feel a little better.

glad you had a window. When we feel better we want to do everything but often times our nervous system still has healing to do. The fact that you had a great window means you are close. Just take it slow. Do maybe half of what you think you can do at first and ease into things.