Agoraphobia / Monophobia Support Group

Hi everyone,

 

I’ve been wanting to start this group as a place for those of us suffering experiencing Agoraphobia and or Monophobia, as I struggle with both.  And I know many others are going through it with these, during WD and after.  Would love to have a space to share, support one another, vent, celebrate progress, etc.  These two are currently my worst symptoms, and they have become such good friends they dance around each other - the buggers!  No friends of mine, I’ll tell you that. 

 

Hoping we can form a good group here and help one another.  My heart goes out to all of you who are experiencing these, as well as any other phobias.  I recently read somewhere online that Monophobia is a form of Agoraphobia.  There’s a bunch of others that fall under the AG label, too.  Wishing you all strength, peace, patience and comfort. 

 

Lots of Love,

 

Uni

 

 

 

 

Today I have to drive myself to therapy and it’s the first time in a while I’m freaking out about going.  I’ve been increasingly more sensitive and not leaving the house, like I had been able to for walks.  While I was tapering my updose, I was able to get out with headphones on for short periods.  At this point in time, I’m afraid to even take out the trash.  I hope this will get better so I can get out again, being stuck at home feels terrible.  All my phobias are revved up.  Holding my dose for now. 

 

Maybe it gets worse before it gets better? 

This is my biggie, for all my other whining, the phobic feeling has been awful.

ive had it extremely strong, and it takes your legs out, it makes you stupid crazy anxious and unable to tolerate even a one on one conversation with people without feeling like you need to run screaming or youll fall over.

terrible symptom, life crippling.

ill have agoraphobia stories arghhhhhh

 

 

Ohhhhhh yes!  You said it, Luke, it’s crippling and feels like such terror.  Like you, this is also my biggie.  All the other stuff I can handle and let happen.  You had a window period where this got better a bit, right?

 

Although I was doing a little better for a month or so, while tapering my updose, this has been flaring up big time this past week and I’m scared!    I have to still taper off 1mg K.  I just hope it isn’t bad all the way down.  Rawwwwwr

 

You’ve been through it!  I’ve read a lot of your posts. 

I admire your strength so much! 

When I got low on Valium, but still in withdrawal, my agoraphobia just disappeared.  So I hope that you know that getting low enough will cure.  I noticed the cessation of symptoms around 2 mg. Valium.

great idea, dear Unicorn. You  know how much I suffer of both of them...and being in a foreign country, not speaking the language fluently...not understanding what they talk at the tv unless there is a subtitle ....I simply don't know how I am gonna make it. I am very agitated and this mono/agoraphobia is unbearable. I am not able to stay alone at all, this fear is amplified by this foreign environment. Before the detox in december I did not have this fear but now its getting worse and worse. My concentration is also very poor, i noticed that even the english movies are hard for my attention...I am just not able to follow the action like I used to do...sorry to vent so much but I am really having a hard time. My doctor told me yday that I don't do enough work on myself and gave me 2 more meds for sleeping and agitation which i am not willing to take them. Serequel and Trazadone...I did not take any even though i get only one hour or two of sleep lately...yes, i have a lot of axiety about the future and seeing myself and my husband in this situation.

Hello Everyone!

 

What a great idea, Uni 

 

I suffer from monophobia, perhaps as a result of not being able to distract well on my own (which could be due to anhedonia and mental akathisia). Monophobia sucks big time  I had NEVER suffered experienced anything like it, I always liked time on my own to do my own thing, so since that began... how debilitating 

 

I didn't know monophobia and agoraphobia often came together, and I certainly didn't know monophobia could also be seen as a form of agoraphobia. I will have to look it up.

 

The fact is, withdrawal causes all kinds of weird and obscure feelings, thoughts and behaviours. It is all an illusion of the brain in recovery. None of this is real or founded, but it is our current reality. To tell you the truth, I am not sure I had even heard about monophobia before having to realise it was happening to me.

 

I hope everyone gets an easier day today. Keep fighting, Buddies, we are in this together. And we will make it through together 

Hugs 

Julz xx

Julz, I'm dealing with the same problems and more due to my special situation, living in a foreign country, new language and more. Due to this mental agitation, anhedonia, not finding something to distract myself everything is so so hard. The doc gave me yday serequel and trazadone for sleeping and agitation as needed (serequel) but I don't want to take them....how is your sleeping and eating?

 

love and hugs,

Mary

When I got low on Valium, but still in withdrawal, my agoraphobia just disappeared.  So I hope that you know that getting low enough will cure.  I noticed the cessation of symptoms around 2 mg. Valium.

 

That’s such great news Julianna    Thank you for sharing your experience because it sure does give us a lot of hope!  Wonderful to hear that it disappeared for you!

great idea, dear Unicorn. You  know how much I suffer of both of them...and being in a foreign country, not speaking the language fluently...not understanding what they talk at the tv unless there is a subtitle ....I simply don't know how I am gonna make it. I am very agitated and this mono/agoraphobia is unbearable. I am not able to stay alone at all, this fear is amplified by this foreign environment. Before the detox in december I did not have this fear but now its getting worse and worse. My concentration is also very poor, i noticed that even the english movies are hard for my attention...I am just not able to follow the action like I used to do...sorry to vent so much but I am really having a hard time. My doctor told me yday that I don't do enough work on myself and gave me 2 more meds for sleeping and agitation which i am not willing to take them. Serequel and Trazadone...I did not take any even though i get only one hour or two of sleep lately...yes, i have a lot of axiety about the future and seeing myself and my husband in this situation.

 

Oh Zack, yes I know how much you are suffering and I’m SO glad you’re hanging in there! This experience is going to make you stronger than ever.  In my opinion, you’re making such wise decisions. When I was in the detox center, I was given Trazadone and it made me feel so much worse.  So much so that I never took it again!  And I refused Seroquel, as well.  So glad your husband is being so supportive!  You’re aleady so strong, you may not feel that way but I sure see it.  Fears about the future is a common part of the withdrawal process.  Fears about anything and everything, actually!  You’re doing great, keep at it!  Sending you so much love and healing vibes  

Hello Everyone!

 

What a great idea, Uni 

 

I suffer from monophobia, perhaps as a result of not being able to distract well on my own (which could be due to anhedonia and mental akathisia). Monophobia sucks big time  I had NEVER suffered experienced anything like it, I always liked time on my own to do my own thing, so since that began... how debilitating 

 

I didn't know monophobia and agoraphobia often came together, and I certainly didn't know monophobia could also be seen as a form of agoraphobia. I will have to look it up.

 

The fact is, withdrawal causes all kinds of weird and obscure feelings, thoughts and behaviours. It is all an illusion of the brain in recovery. None of this is real or founded, but it is our current reality. To tell you the truth, I am not sure I had even heard about monophobia before having to realise it was happening to me.

 

I hope everyone gets an easier day today. Keep fighting, Buddies, we are in this together. And we will make it through together 

Hugs 

Julz xx

 

Hi Sweet Julia  :smitten:

 

You bring up a good point about the monophobia...  it perhaps being caused by such a need to distract from our symptoms.  Mine are similar to yours - mental akathisia and anhedonia, with some obsessive fear-based thinking on top.  Gosh, it really is debilitating!  But you got relief from agoraphobia, if I understand correctly?  And my benzo brain can’t remember if it was during your taper, but I think so?  Forgive me if I’m way off here. 

 

It’s so unbearable some days.  Yesterday I had to go to therapy and was almost in tears as I went to reach for my front door knob, but said “you just get out this door and you GO, no matter what it feels like”.  So glad I did because the session went really well and lifted me out of fear mode enough to walk across the street to the beach for some “exposure”, when I got home.  I was able to stay for 30 minutes.  Then back home.  Surprisingly, once my husband got home and asked me if he could take me to the mall to buy me a new laptop (he’s asked several times and I say “no”), I agreed to try.  So I made it to the mall, which is the first time I’ve been since detox.  It was surreal but I did ok, holding onto his arm.  My legs felt like they were going to give out but I kept holding on to him or leaning on things.  Sunglasses on, haha. 

 

I’ve noticed that I’m able to force myself out if I’m going somewhere “safe” and familiar.  Like, I knew my therapist would be at my destination yesterday.  The times I’ve driven to my house four hours away, I know my mom will be coming to stay.  However, if I were to get in the car and intend on going to the store where I don’t have a safe person with me and no one waiting on the other end, I just haven’t been able to do it. 

 

It’s sooooo hard to be wedged between monophobia and agoraphobia, I cant wait for this to be over someday.  Used to love alone time and independence so much! 

 

Thank you for sharing and for the good vibes, Julia - you’re AWESOME!  Yes, we are in this together 

 

Love, Hugs and wishes for more healing!

 

Uni

 

 

Julz, I'm dealing with the same problems and more due to my special situation, living in a foreign country, new language and more. Due to this mental agitation, anhedonia, not finding something to distract myself everything is so so hard. The doc gave me yday serequel and trazadone for sleeping and agitation as needed (serequel) but I don't want to take them....how is your sleeping and eating?

 

love and hugs,

Mary

 

Dear Mary, I am so sorry you are struggling so much. I had read your previous post in this thread and wanted to replu, at least some encouraging words. It sounds like we are suffering from something similar with regards to agitation. Being in a foreign country must be very difficult at this time more than ever. Hang in there dear Mary. It will get easier, you will get better.

 

Regarding sleep, the problem isn't insomnia but rather the difficulty in finding a comfortable position (that's akathisia), actually nothing ever feels comfortable, i think my body is kust temporarily unable to provide me with "feel good".

Do you have trouble sleeping as well?

 

Appetite is off too. I feel hunger if I don't eat but there is nothing I ever fancy. I eat by habit or what others are eating. Keep feeding yourself even if you dont experience pleasure, those nutrients are the building blocks of your healing brain and CNS! Think of it that way if it helps. Support your body getting through this 

 

Remember, it will all get better. Keep fighting, we are in this together 

Hugs 

Julz xxx

Hello Everyone!

 

What a great idea, Uni 

 

I suffer from monophobia, perhaps as a result of not being able to distract well on my own (which could be due to anhedonia and mental akathisia). Monophobia sucks big time  I had NEVER suffered experienced anything like it, I always liked time on my own to do my own thing, so since that began... how debilitating 

 

I didn't know monophobia and agoraphobia often came together, and I certainly didn't know monophobia could also be seen as a form of agoraphobia. I will have to look it up.

 

The fact is, withdrawal causes all kinds of weird and obscure feelings, thoughts and behaviours. It is all an illusion of the brain in recovery. None of this is real or founded, but it is our current reality. To tell you the truth, I am not sure I had even heard about monophobia before having to realise it was happening to me.

 

I hope everyone gets an easier day today. Keep fighting, Buddies, we are in this together. And we will make it through together 

Hugs 

Julz xx

 

Hi Sweet Julia  :smitten:

 

You bring up a good point about the monophobia...  it perhaps being caused by such a need to distract from our symptoms.  Mine are similar to yours - mental akathisia and anhedonia, with some obsessive fear-based thinking on top.  Gosh, it really is debilitating!  But you got relief from agoraphobia, if I understand correctly?  And my benzo brain can’t remember if it was during your taper, but I think so?  Forgive me if I’m way off here. 

 

It’s so unbearable some days.  Yesterday I had to go to therapy and was almost in tears as I went to reach for my front door knob, but said “you just get out this door and you GO, no matter what it feels like”.  So glad I did because the session went really well and lifted me out of fear mode enough to walk across the street to the beach for some “exposure”, when I got home.  I was able to stay for 30 minutes.  Then back home.  Surprisingly, once my husband got home and asked me if he could take me to the mall to buy me a new laptop (he’s asked several times and I say “no”), I agreed to try.  So I made it to the mall, which is the first time I’ve been since detox.  It was surreal but I did ok, holding onto his arm.  My legs felt like they were going to give out but I kept holding on to him or leaning on things.  Sunglasses on, haha. 

 

I’ve noticed that I’m able to force myself out if I’m going somewhere “safe” and familiar.  Like, I knew my therapist would be at my destination yesterday.  The times I’ve driven to my house four hours away, I know my mom will be coming to stay.  However, if I were to get in the car and intend on going to the store where I don’t have a safe person with me and no one waiting on the other end, I just haven’t been able to do it. 

 

It’s sooooo hard to be wedged between monophobia and agoraphobia, I cant wait for this to be over someday.  Used to love alone time and independence so much! 

 

Thank you for sharing and for the good vibes, Julia - you’re AWESOME!  Yes, we are in this together 

 

Love, Hugs and wishes for more healing!

 

Uni

 

Sweet Uni 

 

I will have to get back to you. Now in bed in need of some sleep for my departure tomorrow at 6 a.m. I have been attacked by the flu  very sore throat, head and back ache... best timing to have caught a summer cold, trust me! 

 

Hugs 

Julia xxx

Pushing Through Agoraphobia

 

Since monophobia is my #1 trigger and issue, I’ve been trying to work with the agoraphobia.  I’ve found it possible to get myself out for a short walk and drive to therapy this week, while in a fear state.  Today I’ve intended to go for a longer walk and to a store.  It helps loosen the grip of this particular fear when I enter into it, giving me a sense of empowerment (however small it may be).

 

Having both of these phobes really makes me feel cornered, which fuels and builds up so many layers of fear.  I hope with all of my heart these lessen, at least one of them, when further along in my taper. 

 

So, since my goal is to go for that longer walk today to get a cocoa (even though it’s hot), I am going to take a shower and get ready.  Otherwise I may just sit in my one spot on my balcony all day, which is not always good for me.  Thank goodness we have a large and private balcony, though.  Monophobia worsens when I’m inside alone.  This is all soooo bizarre.  Fear is a @#%!

 

 

Dear Uni 

 

I realise only now that I never came back to reply to you!

 

Sounds like you have found something you have some control over, pushing a little through the agoraphobia to do things you want and which are rewarding! Therapy or going for cocoa  Reward will help through the fear, and someday the fear will lessen... perhaps gradually, perhaps lift suddenly out of the blue. No matter how, it will happen!

 

To answer your question, I've never suffered from agoraphobia, lucky me. Just monophobia which started once I was off. It is not fear so to speak, just zooming in on the mental akathisia and inability to distract, or just sit and be. Like you though, I am much better outside. I wouldn't call that claustrophobia because it has nothing to do with feeling trapped with lack of air, again, I'd say being outside adds a lot of stimuli like a breeze on my skin, things to look at, noises... just sitting inside trying to focus on TV, a book or even the internet... it is quite simply horrible still.

 

And I agree with that too: it is all very bizarre!!! 

 

Hugs 

Julz xxx

Hi Julz and welcome back from your trip!  I need to post on your blog, but have been reading.  Sounds like some really good things came out of it

 

It's wonderful that you haven't had the agoraphobia!  I don't even know if that's what I really have, to be honest.  Often question whether it's actually fear of going out in the world alone.  So I wonder if it's just monophobia.  Because, when I'm with my husband I can go most places.  As long as they aren't too much overtstim for the CNS.  You know...  you put it perfectly.  The monophobia is about being trapped inside my mind, with mental akathisia, as well.  Being inside feels more cut off and alone than outside.  The sense of openness actually helps.  And yes, the stimuli...  activity of some sort, going on around. 

 

My husband is set to go to the East Coast next month for work and I'm already freaking out and obsessing about what I will do.  I absolutely cannot stay home alone for 4 days and nights.  My therapist said she bets I would survive.  HA!  I'm sure I would "survive" but to what degree of torture!?  I don't eat or sleep and go into DP/DR, panic, flight or flight or FREEZE mode, when I've had to stay alone during this.  That was when I was holding an update.  Not quite ready for that kind of exposure therapy.  Thank goodness my therapist agrees it's too fragile a time for exposure.  So, my mind is reeling with options and possibilities.  Still some time to figure it out.  It's this primal, subconscious fear that just takes over!  No matter how much guided meditation I do, games I play, affirmations I write or say.  And this is so not me.  I went to the Virgin Islands alone just 3 years ago.  Now I can't even board a plane. 

 

Yes, REWARD!  That really helps so much.  Even if it doesn't hit like a reward should.  I so look forward to the fear lessening.  Thank you for relating and being so encouraging!  I know you've had to face the fear of being alone recently and you did so well!  You are such an inspiration!! 

 

PS - Sitting here sipping on my cocoa that I intended on getting.  I DID IT!!  Feels so much better being back on my balcony now that I accomplished a goal. 

 

Hugs to you

Hi. Thank You Jules for starting this. I have terrible monophobia and agorophbia. I've had these before to some extent, but not in the extreme sense that I do now. I am pretty much just consistently terrified. I usually push through everyday, but today has been exrutiating and I even cancelled meeting with a client because of it. Back in bed just unable to do anything even watch TV. It's like my brain is on fire and it feels like it will never get better. Had a great weekend..felt almost normal and now I feel like I can't move

Hi foolscapfire,

 

Welcome to the group !  I’m so sorry you’re experincing the nightmare of monophobia AND agoraphobia, too.  Some have one or the other, and some have both.  I, like you, am experiencing both.  We have to keep pushing through and really remind ours;eves of the good days, hours, moments because there will be more to come.  This is really common to have phobias and fears during WD, we are not stuck like this forever.  Although many days it’s hard to fathom not being crushed with these terrifying symptoms, once healed.  Don’t believe the lies of the benzo brain!  It’s good you’re pushing through.  I’m with you!  Every day is a victory and closer to full recovery   So glad that you were able to have a great weekend. 

 

It’s so strange how many of us can’t watch TV or do things that used to be normal or enjoyable.  Distracting is so key.  A lot of people who have healed report not having the fears they had pre-benzo, so even though you have had these to some extent before, you may not have them at all! 

 

We’re here to support one another, hold each other up and get through this.  So glad you’re here   You are not alone! 

 

Love,

 

Uni 

This is my biggie, for all my other whining, the phobic feeling has been awful.

ive had it extremely strong, and it takes your legs out, it makes you stupid crazy anxious and unable to tolerate even a one on one conversation with people without feeling like you need to run screaming or youll fall over.

terrible symptom, life crippling.

ill have agoraphobia stories arghhhhhh

 

This describes me now, it's hard to have a conservation with my neighbor. It started getting worse as I'm tapering down to 1.6 mg V.

So amazing to read people describing what I am feeling when I can’t even make heads or tales of it myself . The mono phobia is so bizarre I am an only child who has always enjoyed her alone time now the thought of being on my own can bring on a full blown breakdown . The mental akathasia is beyond horrid I look like a complete idiot everyday  just doing mindless crap over and over because I can not get my mind to engage . Having someone around seems to make my mind think it is still somewhat normal . The cog fog that goes with it just tops it all off I can’t  even make sense most of the time like I am pretty sure I am not making sense right now . At least I can express here and you will get it. My family is very supportive but they will never understand what I am going through heck I can’t figure out what’s happening and it’s happening to me!Heres to healing for us all 

Again, those are SYMPTOMS. Hard to believe as this all feels so permanent... but we will get better. All of us. We're in this together. Hold on, suffering ends. It does. Hang in there, one day at a time....

Hugs to all 

Julz xx

Hope,  yes I think most of us who are having monophobia enjoyed our alone time before all of this.  It’s really taking a toll on me, right now.  And ohhh the mental akathisia...  Glad you’re here and able to express yourself.  You’re not alone. 

 

 

Julz, Thank you for reminding us they are symptoms.  They are really bad for me right now, worse.  This is the longest I’ve gone without having a break from overwhelming fears and phobias.  Symptoms...  one day at a time.  Yes. 

 

Wish I could be of more support right now... 

 

Love

 

 

 

 

When I got low on Valium, but still in withdrawal, my agoraphobia just disappeared.  So I hope that you know that getting low enough will cure.  I noticed the cessation of symptoms around 2 mg. Valium.

 

Thanks and I am happy for you. I hope it is the same for me, because right now mine is getting worse, I had a good window yesterday, today im kinda bad though.

 

I never experienced agoraphobia until about 10 years after I was put on Klonapin. It was mild and slowly through the years got worse. along with panic attacks. And now that I am trying to get off of this poison it seems to be much worse. I even went as far as deleting my FB account because I started not wanting to be around people online either. sounds nut's. but FB was getting to me to the point of causing mild panic attacks. 

When I got low on Valium, but still in withdrawal, my agoraphobia just disappeared.  So I hope that you know that getting low enough will cure.  I noticed the cessation of symptoms around 2 mg. Valium.

 

Thanks and I am happy for you. I hope it is the same for me, because right now mine is getting worse, I had a good window yesterday, today im kinda bad though.

 

I never experienced agoraphobia until about 10 years after I was put on Klonapin. It was mild and slowly through the years got worse. along with panic attacks. And now that I am trying to get off of this poison it seems to be much worse. I even went as far as deleting my FB account because I started not wanting to be around people online either. sounds nut's. but FB was getting to me to the point of causing mild panic attacks.

 

Also my wife moved to the guest bedroom a few weeks ago, I got so bad I feel uncomfortably when I am in the same room of the house with her. And we have been married for 22 years.

When I got low on Valium, but still in withdrawal, my agoraphobia just disappeared.  So I hope that you know that getting low enough will cure.  I noticed the cessation of symptoms around 2 mg. Valium.

 

Thanks and I am happy for you. I hope it is the same for me, because right now mine is getting worse, I had a good window yesterday, today im kinda bad though.

 

I never experienced agoraphobia until about 10 years after I was put on Klonapin. It was mild and slowly through the years got worse. along with panic attacks. And now that I am trying to get off of this poison it seems to be much worse. I even went as far as deleting my FB account because I started not wanting to be around people online either. sounds nut's. but FB was getting to me to the point of causing mild panic attacks.

 

don2112, 

 

It doesn't sound nuts AT ALL!!!  Most of this year I've spent in isolation including withdrawing from social media because it caused panic and grief.  Over the years I slowly started to withdraw and feel WAY more anxiety around people, at work, at unfamiliar places...  So I started avoiding venturing too far out of my "comfort zone".  I had no idea it was Klonopin tolerance happening!  Nothing sounds crazy or unusual in BWD, to me.  We all experience so many things, unless we're able to get to a stable place and WD slowly. 

 

This is my 4th week into a C/O to Valium and the AG has improved, but Monophobia not yet.  Hoping it will!!! 

 

I've heard so much about people needing to be away from their families, in another space or room, because of WD.  Your'e not alone.  Big Hugs!!