Agoraphobia Post Taper

Hi all! So I just wanted to say thank you for everyone for your support and progress! You all are fighters and you don't even know how strong  you really are.

 

So, I tapered off Diazepam over the course of a 4 month long taper. At first I started with Klonopin taking 1mg twice daily. i initially didn't know how much to start off with as my dose varied from day to day. Some days I took 1mg, other days consisted of 6 mg. There was even a point in time where I was taking pure Alp. powder (do not try this.) I tapered myself, as a doctor did not prescribe this medication nor would help because I was simply viewed as an addict, which for a little bit I sort of was...until the fun finally stops and reality kicked in....

 

I developed Agoraphobic like symptoms. I was terrified of leaving my house and would measure the distance from one place to the other, and if it was farther than 10 minutes, I would NOT go unless I had aid from my Xanax. I was drinking hardcore too, every single day (8 months clean off Alcohol.) I have never, ever in my life had a panic attack before Benzodiazepines. It was all very confusing, I began upping my dose, and when I went out I took more to compensate for some sanity. If I chose to stay home I would simply take a small amount.

 

Fast forward to about 2 years later. I have my own house, car, and I make more than $60,000 a year and I am only 23. I count that as a huge accomplishment. My only problem is this Agoraphobia. All my other symptoms are abating, of course they come and go as well so I am not totally in the clear as I do still have panic attacks (worse in the mornings, and night.) this is a really big problem for me. I feel as though I am truly stuck like this because it simply will not subside. Oh, and I am 2 weeks off the medication, I jumped off .5mg Valium. YAY! PHEW! But I know I am not out of the water just yet. I see all my friends at the beach and on vacation, and I barely have the energy to go to my car... it's very depressing.

 

Basically.. I want a normal life. I want to able to drive to the beach and maybe find a girlfriend. Leaving the house is extremely difficult. The thought of going 5 minutes away terrify me, and I have to force myself to go shopping as I do live alone. Does it really go away? I know the science behind GABA and Glutamate and why it is doing what it is doing, but I do not know why Agoraphobia is the only symptom still clinging on, while others have GREATLY diminished. It was definitely the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. EVER. This is getting to me as I feel lonely, and damaged. Please tell me this will go away. It's hard to take any stimulation at this point and it's hard to find relief.

 

I use probably every supplement in the book too. L-Theanine, Taurine, Fish Oil, Phenibut (1-2 week MAX.), Magnesium, B-Complex Vitamins, and Kava tea. Those do help, but not really for my Agoraphobia.

 

Any help, please?

 

Assuming this is your first time coming off benzos, it is possible that your symptoms will abate sooner than those of us who’ve come off more than once.  It’s a very good sign that some have already eased up and gone.  Agoraphobia is very common during acute withdrawal, and sometimes after.  It’s something you have just got to know will eventually go away, as you didn’t have it prior to benzos.  Same with panic attacks.  Everything you’ve described is “normal” for this process.  You just have to allow the time for healing.  Which is by no means easy, it’s a big job!  But you can do it! Know your brain is healing because you’re aleady off.  The loneliness you mentioned is also something a lot, I think MOST, of us go through.  It’s an experience unlike anything else.  So glad you decided to get off of them when you did.  Your CNS needs as much peace as possible, so try to go easy on yourself and avoid overstimulation.  Oh and one of the best pieces of advice that I got from others here is to DISTRACT, DISTRACT, DISTRACT!  Find anything you can to distract from what you’re feeling and thinking.  We’re all in this together so know you have plenty of others who understand what you’re going through. 

 

Uni

Hello Uni  and thank you for your response. I hope anything you’re encountering doesn’t stop you from having a good day!

 

I didn’t know it was so common to be honest. I thought I was developing it naturally but then I thought, “I didn’t have this issue before the Xanax?” Then I looked it up and Benzo induced agoraphobia was right there clear as ever. I thought it would subside post taper, but never did. 

 

It was starting to get better, then I would stay in the house for another week, get better, and repeat. Needless to say I have learned my lesson with these and I would not wish them upon my worst enemy. I’m only two weeks out, I hope I don’t have much longer..

Thank you SoClose  These days have been bumpy, but it’s all part of the process.  Wish I would have known about these drugs when I got them prescribed, but had no clue.  Ya, they really are the worst, in my opinion. 

 

You’re still in acute, so as hard as it is try to be patient with yourself and the process.  That’s good you have times you can get out and it’s better.  It waxes and wanes for me, too.  Right now I’m in a wave, mostly agoraphobia and depression.  So looking forward to being free from this poison, I only learned this year they CAUSE depression, more anxiety and phobias, along with so many other mental and health issues. 

 

I really hope tings keep getting better for you!

 

 

Uni

 

 

Thanks for the reply! it’s just nice not to feel so alone..

People don’t understand either. They look at me like I am completely insane when I try and tell them.

They don’t know how hard this shit truly is, and its almost impossible to explain your insanity, and whilst in an episode it’s hard to take a step back and breathe and go “okay.. it’s just a wave.. it’ll pass.” When I have a wave I just sit and think that it’s never gonna end.

 

When I tapered the agoraphobia was really bad. I didn’t even know what the hell it was when it was happeneing to me! It all started when I was driving and I had the most intense feeling ever. My WHOLE body went numb, and I couldn’t move my hands or feet or anything! I wasn’t even taking them daily however I was taking them every other day (Xanax) as I read that was okay. Nope. I slowly and slowly developed agoraphobia, and it hasn’t gone away since use, taper, and now recovery.

 

I read in Ashton Manual people having little to no success with CBT, or exposure  while tapering too. 5 of her patient actually had unsuccessful endeavors until about a year off when it miraculously “went away.”

 

I don’t know, I really really do think I’m stuck like this. I just can’t envision a sense of normalcy anymore while trapped in these 4 walls for years now... it’s like I’m in jail, or I might as well be...

If this is really the only difficult you have for the most part consider yourself super super lucky, you are newly off Valium, these symptoms linger and should be totally gone for you within probably 6 months or maybe a little longer. I think you are saying you are a short term user so most of those types of people heal pretty fast, you’ll be fine you just need to give it time

If this is really the only difficult you have for the most part consider yourself super super lucky, you are newly off Valium, these symptoms linger and should be totally gone for you within probably 6 months or maybe a little longer. I think you are saying you are a short term user so most of those types of people heal pretty fast, you’ll be fine you just need to give it time

Thanks songbird  it’s all very confusing to me. But I am learning as I go along. I hope you are doing amazing and recovering well! 

I try to explain my agoraphobia to folks like, if you were terrified of heights, and someone forced you at gunpoint to walk right up to the edge of a mile high cliff and stay there indefinitely, thats at the root of my benzo withdrawal, its living as if constantly exposed to a primal fear, to a phobia.

its a horrible feeling, the most crippling of all my myriad symptoms.

 

ive had it bad a long time, ive had a rough tolerance, taper, and post, however, its sincerely beginning to subside.

 

i noticed recently i was talking to someone and i didnt have the flight or fight wana flee feeling, and i wasnt as woozy and wanting to collapse in terror lol.

 

iva had it really bad a long time, but ill be damned, its showing strong signs of relenting lately.

 

it WILL pass for you. you sound like youre doing pretty damn well, kudos to you, im exactly double your age (ugh lol) and have had a rough go, and its starting to let up. it will let up man, i totally get its a very very strong and crippling symptom, and when you have it bad, argh, theres not many worse feelings in the world, cause essentially, its riling up that phobia, that primal fear feeling, which sends your whole system into chaos and extreme discomfort. its so strong and burned in ya, it feels like it cant relent.

 

it will. you keep up youre good path, itll start to diminish. in my experience, go gently with "exposure" therapy. go ahead and push a little but dont bother really taxing and testing yourself too hard. small steps with the phobia. when i pushed too hard id bring on some stronger symptoms. im not saying not to push alittle and get out there, which it sounds like you are, just dont torture yourself if you can avoid.

 

best wishes

and may the force be with with you... lol

 

 

I try to explain my agoraphobia to folks like, if you were terrified of heights, and someone forced you at gunpoint to walk right up to the edge of a mile high cliff and stay there indefinitely, thats at the root of my benzo withdrawal, its living as if constantly exposed to a primal fear, to a phobia.

its a horrible feeling, the most crippling of all my myriad symptoms.

 

ive had it bad a long time, ive had a rough tolerance, taper, and post, however, its sincerely beginning to subside.

 

i noticed recently i was talking to someone and i didnt have the flight or fight wana flee feeling, and i wasnt as woozy and wanting to collapse in terror lol.

 

iva had it really bad a long time, but ill be damned, its showing strong signs of relenting lately.

 

it WILL pass for you. you sound like youre doing pretty damn well, kudos to you, im exactly double your age (ugh lol) and have had a rough go, and its starting to let up. it will let up man, i totally get its a very very strong and crippling symptom, and when you have it bad, argh, theres not many worse feelings in the world, cause essentially, its riling up that phobia, that primal fear feeling, which sends your whole system into chaos and extreme discomfort. its so strong and burned in ya, it feels like it cant relent.

 

it will. you keep up youre good path, itll start to diminish. in my experience, go gently with "exposure" therapy. go ahead and push a little but dont bother really taxing and testing yourself too hard. small steps with the phobia. when i pushed too hard id bring on some stronger symptoms. im not saying not to push alittle and get out there, which it sounds like you are, just dont torture yourself if you can avoid.

 

best wishes

and may the force be with with you... lol

 

How long have you been off, and how long has the agoraphobia been affecting you? I’m really glad to hear people’s recovery stories, it gives me hope.  I wouldn’t wish this in my worst enemy. I truly feel your pain and you’re not alone... I hope everything else around you is going good as I noticed that less stress does make it quite easier.

 

Best of wishes to you as well, and anyone else. I’m only a little crazy but this is true insanity. 

SoClose, I agree that agoraphobia is horrible and one of the worst symptoms. For me it starts with anxiety which leads to fear/terror, shaking/rapid heartbeat/dizziness, and a desire to close myself away from others. Partly because of fear. But also just feeling embarrassed that I can't manage the anxiety and stress. I have had avery rough time for 19 months since I was forced into a cold-turkey. But, surprisingly enough, I have actually noticed a slight decrease in anxiety, fear, and agoraphobia. I agree with everything Luke said. Early signs of recovery don't mean you should overdo things. I've learned that during my recovery.

 

Also, can you create your signature? It helps us know your history and where you are on this journey. From your post I got the impression you were pretty far along. Thanks

soclose ive been off over a year now, 13 months, but agoraphobia was kicking very strong for me before i ever even started to taper. my tolerance was like full blown withdrawal for a lot of people.

 

agoraphobia, ugh - i had NO idea what was wrong with me, but wrote it off as anxiety and some lingering alcohol withdrawal (i went sober two years before). funny enough, ill never forget being in line for the first new star wars movie, dec 2015, i was in imax line with 200 other geeks, and i was DYING, i was highly phobic, and i could barely move, i was in terror. i cant even believe how bad i was feeling, how shaken up and crippled, and i just withstood it. the movie itself, which should have been one of the most enjoyable things ever for me, all i wanted was to get the hell home, i was in agony, stuffed in the seat surrounded by hundreds of people. i had no idea i was "phobic" so it never even occurred to me that leaving would help that particular sensation. (plus how the hell could i leave a bunch of friends in the middle of this life altering event)

 

i was in a restaurant not long after that. and i was totally freakin, i could barely sit there, it was terrible. i had all these incidents before i ever even thought of benzo withdrawal, then i had agoraphobia all through taper.

 

highly sensitive dude, our luke skywalker.

 

BUT, it is finally relenting. i actually felt it chill out a few months ago, but it returned with a bad wave, the month 10-12 wave.

 

today as i sit here, i still have it, but im a lot better, i can kinda fight it right now, i feel it but its not leveling me.

 

forgive my rambling, i dont mean to go overboard, i guess im venting a little myself, and its a very sensitive topic for me, its a doozy. but point being for you is that man if it can diminish in strength for me, it will for you. im by no means at all minimizing the hell youre going through, im just saying as someone who has ad it acutely for over 2 years now. i often cant even walk into a 711, or got to a movie, or dinner, etc etc., its annihilated my life pretty much. quit two bands, blew off potential relationships. ugh.

 

but it is going away, it will for you man. its one of those symptoms that feels dug into your soul, its so strong to the core. i despise it, its made ALL life so hard.

I started an agoraphobia support group, in case anyone is interested. 

 

Luke, you’re a true warrior.  I’m soooo glad things are getting better for you and signs of healing are showing up.  Thank you for all you share. 

 

Love,

 

Uni

a million blessings to you unicorn, thank you, im an epic whiner thats fosho lol.

ill def look in on the agoraphobia group.

In one of Asthon's studies, all of her patients in the group who became agoraphobic while on benzos were free from it after a year off.

 

In the meantime, keep pushing yourself a little more each time.  Remind yourself when you are out that although you are uncomfortable, you are not in any danger.  Tell yourself you did this activity yesterday and were fine, you can go out and go a little farther today.