I'm done.

I can't taper anymore, I've got no irl psychological support, I'm just gonna wait for a cure from now on, I've tried tapering with multiple benzos and was forced into a detox twice.

 

Please note, veiled references to suicide, which are not allowed on this forum,  have been removed from this post.  If you are having such thoughts or feelings please see:  Self-Harm Resources

I read your post earlier today and I thought "What kind of an answer does this person want?" because you haven't actually asked anything. So I left it for a while and I've come back specially to see what other Buddies have said to you and nobody has put an answer. I want you to know that it doesn't mean nobody cares. It's just that we are unsure what it is you want. I notice that any "veiled references to suicide" have been removed from your original post but you must still have some hope or you wouldn't be writing on the forum or "waiting for a cure". Please keep hold of this hope. Also, surely a micro taper of a tiny amount would be okay? That is going to be your answer I think. Knocking 1mg off an amount of over 100mg is surely possible as a starting point? No? I hope you can give that a try. Even 0.5mg would be a start. Good Luck.

If it's of any consolation, prazepam is so much longer acting than ativan, and maybe all you need is to stay on your current dose of prazepam for a while and let your brain and body adjust. Ativan is a beast, and it takes time to get better from it. It really does. Good luck

Muilav: Every time you quit your taper and then start again weeks or months later, it just gets more and more difficult. I hope that you will keep trying to stick with this taper even if that means micro tapering. Ask yourself if in a year's time from now where you would rather be - still on benzos or almost off if not actually off of benzos?  Keep tapering and you'll be closer to the end, that's for sure. This is a long journey and you are going to have to make it sometime, so why not keep on with it now?  You are obviously extremely sensitive to changes in your benzo doses, so perhaps looking into micro tapering is the answer for you. It may take longer, but it is better than quitting, yes?  We all end up feeling hopeless, our anxiety often gets to the point where it is intolerable and we want to throw in the towel. That's the point where you have to re-evaluate what you need to change to make this work for you. You absolutely know what doesn't work for you, so that is something to build a new strategy around.

  This is very hard, there's no doubt about it, and it is harder on some people more than others. If you quit again, it's just going to keep getting harder. Please re-consider and then try to approach this from a different angle. It's all about taking tiny steps but always moving forward to your goal. Tell your mind that quitting just isn't an option and that one way or another you are going to beat this thing. And you know what - if you keep moving forward, even ever so slowly, you WILL beat this.

I can't taper anymore, I've got no irl psychological support, I'm just gonna wait for a cure from now on, I've tried tapering with multiple benzos and was forced into a detox twice.

 

Please note, veiled references to suicide, which are not allowed on this forum,  have been removed from this post.  If you are having such thoughts or feelings please see:  Self-Harm Resources

Hang in there Mate..

Perhaps,as suggested, settle in for the long haul with some slow SX based tapering??

-Just one option, -Your choice of course ...

 

 

I can't microtaper my concentration is very bad and only my parents can give me my dose, doctor's order, I take the liquid form of prazepam, one drop is equal to 1mg but my parents told me that many times they accidentally add more drops or less drops, I'm willing to drop 1mg a month, I've tried to cut 2mgs  not too long ago and it was too unbearable and went back to my previous dose, I even wanted more during that phase, but  I remained at the same dose, I didn't have a choice anyway, as long as it's bearable I'll continue my taper. I'm also polydrugged with 50mgs of zoloft which was forced on me when I did a detox of 1 hellish month since then I have PTSD and after 3 months I was forced into another hospital and they updosed the dose of Zoloft and removed 10mgs of prazepam at once , I was begging  for more, and a nurse just closed the door with her foot while looking at her pc, basically like saying f off. They said my bp was 60 when I entered the hospital and said I was basically in grave danger, I stayed there for 1 month and 10 days I had moments where things appeared too real and very intense every day at the same time, anyways that's my update.

 

I think you've gone through too many changes and too much trauma, muilav, and it may be best just to stay on a current dose until improving a bit. There's always time to taper. Right now, stability is the key, and your reinstament on prazepam seems to show how brutal lorazepam cold turkey/detox is.

I can't microtaper my concentration is very bad and only my parents can give me my dose, doctor's order, I take the liquid form of prazepam, one drop is equal to 1mg but my parents told me that many times they accidentally add more drops or less drops, I'm willing to drop 1mg a month, I've tried to cut 2mgs  not too long ago and it was too unbearable and went back to my previous dose, I even wanted more during that phase, but  I remained at the same dose, I didn't have a choice anyway, as long as it's bearable I'll continue my taper. I'm also polydrugged with 50mgs of zoloft which was forced on me when I did a detox of 1 hellish month since then I have PTSD and after 3 months I was forced into another hospital and they updosed the dose of Zoloft and removed 10mgs of prazepam at once , I was begging  for more, and a nurse just closed the door with her foot while looking at her pc, basically like saying f off. They said my bp was 60 when I entered the hospital and said I was basically in grave danger, I stayed there for 1 month and 10 days I had moments where things appeared too real and very intense every day at the same time, anyways that's my update.

 

Are you on 50 mg or 100 mg of Zoloft? Your post says 50 mg, while your sig says 100 mg. I’m confused.

Praying for you, Muilav!🙏 keep going forward with your taper!

I can't microtaper my concentration is very bad and only my parents can give me my dose, doctor's order, I take the liquid form of prazepam, one drop is equal to 1mg but my parents told me that many times they accidentally add more drops or less drops, I'm willing to drop 1mg a month, I've tried to cut 2mgs  not too long ago and it was too unbearable and went back to my previous dose, I even wanted more during that phase, but  I remained at the same dose, I didn't have a choice anyway, as long as it's bearable I'll continue my taper. I'm also polydrugged with 50mgs of zoloft which was forced on me when I did a detox of 1 hellish month since then I have PTSD and after 3 months I was forced into another hospital and they updosed the dose of Zoloft and removed 10mgs of prazepam at once , I was begging  for more, and a nurse just closed the door with her foot while looking at her pc, basically like saying f off. They said my bp was 60 when I entered the hospital and said I was basically in grave danger, I stayed there for 1 month and 10 days I had moments where things appeared too real and very intense every day at the same time, anyways that's my update.

 

Are you on 50 mg or 100 mg of Zoloft? Your post says 50 mg, while your sig says 100 mg. I’m confused.

I'm on 100mg of Zoloft and also 150mg of Trazodone.

Okay, so you keep the same doses. Maybe a therapist could help you. Why don’t you want to see that pdoc you went to anymore? You shouldn’t be assisted by your father while talking to a pdoc. That pdoc actually asked you some good questions. And he was right. If he lowered your dose a bit without you knowing, you wouldn’t even notice. You gave the BZD a very important role in your life. They’re meant to protect you... from what actually? Unfortunately, they’re doing the opposite. Just some thoughts. You need a pdoc and a therapist.

 

 

That pdoc is piece of shit, it's the same pdoc who told me that nothing will happen if I cold turkeyed back when I was on 30mgs 2 years ago. I can feel changes very quickly recently I forgot to take my ssri and was extremely depressed and S, that same pdoc put me on 5mgs of ativan which he said is an average dose, instead of telling me to stop tapering prazepam and updose, that led me to the psych ward for a detox he stopped answering when I told that I wanted to go back to prazepam, I can feel changes very quickly, screw psychiatry! wish it never existed.

 

That pdoc is piece of shit, it's the same pdoc who told me that nothing will happen if I cold turkeyed back when I was on 30mgs 2 years ago. I can feel changes very quickly recently I forgot to take my ssri and was extremely depressed and S, that same pdoc put me on 5mgs of ativan which he said is an average dose, instead of telling me to stop tapering prazepam and updose, that led me to the psych ward for a detox he stopped answering when I told that I wanted to go back to prazepam, I can feel changes very quickly, screw psychiatry! wish it never existed.

 

Okay, so he's not benzo-wise. You need to look for a different pdoc. You're on high doses of two ADs and a huge amount of BZD. Neither a neurologist nor a GP are knowledgable enough to deal with it. I liked what that pdoc said about life goals and a long-time perspective. It's sometimes hard to imagine there is a life after the BZD when one is in their trap. But there actually is.

 

Another thing is that all the reward center of someone dependent on the BZD is focused on the temporary relief and escape from reality these pills provide. It's a both a physiological and a psychological process. People not dependent on the BZD get their motivation and a sense of fulfilment out of many good things life has to offer. The BZD make one forget all those things that previously were a source of joy and happiness. They are very cruel. But it's possible to leave them behind. If one starts to hate them enough. It's important to realize all the good things they have stolen from us. And what they gave us in return. To list the costs vs. the benefits.

No offence Muilav, but I think your parents are being very naughty in adding or subtracting a drop here and there, it will only confuse things further and believe you should tell your pdoc that this is occurring.   

 

Maybe your parents think that one drop does not mean much, just as I did when jumping from lousy 2mgs Valium. Thought it was zip, but it was ZAP.    Very sensitive to lots of meds. 

 

As above, ^^^ a tiny, tiny cut is at least going to get you on the road.  Keep the drops consistent Mum and Dad.  Sheee! 

 

And by the way dear Muilav, we need all hands on deck 'round here because it is WE, with our accumulated knowledge who are going to be the ones who push for cure and reassessment of the potential of Benzodiazapines.  Hold the line we're all in this together. 

 

Dee

I can't taper anymore

 

I didn't taper. The only psychological support is YOU. It can be done.  Good luck.

Listen, there's no benzo wise pdoc in Europe, I've seen more than I can count. My parents are not to blame at all, it's the pdoc's fault cause the prescription was in drops only and when I told her to add pills of 20 and 10mg on top she said no, the drops are hard to measure even for a normal person, 38 in the morning 30 at noon 29 in the afternoon and 40 at night with a 4 hour interval between them. When my prescription ends I'll ask my GP for pills plus drops for the taper.