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Short term low dose ativan recovery


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It all started around Thanksgiving 2017.  I was working 2 jobs and had trouble staying asleep at night.  I was taking benadryl but it wasn't doing much.  I have taken ativan off and on in the past with no issues so I decided to take .25 mg at night to help with the sleep.  It worked great.  Then after about 3 weeks I started having heart problems in the mornings and had a panic attack at work.  I didn't know what was causing all this stress.  I thought it was the work hours?  I started taking .25 in the morning as well to help with the panic.  This pattern went on for 2 more weeks until I went to the doctor for help.  All kinds of blood tests, echocardiogram, etc.  Nothing was wrong.  I quit one job and thought things would settle down.  I stopped taking the ativan all together because I figured I didn't need them.  All hell broke loose.  After about 3 days, I thought I was going to die.  Unreal hell.  I frantically searched for a doctor to help me.  I did find a physician through my AA organization who was a drug addiction specialist in the army.  He has a family practice now but was very helpful.  I reinstated after 3 days at .25 mg split in the morning and evening.  I rapidly reduce over the next month and a half.  I don't recommend reducing this quickly.  I was a short term, low dose user so may body did accept it somewhat easier but looking back, I wish I had taken it slower.  Anyway, I jumped at .03 mg on 12/20/2017.  The first few days were fine.  I thought I had made it without any problems.  The taper had been very unpleasant.  I had all the symptoms..cortisol rushes in the morning were the worst/ panic attacks.  Now it seemed to be fine......until the 9th day.  The insomnia/cortisol rushes/fear/memory loss/migraine headache/heart racing/desperation feeling came back with a vengence.  This lasted the whole month.  It was the worst feeling I had ever experienced.  I ate right, slept as I could even if it meant laying in bed all night.  Every morning at 4:40 am the cortisol rushes would come like clock work.  I just laid there and let them happen.  I made it to work every day and suffered through.  The second month wasn't much different.  I did begin to sleep some but not deeply, the dreams were crazy.  By the 3rd month things started to break a little.  I would have a few days of somewhat relief followed by a few days of complete hell.  Then the gap started widening.  I would have a week of relief followed by a week of hell.  By the 4th month, the windows were lasting a week or two in between the waves.  The waves were tough but not like the first month.  By the 5th month, I was having mainly windows.  Some symptoms but absolutely manageable.  I am over 6 months now and only have some lingering symptoms.  So much better than I was.  I can say I am 80-90 percent healed for the past 2 months.  A few things I can say about my journey.  I hope it helps someone else.

 

-My healing wasn't linear...there is no rhyme or reason to it.  Don't get discouraged.

-Sleep seemed to aid the healing.  I know, you can't sleep but try!!  The more good sleep you get, the more you seem to heal?

-eat right, only whole foods.

-try supplements but don't rely on them.  I tried everything.  Most didn't work.  Everyone is different.  Melatonin and Vistaril helped me but the vistaril has caused others problems.  The D3 drove me crazy as well as the theonine.  Who knows why?  Everyone is different.

-accept your symptoms and know it's going to be a journey.  I just let them happen.  I couldn't stop them so I finally just let them happen.  This helped some.  Stop struggling and allow them to happen.

-keep busy even though you feel terrible.  I built a quail pen in the middle of winter.  I have never raised quail but thought the project would keep me busy and my mind off the symptoms.  It did.  I felt horrible.  I could hardly drive to the Home Depot and cutting the wood and wire made my brain go crazy........but it did pass the time.  Passing time while you feel terrible is what you have, so go with it.

-I exercised as best I could.  I am very active but was completely wiped out.  I started waling 5 minutes on the treadmill while listening to meditation music.  I know, that's crazy but that's all I could hold on to.  It worked.  Be consistent even though you don't feel like it.  Do something every day.. I am back to my normal workout now although my body is still not in the shape it was prior to this.  I am 53 years old and this ordeal was extremely tough.  It's getting back to normal, but it will take some time.

-I prayed.  This, of course, is a personal issue for most.  It is what worked for me.  I am a recovering alcoholic.  I have been 5 years sober.  AA worked for me.  This whole ordeal was even more devastating to me because I thought I knew everything about addiction.  Come to find out, these pills work on the same receptors as alcohol does.  I had know idea how powerful these drugs really are.  When I realized what was happening, I just cried.  How could this happen to me.  Well, it did..lol.  I am thankful for the lesson and hope I can warn others of the dangers.  I pray every night for each and every person going through this ordeal, that they might find sleep tonight.  My best advice is to keep your chin up and know with time, everyone heals.  You all are in my thoughts and prayers.....D

 

 

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This story gives me so much hope. It sounds so much like my own story in being short term and Ativan and when I stopped unknowingly all hell broke loose.

My last Ativan was February 26th so I am not far behind you and I honestly feel like I could write a success story except my inability to let go of the thoughts all day. I mean, I feel okay. I have some light anxiety here and there but I just can't get back to normal living yet...I mean I DO normal living...run my errands, cook dinner, etc, but I'm constantly thinking about it. I always conclude I am fine, but then 10 minutes later I am thinking of it again.

Did you have this problem??

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Short term ativan user as well here. Absolutely light years away from where you are. Congratulations and enjoy a new life!
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FakeitTillYouMakeit...I think about the whole experience every day.  That being said, I also try to resume my "normal" life.  I have started exercising again and have added back everything except caffeine.  Chocolate was my last to add.  I had brownies the other night.  It revs me up some but I want to get back to life.  The exercise helps tremendously but my body is still out of shape.  It may be from the gaba controlling muscle tone?  I don't know but I'm trying to put it behind me.  Helping others and spreading the word about this drug's dangers help too.  I had no idea. 
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THank you Whoknew for your story ... yes , indeed w ho would ever have thought such a  terrible thing was possible, and that it continues to this day with ore and more people finding they are stuck on these meds.

I'm happy fo r you that you are free..... I know you wo;t make tje same choice ever again . YOu have a lot of life left  to live , enjoy it!

MiYu

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  • 3 weeks later...

Thanks Who,

I’m another victim of short term Ativan. Similar time frame. My jump date is Nov. 27, 2017. I would say I am 85% better, but still have the worst problems with sleep, anxiety and depression. I have not quite been able to resume my “normal life” primarily because of the CNS sxs. I find myself worried that what I do will impact that nights sleep, so I rarely go out at night, limit TV and screens after 7, and limit exercise. I struggle with low appetite, and maintaining my weight ( I lost 15 lbs from the Ativan). Life is still so hard! I work on meditation daily, do things to distract myself ( studio art in my home), and I am also in AA, so I go to meetings 6-7 times per week. That really helps with the social isolation I am prone to. My family has been very supportive.

I’m waiting for a shipment of spore based probiotics, which I am hoping may help heal my hypoglycemia and leaky gut. Will report back if they help at all.

Thank you for posting your story, and spreading your positivity and hope ( experience, strength and hope!).

I’ll pray for us “short termers.”

Tigereye

 

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Great reading your story I can relate so much to it being in aa for a long time I thought I knew it all I kept my benzo doses very low and sometimes didn’t take any at all ,I was first given them for the DTs but never knew the dangers so while taking small doses I was still addicted although I justified this because a doctor gave them to me,”I was eating my booze I can  admit now” I’m five weeks off Valium now and hope to be able to get back to the fellowship soon when I steady up a bit; :idiot:
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  • 3 weeks later...
8 months now.  Feeling okay although my nerves are bad.  But that was the case before taking ativan.  It's mild and I can now deal with it better than before.  If I can deal with the horror of benzo withdrawals, a tiny anxiety issue is a breeze.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying anxiety is easy to deal with but I have had to learn a ton of coping skills to get through this process.  Exercise is key for me but my muscles still don't seem to be getting as tone as they were before.  I figure if I keep going, my body will figure it out.  Although a few bumps in the road, I try and be thankful for making this far and happy for the life I have now.  I would never want to go through that again.  Everything went in the trash.  Don't want that poison anywhere around me.  I am telling everyone I know about the dangers although few seem to listen..lol.  So many people are taking this poison and not knowing until it's too late.  My mom's friend was having issues because her p doc was wanting to take her off xanax and she was having a horrible time.  I asked her how much she had been taking and she said 1.5mg three times a day for the past 15 years.  What a mess.  Stay strong everyone and spread the word.  Help others like you have been helped through this site.  I pray for you all every night to get the much desired sleep we all need. 
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Hi! I'm happy you're doing great. I see you posted a success story back in July. Are you still considered healed? And have toy returned to a normal diet? I know you said something about chocolate in your previous story...does it still rev you up?
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Did you really have the withdrawal migraine for a month? I just got one yesterday after making a cut from .5 Ativan and I don’t think I could ever go through that again.
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8 months now.  Feeling okay although my nerves are bad.  But that was the case before taking ativan.  It's mild and I can now deal with it better than before.  If I can deal with the horror of benzo withdrawals, a tiny anxiety issue is a breeze.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying anxiety is easy to deal with but I have had to learn a ton of coping skills to get through this process.  Exercise is key for me but my muscles still don't seem to be getting as tone as they were before.  I figure if I keep going, my body will figure it out.  Although a few bumps in the road, I try and be thankful for making this far and happy for the life I have now.  I would never want to go through that again.  Everything went in the trash.  Don't want that poison anywhere around me.  I am telling everyone I know about the dangers although few seem to listen..lol.  So many people are taking this poison and not knowing until it's too late.  My mom's friend was having issues because her p doc was wanting to take her off xanax and she was having a horrible time.  I asked her how much she had been taking and she said 1.5mg three times a day for the past 15 years.  What a mess.  Stay strong everyone and spread the word.  Help others like you have been helped through this site.  I pray for you all every night to get the much desired sleep we all need.

 

 

WhoKnew,

did you have depression at all?  And more importantly, I'm wondering if you had an overall sense of losing yourself, or like you were losing your mind?  Did you feel disconnected from your "old" self, like you couldn't plan into the future or looking at stuff from your past seemed "off" or "lost", like you'll never be your old self again??

 

I hope you are doing even better now.  I hope to hear from you.  These are my biggest remaining "symptoms" and I'm so scared this isn't Ativan withdrawal anymore; that it's something else going on in my life that's causing the depression, etc.  Or perhaps it's a combination of things. . . but I'm looking for someone who has healed that possibly felt the same way I do in regards to life just feeling completely different.  Like, watching television is bizarre.  I look at shows and remember what it USED to feel like watching tv and now it just feels weird.

 

Everything is just weird.

 

 

 

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I had the migraine/ear pressure for about 2 months.  It was not fun but it lifted.  I think is was largely due to my muscles being in spasm?  It went away and I'm fine now.  Some days I have ear pressure.  I eat chocolate now but I still can't handle coffee.  Even half calf revs me up.  I can drink decaf though.  I can drink Dr Pepper now, so things are improving.  As for the sense of dread all the time, it went away...slowly.  It's like having rib pain.  It hurts so bad for what seems like months and then it just disappears.  I think when I stated pushing myself to exercise and do some of the things I did before it helped.  It isn't fun at first but it gets easier as you go along.  My biggest problem now is getting back into shape.  Muscles are just not wanting to get toned for some reason?  It's slowly improving. 
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I had the migraine/ear pressure for about 2 months.  It was not fun but it lifted.  I think is was largely due to my muscles being in spasm?  It went away and I'm fine now.  Some days I have ear pressure.  I eat chocolate now but I still can't handle coffee.  Even half calf revs me up.  I can drink decaf though.  I can drink Dr Pepper now, so things are improving.  As for the sense of dread all the time, it went away...slowly.  It's like having rib pain.  It hurts so bad for what seems like months and then it just disappears.  I think when I stated pushing myself to exercise and do some of the things I did before it helped.  It isn't fun at first but it gets easier as you go along.  My biggest problem now is getting back into shape.  Muscles are just not wanting to get toned for some reason?  It's slowly improving.

 

Did you have problems watching tv?  When you went to the store did you look at people and think "they're normal" but you weren't?  Like "I used to be normal like that"??

 

Did you have problems planning into the future?

 

Sorry for so many questions. Just trying to validate some of my symptoms as Benzo w/d and not just organic depression or something.

 

 

SO happy that you're still feeling better.  That's so awesome.

 

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In the beginning, TV was a nightmare.  I couldn't stand how the camera seemed to jump all around and the sounds seemed to shoot through my ears.  I watched it anyway.  Found a movie without a lot of movement on it.  It was hard to go to the grocery store during the first month or two.  People seemed strange and I had a hard time connecting with them.  As for planning for the future, maybe leave that till you feel better.  Remember, you will feel better.  I had to keep telling myself that and just kept busy. Decisions will be much easier when your head starts to clear.  I never missed a day of work although it was hell.  Fake it till you make it is how I lived.  I was scared to death but it was all the withdrawals.  It did pass. 
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