Can't go on like. This anymore

12 years of this shit feel absolutely tortured chronic anxiety and memories that won't leave I seriously feel absolutely going mad can't function take care I seriously can't go on like this anymore

I'm so sorry you are suffering Lee.  How has your taper been going?  Have you been holding since November?

Sorry you're feeling like this, you've been through a lot. It sure looks like you're making good progress even though I am sure it doesn't feel like it. I know the torture I promise. I dont know how your doing physically but walking really helped get my mind off of it even if it it was only 5 minutes. I developed a routine even when I felt like shit all day the routine seemed to help a little. Keep fighting, you're going the right direction.

I saw in your profile that you make 1 mg cuts that you hold for about a month. Have you ever considered trying a different strategy? What I mean is maybe making 0.25 cuts and holding for a couple of weeks, then another small cut. Sometimes staying on the same dose for too long after a cut that was too large for your physiology can cause the symptoms you are describing. Some people are very sensitive and benefit from microtapering. You may find that you feel better if you microtaper.  It might be worth a try. Even 0.25 mg may be too much for you right now, and that you may need to make even smaller cuts. If it means feeling more comfortable it certainly could be worth the try.

    I hope you feel better soon and find a strategy that works for you.