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Permanent Benzo Damage? This Is Not Fun


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Medicine Does Not Work At All

I Feel Like A Grandma "No Offends" Cant Walk Outside, No Interest In Nothing, Severe Glassy Eyes, Feel Like Falling,Pressure in The Head, Can't Drive, Feel So Lost When I Wake Up, Severe Confusion, When I Eat Something Very Bloated, Stomach Pain, Burping  Nothing Works For It, Seeing Greens Spots, Green Lasers, No Energy, No Interest In Life, Everytime I Eat Losing Waist Size, Don't Know What I Am Doing What I'm Eating Where I'm Going My Joints Crack, Pain EveryWhere  I Wake Up I Feel Like Sleeping Again :idiot: :idiot: Severe Blurry Vision, Reading Forget It I Can See The Words That Well, Bones Cracking, Rage, Mad, Sad Depressed, Hearing Things In Ear, Psychosis, Starring at Something, Worried That I Have Some Disease, IT GOT SO BAD THAT I DONT ENJOY SPORTS ANYMORE. Hurting My Family With What I Got, They Don't Want Me To Be Like This.  Forgetting How To Spell Words.. i feel like Crap -1000% Want To Destroy Something Get a Bat and Smash a TV. What Other Symptoms Should I Say Severe Sensitively To Smell Lights And Noise.. There Is More

When I Close My Eyes I See Weird Vivid Things.. In The Moring When I Go To Sleep At Night No Vivid Dreams The Only Thing I Got Interest Is Benzo Buddies!! COG FOG, BRAIN FOG. What ever I Watch On TV I See Them For Days In My Head...Feeling Like Choking. When I Swallow As Well.. Diffuclt Going To The Bathroom Benzo Brain Tells When To Go... Both Ears Are Ringing Hissing... Want To Be Alone All The Time..  Scared If I Get An infection how will get it treated if i dont feel no pills Can't Be On The PC Long My Eyes Hurt. Weird Heart Palp & Chest Pains Tightness.

 

Will I Ever Be Better Or Is This Permanent Like Benzo.uk About That Person He Was A Man That Happen Benzo Damage and there is no cure for it... i cant live like this i used to be action and now i feel my life is over...

and i keep on saying this over and over i have to write things down on a piece of paper and i cant even think anything positive for one minute. at the hospital i got a every test results normal and i want to be normal again i want to do things with my dad and cant i do everything i can do everyday since i got out of the nut house and its worse over 200 symptoms in one week....

 

 

 

THE ONLY THING I DO IS PRAY AND WATCH TV AND PRAY

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hang strong ,dude you will win this battle....you will heal...take care of your body,eat good foods.drink water no pop,coffee,getb your mind right,think positive ....you have to take it slow,you will heal ,but its all on you to take care of your body....keep yourself calm ,dont work yourself up ,works against yourself.....take care and keep us posted jeff32
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Mikey,

 

I'm praying with you.  Keep the faith, and don't lose hope.  You are going to make it through this.  As hard as it may seem for you, forge ahead and stay the course.  You are definitely in my prayers tonight.

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Medicine Does Not Work At All

I Feel Like A Grandma "No Offends" Cant Walk Outside, No Interest In Nothing, Severe Glassy Eyes, Feel Like Falling,Pressure in The Head, Can't Drive, Feel So Lost When I Wake Up, Severe Confusion, When I Eat Something Very Bloated, Stomach Pain, Burping  Nothing Works For It, Seeing Greens Spots, Green Lasers, No Energy, No Interest In Life, Everytime I Eat Losing Waist Size, Don't Know What I Am Doing What I'm Eating Where I'm Going My Joints Crack, Pain EveryWhere  I Wake Up I Feel Like Sleeping Again :idiot: :idiot: Severe Blurry Vision, Reading Forget It I Can See The Words That Well, Bones Cracking, Rage, Mad, Sad Depressed, Hearing Things In Ear, Psychosis, Starring at Something, Worried That I Have Some Disease, IT GOT SO BAD THAT I DONT ENJOY SPORTS ANYMORE. Hurting My Family With What I Got, They Don't Want Me To Be Like This.  Forgetting How To Spell Words.. i feel like Crap -1000% Want To Destroy Something Get a Bat and Smash a TV. What Other Symptoms Should I Say Severe Sensitively To Smell Lights And Noise.. There Is More

When I Close My Eyes I See Weird Vivid Things.. In The Moring When I Go To Sleep At Night No Vivid Dreams The Only Thing I Got Interest Is Benzo Buddies!! COG FOG, BRAIN FOG. What ever I Watch On TV I See Them For Days In My Head...Feeling Like Choking. When I Swallow As Well.. Diffuclt Going To The Bathroom Benzo Brain Tells When To Go... Both Ears Are Ringing Hissing... Want To Be Alone All The Time..  Scared If I Get An infection how will get it treated if i dont feel no pills Can't Be On The PC Long My Eyes Hurt. Weird Heart Palp & Chest Pains Tightness.

 

Will I Ever Be Better Or Is This Permanent Like Benzo.uk About That Person He Was A Man That Happen Benzo Damage and there is no cure for it... i cant live like this i used to be action and now i feel my life is over...

and i keep on saying this over and over i have to write things down on a piece of paper and i cant even think anything positive for one minute. at the hospital i got a every test results normal and i want to be normal again i want to do things with my dad and cant i do everything i can do everyday since i got out of the nut house and its worse over 200 symptoms in one week....

 

 

 

THE ONLY THING I DO IS PRAY AND WATCH TV AND PRAY

 

Mike, I think you are referring to Barry Haslam in the UK. His is the only case I know of where permanent damage was proven.  However, hHe was on 30mg ativan/day plus 12 painkiller pills.  Your situation isn't at all the same and you will recover.  All your tests came out normal so have faith that you will heal.

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Also with that Guy..... and with the permanent damage in general its not usually Cognitive stuff and its mild livable stuff..... first of all the guy is old and who knows to what extent this is even true.....

 

I am in the same boat as you and I already healed once.... you will recover and sometimes it can be quicker than you think some of my worst days were followed with some of my best. THIS IS NOT A PERMANENT SITUATION.  :thumbsup::)

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Dear Mikey:

 

The first year after I got of Klon, I was completely useless.  I got better, you will too.  We all do eventually. 

 

ntw

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Hi Mikey I know its painful and hell I too am going thru similar to you I feel like my brain is totally dead, can't think, I even have to write down to eat have a shower totally confused, I have a 11 year old son I'm trying to take care of, when I can't even look after myself, i asked to have a brain scan and everything was fine, as painful and hard as it is we have to remember there is no damage and we will come thru this, it is just part of the recovery, others have recovered and we will too. You going to be ok. You have to trust that.Thinking of you Lisa.
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Mikey,

 

A very close friend of mine who CT off of Ativan had an MRI scan on his brain and it was 100% normal. The neurologist told him his brain is fine and he's just having withdrawals. The more you dwell on it, the longer it will take before you can calm  yourself and feel better.

 

You MUST get control of your thoughts and KNOW you will get better. I've heard of folks who CT and couldn't walk or move much at all afterwards, and are now fine.

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Hi Mikey,

 

I understand how you are feeling this is permanent....I am still in there in the trenches fighting alongside you to get off this stuff...and at times I have felt the same way you do..especially early on in my taper....it is hard to see any good in this...when you are surrounded by this benzo withdrawal..

 

Alot of great people that have made it to the other side have responded...and many of them beat this already....I know you have read a story or two about permanent damage..and I really can't comment much on that...other than to say if it is true..then that is horrible...but if he indeed was on 20mg of Ativan and a dozen other drugs...I am not sure....how you can narrow down..which drug caused what....

 

Listen to Beeper, Cupcake, Maxx and the numerous others that have done this before...:) and made it......these people are the people I look to...to confirm there is a way out of this mess....I am at slightly under .14mg of K buddy....and I started at 2mg....I don't really know what lies ahead...but I do know those people I mentioned and dozens of others from BB are waiting there on the other side...for me...and you..and all the rest of us fighting off this benzo withdrawal......we will make it..my friend....we just have to attack this one day at a time...

 

TC

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I was worried about permanent memory loss, not so much "brain damage" since that's a broad term and could mean any number of things.

 

I couldn't remember anything for more than a few seconds, it was awful having my son stare at me saying, "Mom, don't you remember?" and me trying to play it off. Not to mention at work! It was just horrible. I was very worried that this wouldn't go away because it made me feel so bad about myself - not being able to fulfill responsibilities, etc.

 

BUT, I'm here to tell you that it does all come back. Not all at once, but pretty darn fast once you get rolling. Celebrate each sign of healing and stop looking back or wondering "what if" - I know its hard. But we do make it through this - brains in tact!

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but i am getting these epileptic fits deep sleep this is scaring me...

 

I took 4mg I double dose zanies xanax... It Was A Big Mistake  for 6 For Anixety on my sig it says and now the

 

medicine is not Working, plus american doctors are not good with benzo he told me to take 4mg at once

 

for my anixety now i am scared to death plus when i had a root canal back in the day

 

i took oxycodone my dentist gave me said i am scared because i am taking xanax she said it will be okay i was

 

worried and took it only for 5 days. then another root canal she gave me vicoden i said no no no i was in severe

 

pain so i took the vicoden es for another 5 days back in 2005 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I been having problems walking i can't even walk outside that good..

 

pressure in the head i pray everyday to for you buddies and my parents

 

:angel: :angel: on my shoulder i pray to god that he doesnt take me yet

 

 

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Mikey-

Hang in there buddy.  I know this is scary.  One day...someday you will look back on this and see how far you have come.  You will be so much stronger because you lived through this crap.  Take one day at a time and try to distract yourself as much as possible. Even if you can't play sports go outside...each day is one day closer to feeling normal.  So many people have been in similar situations. 

 

I thought that I was doing FINE with my quick taper and then just dropped off and stopped.  Then a few days later I had the worst headache for days and felt drunk everywhere I went, couldn't spell, couldn't think straight.  Felt WASTED every time I walked.  Doctor told me to take Ativan again and it did nothing, just made me anxious.  I was scared and wondered if something else was happening to me...but it's just the withdrawl.  It will take time, but eventually it will get better. You have so much ahead of you and you should be so proud of yourself even for where you are today.  Your will get yourself back and your family will get you back.  Hang in there.

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The Worst Is Feeling Lost At Your Own House

 

:therethere: Yes it is. That was the worst I felt too Mikey. The not knowing where I was or even at times who I was and where I was supposed to be.  :'(

 

Just lay low let your family take care of you and know that you are going to be okay. :smitten:

 

This part is the toughest but it really does go away, and it really does get better, and you really will get your life back. :mybuddy:

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Mikey, it seem Amoxycillin is fine if you need an antibiotic.  Just stay away from the fluoroquinolones (ie; Levaquin and Cipro).

 

Patty  xo

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Mikey,

 

I too have the same exact side effects to the T.  I feel like a retarded 32 year old with the mentality of a 4 year old who is trapped in a 120 year old body and have lost all joy for life and can't get death out of my head!  It sucks bro, and hope that this crap passes as everyone around me thinks I'm lying and I'm not!  I fight it every second of the day and it comes back and hits me ten fold.  If your ever up for a chat to encourage each other let me know.  I got a dog like you man... its strange, cause its like she knows what I am thinking (or not :P) and gives me this look to stay on the path...

 

take care bro

 

Ziggy

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Mikey,

 

I too have the same exact side effects to the T.  I feel like a retarded 32 year old with the mentality of a 4 year old who is trapped in a 120 year old body and have lost all joy for life and can't get death out of my head!  It sucks bro, and hope that this crap passes as everyone around me thinks I'm lying and I'm not!  I fight it every second of the day and it comes back and hits me ten fold.  If your ever up for a chat to encourage each other let me know.  I got a dog like you man... its strange, cause its like she knows what I am thinking (or not :P) and gives me this look to stay on the path...

 

take care bro

 

 

any time i have a problem i will contact you i hate the severe glassy eyes are killing me

Ziggy

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I hear you.  I too am worried though that doesn't get me much farther than my bed if I stay afraid.  I can't do much with it, because it paralyzes me.  I've driven, flown on an airplane, worked out, gone for walks, and runs all while experiencing the same thing you are.  It's like my head isn't even attached to my body and I can tell you exactly what's going on with my body, but don't know how to fix it.  I don't have ANY friends left, and my ex-wife won't talk to me (cause it hurts both of us too much) who is the only person on this earth that actually understands me.  I left her over 3 years ago because of infidelity, but sometimes wonder if things would have been better if we worked things out.  Well, its too late and I am moving on with life and when I call up to God to help me through this battle and don't get an answer back I become hopeless. Like a child screaming for their parents when they are ill, but can't get that instant hug that a parent usually gives.  This all started for me five years ago and have had many happy periods in my life without her, which is what is giving me the courage to hold on and hope that my mind, body, and soul all heal.

 

Mikey, below is what I posted on my blog on this site and thought you mind find it interesting.

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So, I went to the DR and guess what he told me.  Anxiety!  My reply was I don't have anxiety, though I have depression because of all of the withdrawal symptoms I am experiencing.  This is not psychological it is physical I told him.  He was ready to put me back on xanax, until I stopped him.  He was ready to double my dose of Pristiq until I stopped him.  I told him that the symptoms that I am experiencing are very similar to fibromyalgia and while there is Lyrica as a drug option to help treat this, I told him lets switch to Cymbalta because that will kill two birds with one stone.  He did and I went to the pharamacy and got it filled.  Now I know it usually takes about 2-3 weeks for a person to start noticing the effects of a medication, however within 6 hours I could feel a huge surge of serotonin rushing my head.  That was it, the magic bullet.  I no longer feel like I am in a medically induced coma, however I do now have TONS of anxiety!  To the point where I am craving some form of medication or drug to relieve it.  Thank god I didn't drink, and there is alcohol in the house, and I am working on trying to figure out how to surge my brain with dopamine.  Any drug will do this, be it alcohol or an opiate, however they are addictive and don't usually have a happy ending.  Trying to not look for instant gratification, I have acknowledged that this is something I have felt before when the xanax quit working and I chose to relieve it with alcohol which was not wise.  So what can I do now?  Well there is L-DOPA, which is a natural supplement, which I will try.  And I will also phone my father who is away on business to get his perspective and will then most likely call the DR.

 

Oh yea, while I was experiencing all of this I had a few breakdowns while I had to look for a new condo and get a haircut.  I did make it to the condo place twice, one to make an appointment and one to check out the condos.  I did drive around or 45 minutes looking for a place to get a haircut, but never had any luck and freaked out and went home.  I pulled over a few times in tears, but I did make it out of the house which was an accomplishment.

 

------

-stay in touch Mikey

 

Ziggy

 

 

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i did screw up long time ago with xanax like i said i abused it and now i am scared that something will happen to me. i am scared that i am going to die. because i was addicted to zannie bars i took 2 bars at once 4mg of it..

i did drink with it occasonally i have a great family i took the bars for anixety because i did have GAD i have horrible anixety i did it 2005-2009 i took pain killers as well for my 2 root canals but not alot

i am just worried that i am damaged... scared shitless that i will get a seizure... or have a brain tumor from  mixing chemicals together... plus i was swimming in the summers and there was cholerin i was diving on the diving board

 

do you think i will ever be normal again  :'( :'( :'( :'(

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Mikey, if you were taking 4mg of Xanax it is a lot but not for GAD.  If it never made you feel 'high' and allowed you to move on with life then your only form of abuse was not working with a doctor to achieve the level of dose.  I wouldn't be so hard on yourself.  I've taken pain killers here and there too once for a staph infection on my arm and another one for a root canal, but never more than a day or so.  I've scene people on both heroin and benzos do a full turn around and get back to normal.  I too went through a great deal of paranoia when I came off the benzos and thought the entire world had a plot against me.  It was crazy stuff.  If you were going to have a seizure you would have had it already, so I would worry about that, plus you are on gabapentin which hits the same receptors in the brain and will prevent you from having one.  I was on that for about a month for post acute withdrawals.  I was told my taper was fast and yours is pretty quick too, but things will begin to settle down.  Of course you will be normal and be able to swim again man and even go in the ocean too.  If you were in my home town I would say lets meet up sometime, but I know its difficult to even get out of the house.  I had a crappy day, because of the med switch but am keeping faith that things will get better.

 

Ziggy

 

 

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the worst thing about this i went to the eye doctor

 

i have 20/20 vision but i see spots how to live with this tell me if the medicine don't work and all the so called

 

professionals say its f*ckin anxiety... i can't live like this my whole life with benzo withdrawal i drivie the car i feel

 

falling, i am so healthy that i feel withdrawals choking chest palps stomach bloated, and still no one believe me..

 

only buddies here

 

psych says its anxiety, eye doctor says its anxiety my own parents don't believe me my sisters dont believe

 

me. Everyday a new symptom the benzo's don't work and scared i am  Damaged I emailed barry haslam

 

about his problem  my grammar is bad i know my memory is shot as well will it ever get better

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got an email from Barry Haslam

 

Not everyone gets permanent damage from taking Benzos.  While taking them you can experience many different unpleasant symptoms, but that does not mean that it will be permanent. The protracted withdrawal symptoms described in the Ashton manual can in some people last for an extended period after withdrawal.

 

I also suffered from stomach problems like you and many others, but these cleared up after I had stopped taking Ativan (after a controlled withdrawal period).

 

Your problems at the moment could be because of the change over from Xanax to Klonopin.

What does of Klonopin per day are you now taking?

 

Barry

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Hi Mikey,

 

Have you considered stopping the gabapentin?

 

I took it for a month post benzo and found out it started making my symptoms worse.  You're on 400mg daily?  Do you think you could try tapering it?

 

I noticed a big improvement when I stopped taking it.  It could've just been coincidence and timing but gabapentin does affect GABA.  In my opinion, I think it was hindering the healing process for me.

 

Leslie

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