No hope.

I’ve been told that when you get to that point....hopelessness... that maybe there’s no where to go but up. I don’t buy it. Maybe it’s just the lack of feeling anything but pain, or perhaps the sinking feeling when I wake up in the morning that there’s just nothing to look forward to, or maybe even the constant reminders of my personal failures that get to me, but I can honestly say I feel that there’s no way out. No way to “fix” things, no way to make it better. Everyone tells you “it will get better,” “this is just temporary” but I’ve far surpassed the “temporary” phase and have already fought the good fight. What now?

 

Please forgive the venting. I literally have nowhere else to go.

Thanks for reading.

I totally relate and I'm sorry that you are suffering this as well. Every morning I wake up and it's ground hog day in hell.

I have been tapering since March but was at tolerance for quite some time before that.

Nothing I do seems to help- exercise, meditation, spending time with friends, watching Netflix, reading- nothing.

It's awful.

I totally relate and I'm sorry that you are suffering this as well. Every morning I wake up and it's ground hog day in hell.

I have been tapering since March but was at tolerance for quite some time before that.

Nothing I do seems to help- exercise, meditation, spending time with friends, watching Netflix, reading- nothing.

It's awful.

Just a rough day... over and over and over again.

Your meds list looks very similar to mine...btw.. and thank you for reading... just when I thought no one was listening.

I realized very recently that other depressed people can’t give you advice on how not to be depressed. Insight and comparative analysis maybe, but help?!

I feel the same way that you feel... it's like you are speaking for me. I had tolerance symptoms too and have been on Clonazepam for about 15-years.  I'm at the halfway point of my taper and needing surgery so I am staying at 0.25 mg right now. I feel so stuck in my life. Absolutely no motivation for anything. I don't date or go many places. I was seeing a really nice guy last year after letting my walls down following a 25-year failed marriage and he passed away suddenly. I feel like that was my last hope and now it's gone.  I feel physically ill on top of depression and it's been going on for a long time.  I have horrible fatigue and tinnitus... my body aches constantly and has gotten worse since the taper.  Truthfully,  I'm worried and people really don't know how bad I am. I sleep a lot and just try and keep myself busy when I'm awake. I feel like I just exist and I hate this. I'm sorry you are struggling... you are not the only one.  :'(

I feel the same way that you feel... it's like you are speaking for me. I had tolerance symptoms too and have been on Clonazepam for about 15-years.  I'm at the halfway point of my taper and needing surgery so I am staying at 0.25 mg right now. I feel so stuck in my life. Absolutely no motivation for anything. I don't date or go many places. I was seeing a really nice guy last year after letting my walls down following a 25-year failed marriage and he passed away suddenly. I feel like that was my last hope and now it's gone.  I feel physically ill on top of depression and it's been going on for a long time.  I have horrible fatigue and tinnitus... my body aches constantly and has gotten worse since the taper.  Truthfully,  I'm worried and people really don't know how bad I am. I sleep a lot and just try and keep myself busy when I'm awake. I feel like I just exist and I hate this. I'm sorry you are struggling... you are not the only one.  :'(

 

I am in the hospital right now... some bad attempts I guess. ER pending admission the ward, so I have my phone for the moment!! Yay!! .  I don’t know what to make if it other than the fact that I still feel like I will come out of this the same I  went in. Wouldn’t be the first time. More meds, more therapy, more yoga and group discussions...blah blah...

I am so sorry for your loss. It’s a horrible thing to deal with and I applaud you for getting this far. It’s not easy and it’s not easy to give yourself credit for something so terrifically awful, but you did it... for better or worse, you’re here writing this post. Find the positive in that. I’ve been in a tenuous relationship for years and I numbed out instead of got away. I failed, he failed, it was a horror. I want to say things will get better. I want to help you and give you life changing advice and hug you and tell you life will find a way... I’m about To be institutionalized, (a hug night not be the most PC thing right now!) so I may not be The best person to offer advice, but I know some of your story and now you no mind. Keep on keeping on. If you need help, get it, if you need advice seek it, and if that doesn’t work, try again, try someone else, go somewhere else. I strongly believe that someone, somewhere, has the ability to help YOU, with YOUR concerns and if you can’t find it in yourself, which many of us can’t , there is someone who can. Just keep looking and keep trying.

 

 

 

 

I hope you get some help in hospital. I too feel like there is no hope, during my first year off I tried to be positive and held on to the belief that it would get better, but now at 13 months off I’m spent. My depression is worse than ever now, I feel like my life is basically over and I’m just waiting to die. I’m 38 and other than withdrawal pretty healthy, but that’s how I feel. Damn I hope this depression is just withdrawal and goes away.

Hello,...

I thought I should spring in here and give some hope. I was severely depressed, then polydrugged, it got even worse.. and in the end I was in the worst condition ever, hospitalized - and I went home and decided to get of all meds because I would die anyway.

After 5 years I was med-free. Now I am 2 years off. Depression is to-ta-lly gone. I have never been this kind of depressed as I used to be while under drugs. It just does not "cut so deeply" any more.

 

I do not know what you are taking at the moment?

Could you add a signature?

Its easier to support one if we know whats the situation..

So maybe just give me some more information..

 

If you are interested, I could write some more details on how my depression got better.. but please do not send me a pm, I prefer write in public

Chin up! Nothing is lost!

Marigold

I’ve been told that when you get to that point....hopelessness... that maybe there’s no where to go but up. I don’t buy it. Maybe it’s just the lack of feeling anything but pain, or perhaps the sinking feeling when I wake up in the morning that there’s just nothing to look forward to, or maybe even the constant reminders of my personal failures that get to me, but I can honestly say I feel that there’s no way out. No way to “fix” things, no way to make it better. Everyone tells you “it will get better,” “this is just temporary” but I’ve far surpassed the “temporary” phase and have already fought the good fight. What now?

 

Please forgive the venting. I literally have nowhere else to go.

Thanks for reading.

 

Sounds like my story precisely - line for line. Seems like getting from one day to the next is always up in the air. Don't see your signature - as to how far it's been etc. Guess it's been quite a long dark tunnel thus far with this wretched Benzo business and I would not say my age is favorable to "fixing" anything with my past.

Sounds like my story precisely - line for line. Seems like getting from one day to the next is always up in the air. Don't see your signature - as to how far it's been etc. Guess it's been quite a long dark tunnel thus far with this wretched Benzo business and I would not say my age is favorable to "fixing" anything with my past.

 

I have abandoned the idea that anything will be “fixed.” With that weight lifted, one may believe that it would be easier to go forward, but my feet are stuck in the mud. They’ve been telling me for weeks that my new mantra should be ‘one day at a time’ but that seems counterintuitive when every day I can only look forward to the dread of the next day.

My signature is a mess, much like my sordid medicinal history. I was recently forced to eradicate all benzos from my daily diet while hospitalized and given something for w/d ((I was not conscious so my recollection is fuzzy)) it started with a “V.”  I’ve run the ‘gamut’ of psych meds so it is a long, infuriating list and I mean no disrespect by omitting the signature.

I hope you get some help in hospital. I too feel like there is no hope, during my first year off I tried to be positive and held on to the belief that it would get better, but now at 13 months off I’m spent. My depression is worse than ever now, I feel like my life is basically over and I’m just waiting to die. I’m 38 and other than withdrawal pretty healthy, but that’s how I feel. Damn I hope this depression is just withdrawal and goes away.

The hospital was a “good” way to detox, if there is one. I say this skeptically as after the second time being admitted in less than 3 weeks, I really didn’t have much say...but the takeaway from that was more meds (no benzos), a scar like you wouldn’t believe and the pamphlet for the crisis hotline. No real insight has been gained and the depression is as real as its ever been.